Who doesn’t love to show their frenemies their fantasy baseball teams in October and say, “Look at what I won with?” Then they see Juan Uribe and they’re confounded, “How did you win with Juan Uribe?” That is the secret to fantasy baseball in September. If you win your league, I guarantee someone will look at your team at the end of the year and be completely confused by some of the guys you own. Cliff Pennington? Robinson Tejeda? Did the other teams in your league quit? No, you’re playing hot guys. This is imperative at this time of the year. Imperative is the important word to know. Juan Uribe has not only been incredibly hot, but Uribe will confound your frenemies! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Juan Francisco – If I had to take a wild guess, I think Francisco will (try to) man the hot corner in the 2nd half of 2010 after the Reds unload Rolen for spare parts. I say (try to) because Dusty doesn’t always play rookies. Also, Francisco’s no guarantee. He feels a bit to me like Troy Glaus, or even Chris Davis without the Bill James-inspired optimism, i.e., he strikes out nearly once per game and doesn’t walk enough. He could provide some pop in deep NL-Only keepers. This isn’t for you, mixed leaguers.
Robinson Tejeda – Wouldn’t be surprised if February Grey has nice things to say about Tejeda.
Ryan Rowland-Smith – He’s been good for a while now. Like, the whole season. So is Rowland his maiden name?
Vicente Padilla – After you read Uribe and now Padilla, I’m sure many of you are going to skim the rest of the post. I don’t blame you.
Kevin Jepsen – SAGNOF!
Dan Wheeler – Could be the closer, but the Rays haven’t had a save since August. It’s kinda not worth it, but if you’re in a pinch then I’d look at Wheeler since Maddon has said Howell and Balfour are on restrictions (bed by 9, no carbs and a low pitch count) for the rest of the season.
Matt LaPorta – Look at his last week of stats. Yes, the MLP Package is finally on.
Drew Stubbs – Showing a bunch of power for a guy who looks like he wouldn’t be able to open the pickle jar.
Casey Blake – Currently murdering the ball like his brother, Robert… Well, you get it.
Brett Gardner – The Yankees are coasting into the ‘offs and Gardner could see an increase in playing time. That means steals.
Kaz Matsui – Obviously, he’s the less glamorous of the Matsuis (Matsuii?) with a markedly smaller porn collection — buy at least a raincoat, man — but no hitter has been hotter over the past week.
Cliff Pennington – Batting near .400 over the last week with a homer and a steal. And he sounds like a villain from an 80s movie — You spilled beer on my Izod!
Nick Swisher – Nick, your sideburns were just a crutch. Thank you, random italicized voice!
Yovani Gallardo – If you’re moving in the Tejedas and Uribes, you need to make room. Gallardo is getting shutdown. But he doesn’t wanna! Yeah, that’s nice. He should’ve been shut down a month ago. Now I’m worried about him for next year because of all of his innings this year. See, now you done worried me.
Chipper Jones – Lose the Glass Chipper.
B.J. Upton – Who’s the Boss? Apparently, not the Bossman.
Rich Harden – Hasn’t been good recently and now he’s getting skipped. I’m sure there’s better options out there.
Josh Hamilton – I don’t enjoy being right when I say a player is going to fail and they do. Okay, let me rephrase that. I do enjoy being right when I say someone is going to fail and they do. There, that’s better.