Closer news, closer news… We need a musical about fantasy baseball, sorta like Newsies, but with a little Book of Mormon thrown in. Perhaps a musical adventure of sonnets and mignonettes by Stephen Sondheim. Come on, everybody loves a musical… he, no. Okay, it’s just me then. So drafting season is here, it’s the first and last time you will see over 20% of the guys drafting in your league until… well, never. Ahh, the internet and its anonymity. So with the games in the land of koala bears and oil cans happening this weekend, baseball is here. Officially. I have confirmed with multiple sources and gave them credit for groundbreaking stuff via twitter. So the week before the fake regular season I have 4 questions that we still need answers to, or was just wondering in my own stoned malaise.
- The closing situation in Texas– is Neftali Feliz really who is going to be closing out games in Arlington? I mean Ronnie Wash is sketchy at trusting people, we don’t need to re-hash old situations, but just trust me. Feliz hasn’t looked fantastic at all in ST. ST means diddly, I get it, but a pitcher coming back from injury and not being good is bad? Correct or did I just go cross-eyed? Joakim Soria has to be a factor in Texas just like General Santa Anna. Handcuff a must here, if you’re drafting one you have to draft both.
- I am from the NY area, and is it making any other Yankee fan nervous that David Robertson has basically been given the keys to a Ferrari that was basically driven by Richard Petty previously? There is no oohh, I don’t think he can do it, or at least I am not hearing it. What’s the fallback option if he can’t get it done. Matt Thornton? Shawn Kelley? I mean, that doesn’t get me too comfy. Draft cautiously with D-Rob, because the numbers are saying he could but I would want him as a 2nd option not a first just yet.
- Read a report that the Reds want to get more multiple innings appearances this year out of Aroldis Chapman. If this happens, and say he gets an additional 20 innings over what he has averaged the past 2 years is just a shade over 60. His K total could and will approach 130. That’s more than a lot of lower level SP that we stream and roster. Aroldis looking up Kimbrel’s dress right now but I think it may be changing soon. Unless Dusty comes back and ruins everything.
- It’s not an if,but when Rex Brothers goes all Louisiana Purchase on LaTroy Hawkins and rides of into the fantasy sunset with Sacajawea. I think that’s how history went. Any the Pooh, Rex is the one we want and is being drafted as such, a whole 3 rds earlier than the crypt keeper know as LaHawk. Unfortunately, Walt Weiss likes old dudes and remembers when Hawkins was nice to him in the 18th century. It’s going to happen, so if you wanna pounce early in the year on an owner hating life that he has Rex. You have the go ahead from me.
So there you have it four things to make you go hmmm this week. Have any others you would like to share by all means be my guest and put it the comments.
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.