Heath Bell is giving out two run innings like he’s Daryl Hannah giving out crazy vibes. Yesterday, was the fourth time in 8 appearances this year he’s allowed 2 runs. His WHIP (2.70) looks like an ERA, his ERA looks a perfect score from a corrupt figure skater judge (10.80) and the Red Sox are wondering if he can be their closer. At some point, Bell should be replaced as closer, and, with the way he’s been pitching, that point was about three weeks ago. Astute Razzball reader, “Is Cishek or Mujica the replacement?” I thought you were the astute one. Mujica looks to be the set-up man, but I think Cishek gets first crack. It’s called a hunch, like how Guy Fieri eats a sandwich. As of right now, I wouldn’t drop Bell, but I also wouldn’t put him in my active roster. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Juan Carlos Oviedo – MLB suspended Juan Carlos Ovideo (Leo Nunez) for eight weeks for using a fake identity. No plan to suspend Heath Bell for impersonating Kevin Gregg. In his time off, Leo the Lyin’ plans on snorkeling through Atlantis, talking to his giant rabbit Harvey and hunting Sasquatch.
Yu Darvish – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Looking like a true sterling Darvish.
Evan Longoria – Left yesterday’s game with a knee injury after trying to steal 2nd. The Rays are calling it “knee soreness.” I’m calling it “it better be just soreness.”
Miguel Olivo – Homered, but whatever he also left yesterday’s game because his groin got injury duty, leaving the M’s summonsing Montero (who also homered)! Olivo’s headed to the 15-day DL, so guess who will get 10 games played at catcher just a tad quicker now? Hey, I’m smiling. That feels weird.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-3 with his 8th homer and 4th game in a row with one. His hot hitting has my heart stopped…. captured…. arrested… It’s a case of Edwin Incarceration.
Allen Craig – Look at Allen Craig strutting around with two first names while R. Kelly’s only got an initial. Craig is set to return from the DL. Probably won’t play 2nd base, but whatever, that’s real baseball talk. He’s eligible there in most fantasy leagues. He could get teen homers and a handful of steals with everyday playing time, which he should have.
Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, as he lowers his ERA to 2.40 while striking out nearly a batter per inning. I’ve told just about anyone who’s asked in the comments that they should pick up Drabek, friend.
Brad Lidge – He’s gonna miss May with hernia surgery. So he went from Vertigo to Nads on a Strain.
Tom Milone – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER in Fenway. Eh, even in our deep leagues we benched Milone here. Don’t hate the playa (not Spanish for beach), hate the game.
Kevin Youkilis – Was scratched with a sore back. Weird, that usually happens to me with an itchy back.
David Ortiz – 2-for-3 with his 5th and 6th homers as he bats .405 with 20 RBIs. Of course I should’ve just drafted Ortiz in the 2nd round instead of Giancarlo Stanton. I will now lock myself in my cry closet.
Jason Hammel – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. His ERA is now at 1.97. Good thing Matusz was the Orioles starter to watch coming out of Spring Training. Sideways emoticon with an elbow nudge.
Ryan Braun – 3 homers in Petco with the 2nd one being airmailed, but it still counted.
David Robertson – 1 IP, 3 Ks. K-Rob’s ERA is 0.00 and WHIP is 0.91, having allowed 7 baserunners in 11 IP to go with his 18 Ks. He’s owned in 12% of ESPN leagues and he’s headed for a better year than probably at least two of the starters on your fantasy team.
Patrick Corbin – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks. Isn’t this Patrick Corbin guy the one Carrie bides her time with while she waits for Mr. Big to come to his senses? She looks like a horse; horses are hot; what else do you need, Mr. Big? Any the hoo! In mixed leagues, wake me when Trevor Bauer’s called up. Or even Tyler Skaggs. Or Boz Scaggs.
Justin Upton – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer and the Desmond Jennings Special, a slam & legs. Call a fireplace cause Upton looks like he’s starting to swing some hot lumber! Can someone give me an AM radio-style bassoon, triangle, horn?
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-3 with a steal as he bats .193 and hit cleanup. Pretty appropriate since he’s been dirtying fantasy lineups all year.
Justin Morneau – Left yesterday’s game with a sore wrist. This Justin, Morneau’s an injury waiting to happen.
Bryan LaHair – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. For those who are like, “LaWhere did this come from?” He hit 38 homers last year in the PCL. Granted the PCL fills their baseballs with helium, but he’s still got power to spare.
Tony Campana – 0-for-4 with a run and a steal. When he’s in the dugout, the Cubs hang him from a coat hanger and his legs continue to run.
Matt Kemp – Hit his 12th homer yesterday. The Padres collectively have 11, Cubs have 8 and Infante has 5.
Juan Nicasio – 6 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks. That looks about right for the line you can expect from Nicasio. Maybe a touch more K and a tad less LOB.
Vance Worley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as he was done wrong by his bullpen that gave up his win. He’s probably suffering from Münchausen Syndrome because of the rest of the starters in the majors.
Pedro Alvarez – 1-for-4 with his 5th homer. Fine, I picked him up. I had a gaping hole left by Zimmerman, so, with a heavy heart, I went back to the Pedro Alvarez well. The worst thing that could’ve happened was I ended up ignoring Alvarez this year because of how burnt I got last year. The 2nd worst thing that could happen is I get burnt again this year. Yay.
James McDonald – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks. There’s the old (once-hyped) McDonald. Has now strung together back-to-back solid starts with excellent Ks. I don’t think he’s going to be without his hiccups.
Mike Minor – 6 1/3 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 9 Ks. Speaking of hiccups, looking at Minor’s start would cure his owners of them. I’m guessing with 11 baserunners, seven earned and 9 Ks through 6 and a third, he was pretty unlucky. Too bad I don’t play in any FIPpin’ leagues that care about luck.
Delmon Young – Suspended for 7 days after an incident where he was allegedly yelling anti-Semitic remarks. Delmon said he was just playing Words With Friends.