Carlos Zambrano moves to the bullpen. Whaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? Somewhere, Dusty Baker just tipped his “Crazy Manager Move” hat to Sweet Lou. Dusty, “After Harang complained of arm soreness, I needed him for another 140 pitches the next day, so I fashioned a pitching arm out of rubber bands and a dead giraffe. Some saw that as crazy, but this Big Z move takes the cake.” Are the Cubs building a new and improved frankencloser, Carlos Zambarmol? Close game, two men on, starter’s tiring… You want Carlos Zambrano entering the game or leaving it? That’s not even rhetorical. That’s common sense, isn’t it? As Lou ever seen Zambrano pitch? This is the guy you want coming into pressure situations? Wow, what a move. I want to say there’s no way this move lasts, but Zambrano’s also not that valuable to wait it out. Lose him in fantasy like Sweet Lou lost his mind. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Alfonso Soriano – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and he hit his 2nd homer as he bats .327 on the year. He also has one more steal than Alcides Escobar. Not as glamorous as he used to be, but should get to a 25/10 year, assuming the knees he borrowed from The Mummy hold up.
Carlos Silva – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. I’m convinced, Silva is the smoke monster.
Jose Guillen – Hit his 6th homer yesterday. He’s on pace for 64.8 homers. What a joke. You can’t hit eight tenths of a homer. Everyone knows that.
Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks with the no decision. The first and only trade Rudy and I did with each other was me sending him Melky Cabrera for Zack Greinke. It was in 2008, so it wasn’t as obnoxiously awesome as it might sound. Though, it was close. The Razzball Glossary term that evolved from that trade was Greinke’d, as in “Rudy got Greinke’d!” After about a year of me mocking Rudy, the term was removed from the glossary because it became archaic (and Rudy cried). Now I propose the return of Greinke’d, but with a new, alternative definition. When a pitcher throws a gem, but gets a no decision he’s been Greinke’d. Roll it around on your tongue, see how it feels.
Alex Gonzalez – Staying in the Alex genre, Gonzalez hit his 5th homer yesterday. Worth riding the coaster until the bottom falls out? Sure.
Rafael Furcal – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs and a steal. Furcal: Resurrection.
Matt Kemp – Hit his 7th homer. Hey, 30/30, what’s up? Say hello to your mother for me.
Neftali Feliz – I think he can probably throw 12 no-hit innings. That is all.
Julio Borbon – 3-for-5, should’ve been 4-for-5 if the scorer didn’t botch a call, and a steal. Borbon will appear in tomorrow’s Buy/Sell, but you might want to buy him now. Cust kayin’.
Josh Hamilton – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and a home run. Finally, the 2008 Home Run Derby jinx ends.
Darnell McDonald – Hit another homer. Maybe he’s this year’s Randy Ruiz. Hits 7 homers then transforms back into Nadir Bupkus.
Josh Beckett – 7 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners, 4 Ks. I wouldn’t panic, Red State Jeter always has a few games like this.
Brian Fuentes – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, Blown Save. Welcome back! I wouldn’t drop Rodney until you see a clean save.
Mark Ellis – Placed on the 15-day D’Ellist. Okay, I’ll stop.
Placido Polanco – Left the game after getting hit by a Tim Hudson pitch on the elbow. Somewhere, Shawn Michaels’ elbow says, “Pfft.”
Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. Halladay was Rudy’s preseason NL Cy Young choice. Rudy’s right. Halladay’s pitching so well it makes me wonder how many more Wins and awards he’d have if he had pitched in the NL East for the last 7 years.
Cliff Lee – The Adverb is set to return on April 30th. Hopeful Lee.
Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks. Imagine if this guy could go 9 innings.
Jason Marquis – The Marquis de Shat heads to the Disgraceful List. His home away from home.
Ryan Zimmerman – Left the game with a hamstring injury similar to the one he suffered last week. A bad pattern is emerging. If he continues to have hamstring injuries on again, off again all year, it could really hurt his numbers. Probably best if he just sits out for a week. The preceding sentence was my attempt to put the correct move out in the cosmos for the Nats. We’ll see if The Secret works.
Nick Hundley – Hit his 2nd homer as he bats .265. He’s my Fantasy Razzball catcher, that is supposed to give me the worst stats, and he’s actually out hitting most of my real teams’ catchers. I should be fingercuffing him. Yeah, that sounds wrong.
Francisco Liriano – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. In the Yahoo Friends and Family League (I think I’m in the former group, but I haven’t seen one of my uncles in about 12 years. Unkie Funston? Could be.), Rudy and I traded Jenks for Maybin and Francisco Liriano. You can’t make this stuff up. No, really, you can’t. The league is public. You’d know if I were lying.
Grady Sizemore – 0-for-4 as he bats .191. After seeing his sexting photo, I didn’t think Sizemore could do anything more degradying this year. He might be proving me wrong.
Sean Rodriguez – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his first homer. You know that guy you drop that immediately starts hitting? Could be Sean-Rod. Lord knows Zobrist isn’t hitting anything.
Wade Davis – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Let’s jump in the hot tub time machine and see what I said in the starter rankings, “The nice thing about Davis is he may actually give you close to a complete season (200 innings). The bad is his walks haven’t been great.” And that’s me quoting me! So far, he’s been pretty on point. 17 innings, 13 Ks, 11 BBs and a 2.65 ERA. There could be some ugliness down the road, but he definitely has the talent to keep his ERA around 3.50.
Jerry Blevins – Left the game with an injury. Oh, no. The Beav!
Chad Qualls – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. I went back to the last Closer Look and counted five comments questioning Qualls in the Brain Freeze section. *Grey shrugs* I grabbed Gutierrez again in three leagues.
Colby Rasmus -3-for-4, 3 RBIs, 2 home runs. 20/20’s not out of the question.
Phil Hughes – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit, 10 Ks. He actually flirted with a no-hitter without injuring himself!
Aaron Harang – 5 2/3 IP, 12 baserunners, 6 ER. Rocco Dispirito’s Mom called. She wants her meatballs back.