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Just as George wants to be draped in velvet, I want to be draped in Kazmir. Speaking of fabric names, when are we going to get a pitcher with a name like Velvet? Velour? Tweed? Like the very expensive, warm, comfortable fabric, Scott Kazmir ain’t coming to you cheap today, $8,400 to be exact. This is no bargain basket blue light special. This is spending your money and getting your money’s worth. My new Kazmir toga will be the envy of the community. Looking good Jack, that Kazmir looks perfect on you. Thanks DraftKings regulars. Being that today is off day Thursday you have limited options. Speaking of off days, I was watching the 1980’s b-movie classic Mischief the other night during a bout of insomnia. Besides waiting to see Kelly Preston’s boobs and seeing some sweet rides it was just passing time. In the main characters pursuit to lose his virginity he fumbles and stumbles his way to the goal line. Oops! Sorry, that was a football reference my baseball friends. On his way to hitting a home run I was reminded of how this year has gone for many of us. FRUSTRATING!!! If this was twitter the trending  would be #TommyJohn and #DL. It’s like I’m trapped in a theater after buying a ticket for Goodfellas and they show us Corky Romano. Hey this isn’t the gangster flick I paid for? Raise your hand if you feel we are in a bizarro season? In all this crazy though we have a stud that has a 2.05 ERA (1.45 at home) facing a team that is ranked 21st on the year in team batting according to Fangraphs. Do we need anything else? He’s been a steal all year and even went  undrafted in some 12 team leagues. Sky, our resident deep league writer, has a huge crush on him and keeps a picture of him in his wallet.

Just like last week I encourage everyone to try DraftKings at least once. Nah, let’s shoot for a half dozen times. We have been doing some play with the DK writers league with really good turnouts. If you would like to play with us just post your DraftKings user name in the comments and I will make sure Ralph, our resident organizer, gets you added to the list and we’ll send you invites for when we play. It’s been a blast playing with everyone so far and the more players we get the more fun we’ll have. Here is what else I have for you today:

Shelby Miller, SP: $8,200 – You feeling lucky with the unisex name? He shut down the 1927 Blue Jays at home and then cut down the heating up Nationals last time out. The Cards are scoring runs so a win is definitely a possibility. After those two outings facing the hapless Phillies should be a breeze. If only Domonic Brown could get 27 at bats?

Collin McHugh, SP: $9,100 – Last time out the Rays touched him for four runs @ Houston. This time he gets them in pitcher friendly Tropicana and I have no problem sending him out there for a redemption start. He has a 3.03 ERA with a 1.08 WHIP on the year and that ain’t no half steppin’.

Drew Hutchison, SP: $7,400 – I never do four pitchers but under further review I saw a stat that made me want to share. Hello boys and four girl readers. I would like to tell you a little story about  Mr. Hoppy Hutchinson. He has a 3.62 ERA this year. When he pitches at home he has a 8.72 ERA. Is that bad? Yes it is. But when he leaves his home and is on the ROAD HE HAS A 1.79! Holy deuce nuts!!!! *Drops Mic*

Andrew Heaney, SP: $6,500 – OK, I promise this will be the last pitcher. I own him in some leagues and I always love me a little rookie nookie. He gets the Swing n Miss Mets at home and has been killing it in the minors. Against AAA hitting, which is not that different from the Mets, he has a K-rate of 10.57 and a walk rate of 0.78. If you want to go a little cheaper on pitching to get some better hitters in your lineup then Heaney is your man.

Yadier Molina, $4,100 – I usually like to play it cheap when it comes to catchers but it’s slim pickins in the late set. I like the St.Louis Stack against David Buchanan (5.97 ERA, 1.36 WHIP in 28.2 innings) today and I hope you do too. Unless we are playing each other then don’t do it. I got dibs.

Matt Adams, $3,900 – It’s a stack attack and when Matt Adams can eat a 2 foot stack of pringles in one bite then you have to play. Am I right? He’s been dropping bombs and making hits since his return from the DL and at this price against Buchanan he’s a hard one to pass up for me.  Heavy A and the Boys….and by boys I mean moobs.

Jose Abreu, 1B: $5,000 – He’s the most expensive piece of bat for 1B today but I can’t help myself when it comes to him vs. a rookie making his debut. If Adams makes you uncomfortable then I say play it safe with Jose. Maybe he’ll give you the double dong-er today when he takes that 30 year old virgin to the yard.

Gordon Beckham, 2B: $3,700 – I mentioned him in my Creeper of the Week and he dropped a dong on Tuesday . He’s one of those get him in while he’s hot types. He’s playing like a post post post hype sleeper this year and all I have to say is it’s about friggin time. Today he gets a rookie making his debut and I’m hoping Jose Abreu crushes his soul and then Beckham can come in and feeds off the carcass.

Juan Francisco, 3B: $3,700 – Not loving the top 3B options today leads me here to Father Juan Francisco. With 11 bombs on the year, being a lefty, facing a righty, in Yankee Stadium, on an off day makes me go, IDGAF about a run on sentence, play him and be happy his dong will only cost you $3,700.

Jose Reyes, SS: $4,700 – A key part of your Blue Jays stack against David Phelps. He hit a home run the other day, his 5th this year, against Tanaka and has only hit home runs against right handers. In honor of it being the world cup, not that I care, let’s all sing Jose…Jose Jose Jose…Jose…Jose!!!

Colby Rasmus, OF: $3,500 – Razzballs official king of the off day gets a right hander at Yankee stadium on a Thursday. Sold and sold! I’m stacking Blue Jays and Cardinals today. It’s the birdy bird special.

Melky Cabrera, OF: $4,200 – Anytime a player goes back to play the team he came up with is a good bet for me. He already has a HR against Phelps and three total against the Yankees this year. I likey! Maybe when he’s in New York he can meet up with his old dealer and catch up for old times sake.

Josh Willingham, OF: $4,800 – This price tag is a little on the high side for my liking but you can’t deny the numbers vs. Quintana. 8 for 15 with 2 HR’s is a pretty nice sample size. That’s not what she said! Nothing wrong with a little history on your side here and I like him to start heating up again.

Adam Eaton, OF: $3,700 – now let’s talk about starting to heat up here. He’s been on fire lately, I know because I own him all over the place, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see a couple hits, a couple of runs and maybe a bag?

Jon Jay, OF: $3,300 – another player rising up the temperature charts lately is the federalist. Since the demotion of Oscar Taveras, Mr. Jay has been hitting the ball and in this matchup we get a lefty vs a righty and a spot at the top of the batting order. He might even be sandwiched between Matt Carpenter and Matt Holliday. Yummy!

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

The CHW @ MIN, NYM @ MIA, and the ATL @ WAS games have scattered showers in the forecast. Scattered showers usually means that the game will be played. They just might not be at the scheduled time or they take a break and finish it late in the night. I don’t mind that for hitters but I do take that into consideration when choosing my pitchers. We’ll do our best to keep updates posted in the comments or if you see any change then please share it with everyone. We’re a community damnit!

Doing Lines In Vegas

My buddies just came back from a mid week 4 day bachelor party in Vegas. Oh the things I would love to tell you guys. What I can say is there were copious amounts of everything. Kind of like the copious amount of runs that will be scored in the Yankees/Blue Jays game. Vegas had it open at 8 1/2 and it’s already up to 9. That is our leader right now. What Vegas doesn’t like is my Cardinals stack against the Phillies because they are at 8 right now. I think they are feeling the CHW@MIN game with an opening at 8 1/2. Could be another place to stack. Until tomorrow, when I’ll be covering DK again, see you in the comments.

From Around The Web

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: just signed up. should be a good one.

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Ralph Lifshitz: #2? That’s Lifshitzed for sure

          • The Guru

            The Guru says:
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            I finished 2nd last night! That’s another $2 towards my new liver.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Haha

  1. Stew Pickles says:
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    Nice write-up, keep it up.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Stew Pickles: thanks stew. Do you DK?

  2. J Boy says:
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    Arrieta/Aramis for Machado – which side you got in a 14 team keeper?

    Thanks, great write up today!

    • J-FOH says:
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      @J Boy: machado

  3. J-FOH says:
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    Do you have a jar for that? Put in your recycling money too?

  4. mauledbypandas says:
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    I worry about Heaney letting his nerves screw up his control tonight, but the talent is there. Lots of good picks here, not that I ever have any DK success, but hopefully Guru is heading towards that new liver on my dime

    • J-FOH says:
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      @mauledbypandas: that’s going to be a lot of dimes

  5. de nachos says:
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    Only 3 dongs today? I need more dongs. Although 2 were Latino so you’re forgiven.

    • de nachos says:
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      @de nachos: oh dear did I confuse my razzball and Grindr accounts again?

      • J-FOH says:
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        @de nachos: I try to limit my dong usage….Wait! What?

  6. de nachos says:
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    I’m curious to see what Ryan Howard does against Shelby for the first time tonight. Miller has been better against lefties than righties at home (weird). Howard hit well against the Bravos, looking like he’s keeping that front shoulder from flying open but I still think a righty with movement on his change can make him look foolish.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @de nachos: I hope he doesn’t step in the bucket

      • de nachos says:
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        @J-FOH: I’ve got that bucket market cornered. At least drunk on sand dunes.

        • J-FOH says:
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          @de nachos: I lived in the bucket. I was a much better pitcher than hitter. Think John Kruk, it wasn’t pretty but it got me on base a lot. And I was husky

          • de nachos says:
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            @J-FOH: and Howard having a day

            • J-FOH

              J-FOH says:
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              @de nachos: Philly fans

  7. Rubik's Pube says:
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    Weather looking iffy for the Minnesota game. I can’t figure out for the life of me why you wouldn’t want a dome or a retractable roof for a stadium in a place that gets snow well into May?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @SteveNZ: Thanks for sharing that one. very good piece. I hate hearing about useless stats by TV analysts like I’m suppose to respect them more because they played the game than someone who studies it with an acute eye for detail. Sky makes a great argument for a sliding scale to determine quality starts which should be used instead of the garbage we have now. If I ever have to listen to someone comment on playoff stats again I’ll lose it. Never do they bring up that they played fewer playoff games in the past when only the best teams played for the World Series. Dammnit Steve, now I’m pissed off about stats.

  8. Rubik's Pube says:
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    I swear to F’ing god every time I start Wheeler he gets ass hammered and every time I don’t he pitches like Cy Young. Damnit!

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Rubik’s Pube: I feel you on that on pube, I’ve been Wheelered too.

  9. Mike says:
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    Morse or David Wright ROS?
    Thx

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Mike: Morse if he stays healthy but it’s close

  10. Mike says:
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    Buster posey or David wright ROS?

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Mike: Posey, he’s not this bad

  11. derekmal says:
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    I’ll play sometime

    DK username: derekmal

Comments are closed.