High scores – that’s what we here for, right!? Well then, let’s serve you up right-quick, partner. I’ve got these players you’ll see down below, but you can also check out Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot to assemble the ultimate, Voltron-like lineup over at DraftKings (a.k.a. the paper factory). Oh yeah, don’t forget about our shiny new Ombotsman, which audits all Razzball tools (except the human ones) and keeps them in check – kinda like the IRS (fist shake). Ombotsman’s cool though, get to know him. Nice work, Rudy.
Anyways, as for me (like you care), I’m hopping on a flight to Denver to see my Twins in a three-game set against the Rockies. This will be stadium #20-something on the lifetime tour but that’s nothing. My dream is to win the lottery, and then one night, simultaneously attend every game at once, in hologram form. I haven’t been to Denver since 2007, but I’m sure not a whole lot has changed, right? All I know is this: I can’t wait to watch some baseball in a beautiful stadium and abide by whatever beautiful laws the beautiful home state enforces. Now, on with the picks!
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 person matchup of Razzball writers and friends to whet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!
Jesse Hahn, SP: $8,800 – The force is strong in Hahn. Wait, no it isn’t. Also, it’s spelt Han … Solo, that is. Solo was no Jedi, but he was a player – probably had Princess Leia all up on the pill in the early days. Okay, back to Earth. The fantasy force seems strong in this Hahn however, who doesn’t have an ideal matchup on the road against the Dodgers, but he’s hard to resist after spinning quality starts in his first five outings (with four W). The sample size is small, but Hahn holds a stellar 10.64 K/9, and the Dodgers are one of 13 teams averaging more than 7.5 K per game.
Zack Wheeler, SP: $7,600 – Wheeler can be money, but he can pull a 180 and melt down like a bald Britney Spears with a pharmacy pumping through her veins. Let’s hope for the former over the latter tonight with the Marlins in town, who on the road are 21st in OPS (.676) and bottom-10 in runs per game (3.8), while averaging the most strikeouts in baseball (9.88).
Justin Morneau, 1B: $4,800 – I’ll be at Coors tonight with my old Morneau jersey on, so what else do you need to know? He’s all but guaranteed to spray something over the fence like a pervert outside a playground. Fine, you want stats? Ricky Nolasco (RHP) is on the bump for Minnesota. Two important things about slick Rick: A) he sucks, and B) he is fifth in all of baseball in HR/9 (1.39). Good grief, that ball’s as good as gone.
Chris Colabello, 1B/OF: $3,500 – Snubbed! Colabello should have been the Twins’ ASG representative, and I also shouldn’t have lived under that rock since the beginning of May. What’d I miss? Bad jokes aside, CC is raking since getting recalled (7-for-18 with two HR), and there’s a lefty on the hill for Colorado in the form of Jorge De La Rosa.
Scooter Gennett, 2B/SS: $3,700 – Water is wet, and Gennett always makes for a good play versus RHP at this price. His name should be in all DFS boilerplate by now.
Michael Brantley, OF: $4,800 – He’s hitting .407 at home with a .479 wOBA against RHP. He’s swinging an extremely hot stick. I have to admit it, he’s a boss.
J.D. Martinez, OF: $4,200 – Look for Martinez to keep the good times rolling as we head into the AS break. He’s on the right side of the platoon against Danny Duffy (LHP), but J.D.-Mart (?) is actually hitting much better versus righties (career splits favor RHP as well). Whatever, this is great value for a heart-of-the-order hitter.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
The weather man might as well take the day off, not only because he’s mainly worthless, but it’s looking pretty safe in every ballpark – especially the ones with roofs. Of course the one game with a real threat of thunderstorms (50%) is in Denver … just my luck. Oh well, I’m sure I can find something else to do if need be. Either way, utilizing Twins and/or Rockies certainly makes for an interesting scenario.
Doing Lines in Vegas (5-10-1 overall)
It’s fair to say I’ll never pick the under ever again. If you put a gun to my head (don’t bother, my bookie already has one pointed) I’d take the overs in STL/MIL (7.5) and DET/KC (7.5).