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When Grey asked me if I wanted to be the creeper of the week, I thought I was being scolded for inappropriate behavior in the comments section. What a relief it was when I found out I would get to write for the readers on a weekly basis talking about Creepers. After doing some research, I’ve found out that to be a good creeper you need a good pair of binoculars, a really nice van, and a list….lipstick optional.  Unfortunately I didn’t need the binoculars or the van to write this article, but I’ll keep them anyway. Though the list has been valuable and the lipstick is quite empowering,  I think it it’s time to get this party started. I started with a list and whittled it down and realized there were too many young guys people have taken flyers on. But what I did see was a lot of veteran streaky hot schomatato types. As I sat here digging through the piles of the unwanted to find that one guy that should be available in most 12-team leagues and usable in terms of SAGNOF, HR’s, great park/matchups, I came across a name we all know and love to hate…..Adam Dunn (14.3% owned).

Before I move on to the meat of this sandwich I want to pledge to you Razzicans of the fantasy baseball kind to be the most honorable creepiest Creeper I can be. I will do my best to live up to the high bar set by last years creeper, my former football editor and the man that gives gas as a gift……Sky. My creepers will be less than 20% owned in ESPN and be usable in the next week to plug and play. [Ed. Note– That’s what she said.]

The other day I came across this not so great movie that had a great concept, but failed to capitalize on the pure genius of that concept by plugging in bad actors. I think it’s ready and ripe for a re-make. The plot described as “A homicidal escaped mental patient with a brain tumor and only a month to live meets a childlike mentally challenged traveling companion for a cross-country car trip that brings unexpected meaning to both their lives“. The not-classic Homer and Eddie stars Whoopi and John Belushi’s little brother in a road trip buddy flick where who really cares what happens in the end. It’s not worth watching, trust me, and plays right into my creeper of the week title. Adam Dunn is a part of hollywood these days after his acting debut (no lines) and monetary investment into the Academy Award winning Dallas Buyers Club. If anyone out there is big enough to pull off playing two roles, it’s the Donkey.  Just as he can kill your team batting average real quick, he can also blast home runs in bunches that will make you as giddy as Smokey in Amsterdam. One thing I learned is when your season starts, you want to get counting stats early and often. It gives you the fuzzies and makes you believe this will be the year. Adam “the Donkey” Dunn has some great match-ups in the first 8 games of the 2014 season and a chance to hit a few HR’s. He opens the season vs. the Twins against three right-handers, and gets them in the hitter friendly U.S. Cellular Field. Most particularly, he gets Kevin Correia who he has a .3oo avg and three home runs against. Next he travels to Kansas City where he gets two more right handed pitchers and the lefty he has some of his best success against, Bruce Chen (.333 avg and 2HR). Over the last two years Dunn has hit 12 HR’s vs. the Twins and 10 vs. the Royals….bullpen beware. One last thing, after the KC series, he has a trip to Colorado that may or may not lead to any at bats, but I would hold him and see if he gets a rogue start against one of their right-handed pitchers.

Before I leave you, I want to do a little promoting for our Razzball Radio host and the man who has been advising you on a weekly basis…..Mr. Nick Capozzi. He’s the one holding Grey and helping Kenny Chesney stand up.  We are kicking off the Razzball Radio You Tube Channel where you can go to view all of Nick’s video’s….sorry guys, only the ones that relate to Razzball. Show your support for Nick, Grey, Rudy and all of the Razzball Universe by subscribing to our channel…..you have been advised!

From Around The Web

  1. Tehol Beddict says:
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    First

  2. I’ll be checking back for all your creeper articles. This is the info that can win you a fantasy title.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Fantasy Ballblogger: thanks buddy, we take it one game at a time and on pant leg….wait, scratch that, we don’t wear pants around here

  3. OaktownSteve says:
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    You consider Konerko stealing some ABs from Dunn? Maybe more of a streamer than a guy who could be owned for me. Should still have a high hr/pa rate though and there is value in that on the right formats.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @OaktownSteve: definitely a stacker. Honestly, I have no idea why they brought Konerko back, I guess as insurance for Abreau….moral support….spiritual guide….managerial training. Dunn gets the righties, Konerko gets the lefties.

  4. Sky

    Sky says:
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    A retarded man get help from a sociopathic woman when tries to reunite with his dying father, who years earlier disowned him.

    That’s the synopsis on IMDB. So I’m guessing Homer wrote it.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Sky: the big ad on the cover is to remind you this movie is directed by the same genius mind that brought you Tango and Cash.

      • Principal Blackman says:
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        @J-FOH: Oddly and shockingly enough this guy also worked as a writer on Andrei Tarkovsky’s first three feature films.

          • Principal Blackman says:
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            @J-FOH: If nothing else, the above is clearly evident based on this information.

              • Principal Blackman says:
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                @J-FOH: It’s the ‘merican way.

  5. Bream Dreams says:
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    Would you bench Tango, Cash, or Arenado this week for the Big Donkey?

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Bream Dreams: assuming you own both Dunn and Arenado I would rather play Dunn vs. Minnesota over Nolan @ Miami in the opening series, at the least the first two games. I’m basing that purely on park factors and Dunn’s success vs. the Twins.

  6. Chicken Dinner says:
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    Any creeper appeal here?

    Delgado,Nicasio, Morales (RP eligible)

      • Chicken Dinner says:
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        @J-FOH: 14 teams deep, so I need at least ONE creep. I’ve got a spot I need to fill. You don’t have to rank but I hope you will.

          • Chicken Dinner says:
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            @J-FOH: Thanks, me thoughts as well. He can deal. If figured out command I think he has a good year. How about Morrison?

            • J-FOH

              J-FOH says:
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              @Chicken Dinner:
              I chose Nicasio because he was the only one not pitching in Colorado this week. His 7/2 K/BB ratio in spring is promising.

              LoMo, I think playing time and injuries will be aa n issue for him, do you have other options?

              • Chicken Dinner says:
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                @J-FOH: EYJr, Viciedo, Bourjous. H2H point BTW

                • Chicken Dinner says:
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                  @Chicken Dinner: AH, I was refering to value on the year. Shoulda specified.

                  • J-FOH

                    J-FOH says:
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                    @Chicken Dinner: I don’t like LoMo on the year, Schomtato at best

  7. gareth says:
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    Hey j-foh,

    Would you say josh Willingham has relevance this week? He would qualify as a creeper (7.7 % owned in espn) and plays 6 away games (3 @ cws, 3 @ Cle). He’s on my bench right now and would displace either revere or Fowler as the 5th outfielder.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: looks like the matchups vs. Quintana and Paulino are very favorable for Willingham. Vs. Sale and all the Cleveland games are a no go.

  8. gareth says:
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    Ben Revere and rajai Davis: These guys are similarly ranked in Grey’s rankings and I have both these guys on my roster right now to do basically the same thing – SAGNOF!

    What do you prefer?

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: I prefer Davis as my SAGNOFer over Fowler when he starts. Watch your line ups

      • gareth says:
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        Is Willingham droppable over the guys I mentioned?

        Out of revere, Fowler, Willingham, Rajai, khris davis and latrine Hawkins – im looking to unload someone so I can open up a streaming spot on my roster.

        • J-FOH

          J-FOH says:
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          @gareth: willingham

  9. gareth says:
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    Customary third comment.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: G3!

    • Bane Cat says:
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      @gareth:

      Calm down gareth, now is not the time for fear. That comes later.

      • J-FOH

        J-FOH says:
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        @Bane Cat: off the ledge kitty

  10. Principal Blackman says:
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    Drop my SP8 (Hutchison) to plug an play Dunn based on matchups? For instance, I’d probably sit Arcia (v Sale) in favor of Dunn on Monday.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Principal Blackman: I like the Hutch flyer right now. What are your other SP’s?

      • Principal Blackman says:
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        @J-FOH: jo-fer, bailey, liriano, masterson, salazar, smyly, and perez.

        • J-FOH

          J-FOH says:
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          @Principal Blackman: excuse my little rant for a moment, it has nothing to do with you but WHY? are people all into the Texas staff, besides Darvish or a healthy Holland I see very little value in them. The K/9’s are not good and the home park sucks. I honestly would rather have Hutch over Perez and use the extra spot on a nice low whip high k/9 MR like Brian Wilson

          • Principal Blackman says:
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            @J-FOH: Rant heard. To be honest I was just planning on streaming Perez vs the lefty heavy Phils lineup. I’m not a big fan of any part of the Texas rotation this year (excepting the-too-expensive-for-me-to-own Darvish). So maybe I just cut Perez loose since he sucked so badly last year against same-handed hitting.

            • J-FOH

              J-FOH says:
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              @Principal Blackman: this time of year I am more interested in upside flyers than streaming, honestly, I don’t start really streaming til late june early July when we have enough in season data to make good choices

              • Principal Blackman says:
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                @J-FOH: That makes sense.

                • J-FOH

                  J-FOH says:
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                  @Principal Blackman: It’s how I’ve always done it. I always get burned more often than not when I stream early in the year

  11. mattH says:
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    creeper of the week! Look forward to your picks this year. Let the season begin.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @mattH: Thanks Matt, looking forward to it too

  12. Shake N Bacon says:
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    Nice call on Dunn. I think using your util spot as a revolving door for good matchups (Dunn vs. Righties, Chris Carter Vs. lefties, ect…) is a good strategy. I’ll be closely following your creepers.

    I’m liking Pierzynski as a sleeper catcher in Baltimore this week. I’m not sure if he’s owned in less than 20% of ESPN leagues though. Seeing as he plays for the Red Sox, i’m guessing that isn’t the case. #NewEnglandBias!

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Shake N Bacon: He’s 49.3% owned. Not in the Creeper class. I expect you here every Sunday…we clear?

      I like the Platoony Tunes in Utility this year. I am doing Morneau and Smoak in one league…..

      • Shake N Bacon says:
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        @J-FOH: Sir yes sir!

        Yeah you are doing the Morneau and Smoak thing in the league I’m in. You could have a good Frankenstein Util guy by the end of the year.

        • J-FOH

          J-FOH says:
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          @Shake N Bacon: I’m such a rosterbater that I’ll drop Smoak when he goes on an 0-12 stretch

          BTW, with all that DL, you should probably dump Webb for a Utility bat

          • Shake N Bacon says:
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            @J-FOH: Yeah, i’ve been rosterbating a bit this weekend, as you’ve seen. My team is a MASH unit for sure.

            Hmm, I just noticed that we have no limit on games started for offense? So you basically want to have someone starting at every position everyday. I’m used to a 162 games played limit, so I pick my spots wisely at Util and OF. Hmm, guess dropping Webb is a good idea.

            • J-FOH

              J-FOH says:
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              @Shake N Bacon: It’s a good idea to try and maximize it the best you can, I wouldn’t be dropping good people to do it, but what you are willing to hold on to will definitely change. You have bourn on your bench because you have no more DL spots, and if it was me I would dump him….but that’s just me.

              • Shake N Bacon says:
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                @J-FOH: Yeah I’ve considered it. I’m on the fence. If he doesn’t steal 30 bags this year, he’s replacement level. I’d rather not start Oswaldo against Sale tomorrow (lefty/lefty matchup).

                Your jedi mind tricks are working, I’m thinking of dropping Bourn

                • J-FOH

                  J-FOH says:
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                  @Shake N Bacon: I swear I will not add him….right away. I just saw who you added, the two guys I was going to tell you to add….your Jedi powers are increasing

                  • Shake N Bacon says:
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                    @J-FOH: Ha. Well I just saw the Padres lineup for tonight and figured I wanted a reason to watch the game…so I dropped Pagan and picked up Denorfia, hitting in the two-hole tonight.

                    I like that you can pick up guys the day of the game and plug them in. I can’t do that in my yahoo keeper league.

                    I’m definitely an RCL NOOB.

                    • J-FOH

                      J-FOH says:
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                      @Shake N Bacon: There are lots of different strategies to employ. I’ll add guys day of to stream in a hitting slot, stream a good MR who hasn’t thrown in a couple of days and grab closer handcuffs when the current closer has gone back to back days or three in a row

                  • Shake N Bacon says:
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                    @J-FOH: Yeah, I like those strategies. Good to know we can do that in the RCL leagues.

                    Thanks for the 411.

  13. gareth says:
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    So as part of this new razzball column, do you also linger around children’s playgrounds and high schools (particularly when there is cheerleading practice) sporting a 12 o’clock shadow and a stained beige raincoat?

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: no, I’m not a Gareth impersonator. I go to all female senior citizen gyms disguised as a personal trainer

      • gareth says:
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        @J-FOH: in local news, an 89 year old lady’s family is in state of rage and confusion today as the contents of her will were read: ” I bequeath my entire fortune and country estate to mr jack full of hate, Esquire.”

        “In other news, wall street has confirmed that shares in Vape have skyrocketed……”

        • J-FOH

          J-FOH says:
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          @gareth: Mrs. Goldstein was a wonderful woman

  14. de nachos says:
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    thanks JFOH. Maybe I’ll take dunn for a buck tonight instead of super-reaching for a Maikel Franco or Yasiel Puig’s younger brother Puerco to fill out my bench. Like you said, stats in April count the same as in September.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @de nachos: its a marathon and not a sprint…..every step gets you closer til the end…..a rock with no moss gather less home runs

  15. gareth says:
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    Im actually starting to get creeped out by all these new CAT themed posters on here.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: Catpocalypse Now!

      • RotisserieJedi says:
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        @J-FOH: OK. THAT little sequence was hilarious!

        • J-FOH

          J-FOH says:
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          @RotisserieJedi: we amuse and inform all in one

  16. The Guru

    The Guru says:
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    Was that you creeping ’round my window last night? I grabbed Dunn in an OPS league for $2. Seemed like a wise investment. Are you playing in any auction leagues? It’s my new addiction, call Dr. Drew.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @The Guru: No, I was asked to do one and never got my invite. The cool kids are keeping their cool guy parties to their cool hair selves. Back to my van I guess

      • The Guru

        The Guru says:
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        Lemme guess…Capozzi? He has no time for us plebes.

          • The Guru

            The Guru says:
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            Someday remind me to tell you my Molly Ringwald “brush with fame” story.

            • J-FOH

              J-FOH says:
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              @The Guru: you walked past her copped a feel?

              • The Guru

                The Guru says:
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                No, I did that to Judd Nelson. He is from Maine ya know.

                • J-FOH

                  J-FOH says:
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                  @The Guru: I didn’t know he was Canadian?

                  • The Guru

                    The Guru says:
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                    Watch it, o’ hateful one. Maine is the deep south of the far north!

                    • J-FOH

                      J-FOH says:
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                      @The Guru: yeah, that’s Canada

  17. I have 47 cats and one human friend that hates me says:
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    We love Adam Dunn! He donated to my cat rescue center. Shelter, if you will, there is no doubt, I will. I promptly used the donation to invest in some more cats. We tape a little mouse figurine to their cute little noses. Don’t know if you’ve ever seen the cute little Radiohead mouse. But, if you have, the cute little mouse figurine looks a lot like that cute Radiohead mouse. Anyways. We have 43 cute little cross-eyed kitties due to them staring at the cute little Radiohead mice figurines taped to their cute little noses. (Still working on the newest cutest newest 4 cute little cutey kitties. You should stop by some time if your paths ever cross. It would be so cute!

  18. gareth says:
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    I literally think this is one guy doing these………….

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: the …………. or the disguises?

      • gareth says:
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        @J-FOH: the cat disguises.

        • J-FOH

          J-FOH says:
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          @gareth: I think they are purrrrrfect

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @gareth: i think this one only did because you just brought up the other ones.

  19. gareth says:
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    They do say imitation is the highest form of flattery.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: or it can be mockery but let’s go with yours

  20. gareth says:
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    Like a maxi strength Trojan condom, im thick skinned.
    So if people want to razz on the cat thing, so be it.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @gareth: the claws are out

    • Bane Cat says:
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      @gareth:

      Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

      Theatricality and deception, powerful agents to the uninitiated, but we are initiated aren’t we, gareth? Members of the League of Shadows. And you betrayed us.

      • J-FOH

        J-FOH says:
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        @Bane Cat: I’m going to leave you two to this one

      • gareth says:
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        @Bane Cat: No. Sean Connery did.

  21. Fish says:
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    Re: “That’s what she said.”

    I’m confused. Do they make an Adam Dunn blowup doll for women to “plug and play?”

    I need a cold shower.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Fish: where was that

  22. PREz says:
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    Alex torres > brian wilson

    That is all.

    Meow.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @PREz: yup, this one game defines the whole season. I think you would be more suited for Tehols audience and the gut style of play you two have in common.

      • PREz says:
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        @J-FOH: torres over wilson all year.. This game.. Whenever..

  23. Birdmann says:
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    All this cat talk makes me nervous. Dodgers don’t become the first team to start three and ohh, before everyone opens the season. I feel they have the same hype machine that the Blue Jays got last year going. By the way great article I know you can handle this creeper thing J-Foh mostly because of your love of lipstick. Not real big on picking plug/rent a players this early in the season but I did use a couple of Sky’s from last year, these will be coming out on Sundays correct?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Birdmann: you know they will be coming out Sunday. In ESPN format it’s common…Yahoo and the restraints they put on you it’s not advisable that often. Thanks though be sure to tip your waitress

  24. Kid A says:
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    Good stuff Jackson.

    Dunn seems to work best when consumed in small quantities(!). Grab him while he is streaking, then drop him at the first sign of the chill.

    Speaking of streaking, I just saw Hittertron running down the street yelling something about Donkey being an $18 batty call for tomorrow.
    He was covered in hydraulic fluid and headed to a 3-way with a ’94 Chevy Cavalier and an EZ-Bake oven.
    Dude is into the kink.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Kid A: Thanks

      Hitter tron did me a solid. I hooked him up with one of my old BBQ’s last week.

      If Dunn is $18 for Monday then he has to be $22 for Wednesday’s game. He friggin kills Correia

  25. Clint says:
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    Cool. Now that Dunn’s part of Hollywood and all, maybe my prediction when I first he announced he must be Will Farrell’s long lost twin will come to fruition and fate will bestow upon us the mother of all sequel’s, Step Brothers 2: The Triplet? Or, perhaps Anchorman 3: Evil Ron? Talladega Nights 2: The Rise of Bobby Ricky?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Clint: all good titles, maybe a bio pic of Will Ferrell starring Dunn in the lead role

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