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A Gas Face can either be a smile or a smirk
When appears, a monkey wrench to work one’s clockworkZev Love X (later known as MF Doom)

Sorry but you’re going to be seeing a whole lot more of me going forward boys and four girls. Today I’m not only dropping my weekly DFS science on you suckas, but I’m also covering for the one and only Pete Nice on the Ones and Twos. Oops I mean the Two Start Pitchers article. Think of me as MC Serch but handsome and less of a dick. I can just sense the collective gas face that just came across Razzball nation. Don’t worry everybody, it gets worse! Yours truly will also be stepping in for J-FOH on the handcuff report this season over on the Football side. As well as anything else Jay let’s me publish. Pop Goes The Weasel Indeed. BTW if you haven’t signed up for any RCL’s yet, what are you waiting for? These leagues are filling up faster than Kim Kardashians bikini bottoms. So get in there, and click here. Oh I almost forgot yeah Daily Fantasy Baseball on DraftKings that’s why we’re here right? Right! Well then let’s proceed to give you what you need. The Legendary Lifshitz is back to guide you to fortune and fame.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 Teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!

Clayton Kershaw, SP: $14,400  – If the headline didn’t tip you off then maybe caps will. GAS FACE! I’m Fading Kershaw today. Too much money and the Brewers have a couple of lefty killers. Okay sure, Kershaw is no ordinary lefty, pitcher, or gourmet cheese connoisseur. I made the last one up, but still, if I’m going to pay through the nose I’m going with a better matchup than this. Sure it’s a contrarian stance but sometimes it pays to go against the grain. Then again maybe there’s someone I’d pay more for? No there’s actually nobody; $14,400 is way too much coin.

David Price, SP: $12,200  – How about a Lefty pitching against the Mariners at home? I’m not sure if you noticed, but the Mariners are on the awful side of bad when it comes to hitting lefties. Against LHP the M’s rank 29th in team wOBA (287), and wRC+ (82). Price is probably the best lefty in the American League when he’s on. I say that spells trouble for the Seattle offense. POP GOES THE WEASEL.

Felix Hernandez, SP: $12,400 – It pains me to do this to both he and Kershaw on a day when both are available to team up on my DraftKings roster, but…GAS FACE! I’m fading Felix like a barber in Spanish Harlem. Look at the career BVP numbers for Ian Kinsler (4HR), Miguel Cabrera (.417 BA), Torii Hunter (.319 BA), and Victor Martinez (.286 BA). That’s too many bats with a long and somewhat successful track record against a pitcher that costs  $12,400.

Jesse Hahn, SP: $8,600 – The rookie has been pretty good (2.52 ERA and 8.67 K/9) he keeps the ball in the ballpark (.52 HR/9) and induces ground balls (51.9 GB%) what’s not to like? Sure the Cardinals aren’t a bad offense (.319 home wOBA) but they are far from scary. GOES THE WEASEL!

Devin Mesoraco, C: $4,900 – Spend some money on catcher today. Mesoraco has a face only a mother (or gold digger) could love but he does have a  great bat. Or so I’ve heard (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). But Really Tho, he has 16 of his 20 dongs off righties. He’s in Coors versus the only righty on the Rockies staff in Jordan Lyle. GOES POP!

Todd Frazier, 1B/3B: $4,800 – After slumping in July, Frazier is hitting .326 through 13 August games. He hasn’t homered yet this month so I’m hoping he and Mesoraco go all dong crazy. POP GOES THE WEASEL , THE WEASEL!

Zack Cozart, SS: $3,400 – You could stack Reds if you want but this is as far as I’ll take it. Looking at the BVP he’s 5/9 off Jordan Lyles with a HR, 2 doubles, and 6 RBI’s. POP GOES THE WEASEL, THE WEASEL!

Giancarlo Stanton, OF: $5.600 – He has a .348 BA at home against LHP, to go along with 4 dongs, a .483 wOBA, and a OPS of 1.150. I almost feel bad for Wade Miley but then I remembered she’s an attention whore. DONG GOES THE WEASEL GOES DONG

Yoenis Cespedes, OF: $4,700 – As a Red Sox fan, Cespedes has at least given me a reason to watch the old town team the last few weeks since he was acquired. He homered on Sunday, Tuesday,and again yesterday, plus he has a couple of homers off Brad Peacock lifetime. The one thing he hasn’t done against Peacock is face him at hitter friendly Fenway. POP INDEED!

Josh Harrison, 3B/OF: $4,500 – Harrison is my favorite zero to hero of the 2014 season. He’s really been a fantasy relevant player the entire season and I don’t see that changing today. Harrison is 4/6 with 2 homers against Gio Gonzalez. I’m not sure Harrison will make it 3 homers today, but he’s been scoring with steals and counting stats all year on DraftKings. Just in case you couldn’t tell this blog is all about the 3rd Base. POP! POP!

Chris Carter, 1B/OF: $5,300 – The Fantasy God Of All Or Nothing, “Hurricane” Chris Carter is in an “all” kind of mood lately. Hitting .346 with 7 homers, 18 RBI’s, and an OPS of 1.170, ready for this? In the last two weeks! He’s just dialed in. POP! POP GOES THE WEASEL!

Danny Santana, SS/OF: $4,400 – Much like REO Speedwagon, I just can’t fight this feeling anymore. As much as I want to call shenanigans on Santana, he just keeps hitting. I’m just going to forget my predisposition to not trust him and buy in on the getting while the getting is good. POP!

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

We have a few games with chances of showers today, 40%  in Chicago for the Sox/ Jays game, 30% in St. Louis for the Cards/ Friars, and 40% in Minnesota for the Twins/ Royals matchup.

Doing Lines In Vegas

I’ll take the over on 7.5 in the Nationals vs. Pirates game, The over on 7 in the Dodgers vs. Brewers game, The over on 6 in the San Fran vs. Phillies game, The under on 9 in the Boston vs. Houston game, and finally The under on 9.5 in the Angels vs. Rangers game.

As always be sure to check the lineups, give a look at the weather and I toast your team with slightly chilled Manischewitz

Follow me on Twitter @ralphlifshitzbb or challenge me on DraftKings @ Puigroast

  1. Joe says:
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    Ralph would you trade melky cabrera for danard span and David price?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Joe: Hell 2 the Yes

      • Joe says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: but for the playoffs do you think melky is going to be hot? Or price and span is better

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @Joe: You’re getting the best player Price and a very good outfielder. Sure Melky could get hot but you gain some speed with Span and a top 5-10 pitcher in Price.

  2. BTXJ

    BTXJ says:
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    my first 3 cds (when they came in that long cardboard) – digable planets, snow, 3rd bass

  3. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    You’re cooler than me I think my first two CD’s were The Simpson’s Sing The Blues and Glenn Close reading The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. My first HipHop record was Tag Team and Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff Home Base.

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: hahaha. i know i had simpsons sing the blues and fresh/jazzy on cassette, so that makes me older, damnit!

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