Hmm… That title doesn’t sound right.  It’s like when your mom asks you why your bed sheets are all crusty and you’re like, “It’s dried glue.”  Same embarrassment, different therapist to discuss it with.  So Nick, Rudy and myself got together yesterday and did a little pop and chat.  We’re not poppin’ and squatting.  We’re poppin’ and chatting.  It’s more couth.  Hmm… autocorrect is telling me couth isn’t a word.  Well, how do you get uncouth if there’s no couth, smart guy?  Besides, autocorrect isn’t even a word.  So there!  Besides Lincecum, we also talk about some players to buy low and Danny Hultzen.  There’s those ears of yours perking up.  Yeah, we go over what we think Hultzen’s ETA will be and what kind of delicious we’re gonna get.  We basically turn this thing inside out and rip off the tag.  Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast, now with dried glue:

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Rudy had to take a flight when we were recording the podcast.  He tried to continue on the plane while it was taxiing, but they asked him to turn off the phone, so he said he was only playing Words With Friends, so they kicked him off the plane, and, unfortunately, there was no reception in the terminal, so it was just me.  It was scary out there by myself!  I did half the podcast with a flashlight held up to my face and tears coming down my face while Nick held a shaky camera up to record it.  We then buried the recording somewhere in the woods and what you are about to hear is what we found when we dug it up the next day.  Good thing we marked the buried recording with a poorly-constructed witch made of twigs!  Also, in this podcast there’s a rap song performed by one of you out there in Razzball Nation.  If you want to download it, go here.  It’s called “Fantasy Baseballing On Your Mom’s Terms.”  Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast, now with only one nasally voiced New Jerseyan:

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The question we didn’t ask, “Mr. Proops, take one letter out of your last name and you’ve got street cred — drop a different letter and you have absolutely no cred.  Discuss.”  But we did ask him about comedy and Whose Line Is It Anyway… We basically clarified what everyone already knows –> talking about comedy is the least funny thing in the entire world, but… Greg Proops’s The Smartest Man in the World podcast is funny and should be checked out/downloaded/whatever the kids are saying nowadays.  You know, the 411!  And 411 is something I’m not even sure kids would understand.  As for our podcast with Greg Proops, it’s hoot-larious (I just made that up?  You like it?  Use it, but pay me a nickel every time).  Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast, Proops we did it again:

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We talk about a bunch of fantasy baseball podcast related thing-a-ma-whosies in today’s fantasy baseball podcast thing-a-ma-whatsie, while I try to work in Hosmer.  Hey, I’m not sweating Hosmer.  In fact, he should be sweating me, because if he doesn’t start hitting we’re gonna have words.  Those words going something like this:  Grey, “Please hit above .250 with power.  Please!  In the name of all that is holy.”  Hosmer, “Who are you?  And why are you hiding under my bed?”  We talk about other things in the podcast for s’s and g’s.  Like Dee Gordon, Luke Scott’s banana chip fetish and how I’ll trade anyone Hosmer for anything.  Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast, now with pleas for Hosmer:

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Joining Rudy and I this week is Jimmy Pardo, he’s a baseball fan and the comedian who opens for Conan O’Brien every night of the week.  Not like that!  I mean he warms up the crowd.  Not like that!  Wait, how were you taking that?  Eh, not important.  If you want to do yourself an outside-of-the-bathroom-type solid, download Pardo’s podcast, Never Not Funny.  It’ll make you laugh or he’ll refund your money (it’s free).  Or you can check out him pitching to Justin Verlander.  He throws like a girl.  A very butchy girl who would kick your butt in anything athletic.  Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast, now with extra cackles from me:

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The news of Longoria’s injury broke (key word) just before we recorded this thing so you have to excuse our voices with the long faces.  We own Longoria everywhere.  (Rudy even owns him in the RCL, which brings me a very, very small ounce of joy.  And now Tom Milone doesn’t seem half as bad of a start against the Rays.  Rays, why do you scorn me?!  I’m so delirious with sadness I don’t even know why I’m in this parenthetical.) On top of Longoria’s hamstring crushing injury, we also talk at length about Bryce Harper, Mike Trout and other things that were scripted years ago that were brought to you via time machine.  Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast, now with extra tears:

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Did you hear the one about how so-and-so is no longer a closer but this guy is but he’s not anymore because the other guy is now?  Well, you’re about to.  Herewithin (which I don’t think is a word, but should be), we go around to every bullpen and then make up teams and make up closers for those made-up teams and talk about those too.  Oh, and we talk about some other shizz like David Wright, Jeff Samardzija and Frank Shamrockitto (okay, I made up that last name).

Afternoon, Razzballers, if I may call you that.  If not, tough noogs.  We have another very special podcast for all of youse.  This podcast is brought to you by nothing in particular.  Smell that?  That faint odor?  That’s nothing in particular!  As always (or at least for the last two weeks), the contest for a $50 Amazon gift certificate is still in play.  I think we’re gonna wrap it next week, so if you want a piece of the action, you do what you do, I’ll do what I do and, as always, we’ll meet somewhere in the middle.  Here’s the rules and regulations:  Record yourself singing our Razzball theme song.  Use an online voice recorder like I did here:  Me singing off-pitch.  Then post your link in the comments of this post.  (If you posted in the last post, you’re in the running.  No need to repost.)  Anyway, here’s episode three of the Razzball Podcast (now in SAP):

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Download directly the Razzball Podcast.

Topics discussed on this week’s podcast include something for everyone who’s ever listened to anything ever in their life.  Yes, it’s that all encompassing.  We didn’t just let the cat out of the bag.  We skinned said cat, put it back in the bag, carried it around the block until PETA showed up and threw paint on us.  With that said, the contest for a $50 Amazon gift certificate is still in play.  It may just be in play until the All-Star Break (or until we get at least a dozen submissions).  Here’s the rules and regulations:  Record yourself singing our Razzball theme song.  Use an online voice recorder like I did here:  Me singing off-pitch.  Then post your link in the comments of this post.  (If you posted in the last post, you’re in the running.  No need to repost.)  We are not doing this because we’re replacing our theme song, which incidentally rocks.  We’re doing this as a fun, cool, synonym, community building something-or-other.  I don’t know; insert a touchy-feely phrase there.  And make a version of the song!  Anyway, here’s episode two of the Razzball Podcast (now in High-Def):

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Download directly the Razzball Podcast.