Chris Narveson, his name makes me think of the insurance guy from Groundhog Day. Am I right or am I right-right? His name also would sound good recited by Chris Cornell. Chris Narveson, won’t you come and wash away the rain? Won’t you come. Won’t you come. Narveson was in my top 80 starters. Let’s see what I said there, “Hmm… I don’t remember and I’m too lazy to click on the link to the actual blurb. No one actually reads stuff I quote from myself so I’m gonna pretend I just explained Narveson to a T.” And that’s me quoting me! Yesterday, he had the line of 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s also 29 years old, so I’d preach a bit of caution. He’s good for Ks (7+ K/9), dangerous on walks and around a 4.00 ERA starter in the NL. So that’s good, meh, serviceable. In any league deeper than 12 team, he should be owned. In 12 team leagues, I’d take the flyer where I had room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Rickie Weeks – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer in 4 games. On one hand, I’d sell him. On the other hand, who are you selling him for? On my third lesser known hand, I’m wearing a puppet while talking out of the corner of my mouth.
Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. It’s full steam ahead. I.e., pick him up, snitches!
Craig Kimbrel – 1 IP, 3 Ks and the save. Rawr! That is all.
Rick Porcello – 5 IP, 5 ER. Porcello dropped a mushroom cloud. I own Porcello in my Fantasy Razzball league. You know, the league where you want the worst players. That’s what I think of him. I do hear Porcello is a fungi!
Miguel Cabrera – 0-for-4, played yesterday but he was throwing up during the game. Liquor before beer, man. C’mon!
Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer as The Dread Pirate returned to the lineup. This season is when McCutchen goes 20/40 and becomes a top outfielder.
Neil Walker – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and hitting .412. For what it’s Wuertz, Walker is the player who ended up on the most teams owned by Rudy and me.
Joel Hanrahan – Member when you wouldn’t draft him last week because he wasn’t good in Spring Training? Yeah, Hanrahanananananan has 3 saves and a zero ERA.
Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks. He was in last week’s Buy and I do like him, but he also gave up 5 walks in this game. Wildly effective can quickly become “Holy eff in the effhole what is Morton doing to my ratios?”
Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer in two days. Guys and three girl readers, he’s been hitting well in April for a few years now. Don’t act too school for cool about picking him up.
Randy Wells – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks. I actually liked him last year and he abused my trust pretty badly, but there’s a heart under this rugged, mustachioed exterior that has learned how to forgive. I’d give Wells a chance in 14+ team leagues, but his WHIP tends to be high even though he doesn’t walk a whole lot of hitters.
Willie Bloomquist – Is Stephen Drew getting Pipp’d out? 1 HR and 3 SB already for Bloomquist. Definitely unexpected from the Arizona bench in which the only thing supreme about it is it sounds like the Supreme Court (Bloomquist, Roberts — can they trade for Clete Thomas, Adam Kennedy or Jon Jay?). This is probably self-evident but don’t touch Bloomquist unless you’re using a 12-team NL pole.
Erik Bedard – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Best thing I can say about this start is he walked away without injury.
Nelson Cruz – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer. He’s going 40/20 if he can stay healthy, but that if has its own postal code.
Elvis Andrus – 1-for-4 and Elvis left the building for the first time since Michael Jackson died. Yo, legends mourn legends. If Andrus goes 10/40 this year, you’re gonna appreciate me ranking him about fifty spots before all other ‘perts. Yeah, I love the Rangers offense. Deal with it.
Derek Holland – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. What I don’t love is Ranger pitchers (except Neftali — I ain’t mad at cha!). Holland’s a decent enough flyer in deep leagues, but I’d be careful.
Jorge Posada – 1-for-3 with his third homer. Posada’s agent, “I told you the DH was a good move!”
Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Whatevs, I wouldn’t touch him.
Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. For now, I wouldn’t touch Arrieta outside of AL-Only leagues and, even there, I probably wouldn’t own him. In 100 1/3 IP last year, he had a 4.66 K/9. That was 11th worst in the league. It can get better, but I’d prefer to see it happen before I go near him.
Jeremy Guthrie – Has pneumonia. The p is silent as in pwhatever.
Ryan Theriot – 1-for-5 with his first steal. Has made 2 errors this season and scouts aren’t enamored with his defense. I never thought I’d say this but Brendan Ryan had a lot of fantasy baseball value last season. For STL pitchers that is. Carpenter, Garcia, and Westbrook are all ground ball pitchers. Downgrading on SS defense would seemingly be the last thing you’d want to do. Oh well, at least us fantasy baseballers get to enjoy Theriot’s mediocre offense.
Matt Holliday – He’s saying that he doesn’t need a DL trip and can return in a week. He’s kinda sexy and I kinda love him. Get well soon, Mr. Holliday! That’s me filling out the card for the edible arrangement I’m sending him. Don’t judge!