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Recently, I realized I like my steals like I like my women, cheap. Sure, there’s girls out there that know which spork to eat their Hamburger Helper with, but real value is found in girls that can have fun in a bar with sawdust on the floor and Jimmy Buffett playing on the jukebox. Now this doesn’t mean I’m turning my nose up at Kate Bosworth if she shows up at my door in sweatpants, carrying some takeout Chinese. Same goes for fantasy baseball. Steals is a category I tend to neglect on draft day in March. The only pure speed guys I’ll consider, where they are drafted, are first round gems like Jose Reyes and Hanley Ramirez. I’m not suggesting you punt steals, because that would put too much pressure on your other categories. (Just like if you neglect getting laid.) Instead, I opt for Grady Sizemore, Corey Hart or Chase Utley-types. Guys that give you everything, including ten to twenty steals. In one league where I drafted Carl Crawford, when I saw his power still wasn’t coming this year, I traded him for Braun two months ago. But when you don’t draft a Juan Pierre-types, you’re usually hurting a bit for steals and need some cheap ones. Anyway, here’s some cheap steals that you might find on your waiver wire:

Chris Dickerson – Plus speed, some power and a womb-full of strikeouts. In NL-Only leagues, he should be owned already or picked up. In deep leagues, he’s an add on need. Dickerson will sit (or you should sit him) against lefties. His splits are weird guy cheerleader bad.

Denard Span – A near .400 OBP warrants consideration in all leagues. He is the starter even with Cuddyer’s return and he’s entrenched in the leadoff spot.

Carlos Gomez – As he starts to hit the waiver wire in a bunch of leagues, I find myself liking him more. In a few leagues where I need steals and have the room, I’ve grabbed Gomez off waivers and have substituted him in on days that someone on my team sits or short schedule days. He may lose playing time to Cuddyer so that might make him step up his game or not, but if it’s cheap it can’t be that bad.

Lastings Milledge – Mentioned him last week as a guy who has a chance to be the quietest 20/20 in recent memory. His steals do come at a price to your average.

Mike Cameron – See one half centimeter above.

Jerry Hairston Jr. – About to return from hamstring injury. His vacay was so extended and with the nature of his injury, I’m not that high on him having a huge amount of value upon return, but if he’s there you take the flier, cause that’s what you do.

Joey Gathright – He reminds me of this nasty couscous my friend used to eat for lunch. The tartar on your tongue tasted better than this stuff. So why did he eat it? Because it was cheap. Joey Gathright is nasty couscous.

Cesar IzturisCheap’s one thing, but Cesar Izturis? Oy, his name should be just tsuris (Yiddish Word of the Day). Whatever, Jackie Mason, he’s .429 with 4 steals in the last 7 games. SAGNOF!

Emmanuel Burris – How awesome would it be if Burris and Fred Lewis were near the cage and Bochy said, “Hey, Emmanuel, Lewis, come here.” And they responded in unison, “Sure thing, Mr. Papadapolis!”

  1. Renee says:
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    I realized I like my steals like I like my women, cheap. Sure, there’s girls out there that know which spork to eat their Hamburger Helper with, but real value is found in girls that can have fun in a bar with sawdust on the floor and Jimmy Buffett playing on the jukebox. Now this doesn’t mean I’m turning my nose up at Kate Bosworth if she shows up at my door in sweatpants, carrying some takeout Chinese.

    After that sexist introduction why bother reading the rest of the post?

  2. Chase says:
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    Cheap steals? You forgot to mention Kevin Mench! This guy is like lightning… I mean he already has 12 steals in his career and counting!

  3. Hardcore Midget says:
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    Hey man, it looks like Cuddyer is done for the year (he broke a bone in his foot the other night in a minor league game), so Span and Gomez look to be a bit safer.

    I took a flier on Span a few weeks ago, and plug him into my lineup when my other OFs have the day off.

  4. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Renee: I coulda told Bosworth to put on something else. Ya know, look more presentable. But I didn’t. That shows how sensitive I am.

    @Chase: True.

    @Hardcore Midget: Thanks, Hardcore Midget. I must’ve missed that bit of Twinkie news.

  5. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    No Emilio!? No Way!
    Don’t stop Bonifacio-eliving!

  6. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @IowaCubs: Eh, how many times can I pimp the same schmohawk.

  7. Doug Ault says:
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    I took a ride on the Gomez express at the start of the season,then the wheels fell off.Does he even steal bases anymore? I think he stole 75 % of his bases in less than first 2 months of the season.

  8. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Grey: @Renee: Razzball is the place where politically correct fantasy baseball talk comes to die [(C) 2008 Harper Collins]. And I say that as a feminist!

    I guess if you find that offensive, then you probably shouldn’t read much further into the site. Razzball is like the the chain restaurant you take a date if you don’t like her and want her to break up with you because you’re bored of her and want to get back to see if Sonnanstine fulfills his promise of a 6IP, 2ER, 3K, yawnstipated start. [If you understood that sentence, then congrats! You've just won a one week RazzPass!(TM)]

    Yeah, the guys and gals who read this site, even the married ones like me, don’t get laid too often. And no, women generally speaking, don’t read this site, which is to say that they’re totally welcome to read and contribute, but they don’t. And I say that as a feminist!

  9. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Doug Ault: He’s been hitting well in the nine hole.

    @IowaCubs: Holy shit, that might be the best comment ever at this site. Well played, my good man. Well played. I gotta figure out some way to brand that into the front page, like “Razzballers say this:” Wow. Seriously, bravo.

  10. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Grey: I have no problem pimping Jim Edmonds!

  11. SoS says:
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    As far as saves go from here on out, what order would you rank these schmohawks? Lewis, Izzy, R. Perez, Farnsworth, Kunz, Grabow. I currently have Izzy and am thinking I’ve seen enough. I actually saw enough a long time ago.

  12. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Grey: Hey, how about that Jim Edmonds?

  13. Nick says:
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    Yeah I’m from Long Island, only 40 minutes from Shea & tried to get to as many games as possible this summer as I go back to college in 2 weeks….the one thing I do love about Shea is the cheap tickets, can get upper box Row A on stubhub.com for like $10 a ticket.

  14. Warning: Burriss is playing almost everyday, but he’s only hitting .168 with one stolen base in 43 August at-bats. Just saying…

  15. cruisinkc says:
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    Don’t look now but a girl is beating all you guys in the RCL…..

    Haha. Just had to say it.

    BTW I love this site and don’t find it offensive at all.

  16. Doug Ault says:
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    @Grey:I kept waiting for the bubble to burst on Hairston,now I’m drinking the kool-aid and hoping he provides some average.He was 1 fer 1 as a ph last night.

  17. FYI – after today’s game against the Rockies:

    Chris Young – .236 BA
    Adam Dunn – .234 BA

    Young is ahead in the race to .240 by half a length.

  18. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    Plexico Burriss is playing baseball now? Where? That’s odd.

  19. BigFatHippo says:
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    @cruisinkc:

    Wow you really are a chick, I thought it was just your avatar. Props to you for being a good sport.

    Guess it’s easy to be a good sport when you’re waxing a bunch of smelly guys in baseball.

    Fake baseball at that.

  20. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @SoS: Grabow, Lewis, R. Perez, Farnsworth, punt.

    @Nick: LI’s in the house.

    @RotoAdvantage: re: Burris — Are you saying he’s a bit of a drain on average?

    re: race to .240 — Ha!

    @cruisinkc: Wait, are you a girl? I didn’t know we had a girl reader? That’s awesome!

  21. BigFatHippo says:
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    @IowaCubs:

    If I pick him up do I get to keep him for my football team?

    Dumass me traded away my 1st round pick.

  22. Martin says:
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    hey my team is injury plagued with jacoby, atkins, braun, hairston all out and the stretch run continuing, whould i drop one of them and pick up greut or another player to pickup in a 12 team mix league.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Martin: Out of those, I would only drop Hairston. Obviously, I’m not sure who’s available in your league so I’d list guys who I’ve seen available as Cameron, Milledge, Delmon Young, Marlon Byrd then Gerut.

  24. Martin says:
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    when do u think hairston will return because if I drop him i probably lose him. I am losing 12-0 this week in a 14 category league and am 1 game out of the playoffs before this week started. My team has done considerably well for drafting tulo, cano, byrnes, smoltz, francoeur, saito in rounds 3-8.

  25. Martin says:
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    or i could always drop madson or heilman(even though im trying to catch up in saves) or parra, kid weaver or paul byrd (after his start on friday)

  26. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Martin: I’d drop Madson for now. Lidge says he could’ve entered yesterday’s game if needed.

  27. Martin says:
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    thanks and while im here who should i start tommorow?

    Lee vs LAA
    Liriano Vs Sea
    Kid Weaver @ Cle
    Byrd Vs Tor
    Parra @ LAD

  28. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Martin: Didn’t you just say you were losing 12-0? Why sit any? What do you have to lose? Do you have to sit someone because of a lack of spots?

  29. JR says:
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    Wow. Got here too late to compliment you on “This Pitcher Kills Fascists.”

    Outstanding.

  30. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @JR: Never too late for compliments. Or trashings. We accept/expect either.

  31. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:

    Atkins must have frenched Kotchman, C Guile contracted Chipperitis, Kaz Mat pulled his Drew and yet my team is fine.

    Filling in with Lowrie, Wigginton, Freddy and I feel fine.

    Lowrie has the most RBI’s at SS since the break, believe it or not.

    And how bout some love for Wigginton? Gonna see a lot of PT and always hits in September.

  32. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Lowrie has 1 HR and 0 steals on the season. We wouldn’t be talking about him if he were on some other team (meaning, “instead of the Red Sox.” Not “instead of your team,” but it’s true we wouldn’t be talking about him if he weren’t on your team either.). Wigginton has been hot though, I’ll give you that.

  33. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: BTW, you know who’s been much better than Lowrie? Your own Izturis.

    EDIT: OCD.

  34. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:

    Ha

    Yes, we wouldn’t be talking about him if he weren’t on my team.

    (Did I just use a double negative, or was that a positive-negative?) Call the grammer police, Baron………………….

    As for Izturis, any guy that’s a headliner on a Razzball team shouldn’t be on my team.

    You know you have him on your Razzball team, don’t lie.

    Is he at least on your bench?

  35. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Ha! He’s currently killing my Razzball team. Him and Freddy Sanchez and Chone Figgins and… Ugh, everyone’s been hot recently. My Razzball team’s been out hitting my regular team. Not good. But I did have Tommy Hunter go today. Go ahead, look up his line from today’s game.

  36. Nick says:
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    Hey Grey would you drop M. Gonzalez or J. Hanrahan for D. Wheeler? I also have Hoffman, B. Wilson & Torres but I’m not dropping any of them.

  37. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:

    jljtaoi850k0kd8do

    Ha

    Sorry, just did a spit-take and blew a frosty beverage all over my keyboard looking at Tommy Hunters line.

    Had to mop it up with the cat. The quicker picker upper. Her name is Bounty.

    You should be sitting Cesar when he’s hot, just got another base hit.

    I bet your Razzball team has a better avg than my RCL team, .245 can you believe it?

    Ludwick just hit #30 BTW.

  38. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: Eh, you’re liable to drop Gonzalez and then he gets three saves this weekend. I wouldn’t make a drop there.

    @BigFatHippo: Please. My Razzball team’s at .407 for today. I got Headley and Mitch Maier both at 2-for-3 respectively. But I need to accrue some at-bats or I’ll be penalized. As is stated here:

    http://razzball.com/razzball-league-standings-august-2nd/

  39. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:

    .407 not good.

    You’re “simultaneously sucking and blowing.”

    Like my ex-gash, with somebody else.

    What do you think about sitting Halladay tomorrow?

    I know you’re gonna say “I never sit Halladay” but man, Red Sox are hot.

  40. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: The Halladay you just traded for? Have you seen his numbers this year? Don’t sit Halladay.

  41. Nick says:
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    Sonofabitch….Nats put in Hanrahan in a non-close situation and the mets are about to mess him up

  42. Nick says:
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    @Grey: What do you think about dropping Hanrahan for Wheeler now, haha? I don’t think Hanrahan is going to do me any good considering the Nats are not winning many compared to Tampa Bay…

  43. BSA says:
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    ******Chris R Young went down with forearm – DL until September******
    Apologize if this is old news but just saw it pop up in CBS

  44. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:

    Boston scares me man, his career #s there aren’t good either. I have Webb and Bills going too and +12 IP.

    Fish or cut bait, I don’t know what to do. I’ll go with gut feeling at gametime. Meaning I’ll probably start him.

    BTW

    Lowrie, Freddy, Wiggy currently 8 for 12. Should have a 10 in average and OBP after tonight.

  45. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: That’s a Kazaam! You can make that move if you like, but Hanararanananan could get two saves this weekend and Balfour might get the Rays’ saves. Wheeler is a better pitcher than Haranananan and Balfour, but it’s risky.

  46. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: He has a 2.70 ERA vs. Boston this year.

  47. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: BTW, not sure if you’re watching the Mets game, but the Nats look like the Bad News Bears. I haven’t seen plays that bad in a long time.

  48. BSA says:
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    With Chris gettin the boot off my team which 2 start pitcher next week?
    A.Reyes, D. Davis, Francis, Fogg, Rogers – a closer
    Geez could Ziegler be thrown in for Save and K points as opposed to Wins and PS/innings?

  49. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Yikes. Um… Punt?

    Reyes, Francis, punt. But I don’t want any, just so you know.

  50. BSA says:
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    I agreed – One team in my league changed tactics and swept up the Gios, Volstad’s, Nolasco Starts next week. Damn it – two weeks ago they would have gone under the radar. I may just stand pat, roll Harang out there or pick up a closer with seven games, if there are any.

  51. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:

    I know, I know.

    But career at Fenway, 4.66-1.31…….not Halladay like.

    I’ll roll him out there if you’re willing to face the wrath of Hippo.

    If you get a Hippo trapped in a cave and his eyes turn red, leave him trapped.

  52. @Grey: Damn, another Texas Ranger pitcher (Tommy Hunter) that I missed out on for my Razzstaff. If only Texas could develop a starting pitcher. Oh wait, Volquez, Denks, and Tall Chris Young. In return, Hamilton, McCarthy, and Eaton. I thikn I’d rather have Josh Hamilton pitch than those two….if Hamilton pitched, I’d be afraid to start him in Razzball…

  53. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Just picking up from our forum conversation, with Downs down, is Devine worth owning again?

  54. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Devine’s been about as solid as anyone. Yeah, I’d grab him.

  55. dan says:
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    whats the better start parra v dodgers in dodgerville, josh johnson v cubs in cago, or garza v texas in tex, feel rangers are due ofr big one…

  56. mcserch says:
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    @cruisinkc — i figured you were a royals fan who preferred your al pacino in black leather, named your cat zack greinke and sang show tunes between innings…you go girl!
    @grey; @hippo — i think halladay threw like 130 pitches last time out…cust kayin’

  57. Steve says:
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    Anyone know who’s getting the call for SD on Saturday with Young on the DL? Although my ratios are so shot, I don’t think even a perfect game can help me…

  58. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @dan: Parra

    @mcserch: Hehe

    @Steve: Maybe Ledezma? Maybe Hensley? Not sure.

  59. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Don’t know if you recall, but I asked you yesterday if Kuroda was worth a pickup for today?

    Shoulda done – although he would assuredly have been torched had I done so. Kuo got a 2-inning save for me though :-)

  60. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Eh, better safe than sorry.

    *****Take followups to the newest post.

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