Well, here we are again. Doing our dance, making our love, and of course, getting down tonight. For my 3rd post anniversary, I was going to celebrate by going 1500 words deep discussing the merits of Kosuke Fukudome. But after my opening salvo, which began with ‘Fukudome Me? Fukudome you!’ and then the same thing copied and pasted several times over, I realized that there was really nothing else left to say about him. With 40 Fukudome’s and no verbs, I arrived at the conclusion that all four of you reading this deserved something a tad bit more tantalizing. So let’s do something here that feels more natural for a Sunday afternoon. Just like how the blockbuster bomb ‘Battleship’ cast Rihanna to play the part of the aircraft carrier, because, you know, she’s the easiest one to hit, I have a topic here for you that’ll fit way better than OJ’s glove, and less bloody to boot. Let’s take a look at some deep league waiver wire options.
What is there to be said about Scott Podsednik? Well, he basically appears every year with a random team, usually the White Sox, and gets hot for the first 40 AB’s and steals 10 bases. The problem with this is, the next 180 AB’s after you’ve signed him are basically the equivalent of playing leap frog with a dumpster — unproductive with a certain level of front and back soreness, in case you’ve never had the pleasure. Well, he’s back at it again, folks, once again to do his best impersonation of Juan Pierre’s skeleton, and this time, it’s with the Red Sox. While his 364/371/515 might seem enticing, don’t fall for that trap, unless you really need the steals. If you do, sure I guess you could dabble. But be careful, he’ll soon turn into the 240/310/340 true talent level we all know him to be. He might get you some runs and some SB’s, but only flirt with him if you are ready to give a committed relationship. Or, at the very least, dinner and a hand job.
Trevor Plouffe always seems to have deep league appeal. Once heralded as the next Ben Zobrist — I guess because he’s white, plays the middle infield, and sucked most of his career before turning a corner — he hasn’t really lived up to those expectations. Probably because he thinks that corner is in Brussels, and he’s, you know, looking in whatever city is the furthest away. Salinas, I guess. Most likely forgotten by your peers now, this season tingles a bit different. While the 186/273/398 line actually feels like we’re right at home, he has somehow gained positional eligibility everywhere (depending on your specific league format). If you delve deeper into the numbers, Plouffe has actually improved his BB% to 11.0, 3.0% higher than his career average. Right now, the low .184 BABIP is the main culprit of his poor slash line, and if he regresses somewhat, I could see a 250/320/470 being possible. For your MI, that’s not too shabby, especially since in his last 10 games, Plouffe has hit .344 with 4 HR’s.
Despite taking over in the rotation for Jeff Karstens, which usually means you are considered the complete opposite of Japanese masturbation tubes, Brad Lincoln hasn’t caused any chaffing or visible irritation. While I’m not sure if he’s related to good ol’ Abe or if he’s a vampire slayer, I do know that in the 30 innings he’s pitched this year, he’s recorded a very nice K/9 of 9.30 and a K/BB rate of 3.10. Obviously, we must remember the SSSS (Small Sample Size Stupid) red flag being waved around, but there are some things here that might help him survive the regression reckoning. While his LOB% is a tad bit high for my tastes, 82.7% as opposed to his career 66.8%, he has been throwing his curveball at an incredibly higher rate while putting his changeup into storage. Is this a new found skill set? Well, we just don’t know yet, but if you want to try and ride a hot hand, it might be worth it to find out.
If you guys are into men who take estrogen pills, well, Manny Ramirez might be for you. Hey, maybe he was doing it to have a baby? That’s totally plausible. ManRam is on his way back, and in deep leagues, you might want to check him out. I’m not sure if he can produce anything, except a large amount of aloofness, but even if you take his career triple slash line of 312/411/585 and temper that down to a more realistic 250/340/430, he wouldn’t be the worst #5 outfielder in the world. But keep in mind, these can be considered arbitrary goals seeing as how Ramirez hasn’t played in 2 years, he’s in a tough park, and, in theory, has no more estrogen to lean on. But I still believe in his control of the strike-zone, so especially in OBP leagues, there’s not much to lose here.
Whenever I go to a Nationals game here in the metro area, Tom Gorzelanny always manages somehow to get into the game. It’s great too, because as he’s trotting to the mound, I get to inform my friends and family that I own him in some leagues, and that I’m not quite sure why. Then they ask me why I would think they would care. Right now though, he’s giving me a couple reasons to hold on. While having both SP and RP eligibility in most leagues, his FIP of 3.24 has been shiny and there’s a chance that he could vulture some wins and saves. Now, I wouldn’t recommend him for an extended stay on your roster, because sooner or later he’s going to Gorzelanny all over your face. And if that’s the case, seek out a shower and a lawyer immediately, as I believe that action is illegal in 12 states. But if you need a week to week stopgap due to injuries and don’t have any solid starters or relievers to fill in those gaps, you could do worse. His BABIP, LOB% and GB% all appear sustainable at this point, so pick and choose your moments wisely, and he might lend a helping hand.
Last, but not least, I would be remiss not to mention the fact that Zach Britton is in Triple-A and close to ending his rehab stint. While I wouldn’t expect much when he comes back, Britton might be someone to grab n stash or seek out in a trade for later use. He had a solid rookie season, throwing 154 innings with a FIP of 4.00. A rare left handed sinker baller, he also has a solid changeup and slider that both got swings and misses over 15 percent of the time. It wasn’t that long ago that he was rated the #1 prospect in the system, and you might want to pounce on that significant upside if your leaguemates forgot about him.
These guys might not be the most exciting names to put out there, but exciting doesn’t necessarily mean good. A twelve-car pile-up in front of your house is exciting. So if you need some help in certain spots, you have my blessing with these names. And if they don’t work out, you can go fudge yourself. And since I love chocolate, I will most likely lick you clean, but only if you are a hot chick or an effeminate male with erectile dysfunction, which totally describes the fantasy baseball demographic. So I’m guessing no lick action is necessary.
Oh, one last thing. If you’re as bored as I get on Sunday’s, be sure to check out my post on John Jaso. If you thought no one could do a write-up on him that long, I’m here to slap you silly. Its either the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, or, perhaps, a legendary miracle. Why don’t you decide?