There’s a saying in Arizona, “Just when you get really good at your job, your career hits a wall and a Mexican comes along and takes the job from you.” The only difference in Krispie Young‘s case is that Gerardo Parra is Venezuelan. Krispie was literally the only one hitting on one of my teams and now… I’m crying into my soup, because the soup was bland and my tears are salty. I’m resourceful. But that’s one sonavawrench thrown into my team’s plans! As of press (post? blog? this shizz?) time, details were scant and info was un-nigh and far between. The D-Backs are saying it’s a shoulder bruise, but he’s going for an MRI. Hopefully, the MRI doesn’t reveal any structural damage or structurel demega on a typewriter with keys transposed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:
SIKE! Before we get into today’s roundup, we have a double SIKE! First, “SIKE” is for a huge announcement we have coming later today. The second “SIKE!” is the podcast is up for download. The announcement is actually talked about a bit on the podcast. So you get a sneak peek (a sneak listen?) if you so choose to… It’s something I’m proud of that isn’t mustache related. I think you guys (4 girls) are gonna love it too. Anyway II, here’s the roundup and podcast:
Download from iTunes
Download directly the Razzball Podcast.
Justin Upton – Has no home runs and no RBIs and is batting .212. Don’t worry though, it’s only a jammed thumb he’s been nursing. Nursing a thumb? Thumb sucker! The injury to his thumb was rumored to happen when Kirk Gibson missed a meeting and a substitute coach let Justin lead a rousing game of 7-up. Little did he realize the strength of Paul Goldschmidt would injure his thumb. Upton sat yesterday and he’s going for an MRI today, too. Hey, if Diamondbacks send a pitcher for an MRI, they can get a pickup game in the waiting room! I’m sure one day of rest will fix something that’s been bothering Upton for a week. For those without the sarcasm gene — or sanscasm — I’m concerned about Upton. Too soon to panic. Sit tight. Simon didn’t say sit tight. Gotcha.
Santiago Casilla – Got the save yesterday and backing up what Bochy had said earlier about Casilla being first in line, which backs up what I said last week when I grabbed Casilla only to drop him the next day and watch Rudy pick him up. FMFBBL.
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. Yum-yum.
Brad Lidge – Got the save yesterday as Johnson keeps Eeny Meeny Miney and Moe’ing his closers. So friggin’ stupid. HanK-Rod has a zero ERA and strikes out everyone; Lidge puts runners on every game and it gets harrowing! (Gets harrowing? It sounds like I’m writing crappy Buffy fan-fiction.)
Colby Lewis – Mr. Popular on Razzball’s 2012 expert leagues overcame a Sparky Anklebiter 2-run HR in the 1st inning to deliver a very solid win in Boston (7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks). The jeers in Boston started with “Hey Colby — you stink like cheese” and “Hey Colby — go back to your college in Maine with your frigin’ liberal ahtsy fahtsies” to “Hold me, Colby” by the fat drunk girl in the Nomah jersey.
Josh Hamilton – 3-for-5 with a HR and 5 RBIs. Now at 5 HRs and 11 RBIs with a .413 AVG. Someone’s got his eye on the MVNK award (Most Valuable Non-Kemp).
Mike Napoli – 3 for 5, 4 RBIs, 3 runs, 2 homers and a 1B with catcher eligibility.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-3 as he was moved to 6th in the order. This is what Ozzie was thinking about for the last 5 games during his exile. So that means Stanton’s gonna have to hit, like, 40 homers in a game to convince Ozzie he was wrong. You gotta better chance of Ozzie being named Little Havana’s Man of the Year. Andy Garcia’s got that shizz on lock for a decade anyway.
Heath Bell – Throws a scoreless 9th for his first save. Now down to a 9.00 ERA. It says something when that’s actually pretty good considering all the drafted closers this year.
Hanley Ramirez – Game winning 3-run HR at Crayola Canyon. No es mal contente!
Starlin Castro – 2-for-4 with his 7th steal. You know who loves Castro (the non-killing people one)? This guy with two thumbs, a mustache, two eyes, a terrible Jersey accent and a cougar girlfriend. That’s who! (But doesn’t own him anywhere. Sad trombone.)
Ryan Dempster – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Whenever I see his name I can’t help singing, “Demps and a bump, Demps and a bump, we like the starters that go Demps and a bump!” Maybe it’s just me.
Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Mr. April throws another beaut. His ERA is sub-1.00. Maybe he can give some pointers to Lincecum.
Adam Lind – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs with his 1st homer. I’m not going to mention how you wanted to drop him so bad because he had 9 bad games in a 162 game season, but I’m warning you now. If he goes on a tear, I’m gonna take off the gloves and not only mention it by saying I’m not mentioning it, but I’m going to actually mention it.
Jose Bautista – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Maybe he doesn’t want to spite me by having his first bad season after it took two years for me to like him.
Brett Lawrie – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer. #outofthe7hole
Javy Guerra – Blew yesterday’s save. Over/under that Jansen is the closer by July moves to June.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-4 with his 4th steal. Did someone buy him for Christmas a ticket to the Davey Lopes SAGNOF seminar?
Yovani Gallardo – Nice home start against Dodgers (7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks). Even better — just one BB after 7 BBs in his first two starts. Then K-Rod comes in and lets Ethier go-yardo to blow the lead. At least he got the quality start, right QSers!
Mat Gamel – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a slam & legs. 1st homer of the year, but his 3rd steal. Guess if you’re trying to replace Prince, it’s best to start at steals and work your way up from there.
Brett Gardner – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a steal. Here’s an idea for those that lost Ellsbury. After Gardner is sitting out a game and his owners are frustrated, try to trade a small piece for him. I think he gets 50 steals.
Mark Teixeira – Out a few days with influenza. A-Rod said, “Don’t look at me. I only have herpes. No flu.”
Johan Santana – 1 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners. Left after having throwing 55 pitches. He should have to donate this game’s salary to the victims of Bernie Madoff.
Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. You’d take that start from Wandy every day and twice on Muesday.
Johnny Damon – Should be ready in a week. Those with a “Good Hair” category in their league should be pumped.
Gordon Beckham – 0-for-3. Now hitting .103. It’s getting so bad that they pinch hit Fukudome for him. Or maybe Fukudome thought he heard his name when Ventura realized that Beckham was coming up for a critical 9th inning AB.
Jon Lester – 2 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners. Fickin’ ay. Give ’em some chicken and beer if it’ll stop him from throwing a crappy start like this again.
Cincinnati Reds – Their 4th through 8th hitters last night (Rolen, Bruce, Ludwick, Stubbs, and Hanigan) are all hitting .200 or less. At least they’re not clogging up the bases right, Dusty?
Chase Utley – Phils’ GM said Utley’s knee “seems to be improving.” Last week the GM said Utley’s knee “seems to be improving.” So Utley isn’t the only thing that’s broken.