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I never got into boxing.  I think the last time it was huge was during the Rocky heydays and maybe during Mike Tyson’s reign of terror on the industry before he was a mere caricature in that one funny movie.  Though I do appreciate he brought me Mike Tyson’s Punch Out.  Now THAT’S a classic.  Loved beating King Hippo.  Screw Mr. Sandman, though.  Don’t think I ever beat him with my pre-teen thumbs.  But what were we talking about?  Oh yeah, boxing…wait, why we talking about boxing?  I never really got into boxing.  *looks back at Wei-Yin Chen page*.  Ohhhhh, I get it.  ‘Weigh In’ = ‘Wei-Yin’.  Seriously, who writes this crap?  Oh right…neverthewho!  Chen has a nice match up on a day where there are slim-pickins for cheap arms.  So why Chen you ask?  Valid question and here’s my valid answer: it’s all about the K’s, baby!  Sorry, don’t know where my Dick Vitale impersonation came from but it’s true: The Chi-Sox are at the bottom of the league for team K% and it’s no different against LHP as they hold a 23.5% K-rate and a middling .301 wOBA against them.  Trust me when I say, the DraftKings choices for cheap arms is a little thin.  You could almost say…featherweight?  Yeah, I’m done trying to tie back into Boxing.  Let’s get this thing going.  Here are the other picks for DK contests for today…

Matt Cain, SP: $7,400 – Sad days when you can’t even say ‘start x pitcher’ with confidence when it’s the Padres.  Cain has had it rough since returning from the DL with a 6.15 ERA and a worthless 4.73 K/9 in those three starts.  But…but…PADRES!  It’s gonna be hard for me not to look his way today because of the matchup but I wouldn’t touch him unless it’s in a GPP.  Cain just ain’t able, yo.

Chase Whitley, SP: $6,800 – I can’t make any promises but with the recent spate of injuries, Whitley might get to face guys like Steve Tolleson and Munenori Kawasaki as Toronto could be without Joey Bats, Jose Reyes and Brett Lawrie could be shelved.  It’s still not the perfect set up but if the lineup looks weak, I’m willing to Chase here.

John Lackey, SP: $9,400 – I’m not the best at keeping track of players I don’t own so it was a surprise to see Lackey’s line on the year: 2.96 ERA to go with a 7.8 K/9 on the year.  Those are some nice stats and given the opponent isn’t a scary one with the Mariners, the only Dear John letters you should expect to see in your home from your wife will be the one where she thanks him for you finally winning at this damn game.

Gio Gonzalez, SP: $10,200 – Over 10K?  The guy who got poked around for 4 runs via 8 total batters in 5 IP last time out?  Oh and Bee-Tee-Dubs, that team that poked him around was the Astros?  These are all incredulous questions, y’all, no need to answer.  The Brewers have the third highest team ISO against lefties on the season, fam, and get to bat in the friendly confines of Miller Park.  Now let’s talk Brewer stack…

Khris Davis, OF: $4,200 – So let’s just say you don’t care about weighted on base average.  ‘wOBA, schmOBA’ you say to Davis’ .485 clip against LHP on the year, good for 9th best in MLB.  ‘I want some power!’ you say.  Well how about Khris having the 5th best ISO in MLB vs lefties with a .375?  ‘That makes ISO horny!’ you say.  I’m slowly backing away from you now but I’m not turning my back because I learned long ago to never turn my back on crazy…

Carlos Gomez, OF: $4,900 – Not gonna lie, don’t love the pricing on CarGo-Lite but I do like the matchup as he has the 23rd best ISO vs lefties in the MLB.  ‘That ALSO makes ISO horny!’.  Oh you’re back…someone please call for help.  BTW, the lefty matchup also puts Mark Reynolds, Rickie Weeks and Jonathan Lucroy in play if you wanna play that way.

Nelson Cruz, OF: $4,700 – Sticking with the theme of hating my own-handedness, both Cruz and Adam Jones at $4,600 could be great tourney plays seeing as many won’t start them against Chris Sale.  But they’re both top 10 in ISO and top 5 in wOBA vs south paws on the year.  It’s always nice to have two HRs.  It’s even nicer when the ownership is minimal.

Garrett Jones, 1B/OF: $3,500 – There are some things I just don’t understand.  MagnetsParents.  And of above all those things, how Roberto Hernandez has a 3.16 home ERA when he’s in the bottom 10 in HR/9.  Clearly I’m going against the stats cuz methinks the stats lie.  Consider Jones a nice punt play and also I’d put Marcell Ozuna and Giancarlo Stanton on my wishlist while I’m at it.

Derek Dietrich, 2B: $3,200 – He got sent don’t to the minors because he couldn’t field so don’t fret now that he’s back.  If I don’t have Weeks at 2B, it’s because I came up $200 short and decided to go on a diet…a Dietrich!  I’ll be here all week (if they let me stay).  Yes, I’m still picking on Faustberto Carnandez.  Someone is gonna hit a HR off him, I just don’t know who!  I’ll be sprinkling my lineup with a few Marlins if you can’t tell but I wouldn’t go full stack here.

Matt Adams, 1B: $3,900 – I like the way you give my fantasy teams a lift…I like the way you say ‘eff that shift’.  But most of all…yeah, MOST of all…I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOOB.  Alright, who’s up for clubbing!  Homeruns I meant.  Good grief, you think I actually listen to and dance to that tripe?  Nah, I just like inundating your mind with bad music.  Oh, analysis of why Matt Adams…cuz Coors…and cheap.  Fin.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

The rains be threatening in Chi-town at 50% so be aware if you’re going with Simon or the Shark.  We’ve also got good chances of tinklage in KC and COL so do an anti-rain dance before you roster these guys…or just check weather.com about 30 minutes before the game, of course.  Yeah, prolly just easier that way.

Doing Lines In Vegas

I think this is a day to spend up for pitching, peeps.  Besides the obligatory 10+ o/u in Colorado, the one over/under that leads the way of TORvsNYY at 9 makes me cringe seeing as TOR has half a roster heading to the infirmary ward, not to mention Reyes already gimpy and pinch-hitting only because they had no one else.  Put me down for the under here given the Yanks playing to their age and the Blue Jays playing to their DL.  For my over call, I like CIN to keep raking vs Jeff Samewiovbonewla…c’mon, YOU try and spell it.  Either way, their offense has been on and it wouldn’t surprise me to see the 7 get cleared by a good amount if the weather holds.  And if Samaradlakjbejewn is out due to a rain delay by the 3rd?  Even more likely.

  1. The Guru

    The Guru says:
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    I’m Glass Joe to your Bald Bull when it comes to DFS lately.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @The Guru: Oddly my wife pointed out my hairline is receding just the other day. Thanks for reminding me! *Removes all DK money to buy hair plugs*

  2. Eric says:
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    What about Strohman vs the Yanks?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Eric: As mentioned, I think it’ll be a low scoring game but Yanks are a patient hitting team. Could see him pitching a scoreless 5 or 6 but minimal K’s coupled with plenty of guys on base is likely. I’d abstain.

  3. Bobby says:
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    Do you like Chen (weekly lock league) ,Matt Cain, colon, odorozzi or or jake arrieta ? Who would be your pick ?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Bobby: Gimme some matchups and I’ll have a fully formed decision. Without it, I’d rank them Arrieta/Odorizzi/Colon/Chen/Cain

  4. J-FOH says:
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    Hey you once Wei Yin Chinned me when you were drunk…..it still hurts (on the inside)

    Soda Popinski was my favorite. he reminded me to blow off water and grab a Pepsi

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @J-FOH: Sign up for that 20 teamer for tonight sucka! Otherwise I promise Soccer guilting in full force on Thursday!

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @J-FOH: Fun fact, he was supposed to be Vodka Drunkenski but, ya know, we Americans can’t let our kids know about alcohol at such a young age. But by golly, little miss teeny bopper can show all the skin they have without showing nip and we’re good to go!

      Being Wei-Yin Chen’d is like getting a wedgy from a chinese finger trap. Don’t think about for too long and it’s both funny and painful sounding.

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Sky: what, I can remember kids shouting great taste less filling at each other. And you pretzel sticks to mimic smoking on cold days. Classic America, where have you gone?

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          @J-FOH: ‘MERICA! is here to stay

  5. Jake Stone says:
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    What is GPP?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Jake Stone: Guaranteed Prize Pool

  6. malamoney says:
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    007-373-5963

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @malamoney: 867-53 OH Nie-eee-ine?

      • gareth says:
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        But Sky, Sky, who can I turn to?

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          @gareth: haha

  7. Jimbo says:
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    Start Maybin, Linn or Saunders in a weekly 14 team?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Jimbo: Linn = Lind? If he’s starting today, then Lind. If not, Maybin

  8. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    Sky get in on that contest we only have 4 spots left…

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