It’s nice when your chickens come home to roost. Sure, chickens coming home to roost is usually used to indicate a negative, but whoever heard of roosted chickens not being delicious. Lemon pepper, rosemary and roosted chickens is my favorite menu item and this Chinese restaurant has the best #3 in town. So, now, chickens coming home to roost is a positive and so is Todd Frazier with two jacks yesterday like Nicholson in Mars Attacks!. Frazier has long been a favorite of mine — we were younger then, and you had more hair. I hit you with a sleeper post for him in 2013 and again this offseason. There I said, “(Frazier) dropped his K-rate from 22.2% in 2012 to 20.8% last year. This was counteracted by a falling line drive rate (22.4% to 18.1%). Make weak contact and balls get caught and your BABIP falls. His fly ball rate fell too. When a fly ball rate falls in a hitters’ park, your power numbers appear less than desirable. Cause and effin’ effect or effin’ affect or affin’ effect or affin’ affect. BTW, what’s a humpageddon? A pornmanteau. Take it, it’s yours. The good news is when Frazier did hit a home run, he hit them a long way (average distance was 403 feet). He was right there at the top of the league for guys who averaged the longest distance per home run. When he hit six homers (this past) September in only 88 ABs, it showed the player he can be every month.” And that’s me quoting me! Still, love Frazier, unlike a lot of you since he’s only owned in 50% of leagues. I’d absolutely grab him if he were available in my league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Homer Bailey – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. “Homer Bailey, this is Clarence. Your angel. I’m here to show you what life would be like if you didn’t bomb occasionally. See this? This is Grey’s scalp. Notice how there’s no hair getting ripped out? That’s the difference.”
Jay Bruce – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his first homer. BRUUUUUUUUUCE!
Matt Adams – 3-for-5, 2 runs. All he does is hit! Did I say hit? I meant eat.
Doug Fister – Didn’t resume throwing yesterday as originally planned, but his recovery is moving forward in other ways. Damn, he sounds so emotionally stable. Probably because he doesn’t own himself in fantasy!
Anthony Rendon – 1-for-1, 1 run. Didn’t start yesterday because Matt Williams wants to get Danny Espinosa in there a game or two a week. In one hand, Williams has a better hitter and a chance to win. In the other hand, Williams has getting Espinosa at-bats. In his third hand, Williams has his brain because it’s not in his head.
Ryan Zimmerman – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs and a home run. This big day comes on the heels of an announcement that Jordan Zimmermann would miss Thursday’s start with the flu. Coincidence? What if there’s only enough karma in the world for one Zimmerman? Maybe this is why Bob Dylan now sounds like a dying lawnmower. Conspiracy? I don’t know.
Tanner Roark – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. Mr. Roark, making fantasies come true for those that picked him up in NL-Only leagues and just need a half-decent starter.
Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. He gets the Braves, Diamondbacks and Braves for his next three starts, which is less than ideal, then I plan on picking him up off waivers for his late-April start against the Marlins, because I bet his owners will be fed up with him after his first four starts.
Angel Pagan – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st home run. Someone commented yesterday that they loved Pagan irrationally and I asked them why, but they didn’t respond, I might’ve scared them off. I didn’t think anyone loved Pagan who wasn’t related to him. Could that have been his sister, Angela Pagan? All of this is not to say Pagan can’t be productive for your fantasy team. But love him? Really? It’s like loving Domino’s pizza. I mean, it’s okay. But love?
Brandon Belt – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer. I need to post a question on Yahoo! Answers. “How come whenever I see Brandon Belt’s name I hear a mangled version of the AutoZone jingle? ‘Get into the Zone, He’s in the Zone.'”
Tim Lincecum – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Not a terrible start by Lincecum, but it says a lot that I now consider a 6 IP, 4 ER start okay for Lincecum.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his first home run. Au Shizz! (I’ll be honest, it’s not as fun now that I don’t own him.)
Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd home run. I have a sneaking suspicion that Trumbo is going to have a monster year. Let’s just say it’s a gut call like when I call up a frenemy, fart into the phone and then hang up.
Chris Owings – 2-for-4 and his 2nd steal. Give me your password and I’ll go in and pick him up for you.
Aaron Hill – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI and his first steal. Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have dropped him for Kolten Wong! I’m kidding. You people — yes, you people! — need to seriously stop making rash decisions. You’re doing damage to your team by looking at what a guy has done in three games vs. what they’ve done over full seasons. It’s been one series. If this were a series in August, you wouldn’t even notice, because you’d be playing fantasy football due to the crazy drops you did in April. Chillax!
Kevin Gausman – Could be called up for Saturday if there’s a doubleheader. YAY! Would be a one game type deal and then sent back down. OH.
Ivan Nova – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners (5 BBs), 1 K. Is Nova better than CC right now? Yes. In yesterday’s game? Oh, hell no.
Jason Castro – Left game after being hit by an Ivan Nova pitch. The US government will be awarding Nova with a Purple Heart for taking out Castro.
Yangervis Solarte – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 1 RBI in his first major league start. Looks like Yangervis is starting against lefties at 3rd base over Kelly Johnson. So, who is Yangervis? Yangervis used to go by Yngervis and play ice hockey for the Croatian National team, for a while he operated a Jewish deli in LA by the name of Yanger’s, and he’s an old prospect who has never shown much of anything. He looks like an 8-homer, .250 hitting infielder with no speed.
Roenis Elias – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. Hey, it’s my NFBC Placeholder 9! Roenis is a solid gamble in AL-Only leagues, but I still wouldn’t bother with him in most mixed leagues.
Jesse Chavez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. Chavez, the pitcher, not the Spanish word for the rubbing of a wet bathing suit on inner thighs, looked almost exactly as he should. Marginal deep mixed league flyer, and a decent gamble in AL-Only leagues. But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — he gets the Twins next and that’s a hard start to turn down in any leagues.
Coco Crisp – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam & legs. What a sellout! Coco Crisp, you’re supposed to be all about the boxed cereal, then you go with the slam & legs? A shame really.
Casey McGehee – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs, and now leading the major leagues in just about every offensive category. Of course, it’s still very early, but no reason you have to watch a hot schmotato on waivers and not act on it. If only squid-related erotic anime had as much success as Casey McGehee coming back from Japan.
Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, and continuing to hit every pitch hard. He’s gonna be in this afternoon’s Buy because Marcell Ozuna is the Grey Crush of the Moment. That’s Grey, no silent R. Not that there’s anything wrong with silent R’s.
Adeiny Hechavarria – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and hitting .500 through three games, and he could be hitting .200 through five games. Control, Adeiny, Delete.
Corey Dickerson – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a steal. Don’t worry, Walt Weiss was still able to get Blackmon into the game. Maybe Weiss is worried if Blackmon doesn’t play, the NAACP will protest Rockie games.
Michael Cuddyer – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his first home run. This has nothing to do with Cuddyer, because you know what he is anyway. Instead, while I was writing this blurb I was thinking about how an unintended consequence of so much instant replay is that it now feels a lot less likely that a manager will absolutely lose his shizz. Can you imagine Lou Piniella arguing with a guy in a headset, looking at a video monitor? Okay, maybe if he’s in a booth with Chris Berman, but otherwise no.
Wil Myers – Was scratched from yesterday’s game due to the flu. Givenchy!
Chris Archer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. Loved Archer coming into this year, but don’t think I got him on any teams. I say ‘don’t think’ because I’m not sure; I have too many teams. I do not say I have too many teams to sound cool. Not that having too many fantasy teams is cool in any universe.
Evan Longoria – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his first home run. I skipped over Longoria in my RCL draft to get Pujols with the 2nd pick even though I have them reversed in my rankings. So, you should know that if I don’t mention Longo again this year, it’s not because I don’t like him, it’s because it hurts too much.
David DeJesus – 2-for-5, 2 runs. No one’s talking about this guy because he’s boring as dog balls, but he’s hitting leadoff and I could see him surprising into a top 40 outfielder.
Brandon Morrow – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. His old MO was to be great but never healthy. Glad to see he’s shaking that stigma.
Felix Doubront – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. Was one of those sneaky picks I drafted in deep leagues, because I like Doubront’s outside chance for lots of Ks. That hasn’t changed, but I do think in leagues where Doubront is startable, he’s probably owned already.
Xander Bogaerts – 3-for-4, 2 runs, hitting .556. In this week’s podcast, Bogaerts was the hyped prospect I named as a guy that I didn’t think would break out until 2015. I stand by that, but Bogaerts is trying to prove me wrong. Anyway, what about Grady Sizemore?! Hype Machine, give me the lowdown! Hype Machine, “He didn’t play. But he could’ve hit four homers if he had.” Thanks, Hype Machine!
Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th steal. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy, but you got a disease I call Matt Williams Brain if you need to wait until then to add him.
Mike Olt – 1-for-3 and his first home run. Damn, if only there were more lefties… *wavy lines* “Why are people protesting bear claws, the pastry?” Omniscient Voice, “Because, Grey, you wondered what it would be like in a world with more lefties.” “I wondered what it would be like in a world with more left-handers, not more liberals.” Omniscient Voice, “That is my bad.”
Jason Hammel – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks. The Pirates look like their bats haven’t made it yet from Spring Training, so while it’s inspirational to think Hammel is back, he was never really somewhere that exciting to return to. Maybe you were thinking of Jason Heyward, cause he looks back.
Pedro Strop – Got the save yesterday because Jose Veras had blown the game the night before and the Cubs wanted Veras to sit in the bullpen and think about what he had done. Not a changing of the guard yet, but Strop will be there when the Cubs are ready because he’s a good sport, in a misspelled type of way.
Josmil Pinto – 1-for-5 and a homer. I don’t know, but it might be worth considering benching Mauer and starting Suzuki at first and Pinto behind the plate.
Chris Colabello – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs. Fun fact! In Minnesota, they call him Popbello.
Trevor Plouffe – 2-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs. As said yesterday, Plouffe runs hot and right now he’s hitting .462. Plouffe goes the hot schmotato!
Jose Quintana – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Twins. You can go to the Stream-o-Nator, if you want. Shoot, every page view is 1/180th of a penny in my pocket, but you don’t need SON to tell you to start guys vs. the Twins.
Nate Jones – 0 IP, 2 ER. Suffered an aggravation of his glute injury. And here I thought he just had a personal vendetta against weekly set fantasy lineups.
Matt Lindstrom – 1 IP, 2 ER, blown save. Damn, just when I invested in yellow Lind Strom bracelets. I know, another blown save, who would’ve guessed it? Lindstrom’s still the closer…for now (no relation to Morneau). Though I did grab Daniel Webb in one league.
Tyler Flowers – 4-for-4, 1 run. Not only did the White Sox get to face the Twins pitching, but they got Phil Hughes. The Hitter-Tron saw a nice buying opportunity for a bunch of guys in the Twins-White Sox game. The Hitter-Tron also saw a radiator that it wanted to dress in bloomers.
Alejandro De Aza – 1-for-4 and his 3rd home run in as many games. Finally, Bud Selig can make things right and schlep Maris’s family around with De Aza! Of course, you should own De Aza while he’s hitting, but it’ll be interesting to see how he and the entire White Sox team hits when it doesn’t have the Twins pitchers to pick on.
Marcus Semien – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his first home run, was also his first hit. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy, but he could be; it’s just the hundred monkeys who type up my posts checked out already. I do like him, and think he could make Gordon Beckham irrelevant like the Post Office. That sounds like one part of the whitest rap lyric ever. “Yo, lady, I got this great place off Yelp for crawfish, let’s check it out and make your boyfriend irrelevant like the Post Office.”
Adam Eaton – 1-for-3, 2 runs. Props to the White Sox. Eaton-Semien is a bold way to start an offense.