So this DraftKings thing is new to the ole Smoke dog. I am not much of a gambler; I gamble every morning wondering if I hit the snooze button correctly and bare the frustration of never really falling back asleep. I dig it though, daily fantasy and it starts over and it only costs me a few shekels. So for today’s goodies I used a little bit of guesswork, some stuff I learned at Julliard and the crafty Razzball tools; Stream-O-Nator and Hitter-Tron. I mean with so many tools at your fingertips here between Razzball and DraftKings how could you lose? You literally should be winning everyday, splitting the profits with your local needy organization and basically making it rain at your own delight. There are lots of great division rivalries today, some that are avoidable but some that are going to be chocked full of nuts and stats. So build your team wisely oh master of your own domain and if you do win come back, gloat and throw it in everyone’s faces. Hatin’ on people is the new American past time. And if you wanna hate on people with even more cheddar in hand, try out the Sweet Spot contest. You can get a free ticket for simply signing up with DK. Wanna help us help you? Sign up using our promo DraftKings link. With that out of the way, enjoy the foray of games and good luck.
Justin Masterson (8,300) – I like a value from a team’s ace starting pitcher, and value against an inferior team’s not-ace. Career wise he looks pretty against the Pale Hise sitting at a career record of 8-5 an ERA of 2.22 in 24 career starts. Oh.. did I mention he wears high stirrups, the way it should be for Rodeo Clowns, guys who help with floods and baseball players.
Yovani Gallardo (9,200) – I think he is pitching against the dude who invented the lightbulb. Yoga on the year looks better than the last 2 years combined…already. I mean stat wise. Career wise he is 11-4 against the Jolly Roger’s, and an impressive ERA of 2.59 with a K/9 of over 10. Jump on it, move ya body like you were listening to the old HI-5 jam.
Matt Adams (3,200) – You ever get scared of someone’s size so much that you hide your lunch or casually eat it real fast like Deebo is coming? That’s how I feel about Matt. He just looks like a masher and has been lying in the weeds a little so far but is going to explode soon like you that gum Chewels. Has hits in 4 consecutive games and match-up with Carlos Villanueva, which in Spanish means hit me hard and often, though my conjugation may be mixed up with my dialect.
Alexei Ramirez (4,000) – I shouldn’t have to give an explanation, just picture this. Hawk Harrelson saying his name like he did at the end of Mark Buerhle’s perfect game. Now just do that over and over in your head and then run grab a pen and jot down your feelings. It’s sorta like the first time you listened to Dark side of the Moon, but with bats and gloves and stuff. Oh for you stat requiring people he has a hit in every game this year and scored at least one run in 7 of 8 games.
Brian McCann (4,000) – McCann can catch, can’t catch consecutively…refrigerator. See what I did there? Haiku is fun even in the Bronx. After a day watching I see something in my crystal ball, it’s my me-mah and she has oatmeal cookies that look like Rory McElroy and Brian McCann.
Josh Donaldson (4,300) – Starting to hit the ball better and has at least 2 hits in the last 3 games, which is better than none and none is better than a negative and this is a run on sentence. Everyone who drafted him for yearly leagues doubted he could do it again, and now a good time to pounce. He bats 18 points higher on the road, and over .290 at night. So there are some positives, which in some cases when you think about it is really a negative.
I’m Only Happen When It Rains
With my weather machine completed, I pronounce that not one game is in jeopardy of an Alex Trebek invasion….or rain. Oh and don’t shoot the messenger. Weathermen get this stuff wrong all the time and they have doppler sonar thing-a-majigs.
Doing Lines In Vegas
I’ll take Everyone Loves Sue to Win, Ouch Ouch the Tourniquets too Tight to Place and My Finger is Your Soup to Show. If I had some money to throw around the Brewers at -145 looks tempting and I’ll double my luck with the over in the NYY/BOS game at 8.5.