Dallas Braden has 200 major league innings under his belt and his K/9 IP is a little bit over 5. In 180 IP, that’s 100 Ks. In other words, not good. In other other words, blech. In other other other words, there is no such thing as other other other words. Dallas’s 10 Ks is more a condemnation of the Mariners’ hitting (were they wearing their fielding gloves instead of batting gloves?) than something warranting reevaluation of Braden’s status as an okay 4th/5th starter in AL-only leagues. He’s not a mixed league option at this point. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Snell – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks. Before you get any ideas, Ryan Sweeney is the A’s three hole hitter. Ryan Sweeney sounds like the captain of your high school soccer team. Kevin Kouzmanoff is the A’s cleanup hitter. The Padres didn’t even want Kouzmanoff. ‘Nuff said on him. Ellis, Buck and Pennington is the bottom of their order. That’s a lacrosse team. Half of this lineup is playing the wrong sport. That’s why Snell pitched well, Baby Jessica.
Corey Hart – 0-for-3. Jim Edmonds could’ve done that.
Casey McGehee – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs, HR yesterday. I begrudgingly let Rudy draft him on one of our teams. Not only did he hit a homer yesterday, but he did it against my Razzball pitcher, Greg Smith. Dance, whammies, dance.
Rickie Weeks – 1-for-2, HR and a steal yesterday. If he can stay healthy, he can do the same as Brandon Phillips.
Randy Wolf – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 Ks and the Win as he got the run support that eluded him last year. This is the kind of start you’ll get from Wolf, maybe a little less on the Ks. He’ll get similar results to the guy Doug Davis sees in the mirror if his mirror is set to 5 years ago.
Marcus Thames – 0-for-1, but as soon as the lefty was lifted Brett Gardner came into the game. I wouldn’t let this affect my ownage of Gardner. Yeah, ownage is a word. I ownage mittens. See?
Robinson Cano – 2-for-3 with a HR yesterday. Earlier in his career (ya know, like 2008), he wasn’t great in the 1st half. He shook that shizz off last year and looks to be doing it again.
Curtis Granderson – 1-for-4 as he batted in the nine hole vs. a lefty. Why? Because there is no ten hole.
Adrian Beltre – 2-for-4 and a steal. It’s only two games (hey, Mr. Obvious, don’t forget to tell everyone you’re breathing), but Beltre has looked good so far. If there wasn’t that whole righty-lefty thing going on in the Sawx’s lineup, Beltre should be batting above Old Papi.
Joe Mauer – HR yesterday. Coming after I called him a schmohawk? J’accuse! Oh, wait, it was J. Saunders. He also served one up to J. Morneau and J.J. Hardy. J’figures!
Scott Kazmir – Says he should be ready to go next week vs. the Yankees. He’s in the Bennis Carpensheeter family tree. He’s the uncle who sells tea leaves at the weekly flea market. Kazmir was solid with the Angels last year with a 1.73 ERA and 1.05 WHIP, but, as I tell my girlfriend, beware the small sample size. It was only 36 1/3 innings. In 111 innings last year with the Rays, he had a 5.92 ERA and a 1.54 WHIP. His WHIP tends to be ugly and his FIP hasn’t been below 4 since 2007. There’s the risk, now proceed if you like.
Nick Blackburn – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 4 Ks. This was a good start for Blackburn. That isn’t a good thing.
Jon Rauch – 1 IP, 2 Ks and his 1st Save. Wouldn’t be weird to see him get 35 more of them.
Mike Napoli – Mathis started again. Maybe Napoli can get the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League to make him their new cause célèbre or maybe they can get Napoli on Jersey Shore, Season 2.
Chris Johnson – 0-for-4 as he started at 3rd base. Look at Ed Wade showing his toupee who’s the boss. “Listen here toupee, I’m starting one of my no hype, no walk rookies!” Toupee, “I want Blum back in there for game three.” You know who the real loser in this is? All of those fans that bought tickets to The Juice Box to see Geoff Blum play. “But he was starting for Opening Day! I need barbecue. Stat!” At 25, Chris Johnson led the Astros in homers in Spring Training. I doubt he led them in walks. In the minors, there were some years he didn’t even crack a .300 OBP. In deep and NL-Only leagues where 3rd base is very shallow, Johnson’s a name to look at.
Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks. Wasn’t the prettiest game, but can’t blame the Wandwagon when the only offense the Astros get is from Blanc0 Polanco.
Barry Zito – 6 IP, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks. Did I mention the Astros’ offense? If it were a horse, it would be glue.
Adam Jones – 3-for-5, HR. Mr. Jones is gonna be a big, big star.
Matt Wieters – 2-for-4, HR. I will now shake my fist at the sky for everyone who drafted him last year and not this year.
Mike Gonzalez – 1/3, 2 ER, blown save. RT @ScottDowns Managers don’t want lefty closers because of their precious matchups. Don’t give them more reasons, Mike Gonzalez. #CureScottDownsSyndrome
Chase Headley – 4-for-9 and a steal so far this season. He’s like Charley Lau up in this piece!
Everth Cabrera – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and a steal. In the 7th, Everth Cabrera twisted his ankle. In the 8th, he stole a base. In the 9th, he explained what the hell was going on in last night’s Lost episode.
Chris Young – 6 IP, 4 baserunners, 0 ER, 5 Ks and not one baserunner stole against him. I would definitely own him if he’s out there. I’m not quite fully back with my confidence in him, but I was once a big believer. Maybe if I see Chris Young’s likeness on a piece of gum my faith will be restored.
Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 2nd homer last night. He’s a big time 1st half performer. If you’re gonna own him, now is the time.
Chad Qualls – 1 IP, 1ER. Kazaam!
Dexter Fowler – 1-for-4 as he started for Seth Smith…. Or is it Seth Smith starting for him? I’m so confused. Pick one, please. Or someone Tonya Harding Brad Hawpe’s knee.
Ian Stewart – 3-for-4, double, triple and home run yesterday. FoxTrax unveiled a new feature in a similar vein as their controversial glow puck. When a home run ball leaves the yard, its trajectory leaves a rainbow. It only works for Ian Stewart.