Chipper Jones says he thinks he injured himself while running out of the batter’s box. For a baseball player, this seems like a pretty innocuous place to injure themselves. How exactly do you get injured coming out of a batter’s box? Swing, turn, run. A layperson (you and I) does not come out of a batter’s box, but a similarly innocuous place might be, say, a bathroom. So imagine a buddy told you he hurt himself taking a crap. Previous week, he strained something showering. Couple of weeks ago, while putting unicorn jizz (that’s what I call toothpaste) on his toothbrush, he pulled a metacarpal. Previously, he’s broke a toe changing the TP, popped an eardrum Q-Tipping, sliced off a piece of nose while shaving, got a hernia while toweling off and he got a Grade 3 windburn from a blow dryer. Would you think your friend was a good bet to stay healthy until October? Yeah, me neither. As for Wainwright, this strikes me as really bad luck for his owners (which is me for many teams). He says that he should be fine and there’s no official word. I doubt official word is at all positive. Brace yourself for different options. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:
Matt Garza/Dioner Navarro – Had a scuffle in the dugout yesterday, causing Garza to get pulled early. Going forward this is a problem for one of my teams because I have both guys. Here’s my plan of action, I’m going to sit Navarro whenever Garza pitches, but in the meantime I’m going to have my corner infielder, Helton, talk to both of them about the importance of the Lord, charity and all of that. Then I’m going to bring Keith Foulke in to talk to both guys because– Wait, this is fantasy baseball, not real. Oh, yeah, then Dioner and Garza will be fine.
Kyle Lohse – 7-2. The “h” in his name is like a precarious Jenga piece. At some point it will be pulled out, his success will collapse, and all he’ll do for your team is Lose.
Kevin Slowey – 8 ER in 3 IP. Another outing like that and he’s on the short bus back to AAA.
Aaron Harang – I’m trying not to blame that long relief outing still, but…. Ugh. He’s an excellent buy low candidate right now. He is better than his numbers.
Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-4 with a home run. The Alex(e)i with the ‘e’ is showing the Alexi without the ‘e’ they’re only similar in almost names.
Mark Reynolds – Now 6 home runs in 15 games. If you remember from the beginning of the season, Reynolds is what you call streaky.
Nick Swisher – Getting hot. If he’s on your waivers, he’s absolutely worth a pickup. He’s valuable when he’s hot.
Jason Giambi – 14th home run. Much like Ron Jeremy, Giambi sports a ‘stache, swings a big bat, and appears out of shape and over the hill.
Luke Scott – From the files of abandoned outfielders that never produced, here comes another streaky hitter. Hit two home runs yesterday. Might hit three more in the next week. Cust kayin’.
Gavin Floyd – He has a 20/1 K/BB ratio in his last three starts. And his first name is Gavin. What’s not to like?
Mark Teixeira – PABST has five HRs in the last 11 games. Might have officially turned the corner into a full season stud or FABST? Um… Not sure about this one anymore.
Justin Masterson – That’s it. You got what you got. I wouldn’t start him in his next start.
Curtis Granderson – I was happy to see Granderson hit a HR, but I was even happier to see him bat ninth. That makes a lot more sense than Miggy in the sixth hole.
Ryan Tucker – Must Die. I’d bid maybe a $1 in NL-Only leagues, but that’s about it.
BJ Upton – Two home runs in three days. Maybe this is when the power streak comes on. Then again, it was in Texas and Ramon Vazquez is hitting in Texas.
Vernon Wells – Not only came back early from a wrist injury, but hit a home run yesterday. I’d try and sell him quickfast.
Jose Guillen – Just in case you missed it, he hit 3 HR and 9 RBI over the weekend at Yankee Stadium. That’s now 9 HR and 45 RBI for the year (albeit with 25 R and .262 AVG). Between this and Milton Bradley’s triple crown run, 2008 is shaping up as the year of the crazy. Jose had a incredibly silent 23/99/.290 last year in Seattle after some troubles in Washington, but he’s worth taking a flier on if he’s hanging around on the FA wire. BTW, how incredibly dull is Carlos Guillen in comparison to Jose and Ozzie Guillen? Jose and Ozzie Canseco were pretty nutty too.