There really is no place like home if you play for the Rockies. Charlie Blackmon aka Chuck Nazty knows this better than anyone, and helped Colorado drop 12 runs on Arizona yesterday at Coors. Now slashing .563/.588/.938 on the early season, Blackmon admits his nickname hasn’t caught on quite like he hoped yet, but that’s because it’s a terrible nickname. I ain’t mad at cha, and if you keep having games like this we’ll call you whatever you want! Chuck Nazty was perfect yesterday, going 6-for-6, with 3 doubles, a 2-run home run, 4 runs and 5 RBI as the Rox managed 13 hits in their home opener. Now you know Carlos Gonzalez wasn’t about to get overshadowed on opening day, he’s the real Chuck Nazty, if anyone is. CarGo added 4 RBI and 2 hits, including a 2-run jack and free tacos for the entire state of Colorado! Every-body-gets-a-taco! Something tells me after Colorado’s new legislation, they’re going to be needing all the tacos they can get. Chuck Nazty, legalization, and free tacos? Get in the car, honey, we’re moving! By the way, I call my laptop “Honey.” Anyway, it’s probably not a stretch to say that Rockies fans are pretty high on Blackmon after today. Ha, that’s the title! Well, don’t light up your celebratory doobies just yet, Centennial Staters. Despite the huge day, Blackmon remains in a platoon in a crowded outfield featuring Corey Dickerson, who is also an exciting prospect, but perhaps Blackmon’s stellar play will force Walt Weiss to play him consistently. For now, C. Nazty could provide decent streaming value, especially when he’s a mile high. He managed a .309 average in 82 games in 2013 and after a strong spring he is a hot little potato right now and could be worth the speculative add while he’s hitting.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Juan Nicasio – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 4 hits, 1 ER, 6 K, W. Everyone was on at Coors yesterday, usually that excludes the starting pitcher but that wasn’t the case for Nicasio. Some of that Chuck Nazty flava must have rubbed off on him. I’ve been a fan for a while and I can’t remember a better start for Juan. His only blip was surrendering a fifth inning homer to Mark Trumbo, but that’s practically a given the way he’s destroying baseballs lately. I wouldn’t expect this from Nicasio every time out, but he’s definitely someone I’ll be watching closely, he’s taking on the White Sox next week.
Miguel Cabrera – 4-for-5, 2-run HR, 3 RBI. Milestone Miggy grabbed his 2,000th hit and of course it was a home run. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? What else would it be, I mean, come on! The Tigers tallied 17 hits on the Orioles in this one, Torii Hunter had 3 hits and a jack, Austin Jackson had 3 hits and he’s AJax, rookie Nick Castellanos was 2-for-3, and even Rajai Davis was hitting bombs! The ‘Roit cruises easily to 4-0.
Anibal Sanchez – 4.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 3 K. The Animal left this game after a rain delay which gave Drew Smyly (3.0 IP, 1 hit, 1 BB, 3 K, W) a chance to make up for the postponed game earlier this week. The Emoticon commented postgame on his performance saying, “Weird winking smiley face man with an @ symbol on his head and some letter coming at of his nose.” Time to switch to emojis, Drew!
Jordan Zimmermann – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 K. Not bad for a guy who spent the night sleeping next to the toilet. We all been there, Zimm. I spent two full years sleeping next to the toilet. But that was also prison, and I assume Jordan’s apartment is nicer. He only threw 81 pitches in this one, so I’m guessing that stomach bug was still lingering. He should be good to go next time out versus Miami.
Anthony Rendon – 2-for-4, 1 run. I like Anthony Rendon a lot. Don’t get me wrong. But why did Denard Span and Rendon hit first and second and Bryce Harper (1-for-4) and Ian Desmond (2-for-4) hit sixth and seventh? Aren’t they your best players? It doesn’t make any sense! Help me understand, Matt Williams. I want to understand. I mean, wait–where was I? Anthony Rendon, oh, um, you should pick him up.
Carlos Gomez – 4-for-5, 2 RBI. CarGo Lite spoiled the Red Sox ring ceremony and was hitting the ball wicked hahd at Fenway. He was probably jealous he didn’t get some of that super crazy bling. Damn those are nice. I wish I was a world champion…I would have played baseball but I thought that Squash players got all the chicks. Oh well, Gomez is 6-for-15 in four games leading off for the Brewers and looks like a lock to provide top 25 player value.
Ryan Braun – 0-for-5. Braun hit DH yesterday because his right thumb was bothering him. Your thumb, RB? Way to drop a bomb on me Braun! Why do players wait until after spring training to tell everyone they’re playing hurt? Bad news for a player many (like myself) had picked for a big comeback, and more importantly his fantasy owners. He’s had issues with the thumb before and has decided to play through it, but doesn’t sound like much to be optimistic about and he certainly didn’t ease anyones mind with his performance yesterday. Womp womp.
Marco Estrada – 5.2 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER, 3 BB, 6 K. Not a bad start for Marco considering the park and match up. Honestly, I don’t remember much of anything after getting my ring. In fact, I don’t even remember getting a ring? What’s the deal with that?
Will Middlebrooks – 1-for-2, HR. That one was for Jenny! #TrueLoveWillFindaWay
Ben Revere – 3-for-5, run, SB. Listen my children and you shall hear, if you need speed grab Ben Revere! The SAGNOFs are coming the SAGNOFs are coming!
Domonic Brown – 3-for-5, 2 RBI. After sitting out Thursday’s game, Tehol’s boi Dom Brown had three hits for Ryne Sandberg to let him know what he’d been missing. He then slipped him his phone number and friended him on Tinder to let him know what he’d really been missing. ie He’s got a [content deleted] [content deleted].
Lorenzo Cain – 3-for-4, run, SB. The Royals had 13 hits in their home opener with new additions at the top of the line up Norichika Aoki and Omar Infante with 3 hits a piece. Money well spent, I guess? As long as it’s not Alex Gordon leading off I’m happy.
Adam Eaton – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. This is exactly what I was looking for when I drafted Eaton last year. Why wasn’t I looking for that this year? Why!?
Hyun-Jin Ryu – 2.0 IP, 6 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. Ouch. That’s a big ol’ hadouken! to the gut for Ryu owners. Was it too much to ask for him to be 3-0 before most pitchers have even had a second start?
Matt Kemp – 1-for-4, run, RBI. With Yasiel Puig benched for showing up late, Kemp got the start in his first game back from the DL. How can a guy who drives 100+ mph in school zones be late for anything ever? Way to sike out Hyun-Jin, Puig! Ethier is coming for you.
Andre Ethier – 2-for-3, HR. I think someone’s having a hard time accepting he’s a fourth outfielder now. Keep on shining, Andre.
Brandon Hicks – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI. The Giants scored 8 runs on the Dodgers and I’m still trying to figure out how. Still working on it but I think Brandon had something to do with it. He’s been the Yellow King all along! Are people still doing that? I’m onto you, Hicks!
Dee Gordon – 2-for-4, 2 SB. Now has three stolen bases this year and that’s got me raising my eyebrow and it’s not because I’m wearing my Brahma Bull t-shirt. He has seven hits in his first five games and as long as he’s getting on base, there’s few guys in the game with as much speed potential. He’s available in about 65% of ESPN leagues so if he’s out there I’d grab him.
Nick Swisher – 2-for-5, HR, 3 RBI. I wish just for one night that Swisher could bat clean up–if only for the excellent puns it would provide us less-than-excellent writers.
Adeiny Hechavarria – 4-for-5, 2 runs, SB as he led off. Don’t worry, Jay, I double-checked the spelling for Adeiny’s name at least 10 times. I think we’re good. Doode is 11-for-19 on the season, he’s batting .500. That’s half, ya’ll! #math What the Hechavarria! Exactly. Hard to trust a player who was so poor last year, but if he continues leading off and hitting like this he’s absolutely worth an add in NL only and deep mixed leagues.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, 2-run HR, his 2nd. Big Stanton absolutely crushed this ball, too. It traveled almost 500 feet, a Crayola Canyon record and farther than I’m allowed to leave my house without my ankle bracelet beeping. It’s so nice to see Giancarlo doing what he’s supposed to do. I can’t wait, many years from now, to regale my grandchildren on the HoFer in my best old man voice, “I remember, back it ought-ten, we used to call him ‘Mike,’ and he liked it, and he only hit 22 HRs and we were plenty happy with it! Harumph!” Maybe this is the year he puts it all together. This year, things are gonna be different, the Marlins are 4-1, and everything’s coming up Giancarlo! Go Fish! Marlins baseball: Get Hooked!
Lucas Duda – 2-for-3, 2 2-run HRs. Dudabides. Another year and The Duda returns shomer shabbos with Friday home runs so I can quote the movie we all quote way too much.
Jay Bruce – 2-for-5, 2-run HR, 3 RBI. His second HR in as many days. Someone is hot right now. Like Hansel, hot! Damn! He’s probably gonna have a huge week, that’s sort of his thing.
Jose Valverde 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 1 BB, 1 K and his first save. Grey told you to BUY him, too! I just have a feeling that Poopie Grande is going to be the closer for the whole year, and oh man you are going to hate owning this guy. But hey, saves!
Jake Odorizzi – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. That Odorizzi you’re smelling is sweet success. He’s not going to blow anyone away with his stats but he should provide solid valid all season. Grab him in AL Only and deeper leagues if you need pitching help, he gets the Royals next week.
Sean Rodriguez – 2-for-4, 3-run HR, 4 RBI. Sean-Rod fresh off a baby human! His 4th! Baby, that is, not home run. What a week! Is it just me or does it seem like players coming of the paternity list always have huge games? Can we have someone stat check this? Oh, that’s me? No interns? What is this amateur hour? Err, I probably shouldn’t talk, never mind.
Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 HR, 3 RBI, SB. The Bucs scored 12 runs on 16 hits, including a 3 hit game from Starling Marte and two hits from Andrew McCutchen. Man, if I was drinking a lot less I would have drafted Pedro and been damn happy with it. Instead I slipped into those psychedelic drugs again and ended up with an illegible tattoo of singer Pedro Fernandez and Troy Glaus at third base.
Matt Carpenter – 2-for-3, 2-run HR, 2 RBI. As high as I watched this guy going in drafts you’d think he was a god or something. I guess Jesus was a carpenter…
Gerrit Cole – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 K, W. You’re killing me, Cole. By all intents and porpoises (hello, dolphins!) a very nice start, but 3 strikeouts? You have filthy stuff, Gerry. Can I call you Gerry? How about, G? Can I call you G? Gerry is cool. Cheese like yours deserves 6-8+ Ks a game, 5 at the absolute lowest. I remember having this issue with him last year, too. Oh well, I guess outs are outs, said no fantasy baseballer ever.
Jacoby Ellsbury – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 SB. While Red Sox fans are off trying to convince themselves that Grady Sizemore may even be better than Ells, Jacoby was doing work. Just 48 more SBs to earn those contract bucks. Brett Gardner was 2-for-4 with a SB and an RBI, and the NYY lineup is actully kind of speedy without Jeter at the top of it. No disrespect, DJ, just saying!
Yangervis Solarte – 2-for-5, 3 RBI. Maybe its the psychedelic drugs talking again but Yang is looking like he could hold some value. He’s also looking a giant blue balloon, with big teeth, covered in hair and pinstripes. Regardless, with Mark Teixeira suffering a hamstring injury yesterday and the DL likely in his future, we’ll probably see a lot more of YaSo at third for the Yankees.
Melky Cabrera – 1-for-4, HR. The Melkman now has a hit in all five games, and happily welcomed Tanaka to the majors with a first inning jack. He’s worth an add as long as he’s leading off for the Blue Jays and is available in over 60% of ESPN leagues, just not in any of the leagues you’re in.
Masahiro Tanaka – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 8 K, W. Tanaka Flocka Flame was all like, “O Let’s Do It” and looked real good in his first start, with all seven of his pitches on display (except the secret pitch that no one has ever actually seen before but legend says is unhittable). New Yorkers are gonna like this guy. The strikeouts might be a lot to expect on a consistent basis (he did face the Blue Kays), but nonetheless it was a great first start for the rookie and some validation for all those that drafted him way too high.
Josh Hamilton – 3-for-3, 3-run HR. J-Hammies hitting homers again! Doing his best Mike Trout impression, I guess. It’s like May 2012 all over again, and I am seeing the Avengers for the third time in the theater! I wonder if Josh Hamilton has seen the Avengers? If I was any of the Avengers I’d be Hawkeye, because I’m mostly nondescript and easily susceptible to mind control. Just like Josh Hamilton!
Mike Trout – 2-for-4 with his 2nd HR and 2 RBI. You know I like to save the best for last and Mike Trout, is the best. His Troutness returns for another season of me not owning him, let me leave you with a quote from the Complete History of Fish, “Scholars long ago recited ancient manuscripts and tales about the legends of the true “Five-Tool” player. Very few still alive today have actually seen one play. It was the Catatafish who originally prophesied that the legend of this superstar player would one day come true and he would lead the Angels to the Promised Land with his home run and speed potential. The Catatafish named a phenom who could not only hit for power, but could steal bases, hit for a high average and play great defense. So it was written, and as the Catatafish had foretold, Michael Nelson Trout rose up to be the one who would one day fulfill this prophecy and bring balance back to the AL West.”
Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!