Yesterday, Felix Doubront went 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks and rose The Walking Dead in Boston. I wonder if Stephen King helped recruit Doubront for the Red Sox. I wonder if there’s going to be a Red Sox team next year or if they’ll just merge with their Pawtucket minor league team. I wish I could tell you that the Red Sox fought the good fight, and the Sisters let them be. Damn you, Morgan Freeman Voice Over, taking over my brain! Doubront’s actually been an under-the-radar bright spot for the Po’ Sawx. Through 28 starts and 154 IP, his xFIP is under 4 (ERA is 4.91, which makes him seem gross) and his K-rate is above 9. Striking out a guy per inning and an xFIP far below his ERA should spell a fantasy sleeper for 2013. He might be the first Red Sox starter I’m excited about since Curt Schilling. So, yes, I’d definitely invest in him as long as you don’t bankrupt the state of Rhode Island to do it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Cliff Pennington – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Might be the start of something. Plus, if you have a category in your league for Players That Sound Like They Should Be Wearing Plaid Pants, Cliff Pennington wins you that category. Each and every time.
Ichiro Suzuki – 1-for-5 with his 27th steal. 3-for-5 with a homer on Saturday. In the last week, he’s hitting near .500 with 6 steals and 2 homers. Seeing that is making me nostalgic for the mid-2000’s when Britney and K-Fed were giving all white trash lovebirds hope, Mel Gibson was an anti-semite but no one knew and women who popped out of their tops had “wardrobe malfunction” to describe it. A golden age, for sure.
Nick Swisher – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer. He’s hitting near .350 in the last week with two homers. You know that 2001 Mitsubishi Eclipse that was a p-magnet when it was new, and, occasionally in the right light, it still turns some heads? That’s this Yankees team. BTW, when I looked up p-magnet in the Urbandictionary, “Don Juan” was a synonym, which reminds me — this weekend your very own fantasy ‘pert was hanging out with Bishop Don “Magic” Juan! Okay, we weren’t exactly hanging out. My buddy lives down the street from him and he was like, “You wanna meet Don “Magic” Juan?” And I was like, “Yeah, of course, I do. Are you kidding me?” So we go over to his place and he’s wearing a shirt with his face on it and a giant green hat and his five-fingered rings spelling out his name. He couldn’t chat for long, he was on his way out. Where was he going all dressed up like that, you may ask yourself. Oh, he was just heading to CVS. Bishop Don!
Jeremy Hellickson – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks to lower his ERA to 3.20. After the game, Hellboy and Ben Zobrist got together to discuss the importance of straws in bottles of water. Ben Zobrist, “Straws are an important tool to demasculinize yourself in front of single women, especially when you have a teammate named B.J.”
B.J. Upton – 1-for-4 with his 26th homer and 2nd in as many games. “Yo, Justin, this is your brother, Melvin…Melvin Emmaunel! And I’m out fantasy valuing you.”
Fernando Rodney – Recorded his 44th save and lowered his ERA to 0.64. I bet if I told you in March a Rays pitcher would be in the Cy Young and MVP conversation, Rodney would’ve been about the 10th pitcher on the team you would’ve chosen. Unless 1984 Cy Young and MVP Willie Hernandez was in the convo. He would’ve guessed right.
Cliff Lee – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 11 Ks to get the loss and move his record to 6-8. When an older Hispanic woman rode past Lee in the preseason saying “Victories….Victories para de muerte,” Lee didn’t heed the omen and now look where he is.
Chris Tillman – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Sawx. If you needed the win from Tillman to win your H2H league, the universe is conspiring against you. Be careful crossing the street.
Justin Ruggiano – Out indefinitely with a sprained shoulder. Doesn’t sound like he’s coming back. He tried to throw yesterday, but airmailed it. Ruggiano, cheese, you work for UPS!
Donovan Solano – 2-for-4 and 8 for his last 14, while batting near .350 in the last week. He’s capable of speed, but all he’s doing right now is average. There’s a place for that in some middle infield hot schmotato slots.
Ricky Nolasco – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. He had an ERA over 5 as late as August 21st and there was no way he could actually get on fantasy radars again next year to disappoint people yet again, right? His September ERA is below 2 and there’s always some who get fooled into, “Hey, his September was great, Grey, so do you or your mustache think there’s anything here to see?”
Michael Bourn – Sat yesterday with a jammed thumb, but plans to play on Tuesday. He said, “Ain’t nothin’ gonna break my stride… Nobody’s gonna slow me down, oh-no. I got to keep on movin’.” Then Diddy tried to sue him for stealing his music, then Matthew Wilder said, “Hey, that’s not even your song.”
David Wright – 1-for-4 with his 19th homer as his average now sits at .304. The only thing about my David Wright Sell was I gave him too much faith, saying he would hit .307 or higher. Also, the comments are pretty good in that post about how I’m a such a moron. Don’t worry, we won’t hear from those people again until next year. People think if someone’s hitting a week after I say to sell him, then I’m wrong. Obviously some people forget that a baseball season is 6 months long.
Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks and only 86 pitches vs. the Twins. On one hand, he did get into the 6th before allowing any runs and the bullpen really failed him. On the other hand, he obviously wasn’t 100% or he would’ve pitched deeper and not been a victim of the bullpen. On a third hand which is actually a foot wearing a mitten, he gets the Twins again next and I wouldn’t trust him to be healthy.
Ben Revere – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 38th steal in the first game of the DH and 0-for-5 in the nightcap. I’ve owned him in the RCL for 378 ABs, so who can speak on this guy better than me? His stats for me 51/0/28/.283/30. When I lost Krispie to injury and suckitude, it created a vacuum where I needed steals but at what price? A pretty big one. I’m obviously responsible for owning Revere that long, but he’s one of the reasons why I’m lagging badly in power. It’s just really hard to own a guy that gives you nothing in two categories.
Chris Johnson – Left yesterday’s game after being hit on the hand. He’s listed as day-to-day as they’re calling it a contusion. They would say that!
Jordan Pacheco – 2-for-5, a run and RBI. He’s now hit in 6 in a row and is batting near .350 over the last week. Not showing much power or speed, but the Rockies are home until Thursday and he’s a worth a flyer.
Homer Bailey – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. I can’t believe I fell for the old banana in the tailpipe trick. Again, Bailey, you do this to me. Again. I’m gonna go torture myself by watching the Emmys.
Adrian Gonzalez – 2-for-4 and two solo homers. I saw in the box score that he has 3 homers in the NL, but for a second I thought he had three homers all year. It feels a bit like that. Oh, A-Gon.
Kenley Jansen – He’s returned, but Brandon League is still getting saves and Ernest Borgnine died this year, as the Emmys told me. Only the good die young or at nearly a 100. Run from the Grim Reaper, Betty White! I think Jansen will probably get a save chance or two this week, but he’s obviously being soft-tossed into the role. Not entirely sure why. I mean throwing in a major league game is fine for his heart, but not the ninth inning? What if the game is close in the 7th? What if he goes to a three-two count on back-to-back batters? Is that too much? How about if the Dodgers are down by two when he pitches, but then they tie it up while he’s in the dugout, is that too much? I got questions, y’all.
Carlos Santana – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and two homers, his 17th and 18th. The more he pushes his fantasy value up for next year the better it is for all of us who punt catcher. Hit ten bombs this week, Supernatural!
Pete Kozma – 2-for-3 with his 1st homer. Scouts say about Kozma, “Spectacular instincts, quick hands, and a strong arm…” I.e., he’s not good for fantasy. And they say fantasy ruins real sports, ha!
Jake Odorizzi – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. He’s not about this year, he’s for keepers. Bee tee dubya, someone asked me in the comments yesterday for his line and I wrote at 9:30 AM, “5 IP, 3 ER, 3 Ks for Odorizzi.” David Blaine, your magic is real!
Josh Harrison – 4-for-6, 2 runs. Since he hasn’t started a game in 11 days, no one owns Harrison unless they’re related to him or were in a band with his dad. Hey, Ringo!
A.J. Burnett – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks. Is his first name Apple Juice? Just curious.
Jose Altuve – Left yesterday’s game with groin tightness. Unable to run, he’ll miss probably a day or two. Unless Matt Dominguez throws him in a Baby Bjorn and runs with him. BTW, Rudy went to yesterday’s Pirates/Astros game and took a still from the game. Travis Snider had a two-game hitting streak!
Everth Cabrera – 4-for-4, 2 runs and 3 steals. That’s the kind of Sunday performance that H2H owners dream about. Only in their dreams, it’s usually Kate Upton playing the part of Everth.
Huston Street – Got the save, but allowed one earned run in his return to the closer role. Yay save, boo earned run… Yay-boo!
Francisco Peguero – 2-for-3, 1 run and two steals. Since the Giants clinched on Saturday, they might rest some regulars (this obviously goes for all teams that are clinching). Peguero doesn’t have much value except he can run like the wind. If you’re desperate for steals, SAGNOF!
Josh Hamilton – Will undergo more tests this week for a sinus/blurred vision problem that has kept him out of the lineup for the past few days. Here’s a little between-the-lines info for you. When someone is being paid almost $14 million and is the face of an organization, there’s probably a good chance they have the best doctors looking at him. This ain’t some Steve Guttenberg in Bad Medicine doctor, who operates out of the back of a Waffle House, and is the only doctor in a twenty mile radius that takes your insurance. This is a *good* doctor. Asterisks for emphasis, not aesthetics, though the asterisks do add a certain pizzazz. So, when Dr. Best Doctor Money Can Buy, M.D. needs to do more tests because they can’t figure out what’s going on, there’s a problem. This isn’t a small problem either, like when your dog only barks at homeless people and the doggie trainer says the dog just needs you to acclimate him to different types of people. You can’t line Hamilton’s crate with Mother Jones articles and hope he becomes more tolerant. I wouldn’t flat out drop Hamilton in non-keepers, but you better have a backup plan if he doesn’t come back until next week for a quick game or two playoff tuneup.