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I’m just going to assume you’ve seen Dumb & Dumber, and if that’s not the case, drop what you’re doing, go find the DVD somewhere for five bucks, and start living your life right. Anyways, many seasonal fantasy baseball players are feeling like Lloyd Christmas after discovering Petey the parakeet’s head had “fallen off” that dark day in Providence, Rhode Island. A rash of injuries has the DL chock full of relevant players, which has owners all over fantasyland at their breaking point, just wanting to get away. “Where are we gonna go?” they say. I’ll tell you where. Some place warm – a place where the beer flows like wine – where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called DraftKings. Okay, none of that beer and salmon talk is true, but there is no DL to frustrate us or invoke fear; and if it’s pink fish and pretty ladies you fancy, it’s a good place to win some extra cash to help get those things. Let’s find your Mary Swanson for tonight.

Michael Wacha ($10,700) – Money should not be an object for Wacha at home against the Brewers tonight. Milwaukee’s been bruising the baseball early on, even against RHP, but the Braun-on-Jean violence should have them down a starting shortstop on the night. Oh yeah, that reckless, cheating bat-swinger probably won’t play either.

Jordan Pacheco ($3,300) – Wilin Rosario will undergo an MRI on his sore left hand and will most likely sit tonight. That paves the way for Pacheco, who has solid numbers in the desert (.340 OBP in 16 games) and sets up nicely on the right side against Wade Miley.

Paul Goldschmidt ($4,400) – This deal almost trumps the Members Only jacket I found at Burlington Coat Factory for pennies on the dollar. I mean, it’s Paul Goldschmidt … at home … against a sketchy southpaw (Franklin Morales) who had a .304 BAA versus right-handed batters last season.

Nolan Arenado ($4,400) – What can I say? I have a serious man crush that kicks into high gear when a lefty is on the bump against my boy. Arenado’s also been swinging a hot stick, averaging 10 DK points over the last six games. Not hot enough for you? He’s on a 17-game hitting streak, so he’s got that going for him.

Mark Ellis ($2,700) – Kolten Wong was given das boot from the show and is probably crying himself to sleep on a shoddy bus somewhere in Springfield, USA (I forget which one). This is great news for Mark Ellis, who is fresh off the DL and will be the Cards’ primary second baseman for the foreseeable future. He also has a .375 lifetime AVG at Miller Park and could be a great punt play.

Brandon Moss ($4,200) – Again, I’m wary of BVP a lot of the time, but 6-for-18 with four HR against Yu Darvish – that’s saying something … in any language. It doesn’t hurt that he holds an astronomic 1.057 OPS at Rangers Ballpark either, but then again, who doesn’t?

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Tonight’s short slate could get even shorter with rain seriously threatening two games in the heartland: Cubs-Reds and Rays-White Sox. I was going to say something funny here, but the rain really bums me out; especially when it keeps me from my Jose Abreu fix.

Doing Lines in Vegas

I think the Dong Song will be on repeat in ARZ (vs COL), so I like the over at 8.5

Yu Darvish is 1-6 against OAK in his career – I’ll take the A’s at -175

  1. Joe G says:
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    Would you trade Nelson cruz for andrew cashnier if you need pitching is andrew a good valué for Nelson cruz

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @Joe G: not so sure. cashner’s home/away splits scare me – he doesn’t get it done on the road.

      • Joe G says:
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        @BTXJ: damn i already made the trade i think i sell low Nelson cruz

        • BTXJ

          BTXJ says:
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          @Joe G: sell low?! he’s raking right now! it’s not an awful trade though. cashner could become elite..

  2. Hey, It's Enrico Pallazzo!!! says:
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    That John Denver is full of shit, man.

  3. elipitt says:
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    Miley a decent 2nd pitcher?

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @elipitt: i’m torn. he does have very good #s against colorado, but they scare me no matter what. he’s probably best option under 8K but i’m personally paying for pitching tonight

  4. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    What are your thoughts on Bumgarner tonight? I like him more than Yu and Gray and recent success not withstanding but I don’t trust Gallardo against the Cards yet….

    BTW at 2k how can I not give Bianchi a chance, that opens up a ton of $ to spend in other places.

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: i like madbum most. i’m fading both yu and gray. don’t consider gallardo at all – the cards own his ass.

      bianch a great punt option too along w/owings at $2400

  5. Eddie says:
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    What you think about this draftkings roster? Took your advice on the guys listed:

    SP: Wacha
    SP: Skaggs
    C: Pacheco
    1B: Goldy
    2B: Ellis
    3B: Arenado
    SS: Sexy Alexei
    OF: Cargo
    OF: Holliday
    OF: Moss

    Like I said, I obviously used your recommendations.. Mainly curious what you think about Skaggs as my 2nd starter, and the others you didn’t list.

    You da man.

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @Eddie: there’s risk in using skaggs but also serious reward considering CLE struggles against LHP. i’d dump ramirez tho – weather looks too dicey for that game. bianchi and owings are good punt options at SS and will free up salary to upgrade at SP2 if you want..

      • BTXJ

        BTXJ says:
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        @BTXJ: owings > bianchi

      • allen says:
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        @BTXJ: indians are a mess. Brantley,Asdrubal, and Santana all went hitless last SERIES, not game, SERIES vs the Giants. That is the heart of our order folks. Skaggs will be fine

        • BTXJ

          BTXJ says:
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          @allen: can’t argue that. he’s just not a huge K threat and his low BABIP is a little worrisome. at the end of day he’s a solid GPP play, but i’d stay away in cash games.

  6. Harris says:
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    I’m in a 10 team h2h league. No DL. Would you drop A.Craig for Coco? No DL leads to lots of quality guys being cut loose. Marte and Cespedis are on waivers. Was thinking of trying to drop Craig for either. I drop Craig, play coco and than try to turn Coco into one of them. Or I could hang onto Coco. I guess the shorter version would be rank..Coco,Craig,Marte,Cespedis. Thx.

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @Harris: i’m assuming there aren’t any keeper implications, but it depends what categories you’re trying to pad (speed vs power). long story short, i’d say marte > crisp and cespedes > craig

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