I wrote this blurb about Daisuke Matsuzaka, then ran it through an online Japanese translator then converted it back to English. Here’s what came out — “Dice-K’s arm fell asleep! You wish he was going to recover like Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai after he found humility. There’s nothing you can do. Overreact and break all your eggs. Under react and fall asleep while driving. The best thing you can do is hope thunder and lightning wake Dice-K’s arm. Until then, see who the Boston Socks use in his place. Masterson carry thunder and lightning.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – 6-for-6 as he hit for the cycle, Marlon Byrd went 5-for-6, 3 RBIs and now batting .417, Nelson Cruz hit his 5th HR and Chris Davis sat. Why was Chris Davis sitting? Because of Mark Hendrickson? Mark Hendrickson just called my house and said he sucks. For criminy sakes, Andruw Jones looks ownable on that team. I’m convinced if you put Nick Punto in the Rangers lineup he’d have a three homer game. Everyone can hit on that team… Well, except Salty, who went 0-for-5. In a game when your team scores 19 runs, it’s gotta hurt when you take home the goose egg. I own Teagarden in an AL-Only league for just the chance he gets in on the action. (Now that’s how you punt catcher. Starting a guy who’s not even playing.)
Justin Upton – Just missed a home run as he found his stroke a bit yesterday. First good sign I’d seen all year.
Chris Carpenter – Gone for 4 to 8 weeks. You say, “So, Grey, what do you think of Kyle Davies?” As I said yesterday, best case scenario is Carp goes to the DL. Your wish is my command. Now you can bury him in your DL spot and move on. Over/under that he returns and stays healthy the rest of the season? Slim to anorexic.
Matt Cain – 6 IP, 2 ER and 115 pitches. Look, everybody, Bochy’s trying to ruin Cain for 2010.
Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks. Think it might’ve been the best pitching performance so far this season. Sure, it was the Giants, but 13 Ks in only 7 innings is impressive. Not to mention, only one walk for him is very inspiring.
Khalil Greene – 0-for-6. How’s that boost in value doing him?
Colby Rasmus – We suspect leaguemates thought we were ignorasmuses for drafting him in our leagues. No complaints just yet. LaRussa is rotating the four OFs fairly equally (Ludwick has sat the pine 3 times already!) and is batting Rasmus in the #2 slot in front of Pujols. That means a good amount of Runs and grooved fastballs. He’s got 20 HR/15 SB potential if he can get 400+ ABs but might cost you on average. Worth the gamble as a last OF in any league format at this point. He’s the most loved Cardinals OF since So Taguchi. (I just want to massage him and force feed him beer!)
Cameron Maybin – Hitting .214 on the year with a lot of nothing. I’m legitimately concerned. It’s bad predicting a breakout that never comes. It’s worst to sit on him too long.
Chipper Jones – I kinda understood the recurring oblique, even though I have no idea what that is. I was fine with the tricky back. Hey, my back nags me sometimes too. But a thumb injury that has him out for two days? Who injures their thumb for a few days? It’s either hurt or it’s not. Who is this guy? The boy in the bubble? It’s appropriate he has chin whiskers, cause he’s a pussy. /rant
Xavier Nady – Sounds like Nady might need season-ending surgery. And then there were 4. Outfielders, that is. Swisher’s value gets a major boost. He’s still a .250 hitter. Don’t let extra PT cloud your judgment completely.
Joe Mauer – To start rehab next week. Doesn’t matter to any of you though, only auto-drafters own him.
Huston Street – Kazaam! Naturally, Corpas is a good handcuff to have because Street has stunk up the joint from here to Buddakan, but I still think the Rox want Street to close and raise any trade value he might have.
Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday. Davis 2, Reynolds 2. Now jab!
Scott Baker – Returned with a 4 IP and 6 ER night. Was on our risky pitchers post (I’m done linking to it, search the site). Guys and dollfaces, Baker’s going to struggle for a while to get up to speed then you have to hope he doesn’t hurt himself again. This is not evolving into a great scenario.
Ichiro Suzuki – Returned with a steal and a grand slam. Hey, Baker, now that’s an entrance!
Aaron Hill – 3 HRs and 11 RBIs on the season. I’m buying at the expense of some other MI schmohawks. I’m looking at you, Jose Lopez.
Jay Bruce – Batting .167 on the season. Someone Google Map Bruce the strike zone, pronto.
Emilio Bonifacio – 1-for-6 with 4 Ks. Uh-oh, someone’s holes are being exploited.
Jered Weaver – 5 IP, 4 ER. At least his brother always sucks.
Rich Harden – 3 IP, 4 ER. At least 9 out of every ten Harden owners saw his line and thought he left the game early with an injury. He duped you!
Robinson Cano – Notoriously awful in April and he’s currently hitting .382 with 2 HRs. Guess Ivan Rodriguez and Sidney Ponson aren’t the only beneficiaries of the WBC.
Armando Galarraga – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER. The regression will not be televised. But the regression will come.