Out of the fire and into the Frieri pan, or as the Sciosciapath would say, buffet Thursdays. Ernesto Frieri has imploded you ratios the past 10 days and has been put into a closer-by-committee type situation. This is ungood for fantasy purposes twofold; first no one wants to roster the remaining parts of the Angels bullpen, namely Dane de la Rosa or the like. Second, after he has taken a steaming pile of feces on your team, do you really want Frieri to remain. Well Daniel Bryan is currently a yes man so think of him on opposite day. The Angels best option to take the job is currently back in the rotation; Garrett Richards was doing swell in the pen until the Angels were sucking fumes in the first 6 innings of games and needed some youthful infusion. So now we are stuck in a CBC holding pattern until Frieri figures his hiccups out or some one like “Chaka” Kohn or the loosely translated “damage of the rose” emerges. Stay tuned or don’t, I have plenty of Dipsy Doodles to occupy my time.
Rafael Soriano – You know you’re having a rough stretch when Vin Mazzaro and a guy who is probably third in-line for saves on his team, Darren O’Day, have the same amount of saves as you in the past 2 week. That total of one is an uninspiring total for teams rostering him as a RP1 type save guy. To combat his poor total is an awful ERA, over 5 for July, and a dip in K’s and a rise in walks. Yikes. I am not saying abandon ship but the violins are tuning up, and the Nats are folding up some tents. Tyler Clippard is on ready 5.
Jim Henderson – Set-up, closer, setup, closer. That’s the pattern for him this year. Since the trade of K-Rod he has converted 4 straight save chances and notched 12k’s in 7IP in the last 2 weeks. Just call him Fozzy the closer. Since I wrote about John Axford last week he basically sucked; I wish I could put it better but when I write about someone they shat all over the place. Henderson looks comfy in the closer chair there for now.
Astros Closer – It’s going to be a mismatched sock day when it comes to saves in Houston. Jose Cisnero seems like the most likely candidate to replace Jose Veras. The call ups of Josh Zeid and Chia-Jen Lo add to the confusion of an already awful situation. Don’t expect much in the way of saves or consistency until someone jumps up like that toy in a jack-in-the-box to scare you into fantasy rosterdom.
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.