The first fantasy baseball podcast of the year was last week. If you missed it, I’ll give you an idea. Imagine the music for an action movie is playing, the beat is building, the tension is high, the sweat is drip, drip, dripping from your forehead. Only instead of looking for the bad guy or trying to stop a bomb from detonating, you’re sitting at your desk looking for a pencil. It was like Skyfall in your very own cubicle. Or if you listened to it in your car, then you probably had to pull off the road from heart palpitations. “Hey, roadside assistance, I was wondering if you could bring a heart defibrillator out to the Barham Pass? No, he was listening to the Razzball Podcast. Yes, in Dolby Digital.” We took last year’s laconic podcast and turned it into a shook-up bottle of tonic. This week, we tried to turn down the spin-your-glow-sticks-at-a-rave type energy in the background on just Rudy and me. So you get the Trainspotting energy on one hand and the Brad Pitt in True Romance on the other. Oh, and we talked baseball. On this week’s podcast, we brought in our prospect writer, Scott, and our OPS writer, Tom Jacks, to talk about position battles. (The name Tom seems like it needs a last name, right? Is it “Hey, it’s Tom!” or “Hey, it’s Tom Brady!” See?) Rudy talked about a new tool that we’re bringing out this year that we’re all very excited about. It’s like our Stream-o-Nator only turned up a notch and turned on its head. (Here’s a hint: it’s for hitters instead of pitchers. Eff me in the coolie, that’s awesome!) Then, I talked about picking up Cougars. So, you know, business as usual! Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (now with less heart-attack-inducing music):

You couldn’t bear to think of commuting to work with nothing but one of those other guy’s fantasy baseball podcasts, so you called out sick and went into the woods to hibernate. You huddled around your campfire all winter waiting for the Razzball podcast to return. At one point, all you had was the warmth from some embers and a bear carcass that you killed with your truck. You had gangrene in one hand and you hadn’t soaped yourself in five months. Did it all have to be so difficult? Can’t Razzball bring the fantasy baseball podcast back sooner just so you could come out of hibernation and have something to listen to on the way to work? Did you even have a job anymore? Calling out sick for five months because of a lack of commuting entertainment seemed like a barely passable excuse when you told the HR person. Was that the HR person or a janitor picking up the phone? Crap, this better be the best fantasy baseball podcast you’ve ever heard in your whole life. Or at least in the last five months. Well, the wait is over, prematurely balding man. The Razzball podcast has returned in all its podcasty goodness. We have a new producer, new guests, but the same old awkward pauses and elongated ummmmm’s. That’s not feedback in your headphones, that’s my high-pitched laugh! That’s not your 11th grade math teacher babbling on, that’s Rudy! That’s not Barry White, that’s the podcast host, Nick! That’s not Jaywrong, that’s… No, actually, I think it might be Jaywrong. Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast, now in like 24 segments:

Nick had his heart set on doing a 2013 fantasy baseball mock draft.  And who am I to disappoint people?  I’m not my father!  Sorry, my shrink says it’s good to get that stuff off my chest.  The problem with doing a mock draft this early is things change even if no games are played.

Rudy’s not around for another podcast, so it’s just Nick and I.  I can’t say where Rudy is only that’s it’s top secret spy business.  I’ve already said too much.  If I told you more, I’d have to kill you and Rudy would have to kill me.

Technically, the title is correct.  But we’re off-roading more than we’re on with this podcast.  It’s September, y’all, and we’re talking about whatever comes to mind.  We’re like Kermit Ruffins and fantasy is our scat.   I have no idea if that is factually accurate, but it sounds cool.

Nick, Rudy and me haven’t watched Breaking Bad.  I know, we’re bad people.  Rudy is starting the DVDs next week, and I plan on watching it this offseason.  It’s my one goal.  Not making myself a better person, not exercising more….

Due to my flight back from New York having me traveling around 2 AM west coast time, I bowed out of yesterday’s podcast.  There was no way I was going on three hours sleep that I got in a middle seat.

Juice Jones is our MC Skat Kat.  That’s right.  We have a Razzball Podcast Football theme song and it’s got a rap interlude.  And Juice Jones says, “It’s Razzball, baby,” and I nearly lose it.  It’s Razzball, baby!  Wow.  If you want to hear our entire fantasy football podcast then go over to that side of things.