The Indians had themselves a good ol’ fashioned hometown community pow-wow in Chicago yesterday, scoring 29 runs off 33 hits in Friday’s double header. The Tribe tallied 19 runs in the first half of the double header, with eight different Indians having multi-hit games including 3-hit games from Asdrubal Cabrera, Yan Gomes and Mike Aviles. And as if the ChiSox weren’t having a bad enough night, the Injians managed to rally to score four runs in the ninth to win with a walk off home run by Nick Swisher in the second game. Jason Kipnis was the real hero going 4-for-7 with four runs, four RBI, four BB and his 18th stolen base. Kip’s got a .473 OBP in the past month, which is definitely worthy of a rain dance. Anyway, this is the second time Cleveland had scored 19 runs in a game this season, and they move within two games of first place in the AL Central. Rough night for ChiSox fans, but hey, Jeff Keppinger (6-for-8, 2 runs, HR, 4 RBI) had a great day, right? Right!? I’m making it worse aren’t I? I better take some happy pills quick before the world starts getting dark.
Sigh, well, here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:
Gordon Beckham 4-for-10, run, 2 RBI. The W-Sox scored 18 runs so its not like they were completely pathetic. Gordon Beckham extended his hitting streak to four games and — okay, yeah this is kind of depressing.
Hector Santiago 2.1 IP, 10 base runners, 5 ER, 5 K. Grey and I told you to buy the Trojan Prince Hector last week and cautioned that the Indians could be a tough match up, “If you’re feeling brave like a Trojan warrior I’d start him, but he’s worth the add either way.” My words. Ouch, yeah well my bravery got the best of me in this one. I still like Hector in the right match ups, but next week versus the Orioles is not the right match up.
Trevor Bauer 0.2 IP, 6 hits, 5 ER. Fun fact: Trevor’s favorite movie is Major League III: Back to the Minors.
Johnny Cueto 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 1 ER, K. Left the game with tightness in his right lat. You know what that means. Tony Cingrani pitched 4.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 BB, 3 K in relief, and I picked him up everywhere I could, then I picked up the bar tab after my seventh Tom Collins, and THEN I picked up the gauntlet and battled the Orc King for the rights to the Reds’ fifth rotation spot. The Orc King won, and I woke up naked in a dumpster. So yeah, just another normal Friday!
Miguel Cabrera 4-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBI, 2 HR (23rd and 24th). Blood brother and super-BFF Prince Fielder went 2-for-3 with his 13th jack and for one night on the streets of Detroit, everything was fun and games — until someone got shot. Jokes and murder aside, Miggy has 81 RBI, ya’ll. Just let that sink in for a second. *Fantasy Pro Tip* That can WIN your fantasy league.
Max Scherzer 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 9 K. First Tiger to start the season 12-0. How much better will his career numbers be considering the fact that he will never have to face Miguel Cabrera. Nerds, get on it! Oh, that’s me? In that case, nerds unite!
Joaquin Benoit 1.0 IP, 1 hits, 2 K and his 5th save. Who needs Papelbon when you got whatshisname!
Evan Longoria Left in the second inning after aggravating the plantar fascitis in his foot. He isn’t expected to miss much time, but he is day to day (or DayToday if you’re Wiz Khalifa). Albert Pujols is struggling with the same injury, but I doubt Longo has the same threshold for pain that Alby has (Pujols is into some sick shizz, you guys). Anyway, if you can still sell Longoria for a good return what are you waiting for.
Wil Myers 2-for-4, HR. I asked Wil where the other ‘L’ went and he told me shorty just passed it to the left. Quit sleepin’ on that shizz, yo!
Andrew McCutchen 3-for-5, HR, 3 RBI. Starling Marte went 3-for-5 with 2 runs, and 2 RBI.The Bucs win their 7th game in a row and currently hold the best record in baseball. Cherish this moment Pittsburgh, because its all downhill after the All Star break.
Gerrit Cole 6.0 IP, 8 hits, 3 ER, 3 K. Moves to 4-0. The first rookie pitcher to do that since some guy, some years ago. Yaaawn. Sure, the box scores look less than spectacular but Cole remains undefeated and boy howdy does this dude throw some cheese. Y U no strike people out? Maybe he has that same disease Patrick Corbin had earlier this year where he’s just going to keep finding a way to win, and then you wake up one morning and suddenly he’s one of the best pitchers in the league.
Juan Francisco 2-for-4, RBI. Grey asked you ever so politely to BUY him. After three straight games with a homer, Juan-Fran cooled off a bit last night with the two-hit day. If you need power, Francisco is playing everyday and could hit 15-20 homers for your team going forward. If you need MORE POWER, I recommend you call Tim Taylor.
Carlos Gomez 2-for-5 with a run in his return to the line up. CarGo Lite has even got down the whole on-again-off-again injury thing that makes CarGo Supreme so special.
Nate McLouth 2-for-3, 2 runs, HR. Hit the go-ahead homer to deny CC Sabathia (7.0 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 6 K) his 200th win. After the game, when asked about McLouth’s hit, C.C. was quoted as saying, “[Expletive deleted] that guy.” Fair enough.
Robinson Cano 3-for-5, HR. H-to-the-Izz-R? Temper yourself, Cano. For every home run Robbie hits, super Agent Jay-Z gains the copyrights to sample a cherished Oldie you once loved.
Brett Gardner 2-for-5, run. Sat out Thursday with an illness. In reality, he got sick to his stomach when he heard he might be part of the trade to the Celtics in the Pierce/Garnett deal.
Julio Teheran 6.0 IP, 4 hits, BB, 10 K. His 3rd straight quality start with 23 Ks and 2 wins in that stretch. Julio is Teheran’ it up!
Ricky Nolasco 5.0 IP, 11 hits, 5 ER, 6 K. So wait, let me get this straight. This is the guy teams are fighting to acquire before the trade deadline? Him? I don’t see it.
Edinson Volquez 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 8 K. I’ll admit it, I picked up Volquez for this start. But I swear I dropped him as soon as the game started and I still feel dirty.
Logan Forsythe 3-for-4, 2 RBI, 3 hits with the slam & legs as he led off. The Padre’s Weapon X keeps on doing things for the entire city of Whale’s Vagina. Grey told you to BUY him, and he’s batting .300 with 2 HR and 2 SB over the past two weeks. Have the foresight to know that Forsythe is a good add! Say that 100 times fast! Yes, 100 times! Now take a drink of water, and say it 100 more times! Goooood.
Josh Satin 3-for-3, 2 RBI as he bat 5th for the Mets. Guess which Mets player led the team in hits last night? David Wright? No. I don’t know, is it maybe…is it….SATIN! That was my best Church Lady impression. You kids remember that one? In all seriouslyness, Josh has a four-game hitting streak — now isn’t that special?
Jose Iglesias 2-for-4, with just his 2nd SB. Iglesias seems to do nothing but hit — literally, he’s batting .370 over the past two weeks. If he could run a bit more often it could really help his fantasy value. Listen Jose, just steal, let’s say 28 more bases, with 35 more homers and I’ll draft you second overall next year. Sorry, but Miggy’s still better than my imaginary ceiling for Iglesias.
Koji Uehara 1.0 IP, 2 K as he pitched a perfect inning for his 3rd save in as many days. This could be the mescaline talking but it looks like Koji is going to run away with this job. I think it’s his claw-like talons and giant third eye that really help him locate his pitches. Then again, this could just be the mescaline talking.
Josh Johnson 3.1 IP, 8 hits, 6 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. You sir, cannot be trusted. Yeah, outside of AL-Only I would drop him like it’s a hot summer day in Canada. “Hey, honey! Paper says it’s going to be 19 degrees today–let’s head to the beach, don’t forgot you’re sweater!” Lol, Celsius. You crazy, Canada. And of course by sweater I meant hockey jersey, you wouldn’t want to be seen at the beautiful Canadian shorelines without yours.
Rajai Davis 2-for-4, run 2 SB, his 15th and 16th. Another one of Grey’s BUYs. Davis attended the SAGNOF School for the Gifted as a child. Pick him up if you need have a for speed. Quickly, before Rajai beats you too it! Dude is quicker than Al Bundy!
Stephen Drew 2-for-2, 2 RBI, left game with hamstring tightness. Never to return!! Mwahahaaha! Or he’s just day-to-day. One of the two.
Leonys Martin 1-for-4, 14th SB. Martin was Grey’s SAGNOF of the Week! So go get him. Leonys has 6 stolen bases in the past two weeks and is batting near .400 with 2 home runs. Yeah, you want to drop everything right now and go pick him up. Wait a second, proud parent, put down the baby first. *Parenting Tip* dropping your baby can result in irreparable harm to the child’s soft skull and it’s gooey innards, also called the brain. It is not advised in even the most extreme cases of waiver wire adds.
Martin Perez 6.2 IP, 0 ER, 3 K. That’s back-to-back quality starts for Martin, and they came against the Reds and Cardinals. Hello, there! What did you say your name was again? If you like to live dangerously, he could be streamer worthy versus the Seattle Mariners next Thursday. If you like to live even more dangerously, I suggest tight roping across the grand canyon while pitching against the Mariners.
Eric Hosmer 3-for-4, 2 HR (5 & 6), 3 RBI. Oh my god, you guys!!!! Nope. I promised you all last week I wouldn’t jinx it. But if you do this again next Friday, Eric, I may have to dedicate a whole blurb to you. He already owns my soul. I sold it to him for 19 home runs in 2011.
James Shields 6.1 IP, 8 hits, 3 ER, 5 K and his 3rd win. Mike Moustakas hit a 2-run HR and Billy Butler added 3 hits, 3 RBI and a HR. This is exactly the kind of production the Royals thought they could get on a daily basis when they traded for Shieldsy in the off season. Funny how things work out.
Clete Thomas 2-for-5 and his 2nd HR. Clete has hands down the coolest, most baseballiest name in all of baseball. I’ve picked up players for stupider reasons. Just sayin’.
Jhoulys Chacin 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 3 K. His 4th win in a row and 2nd straight scoreless outing. He is amazingly available in over 80% of RCL leagues and gets the Dodgers in LA next week. That’s not in Coors, ya’ll! You have my permission to start him.
Jerome Williams 6.1 IP, 5 hits, 1 ER, 3 K. Stream-o-Nator loved this start. But more likely the Stream-o-Nator just hates the Astros–we all know robots are not capable of love. Sorry Tin Man. Sorry, HitterTron and Wilin Rosario, but yours is a forbidden love.
Bud Norris 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 5 K. I know he pitches for the Lastros, but at just 15% ownership I think Bud deserves a little more respect. Norris continues his dominance over the Angels with a 0.32 ERA in four starts against them. Bud seems to be Anaheim’s kryptonite this season, but we all know the Angel’s real weakness is Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Rex Brothers 1.0 IP, 1 ER, 3 K. Rex Bros. had his streak of 32 scoreless outings broken when he gave up a bomb to Buster Posey. How you gonna do him like that Posey? I thought you was boys? You both have dog’s names. Yes, Rafael Betancourt should get his ninth inning duties back sooner than later, but Rex’s 0.52 ERA sure is pretty.
Michael Cuddyer 1-for-4 with a 2-run HR as he extended his hitting streak to 25 GAMES. It’s that kind of consistency that Jamie Foxx is looking for in his secret service agents. Channing Tatum once had a 34-night pop n’ lock streak. There were massive casualties to women’s ovaries (i.e. they all exploded).
Jason Castro 1-for-3, 11th HR. What would Grey’s BUY post be without a catcher? Crap, that’s what! Castro first started honing his baseball skills at a young age when his folks sent him to sleepaway baseball camp. Unfortunately, they had to pull Jason out after he murdered all the other campers.
Bartolo Colon 8.0 IP, 6 hits, 1 ER, 5 K, 11th win. It’d be real easy to make a fat joke here–but I don’t have enough space! Ba dum chiiiiiiiii. Thank you. I am here all week.
Shelby Miller 1.2 IP, 6 hits, 2 BB, 5 ER. Shelby was quoted post game, “Lord, heap miseries upon us yet entwine our arts with laughters low.” Ahh, Joyce. That one was for you, Guru. It was a rough start for Miller, but he “lived and laughed and loved and left,” and he should be good to go next week in Anaheim.
Travis Wood 6.1 IP, 3 hits, 3 BB, 2 ER, 6 K. If you told me in the preseason that Travis Wood would have a 2.85 ERA and 1.00 WHIP, I would have looked deep into your eyes and told you that I “want to believe.” Then I would keep asking you questions about my sister until you got seriously creeped out and left. Then Scully and I would go interview Travis to make sure the smoking man wasn’t behind this.
Hisashi Iwakuma 8.0 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 5 K. Last week I told you to buy him off his shaky start. If you didn’t listen then, this week you may have another chance. Second chances are great, just ask Peter Bjorn and John, but baseball is a game of threes — three strikes, three outs, etc. So I’ll make sure to remind you again next week, because I’m a cool guy like that. Any team could use some of his Iwakumagic. Hisashincendio!
Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!