Closers are dispensable. Izzy? No he isn’t? Kobayashi. Got the kabosh. What’s next out of the closer gullet – cherry-flavored Perezes! Chris Perez is now in the Cardinals mix, snagging the save tonight. Ryan Franklin has been exposed, so LaRussa might as well give the kid a shot. Maybe Wainwright takes over at some point, but wouldn’t you rather him start instead of Piniero come September? As for Cleveland, their bullpen has already gone through more Indians than small pox. Joe-Blow, Betancourt, Kobayashi…. Might as well… I don’t know….use your best reliever in Rafael Perez. No use saving him for lefty matchups in the 8th when your closer is just going to give up the lead in the 9th. Now if only the Mets could find a Perez. Shouldn’t be too hard – there’s probably a thousand or so in the phone book. Hell, throw Rosie Perez out there. It’s hard to swing when you’re covering your ears from her voice. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Gio Gonzalez – Doooodes, he looked good. I’m sorry. The numbers don’t tell the whole story. I watched him give up the 2-out home run to Barajas. I watched him strikeout some schmohawks. He may not be startable in all leagues, but I’m holding him in deep leagues. In keepers and AL-Only leagues, I’m really holding.
Joba Chamberlain – As expected, he’s been moved to the DL. Brian Cashman has laid out Joba rules for the doctors – don’t test his shoulder on consecutive days, wear kids gloves at all times, and give him lollipops after his visits.
C.J. Wilson – Told you yesterday that he was headed to the Disgraceful List. Guess where he is now? Notice how I never say, I told you so. But I did tell you so. Yes, I just said I told you so. And again. Eddie Guardado will be the closer. Frank Francisco will be his setup man. I wouldn’t trust my dead grandmother’s life with Guardado. (BTW, she threw faster than Guardado. Still might.)
Bobby Crosby – HR yesterday. 2nd this week. He’s worth a looksee, even if his unhealthiness makes you want to take care of him. Don’t chew, Bobby….Momma Bird will take care of that.
Jody Gerut – Another HR yesterday. Now has 9. Or one more than Alexis Rios.
Nick Markakis – I am Sparkakis!
Mike Cameron – He’s streaky. 5 hits and 2 SBs across 2 games might be the start of something.
Shaun Marcum – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 1 ER. For those hoping this is the bounce back you’re waiting on, I say it was Oakland. I’d tread carefully.
Brandon Backe – After his 11 ER debacle last night, Backe seems to be challenging Barry Zito for the Sigh Young Award. A 6-11 record with 5.35 ERA and 1.63 WHIP falls somewhat short of Zito’s 13 losses and 1.74 WHIP but there’s still 2 months to go….
Jeff Karstens – Nothing like a fresh start, eh? On the Yanks, this guy is a poor man’s Darrell Rasner. On the Pirates, he nearly throws a perfect game and is now scoreless in 15. Rudy still stands by him for his Razzball team but might have to leave this shitpie on the window sill a bit longer for it to cool.
Elijah Dukes – Like many a Bowden Fluffer before, ‘Put Up Your’ Dukes has been put back down on the DL with a calf strain. The lesson – don’t expect good health from a 5-tool player with a Jewish first name. Elijah Dukes, Milton Bradley, Shawn Green….