Jason Bourgeois was traded to Royals with Humberto Quintero. Fun fact: Did you know Humberto Quintero weighs exactly a quarter more than Humberto Quadtero? When the trade was announced, Bourgeois said he’d once and for all bring down the tyrannical rule of the Royals and restore a society where Lorenzo Cain lost 75 to 100 at-bats and The Guido Playing 2nd Base lost 100 at-bats. Bourgeois insists that a free market system for steals is essential to their success. Then Bourgeois doffed his powdered wig and asked Yuniesky Betancourt to bring him some unpasteurized cheese. Chop, chop, Piss Boy! This trade doesn’t flat out kill Cain…Sugar!’s value. It sure doesn’t help it. As I mentioned to someone in the comments right after this trade went down, Cain…Sugar! needs to perform well in April to be worth the draft gamble and if he performs well, then he’ll play and Bourgeois will see at-bats at 2nd or all over the field. I don’t think Bourgeois is worth a grab in mixed leagues yet, but he can quickly get on radars because of his ability to steal. SAGNOF! If you were looking at The Guido Playing 2nd Base for a late round flyer, he’s still worth it too. He’s in the similar predicament as Cain…Sugar!. If Giavotella hits in April, he’ll get playing time. If he didn’t hit, you’d drop him with or without Bourgeois. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Joakim Soria – Headed for Tommy John surgery. It’s fine to drop him in all leagues, except leagues that have a category for damaged ulnar collateral ligaments. In that league, you’ve got an early lead! Go pick up Brandon Webb in case he latches on with a team. There’s still been no clarity on the Royals closing shituation. Holland’s better, Broxton has experience, Crow doesn’t seem likely in front of either guy. I’m going with Holland first, and both of them in some leagues where I feel light on saves.
Derek Jeter – Has a minor calf injury. If he had a major calf injury, I’d say, “Don’t have a cow, man!” And we’d laugh. Oh, would we laugh. You and I. Are you gonna finish that peach pie? You know Grey likes peach pie? Jeter should return by Friday.
Nick Swisher – Left a game with groin tightness. In related news, A-Rod gets groin tightness when he looks at Jeter.
Daniel Bard – When the Sawx first announced Bard would start, here’s what I said, “The Sawx are toying with the idea that Daniel Bard should be in the rotation rather than as the closer. To incorrectly quote Gordon Gekko, “That’s a toy with fleas.” As a starter in the minor leagues, his ERA was 7.08 and walked 78 hitters in 75 innings. Granted, this was early on in his minor league career, but I don’t see the Sawx taking a pitcher that is actually succeeding as a reliever and stretching him out to fail. Then again, their rotation isn’t exactly five deep. Hopefully Daniel doesn’t stay *pinkie to mouth* Bard from the bullpen. Or should I say bullpun.” And that’s me quoting me! Now it’s being reported that Bard is headed back to the bullpen. I’d say I told you so… Well, I just kinda did.
Ryan Braun – Has a groin injury that he blamed on FedEx. He should be back in the next few days, assuming FedEx gets their shizz together!
Michael Morse – His lat strain may cause him to miss a few games at the start of the season. I’m not concerned at this point. If he misses a week in April, it’ll all be forgotten by May. Or beep, beep, dot, dot, slash in Morse code.
Neftali Feliz – From the files of, “Actually interesting news if I didn’t tell you to not draft him anyway,” Feliz has shoulder issues. A closer moving into the rotation + shoulder problems = Gummi Worms. Shoot, I did that math wrong. It was supposed to add up to “Stay away from at drafts.”
Chris Carpenter – Felt neck discomfort yesterday. Now seems all but certain that he’ll start the year on the DL. Carpenter’s fans feel like it’s a rainy day or Monday.
Kyle Lohse – Will start Opening Day for the Cardinals. Hey, Cards fans, there’s still a chance to go 161-1!
Hisashi Iwakuma – Will start the year in the bullpen. M’s rotation will be Felix Hernandez, Jason Vargas, Hector Noesi, Blake Beavan and Kevin Millwood. Hey, M’s fans, there’s still a chance to go 20-142! On a side note, Rudy came up with a Mariner version of the Hodgepadre for our glossary… A Marginer. A Marginer is any mediocre pitcher on the Mariners that’s worth owning when they start in Seattle. Similar to Hodgepadre. Most Marginers are Homeschoolers. Not to be confused with ex-Mariner closer Mike Schooler.
David Wright – Word out of Port St. Lucie is, doesn’t Port St. Lucie sound like an after-dinner drink? Also, Wright could play this weekend. I don’t think he’s out of the woods yet. And I’m not sure if the breadcrumb trail out of the woods is gonna lead to a 60-day DL stint or 140+ games played with weak power because he’ll be nursing an injury, but I’m not excited about either scenario.
Johan Santana – Only gave up one run in six innings, but whatever with that. I ignore spring stats, but what I’d focus on is he was only in the high-80’s with his fastball. That wouldn’t even win a SpongeBob at the local carnival. I still have a hard time recommending him as a late draft gamble. I think this year’s best case scenario is Johan throws 170 IP and gets about 140 Ks and around a 3.50 ERA. Basically, you’re hoping for Vogelsong/Mike Leake-type projections.
Orlando Hudson – You shouldn’t even be drafting O-Dog, but if you were thinking about it, he’s having groin problems. Speaking of groins, Wang’s gonna miss over a month. (BTW, if this is your first day reading Razzball, we’re not always this fascinated with groins. Not that we have anything against them… I mean, we’d have something against them if the situation presented itself… Okay, moving on…)
Shaun Marcum – Won’t miss any time in the rotation coming out of the gate because of his previously inflammed shoulder. To summarize in a pithy fashion, Marcum down to start.
Mike Adams – Joe Nathan has looked like a beast this spring. I’m not using “like a beast” in some cool, hip phrasing. Do I seem cool or hip to you? I have a mustache, for crikey’s sake! I mean, he’s looked like a beast as Mary Shelley would’ve liked that phrase used. If you heard the podcast yesterday, you know this already. By early summer, Nathan’s headed for the Disgraceful List and Adams will be the closer. I’d be more surprised if it happened later than early summer than early early summer. Glad I clarified that!
Carlos Marmol – Left a game with a hand cramp, but the MRI showed no nerve damage. To get rid of his cramps, the doctor told him to eat a pint of ice cream and watch Sex and the City reruns.