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Every good conga line needs a caboose, so the Miami Save Machine is bringing up the rear this week.  Feel the rhythm of the beat getting stronger.  No?  Me either.  Moving on.  The Midwest is getting mauled by injuries, it’s like that time the flu virus swept through the cast of Laverne and Shirley, you know the one where the Big Ragu, sneezed on everyone and it spread all the way to Squiggy and Pop. Well I guess I am the only one that remembers that stuff.  Chris Perez, and not to be outdone, Jim Henderson, both came up lame just in time for the Belmont Stakes, looks like horse meat is back on the menu.  Perez’s shoulder came up gimpy after his pitching came undone over the last week.  He is expected to take a week off, try to throw and then work on curling his mullet.  Vinnie Pestano is the heir in Cleveland, he himself isn’t healthy, and personally I have stashed Cody Allen everywhere in preparation of the H, for hurt.

In Millie-a-walk-a the reunion, revival, return….whatever it may be, of Francisco Rodriguez is rearing its enigmatic self.  He takes Henderson’s place as the conclusionary pitcher in an already replaced situation. So K-Rod is replacing the dude, who replaced a dude, but pretending to be another dude.  John Axford was seen doing the truffle shuffle in front of team management to no avail to get his old job back.  Hendo should be out a full 2 weeks if not a bit longer, so we will wait.  So in the mean time read the rankings, do it twice because there is a hidden message embedded in it.  The one who figures it out will win an autographed Mike Gallego baseball card. Oooohhhh, the excitement.

 

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (-) (Jordan Walden, Cory Gearrin, Luis Avilan)

2. Mariano Rivera (-) (David Robertson, Shawn Kelley, Boone Logan)

3. Aroldis Chapman (-) (Jonathan Broxto, J.J Hoover, Sam LeCure)

4. Joe Nathan (-) (Tanner Scheppers, Robbie Ross, Jason Frasor)

5. Rafael Soriano  (-) (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard)

6. Jason Grilli (+2)(Mark Melancon, Justin Wilson, Tony Watson)

7. Jonathan Papelbon (-1) (Mike Adams, Antonio Bastardo)

8. Addison Reed (+3) (Matt Thornton, Jesse Crain)

9. Tom Wilhelmsen (-) (Carter Capps, Charlie Furbush, Yoervis Medina)

 

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

10. Sergio Romo (-) (Jeremy Affeldt, Javier Lopez, Jean Machi)

11. Edward Mujica (+2) (Trevor Rosenthal, Mitchell Bogs, Michael Blazek)

12. Jim Johnson (-5) (Darren O’Day, Brian Matusz)

13. Ernesto Frieri (+3) (Scott Downs, Robert Coello)

14. Glen Perkins (+3) (Jared Burton, Casey Fien, Brian Duensing)

15. Grant Balfour (+6) (Ryan Cook, Sean Doolittle)

16. Casey Janssen (-4) (Steve Delabar, Brett Cecil, Neil Wagner)

17. Huston Street (+1) (Luke Gregerson, Dale Thayer, Joe Thatcher)

18. Rafael Betancourt ( -4) (Rex Brothers, Matt Belisle, Wilton Lopez)

19. Fernando Rodney (-4) (Joel Peralta. Jake McGee)

20. Jose Valverde (+2) (Joaquin Benoit, Phil Coke)

21. Greg Holland (-3) (Aaron Crow, Tim Collins, Luke Hochevar)

22. Bobby Parnell (+1) (Brandon Lyon, LaTroy Hawkins)

 

Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

23. Heath Bell (+4) (David Hernandez, Matt Reynolds)

24. Andrew Bailey (+6) (Junichi Tazawa, Koji Uehara)

25. Kevin Gregg (-1) (Carlos Marmol, Sean Camp, James Russell)

26. Brandon League / Kenley Jansen (-1) (Paco Rodriguez)

27. Jose Veras (+1) (Hector Ambriz, Wesley Wright)

28. Francisco Rodriguez (-2) (Jon Axford, Tom Gorzellany, Brandon Kintzler)

29. Vinnie Pestano (-9) (Cody Allen, Joe Smith)

30. Miami Save Machine (Steve Cishek, Mike Dunn, Chad Qualls) (-3)

 

 

52 Responses

  1. attgig says:
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    wow, that’s a lot of $12 salads…. I guess a lot of restaurants these days have that many salads…. what a waste of menu space for some real food…

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @attgig: Restaurant bad, fantasy good

  2. Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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    I have noticed the idiot that runs the Angels is using garrett richards in the 8th a lot lately and using Downs as a lefty specialist, could garrett be the guy when they realize Frierri suuuuucks

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Juan Lleno de Odio: I don’t know about sucks but he has 8 saves over the last month which is one more than Kimbrel and Chapman

      • Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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        @Smokey: I’m talking about the last five outings where he keeps giving up walks and homers, yeah he might of got the save but you have to figure the leash gets a little shorter

        • Smokey

          Smokey says:
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          @Juan Lleno de Odio: I hear what your saying but I just don’t see any better option than Frieri in the pen there, maybe Downs, I can see Garret Richards getting the next shot if all goes to hell.

          • Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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            @Smokey: is coello a pipe dream?

            Does the word pipe act as a trigger for you?

              • Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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                @Smokey: what about when you see words like Billabong, hashtag, Doobie Brothers and steamroller?

                • Smokey

                  Smokey says:
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                  @Juan Lleno de Odio: Anything with Michael McDonald does it for me.

                  • Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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                    @Smokey: from the doobies to steely dan’s aja, that man makes my toes curl

  3. Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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    why Cody Allen over Joe “fancy name” Smith?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Juan Lleno de Odio: It’s a fifty fifty thing between the 2, I prefer Allen as he has better closer stuff

      • Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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        @Smokey: I remember Smith from his mets days and he is decent but definitely not closer worthy, even though Allen gets the 7th usually, he has the goods

  4. Gareth says:
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    Frieri is weirdly rated as the 13th best closer yet he has yellow status and has been very shaky lately.

    Have a Closer question:

    I want to grab Adam Laroche as his schedule for June is very hitter friendly: Mets, Twins, @ Rockies, @ Indians, @ Phi, Rockies, Dbacks, @ Mets.

    Drop which extra Reliever for him?

    Holland
    Frieri
    Parnell
    Street
    Betancourt

    Guys like Pestano/Smith, League, Gregg, Veras and K-Rod are on the wire if I needed to grab a 5th reliever down the line.

    • Evil Grey says:
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      @Gareth: Grey answered this already. I’m telling him his answer wasn’t good enough for you. Bad kitty!

      • Gareth says:
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        @Evil Grey:I like to get multiple opinions. Smokey is the “Closer” guy.

        • Smokey

          Smokey says:
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          @Gareth: Parnell

  5. Tehol Beddict

    Tehol Beddict says:
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    i love my salad tossed

    • Juan Lleno de Odio says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: that use to be a menu item at the IHOP

  6. ferris says:
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    what do you make of sveum saying he hopes marmol won’t be closing this year? do you believe him? — given gregg’s likely implosion at some point, i thought marmol might be a nice stash in a blood for saves league

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @ferris: Marmol is hot garbage, but saves are saves are saves. If it’s cut throat then I dont see why not. I dont trust a manager on a rebuilding team at al

  7. Hunter says:
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    I need pitching…is Carl Crawford for Homer Bailey fair?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Hunter: Sure

    • Sanfran says:
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      @Hunter:
      Owning Homer Bailey is brutal. Find a comparable pitcher.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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        @Sanfran: if you count them, he’s had 7 pretty good/great starts, 2 mediocre ones, 2 terrible ones, with a k per inning, 3.57 k/bb ratio and plays on a good team. with a 1.19 whip. So yeah, it must be nice drafting 5 pitchers in the first 10 rounds and being able to find him “brutal.” If that’s yr bag.

  8. DMurph says:
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    Suprised no love for Mujica. He has been pretty solid and seems to have a firm grasp of the closer role on a good team with great SP. Rosenthal could perhaps come on late but I’m confident in Mujica.

  9. DMurph says:
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    My mistake. Thought he was a “brain freeze.” fair placement

  10. Chris says:
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    Hello,
    I am in a keeper league with literally 8 roster spots filled up with players on the DL…My season is pretty much over, however I was wondering who you would suggest adding for potential keepers as hitters or pitchers for the next 5 upcoming seasons?
    Any advice would help
    Thank you

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Chris: Kinda vague Chris, check the prospect lists on this site and see if any of those guys are addable in your league. Without parameters its tough.

      • Chris says:
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        @Smokey: In a 5×5 league with OBP instead of AVG and normal pitcher scoring…. Just an idea for Sano or Wheeler type prospects

        Thank you

        • Smokey

          Smokey says:
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          @Chris: Gregory Polanco, Rosell Herrera, Lewis Brinson, Adam Brett Walker are deeper guys I like. Hope that helps.

          • Chris says:
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            @Smokey: Thank you

  11. danny says:
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    Holds league, rank em?

    Justin Wilson, G.Richards, Walden, Brothers

    Thanks!

    • danny says:
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      @danny: actually throw Mike Adams in there

      Thanks!

      • Smokey

        Smokey says:
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        @danny: Brothers, Wilson, Adams, Richards, Walden

  12. RW says:
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    i need a catcher. currently have RMartin and Savy Perez. the guy that wants my 2Bman BPhilips wants to offer me ither Arrencibia, Mauer or Napoli. Im considering offering him either Trumbo and/or Choo to entice him out of Cdavis any thoughts? comments? racial slurs?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @RW: Trumbo/Choo and Phillips for Davis and Mauer is about the only one I would want

  13. bobbo says:
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    Hold league, can you help rank:

    Brothers, Cook, Benoit, Ross, Thornton, LeCure…
    … and where would Herrera rank when/if he comes back?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @bobbo: Brothers, Cook,Thornton, Benoit,Lecure, Ross. Herrerra when he comes back would be behind Lecure

  14. Riff Raff says:
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    Parnell at 22. rofl clown. That guy will end up top overall quote me

  15. aaron says:
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    Should Axford be picked up in a 15 team league?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @aaron: I would think just on spec sure if you have the room, I wanna believe he gets a shot later in the year

  16. Kilgore says:
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    Mornin’ Smoke. You see Perez and Hernandez just sauntering back into their closer roles when they come home? Or does the old man lose his role to the new kids on the block, and the new kid on the block gets K-Robbed by the old man?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Kilgore: Yea they should take their jobs back assuming they are healthy

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @Kilgore: do you mean jim henderson, who’s a closer named hernandez?

  17. Future says:
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    drop k-rod to get henderson? angry owner dropped hendo

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      You can’t drop anyone else?

      • Future says:
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        @Grey:

        THANKS ALOT grey!!! I have Valverde, holland, J.johnson, and grilli so I am strong with closers… grabbed K-rod just for a boost.. I have garza and wheeler too but I like my SP depth so k-rod would have to be the drop..

        Love this site thanks for getting back to us readers!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I’d hold K-Rod… No problem, thanks!

  18. Pope says:
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    “So K-Rod is replacing the dude, who replaced a dude, but pretending to be another dude.”

    I don’t know how I missed this quote the first time I read the article, but great reference sir!

Comments are closed.