What does fantasy baseball have in common with playing Scrabble and orgasms? If you said, “Things I like to do in front of the computer,” that’s nice (we don’t judge) but not the answer I was looking for. The answer I was looking for is “Things that are a lot more fun to experience than to hear some guy describe his experience.”

So it’s a testament to Sam Walker that his book, Fantasyland, was such an entertaining read. The book chronicled a sports journalist’s experience competing in the renowned Tout Wars expert league and he leveraged his player access to mixed success in fantasy baseball but greater success in crafting an entertaining read. The Jacques Jones segment, in particular, hit me square in the pathos bone (right next to the funny bone).

I was very intrigued when I heard that a documentary based on the book was being made. Did the director have a DeLorean or Cusack-occupied hot tub whereby he could film the scenes from Sam Walker’s book? And, if he did, could he stop by my old apartment and clue me in to not draft Gary Sheffield in 2006?

Alas, the documentary went the ‘inspired by’ route and did an extensive search to find a fantasy baseball (non-expert) fanatic who would get the opportunity to compete in Tout Wars. Below is my interview with Stephen Palgon (director) and Jed Latkin (the star). I also recommend checking out the film which can be streamed for free at Snagfilms for a limited time.

On to the interview (potential spoilers included)…

Rudy: How did this documentary come about? Did you pitch Tout Wars to open up a spot for a ‘non-expert’ as a documentary or did they pitch you?

Stephen: I saw an article online about Sam Walker’s book Fantasyland and was very intrigued by his story and journey in the book. The aspect that interested me the most was that he made playing fantasy a dramatic endeavor that wasn’t solitary. When I read this I thought that it would be a great documentary and from there I contacted the people who had the rights to the book and made my pitch for doing a documentary. We did pitch Tout Wars about the project. There was some initial caution on their part since they had been through the process with the book and some of them had parts of the book that they were not comfortable with.

Rudy: Who was involved in casting Jed? Based on Tout Wars founder Ron Shandler’s reaction, it doesn’t sound like he was part of it.

Stephen: Essentially the production team was involved in the decision and the process. We put out a call and received a great deal of responses. We conducted interviews personally and received tons of submissions via the web or through the mail.

Rudy: Are you a fantasy baseball player yourself? Did this experience increase/decrease your interest in it?

Stephen: I have played some fantasy baseball, but mostly basketball. I am in a fantasy baseball league this year. For a period of time I was in a keeper basketball league, but I think I realized that if I got into it much more that I might’ve gotten really deep into it and I needed to avoid that. So I play but in a more casual way. Playing fantasy baseball is serious time commitment.

Rudy: Sometimes documentaries start as one thing and evolve into another. At what point in the filming did you realize that you were filming Jed’s intervention?

Stephen: I am not sure if we ever thought of it that way and I don’t think Jed would say that he thought of it that way. The main reason for that is because the people around him I don’t believe think he has a problem. I think that’s the biggest issue that I believe Jed’s side has with how some people have reacted to him and the film. His wife Amy happens to be completely supportive of Jed and what he does. The have a relationship and understanding about these things that works for them and it’s not for us to judge it. When the twins were born and Amy talks about fantasy with Jed about twenty minutes* after the kids were born, this is not something we told her to do, she just did it. She supports Jed, roots for him and doesn’t view it as the problem that other people do and I believe his family feels the same way. I think we were seeing Jed as who he is, he doesn’t fake that.

* Note: Twenty minutes talking with a girl about fantasy baseball is nineteen minutes and thirty seconds more than I’ve ever managed. Those thirty seconds were rebutted with “Jeez, if you wanted to break up with me so bad, you could’ve just said so versus torturing me like that.

Rudy: In the Fantasyland book, Sam Walker talks with several of his ‘players’, including a notable sequence where Jacques Jones found out he was due for a regression in the coming year. But Sam Walker was researching a book and is a journalist – so his actions had a certain realistic quality to them. Jed was an ‘Average Joe’ so it’s a bit more incongruous that he’s talking with players. Was there a conscious decision to abandon the ‘Average Joe’ angle for a ‘fantasy fanatic with unlimited travel budget and access to players’ angle?

Stephen: A few things to be clear about, there was not an unlimited travel budget at all and if you remember, Sam Walker spent 60,000 dollars while competing in Tout Wars. I actually disagree with your take on Sam talking to the players vs Jed. Sam and Jed talked to the players to attempt to see what information they could get, but also in both examples, the book and the movie, it was done to make playing fantasy more dramatic as well as entertaining. A book about Sam just playing in Tout Wars and looking at his stats every morning was not going to be as compelling as the one that he wrote extremely well. To me, talking to the players is a vital angle to both pieces. Fantasy sports essentially has people watching games and looking at numbers on a computer. That is not going to make compelling storytelling. It has to be more active than that and we actually took our inspiration from the active way that Sam played fantasy. Another point is that talking to players is not something that only Jed Latkin and Sam Walker have done, other people that play fantasy talk to actual players, general managers, scouts, whatever. There is a desire to find information any way possible. When we received some of the audition submissions people told stories about talking to players and actually Jed had done that several times prior to us ever filming him.

Rudy: In the film, you talked with several players and coaches. Did talking with players net any valuable insights?

Jed: Talking to the players didn’t net as many insights as talking to the coaches did. The players did give some insight on other players but the coaches (not the manager) gave valuable insight into how players were running and swinging. Also the bullpen coach really gave good insight into how the injured pitchers were rehabbing.

Rudy: When talking with the players, had you considered the Heisenberg principle (or at least the modern appropriation of it) which says that observing a phenomenon inevitably alters that phenomenon in some way? Do you realize that you may have led to Verlander’s poor season?

Jed: I like to think I was helping Verlander but judging in how he has pitched so far this year he might be getting hit with the Saberhagen principle — ie he stinks in even years and wins Cy Youngs in the odd years. As for observation, I think it is a key part of evaluation.

Rudy: It appeared that Sam Walker (writer of the book Fantasyland) and Lawr Michaels were two of the more friendly players you competed against. Who were your most and least favorite Tout Wars participants?

Jed: I really got along well with Joe Sheehan and he is now one of my closest friends. I also got along well with Jeff Erickson and Jason Grey although in our initial trade discussion I kept on calling Jason, Jeff. As for least favorite tout that’s a tough one — I think Rick Wilton was the toughest to deal with since he really stuck to the book valuations and would only consider a trade if he was getting the better dollar values.

Rudy: How many leagues are you doing this year? Any preference in format (auction/snake, AL/NL/Mixed, # of teams)?

Jed: I am doing 11 leagues and prefer single league auctions in person with at least 11 to 13 teams.

Rudy: In the documentary, you’re clearly that guy in every league who sends a ton of trade offers. Besides persistence, are there any other tips you can share on what makes for a successful trade?

Jed: Persistence is big but also make an offer that makes sense for the other guy. Analyze the other person’s team and figure out which areas they need the most and then exploit that in your offer. The key is to try and get the better of the deal but also makes sure if makes sense from the other person’s point of view.

Our interview subject today is Morgan Ensberg – undoubtedly the finest MLB player ever with the first name of Morgan (cry me a river, Morgan Burkhart and Morgan Murphy).  Ensberg grew up in Southern California, played college ball at USC, and was in the minors for 4 1/2 years before being called up for good in 2002 by the Astros.  He eventually wrestled the 3B job away from Geoff Blum despite Blum’s clear advantage of having a surname starting with B.  Ensberg played 3B for the Astros through 2007 with his best year coming in 2005 when he finished 4th in the MVP voting and helped lead the Astros to their only World Series appearance.  In addition, Morgan Ensberg fell into the category of “Is his name Jewish, European, both, or neither?” along with players such as David Eckstein, Ben Zobrist, Gabe Gross, and Royals’ prospect Kila Ka’aihue (scroll to end of interview for the answers!)

On to the interview…

Rudy:  Fans generally expect players to have the typical ‘bell-shape’ career where they might struggle at the beginning, ramp up to a peak in their prime and come back down as they get in their upper 30s.  But there are numerous careers – like yours – that defy these expectations.  Your first full season at 27 was very good (.377 OBP, 131 OPS+), you had an MVP-caliber season at 29 (86/36/101 with a .388 OBP and 144 OPS+), and you were out of the league at 32.  What do you feel were the main reason(s) why your peak wasn’t longer?

Ensberg:  Each situation is different.  Most of the reason I didn’t continue to do well was because I got down on myself and didn’t have perspective.  Other players simply loose their skills, but that was not the case for me.  Mine was mental.  I have said before that I would be a better ball player today because I have had a year off to gain perspective.

Rudy:  Moneyball – for better or worse – is credited with bringing OBP into vogue.  You had an excellent eye – walking 101 times in your last full season.  How much of a good batting eye is a skill vs. a choice?  Did it frustrate patient hitters like yourself, Berkman, and Bagwell when a guy like Willy Taveras and even Craig  Biggio took so few walks?

Ensberg: OBP is important if your organization thinks it is important.  Your real underlying question is more about defining the brand of ball that your team plays.  My belief is that most teams won’t define themselves because they don’t know what sort of team they are.  With that lineup in 2006, what sort of team do you think we were?   (Rudy:  Man, you know I can’t pass up a question like that!  See my lengthy analysis below the interview.)

Rudy:  A number of hitters with seemingly average speed pull off 15-25 SB seasons seemingly out of nowhere.  Case in point:  Lance Berkman stole 18 in 2008 after never stealing more than 9 in nine prior seasons.  Paul O’Neill set his career high of 22 in his last year (at 38).  How hard was it for a non-stealer like yourself to get the opportunities to steal?  Do coaches slowly gain confidence in a player throughout the year or do the runners themselves lobby hard for the increase?

Ensberg: Some managers don’t understand how important stealing is to winning.  Most managers will look at a players speed and give him the “green light or red light”.  I was always given the “red light”.  But good teams constantly apply pressure to the other team to make the plays.  If you look at bunting in the Big Leagues, it is terrible.  If players were taught correctly how to sacrifice then more teams would use it and those teams would win more games.

Rudy:  I hypothesized (http://razzball.com/20-risky-pitchers-for-2010/) that the most effective pitch on average is the slider but it’s so tough on the arm that most starting pitchers with above-average stuff will avoid overusing them (leaving the more fringe starting pitchers to throw out their arms for a season or two of effective pitching).  So two questions:  1) Did you find the slider to be the toughest pitch to hit (on average)? and 2) Do you think this hypothesis has any merit?

Ensberg: The toughest pitch is the straight fastball.  A well located fastball cannot be hit hard.  Sliders are tough, but anytime there is more that one plane, we have a chance.  So sliders cross 2 planes and that gives us another indication of its location.

Rudy:  What do real baseball players think of fantasy baseball?

Ensberg: I have never met a player who talks about fantasy baseball.  Fantasy is a derivative of the game and fun for fans.  It has no impact on us at all.

Rudy:  You wrote a very interesting piece on how Pujols’ HR against Lidge in the 2005 playoffs wouldn’t have happened if you had been put in the right position against David Eckstein (http://morganensberg.wordpress.com/2010/03/15/lidge-vs-pujols-i-was-in-the-wrong-spot/).  Why didn’t one of the coaches look at the hitting charts and position one of the outfielders up in the left field train tracks against Pujols?

Ensberg: That is a question that I find myself asking every night.

Bonus feature #1 – Rudy’s analysis of the 2006 Astros (in response to Morgan Ensberg’s question, “With that lineup in 2006, what sort of team do you think we were?”)

Short answer:

With their strong pitching, the 2006 Astros only needed average offensive performance to win their easily winnable division (Cards won NL Central with 83 wins).

The 2006 Astros offense was poorly constructed and management focused on empty power (Preston Wilson, Jason Lane) in their corner OF spots rather than OBP to compensate for the limited offensive contributions that should’ve been expected from Everett, Ausmus, Biggio, and Taveras.  The lack of speed in the lineup (short of Taveras) made it difficult to put pressure on competitors.

The 2006 Astros would’ve been better served offensively to focus on OBP by promoting Luke Scott to start the year and acquiring a high OBP guy (like Scott Hatteberg) to help maximize the RBI opportunities for the heart of the lineup as well as moving Biggio or Taveras further down in the lineup given their below average OBPs.

Long answer:

It’s always easier to judge a team’s construction and lineup choices after the season than before.  So I’ll try to minimize the ‘hindsight is 20/20′ by basing decisions based on the end of 2005 when Phil Garner (Manager) and Tim Purpura (GM before they nabbed Ed v. Wade) were mapping out their 2006 team.

The 2005 NL Champion Astros were clearly a team driven by their pitching.  The trio of Oswalt (20-12, 2.94 ERA/1.20 WHIP, 184 K/48 BB), Pettitte (17-9, 2.39/1.03, 171/41) and Clemens (13-8, 1.87/1.01, 185/62) all had Cy Young-caliber seasons and amounted to an astounding 18.3 WAR (Wins Above Replacement).  The bullpen was excellent as well with Lidge, Qualls, and Wheeler all having above average seasons.

The 2005 offense was in flux as Jeff Bagwell’s early shoulder woes led to only 24 ABs after April and took one of the best bats and OBPs out of the lineup (in 2004, he’d hit .266/.377/.465 and played in 156 games).  The team’s best hitter coming into the season was Lance Berkman and he performed well but missed all of April with a knee injury.  He took over Bagwell’s place at 1B forcing UTIL Chris Burke into OF duty and adding a 4th weak bat and below average OBP into the lineup (Burke, Adam Everett, Willy Taveras, and Brad Ausmus all finished between 70-80 in OPS+ with Ausmus’ .351 OBP and Everett’s 11 HRs moderate bright spots).  Biggio and Jason Lane provided solid power (26 HRs each) which helped balance their pedestrian OBPs (.325 and .316 respectively).

The breakout season of the 2005 Astros, though, was this post’s subject (Morgan Ensberg) as he went .283/36/101 with a .388 OBP that, based on WAR, was the 3rd best season in the NL that year after MVP Albert Pujols and Andruw Jones’ career season. ( Ensberg’s WAR was higher than Derrek Lee’s monster .335/46/107 season driven by Ensberg’s defensive value).

So going into 2006, the Astros retained two of their aces (Oswalt, Pettitte) and got back Roger Clemens on June 1st after Drayton McLane paid him the king’s ransom of a pro-rated $22 million.  With promising young pitchers Wandy Rodriguez and Brandon Backe, this was definitely set to be an above-average pitching team BUT it would have been ridiculous to expect as dominant a collective pitching season as 2005.  So the offseason goal should’ve been to improve the offense.

Specifically, the #1 priority based on the 2005 team should’ve been to upgrade the team’s OBP which at .322 was tied for 2nd worst in the NL with the Mets, Nationals, and Pirates (http://www.fangraphs.com/teams.aspx?pos=all&stats=bat&lg=nl&type=1&season=2005&month=0).

Here was the returning starting lineup with some in-house options in parentheses:

C: Ausmus
1B:  Berkman (Carlos Rivera)
2B:  Biggio (Burke)
SS:  Everett
3B:  Ensberg
RF:  Lane (Luke Scott)
CF:  Taveras
LF:  Burke (Lance Berkman, Luke Scott)

C – It’s hard to look at Brad Ausmus’ stats and not see potential for an upgrade.  He was turning 37 and posting 5 straight subpar seasons (as chronicled here – http://razzball.com/razzball-historical-spotlight-brad-ausmus/).  I can only assume he was deemed to be a great receiver which may be tough to measure via traditional stats and in-house options Eric Munson and Humberto Quintero weren’t much better.  I didn’t see any great upgrade on the FA wire and it’s hard to postulate trades so I’ll leave him be.

1B:  Berkman was set here but could’ve been moved to the OF if a 1B was found.  27 year old prospect Carlos Rivera was coming off a solid .312/.363/.505 season at AAA.  Free agency also an option.

2B:  Biggio was coming a league-average season and was turning 40.  It would’ve been natural to assume he’d regress to slightly below average.  The best in-house option – Chris Burke – wouldn’t have been an upgrade.  Given Biggio was towards the end of his march to 3,000 hits and was one of the two best Astros ever, this wasn’t the position (or player) you were going to upgrade.

SS – There was little reason to upgrade Adam Everett’s below average offense as his glove made up for it.

3B – No reason to change from Morgan Ensberg after an MVP-caliber season.

RF – Jason Lane – At 29, he was coming off his first full MLB season where he showed he could be a servicable slugger type (26 HRs, high K rate).  Not an ideal platoon candidate given he had more success as a right-handed bat against RHP than LHP in 2005.  Luke Scott was a left-handed bat turning 28 and had nothing left to prove at AAA after posting .286/.363/.603 with 31 HRs and a solid BB rate (near 10%).

CF – Willy Taveras – Still young, a solid glove, and plus speed.  Just coming off his first full season which held more superficial promise (.291, 33 SBs) than actual promise (high K rate, ridiculously low BB rate, no power).  Worth taking a shot on but should’ve been forced to do 20 pushups every time he hit the ball in the air a la Willie Mays Hays.

LF – Chris Burke was an emergency fit at LF and was an obvious area for upgrade either with Luke Scott, shifting Berkman back and replacing him at 1B, or a free agent.

In summary, the biggest offensive team need was for a 1B or corner OF with high OBP to offset the below-average OBP of Everett, Ausmus, Taveras, Jason Lane, and Chris Biggio.  The last thing the team needed was a low OBP guy regardless of the player’s power or speed.

So whom do they acquire via free agency but a gamy Preston Wilson whom, at 31, was coming off a .260/.325/.467 split-season between the Marlins and Rockies that was eerily similar to Biggio and Jason Lane’s 2005 seasons.

Who would have been a better choice?  Carlos Garcia profiled as an AAAA type so an in-house option probably wouldn’t have worked.  But none other than Moneyball favorite Scott Hatteberg was a free agent that year after an off season at 35 for the A’s (.334 OBP with no power).  The Reds signed him and, in 2006-2007, Hatteberg posted OBPs of .389 and .394 for the Reds.  Preston Wilson, on the other hand, had 9 HRs and a .309 OBP before being dumped on the Cardinals in late 2006.

With Berkman back in left, Jason Lane and Luke Scott could fight for the RF position with the potential for a left/right platoon (though the right-handed bat of Lane hit better against RHP vs. LHP in 2005).  A projected lineup with some assistance by Tom Tango, Mitchel Lichtman, and Andy Dolphin’s ‘The Book‘ for lineup construction (great summary at http://www.beyondtheboxscore.com/2009/3/17/795946/optimizing-your-lineup-by) would be:

#1 – Willy Taveras
#2 – Morgan Ensberg
#3 – Scott Hatteberg
#4 – Lance Berkman
#5 – Luke Scott/Jason Lane
#6 – Chris Biggio
#7 – Brad Ausmus
#8 – Adam Everett
#9 – Pitcher

The lineup still has its holes (painful to put Taveras up 1st but a 40-year old Biggio doesn’t make sense and the slow-footed Hatteberg – stats be damned – would be ugly to watch at leadoff.  The only speed option (Taveras) is hitting in front of the three best hitters so his SB potential is less utilized than if he hit lower in the lineup.  Switching the two ‘bergs to #2/#3 is also a possible alternative.

The lineup used most often in 2006 was:

1. Biggio
2. Taveras
3. Berkman
4. Ensberg
5. Wilson
6. Lane
7. Ausmus
8. Everett
9. Pitcher

While the team’s OBP went up to .332, this was driven mainly by getting a full season of Berkman.  The team’s OPS was 2nd worst in the NL and was 5th worst in Runs.

Preston Wilson and Jason Lane had the type of disastrous seasons that’s a greater risk with power/high-K/low BB guys.  You know it’s bad when your most valuable opening day OF (measured by WAR) turns out to be Willy Taveras.  While Ensberg regressed in some areas (AVG, HR), his stellar .396 OBP was wasted hitting in front of these two.

Luke Scott was inexplicably kept in the minors until July and had a fantastic 2nd half with .336/.426/.621 that wouldn’t have held up the whole year (high BABIP) but proved he was a better option than Jason Lane.  Hatteberg would’ve been a much more productive player than Wilson though this would’ve nullified the positive impact of Aubrey Huff who was picked up for the stretch run.

The incremental wins of Scott Hatteberg vs. Preston Wilson as well as starting Luke Scott from the beginning might’ve netted about 2-3 extra wins throughout the season (guesstimated looking at WAR – also worth noting that Preston Wilson was an atrocious fielder).  That’s generally inconsequential for a team that ended with 82 wins except for the fact that the Cardinals won the division with only 83 wins.

While any number of factors could’ve helped boost the Astros by an extra 2 wins (like, say, Roger Clemens pitching the whole season, any sort of contribution from Wandy Rodriguez, a healthy Brandon Backe), it’s hard to look at the team and not blame Garner/Purpura for not optimizing the offense.

Bonus feature #2 – Are these players Jewish?

Morgan Ensberg – No.  He is of Norwegian descent (see comments in this link).

David Eckstein – Nope.

Ben Zobrist and Gabe Gross – Not even close!  Ben and Gabe would organize Bible studies when they played together for the Tampa Bay Rays and Ben is married to Julianna Zobrist – a Christian rock singer.

Kila Ka’aihue – Unknown.  I can’t find any info out there that confirms his religion.

Our interview subject is Matthew Berry -  the Director of Fantasy Sports at ESPN.  His career has taken him from stand-up comedy to Hollywood where he paid his dues with writing gigs like Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles which was up for a 2001 Razzie (unaffiliated to Razzball) as Worst Remake or Sequel but lost to Planet of the Apes.  He followed his passion of fantasy baseball and wrote for Rotoworld before starting his own fantasy blog TalentedMrRoto.com that was purchased by ESPN in 2007.

Last note – unlike our interviews to date (see Spike Lee, Sarah Palin, and Rickey Henderson), this interview was real.  ESPN is pimping their Fantasy Baseball folks on a PR junket and asked us to conduct this interview….the site that brought you Hater Bell….. When we asked Matthew Berry towards the end of the interview why us?  He seemed as puzzled as anyone….go figure.

GREY: First off, thanks for A’ing our Q’s, mucho appreciado Senor Fruitazi.  You’re a good sport since a lot of the time, like a blogger Luke Skywalker would say, You Are My Fodder.  I started Razzball when I was laid off during the WGA strike and I know you’re also a screenwriter or were or whatever, so I just want to say thanks for paving the way for me to go from an underappreciated, society misfit to an underpaid, society misfit.  You’re the wind beneath my wings!

Okay, brownnosing aside, I know how hard it is to do fantasy baseball rankings.  You really can’t please everybody all the time.  With that said, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, MAN?!  I put Dustin Pedroia, Josh Hamilton and Cliff Lee in our 2009 Fantasy overrated category.   But your rankings have a vibe of “What was good last year is a tasty nugget to covet this year.”  Defend these three or quit your post at ESPN and move to Cape Horn.

MATTHEW BERRY: Cliff Lee developed a new pitch last year so I don’t think he’s necessarily in for a regression to ‘before last year.’  Hamilton stayed healthy and…he’s in Texas.  This makes Hamilton valuable.  Pedroia’s my biggest question mark.  Is his power for real?  If it is, then he could be very valuable.

GREY: When anyone mentions closers on Razzball, I point them to our Fantasy Baseball Glossary entry for SAGNOF — Saves Ain’t Got No Face.  Double negative aside, you know you want to agree with me.  So… Go ahead.

MATTHEW BERRY: I’ve said forever that you don’t pay for saves.  So… Um… Yes, I agree with that.  There’s very few closers out that I think are rock solid this year.  I count 8 coming into the season where you’re like, “Okay, that’s clearly the guy” and there’s no risk.  And that was before questions about Brad Lidge showed up.  So I think you’re down to seven.

GREY: What top 20 pick are you most excited about?  Least excited about?

MATTHEW BERRY: Most excited about Miguel Cabrera. He’s do for a monster, monster year.  Most people look at last year as a disappointment, but he actually had a huge 2nd half.  Once he adjusted to the new position and to the new league.  He’s still going towards the end of the 1st round, but I think he’s a guy you can look up at the end of the year and be the number one fantasy player overall.

GREY: Agreed.

MATTHEW BERRY: Certainly top three.   So that’s the guy I’m most excited about and least excited about A-Rod.  There’s so many variables.  He’s so crazy.  I believe we have not heard the end of the A-Rod story.  This is based on nothing more than my gut.  I don’t want anyone thinking I have insider information from ESPN.  This is based on nothing more than my gut.  I think there’s more to the story.  I think it’s going to come out that he used more than what he’s said.  I think the story is going to continue throughout the summer.  I think if the Yankees don’t have an amazing year he’s going to be left holding the bag.  I mean… I just don’t like him.  I’ve been very open about that.

GREY: A fantasy baseballer’s (<– my Mom’s term) job is to unearth late round bargains.  Who is this year’s Ryan Ludwick?  Tell my readers now.  They thank you.

MATTHEW BERRY: Shin-Soo Choo.

GREY: I like him too. Our 20 risky pitcher for 2009 post points out a few candidates to avoid at your draft.  You probably disagree with Ricky Nolasco’s inclusion there like I disagree with MILF’s nickname on VH-1′s I Love Money 2.  Go ahead, make a case for Nolasco.

MATTHEW BERRY: The case for Nolasco is (to) look at what he did last year.  Right?  I mean, over the 2nd half of last year after the All-Star Break, Nolasco 4th in MLB in strikeouts.  Had a ridiculous 98 to 12 K/BB ratio… I’m doing this off the top of my head so it’s 96 to 12 or 98 to 12. (It’s 98.)  He hasn’t shown any sign of being injury-prone or…um… He’s still young.  So, I mean, I think overuse at this point is a bit premature.

GREY: You are admirably outspoken on your fantasy strategies – e.g., don’t pay for saves, draft speed…  Do you get a lot of hate mail–

MATTHEW BERRY: (jumps in) It’s more than just that.  Those are just two of them.

GREY: Okay, those are two.  Do you get a lot of hate mail from people bemoaning their crappy closers and their Carl Crawford-led offense?

MATTHEW BERRY: I would say my hate mail is pretty evenly spread out among all subjects.

GREY: Let’s say we’re close friends –

MATTHEW BERRY: I find this hard to believe already.  But go ahead…

GREY: What, no rapport?  Is it my breath?  Should I return to the brownnosing?

MATTHEW BERRY: It’s quite all right.  Just go ahead.

GREY: Okay, so I’m about to join a random ESPN league.  Given that your core strategies are read by many of the participants on the site, would you suggest I follow your strategy or move closer to the opposite since there will be more bargains (i.e., top closers go later)?

MATTHEW BERRY: Well, I appreciate, as my pretend close friend, that everyone is going along with my strategy.  I don’t think that’s the case.   Fantasy sports more than anything else is a place where everyone thinks they know more than everyone else.  That’s one of the points of it.  You want to prove you know more than everyone else.  So I think my strategies work, I think every league is different, obviously every rule is different, every fantasy player has different tendencies. My recommendation would be, in a vacuum, that you don’t abandon a strategy just because everyone else is doing it.

With that said, there’s definitely something to zigging where everyone else is zagging.  Where I wouldn’t pay for closers maybe I would go for starting pitching more, because I tend to say wait on starting pitching.  I might try to lock up a scarce position like I might draft three 2nd basemen.  Give myself depth somewhere to trade if there was suddenly a run on something.  As opposed to chasing a lower end guy at one position.  Suddenly, a bunch of 3rd basemen are going off the board, so instead of going early on a so-so third baseman just to have someone, I might load up on another position.  “Okay, I’m going to make sure I have a bunch of good 2nd basemen and trade them.”

GREY: The amount of league data you have at ESPN must be staggering.  Have you given thought to summarizing this data and publishing it?  For example, what players were on the highest percentage of teams that lost?  Do teams that have invest in say a 2B/SS combination in the first two rounds or pick a starter in the 1st round fare better/average/worse than the average team?  That type of information would really add some credence.

MATTHEW BERRY: It’s been suggested.  It’s a matter of resources.  It’s actually not that easy to pull that data as you might think.  So… It’s been suggested.  It’s up to the people that run our technology group and the people who run our fantasy content and I do neither.  So I’m not the right guy to answer that question.  I am ESPN’s lead fantasy analyst.

[Rudy's Editor Note:  C'mon Worldwide Leader!  You have a treasure trove of data to actually validate (or invalidate) fantasy baseball theories.  Allow us at the data and we'll reduce our ESPN-razzing by 40%!]

GREY: If Baseball Tonight anchors and alumni participated in a fantasy baseball league, who do you think would win?  Who will finish 2nd to last in front of Eric Young?

MATTHEW BERRY: Steve Phillips would win.  Steve Phillips plays fantasy.  He knows it really well.  In fact, Steve Phillips won an internal Baseball Tonight league last year against a bunch of researchers and producers and people that really play.  So Steve Phillips is the guy who I think would win. The guy that I think would lose is…um… The guy I would say would lose…. Um… The guy who would finish last is Kruk. (He’s) been very open about his disdain.  He’s never played fantasy so like anything I think it takes a learning curve.  John Kruk has publicly said that if he played he wouldn’t do a lot of the moves.  So I could see him getting bored with it.

GREY: Has anyone mentioned to you that your on-screen presence is reminiscent of Crazy Eddie – the 80′s electronics store where the prices were innnnnnnnsane?  Note, you do publish manifestos, a crazy man’s journal…

MATTHEW BERRY: No, I’ve never heard that one.  I’ve heard the gamut.  But I’ve never heard that one.

GREY: Ever thought of being known as Wild Berry?

MATTHEW BERRY: No, I have not.  I try to avoid obvious puns on my own last name.

GREY: Your lack of canoodle time with the ladies is worldwide leader renown.  Can anyone have a meaningful relationship and be good in fantasy sports?

MATTHEW BERRY: It’s good fodder.  Although it’s changing recently… Since being at ESPN, it hasn’t been a priority.  I date women that are wrong for me.  And I’m probably wrong for women that date me.  I don’t blame any of it on fantasy sports.  Nate, who I do the podcast with, he’s very happily married.

GREY: Could you say our tagline for us? Razzball — Something to read between masturbation sessions.

MATTHEW BERRY: No. I have no problem with the phrase itself, but I’m not sure I agree with it.

Our interview subject is the one and only Rickey Henderson.

Rudy:  The Hall of Fame nominations are coming up and it’s predicted you’ll be a near unanimous pick.  What will it mean to you to make the Hall of Fame?

Rickey:  It’s an honor but, really, Rickey just loved to play baseball.  If I was that anxious to make the Hall of Fame, I wouldn’t have come back to play for the Red Sox in 2002. Or the Dodgers in 2003.  Or the Newark Bears in 2004.  Or the San Diego Surf Dawgs in 2005.

Rudy:  Bill James once said about you, “If you could split him in two, you’d have two Hall of Famers.”  Quite the compliment.  What do you have to say about that?

Rickey: I don’t know who these guys Bill and James are but that’s just silly. How is Rickey supposed to play with only one arm and one leg?  How is Rickey supposed to play with half of a head?  How would I find a uniform and sunglasses to fit me?  Unless they were saying they’d split me at my waist.  My top half could still hit and I could run using my arms.  And my legs could still steal bases although I couldn’t slide head first.  So I think the half-Rickeys could’ve been good players but I don’t know about Hall-of-Famers.

Rudy:  If there was one player in the last 30 years that played a game similar to yours, it would have to be Tim Raines who is in his 2nd year on the ballot.  Do you think he deserves to go in?

Rickey:  Most definitely.  Rock was a great player.  Really great.  His numbers are really impressive – especially if you include those years he played in the Canadian Baseball League.  We’d talk on the phone a lot about stolen base strategy and hamstring exercises.  He also deserves credit for shaking that soda addiction he had earlier in his career.

Rudy:  One of my favorite teams growing up was the 1985 Yankees which won 97 games and had yourself, Don Mattingly, and Dave Winfield in their prime but finished 2 games behind Toronto.  Your stats that year were phenomenal – 146/24/72/80/.314.  What kept that team from winning it all?

Rickey:  It wasn’t the hitting that’s for sure!  (laughs)  That was a great top of the lineup and we scored a lot of runs.  The pitching just wasn’t that good besides the Alligator (Ron ‘Gator’ Guidry).  We had this one old knucklehead pitcher (Phil Niekro).  Rickey envied the other team’s hitters whenever he pitched – he could’ve stolen a lot of bases on him.

Rudy:  The 1985 Yanks were managed by Billy Martin – who was also your first coach in Oakland.  You had a great relationship with him yet he infamously feuded with Reggie Jackson – another outfielder with a big personality.  Why did the two of you get along so well?

Rickey:  Rickey and Billy were like two puzzling pieces that fit.  Rickey appreciated baseball fundamentals.  Billy stressed baseball fundamentals. Rickey played aggressive.  Billy managed aggressive. Rickey was intoxicating when he played the game.  Billy was intoxicating when he managed the game.

Rudy:  You had four different stints with your hometown A’s – the last one was in 1998 when Billy Beane was just starting out as GM.  You stole 66 SBs that year (at the age of 39).  Since then, only two Athletic players have stolen more than 15 bases.  This is no surprise to anyone who read Moneyball as Billy Beane is not a fan of the stolen base.  What is your view on Moneyball?

Rickey:  Rickey has mixed feelings on it.  I’ve been told that I played with Billy Beane one season on the Athletics.  He respects the importance of getting on base and that was a big part of my game.  But then he expects Rickey to not steal when he gets to first base?  That’s like taking a horse to water and then not letting him drink.  Rickey likes to drink water.

Rudy:  You’ve gotten a lot of slack over the years for being a showboat – the snatch catch, the slo-mo home run trot, the sunglasses, the speaking in the third person…Anything you’d like to say to that?

Rickey:  Rickey played hard every game but he also liked to entertain his audience.  And that audience includes Rickey.  If you can’t please your #1 fan, how can you please anybody else?

Rudy:  So you’re one of the best real baseball players in recent memory.  How are you as a fantasy baseball player?

Rickey:  If Rickey sets his mind to it, he can be the best at anything he wants.

Rudy:  Do you want to be in our fantasy baseball league next year?

Rickey:  You’re not in Rickey’s league.  Nobody’s in Rickey’s league.

Rudy: Then how can you be the best if you’re not in anyone’s league?

Rickey:  Rickey doesn’t need to finish first to know he’s the best.  Rickey doesn’t stop until he finishes in first.  Then he steals second and third before scoring a run.

Rudy:  Fantasy baseball players are obsessed about stats.  Were you obsessed with stats as a real baseball player?

Rickey:  Rickey was never motivated by stats.  He was motivated by numbers.  Wins, runs, steals.  That’s what mattered.

Rudy: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Rickey:  I think this Hall of Fame nomination will get people realizing how great a player Rickey was and he’ll be re-signed.  I figure when I pass 50 that I’ll slow down a bit and I’ll become a player-coach.

Rudy:  I guess anything is possible, right?

Rickey:  Nothing’s impossible for Rickey.   You don’t have enough fingers and toes to count out Rickey.

Rudy:  Thanks Rickey for all the great memories and taking time out to answer some of our questions.

Rickey:  I’d like to thank Rickey as well.

Our interview subject is the Republican Vice-President nominee – a politician whose gender, backstory, home state, interviewing talents, charisma, religious views, and ocular skills (wink vs. crazy-eyed stare) have made her the most compelling and polarizing nominee since Andrew Jackson tapped South Carolinian John C. Calhoun. 

It might seem crazy to talk to a VP nominee about fantasy baseball but we urge you, the reader, to consider the parallels between managing a fantasy baseball team and the country.  Would you want the doofus in your league who keeps drafting Garret Anderson and Frank Thomas to be President?  Last thing we need is a President who trades Hawaii for Samoa and Tonga.

Also, it’s worth noting that baseball and the White House have been intertwined for ages.  Examples include:

• President William Taft starting the tradition of the ceremonial first pitch in 1910
• FDR only had sex with his wife Eleanor if she wore a catcher’s mask and coined the term four-bagger in her honor
• The Marshall Plan laid out provisions for teaching baseball in Japan
• JFK loved the Red Sox
• Richard Nixon hated the Reds
• Jimmy Carter liked peanuts
• Ronald Reagan went a bit Cracker Jack at the end of his 2nd term
• George HW Bush played baseball at Yale
• Bill Clinton coached women’s softball and enjoyed visits to the mound (okay, made up the coaching part)
• George W Bush was managing partner of the Texas Rangers and many people wish he had stayed in that role instead of moving to politics

On to our interview with Sarah Palin…

Rudy:  Mrs. Palin, we appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to do this interview.

Palin:  Oh, it’s my pleasure.  My advisers thought it would be good if I only did interviews with those outside the media elite – all that gotcha journalism…

Rudy:  That sounds like a good strategy.  So I know about your passion for hockey.  Are you as much of a pitbull on fantasy baseball?

Palin:  You betcha.  I grew up in Alaska where girls were expected to hunt, play fantasy sports, fish, all that stuff.

Rudy:  What fantasy baseball sites and blogs do you read to keep you informed?

Palin:  Oh, I’ve read most of them with a great appreciation for their player advice and statistical insights…

Rudy:  Any specific ones?

Palin:  All of ‘em.  Any of ‘em that have popped up on my computer screen over these years.

Rudy: What is John McCain’s feelings on fantasy baseball?

Palin:  He’s a big fan.  He’s been in Arizona a lot longer than the Diamondbacks (editor’s note:  not the baseball team.  the actual snake that the team is named after and is indigenous to Arizona) so fantasy baseball is really where he first had a rootin’ interest.  He’s the original fantasy baseball maverick.

Rudy:  How so?

Palin:  He crossed the aisle to create a bi-partisan fantasy baseball league in the Senate.  He has worked with both parties on unfair trade policies.  I think we’ve all been in leagues where someone goes “Oh, my team isn’t doin’ so well so you’re my friend and I’m gonna help ya by givin’ ya all my good players for nothin’”. Well, John McCain stepped in and stood up to those special interests.  When lobbyists offered to sponsor a big prize for the league winner, John McCain said “Only if you pay for 2nd place too.”

Rudy:  Can you name one instance where John McCain did anything maverick in his drafting?  In his roster management?

Palin:  He once drafted Hee-seop Choi just to watch him die on his bench.

Rudy:  Okay, then…Can you elaborate on your policy that you refuse to drop a player from your team under any circumstances?

Palin:  Rudy, I believe every draft pick is sacred.  A blessing.  I held onto Hunter Pence all year despite him havin’ a bad year because, well, he sounded like one of my sons.

Rudy:  But aren’t there cases where it’s ok to drop a guy off your roster?  Say you drafted Mark Prior and he’s not expected off the DL anytime soon and you don’t have an open DL slot.  What would you say to someone who wanted to drop Mark Prior in this instance?

Palin:  I would council them to keep Mark Prior on the roster.  He’s a perfectly beautiful pitcher that has special needs….

Rudy:  Let’s step back from fantasy baseball and talk about a broader topic:  baseball.  What do you see as the most serious issues facing baseball today?

Palin:  Oh, I’m glad you asked, Rudy.  I think the most troublin’ thing facing baseball is our dependence on foreign baseball players in our national pastime.  We have domestic supplies of athletes all over this great land but we aren’t tappin’ into ‘em…instead we’re relyin’ on foreign countries to produce ‘em for us.  MLB teams – usin’ taxpayers’ ticket revenues may I add – are circulatin’ almost $1 billion a year into players not born in America.  Those jobs should stay here doggone it.

Rudy:  Some argue that Alaskans are out of touch with this internationalization of baseball as the closest baseball team – the Seattle Mariners – is nearly 1,500 miles away from Alaska.  How do you respond?

Palin:  What those people don’t realize is that Alaska has a land boundary with Canada.  On a clear day, I can see Larry Walker trippin’ over carcasses in the Yukon Territory.    When you consider that Justin Morneau won the MVP two years ago and Erik Bedard ruined so many fantasy teams this year and, as Jason Bay rears his head in Boston…I mean as Canadians invade America to get on baseball rosters, where are they goin’ to go?

Rudy:  Seattle?  Milwaukee?  Maybe just play in Toronto?

Palin:  And the Alaska Baseball League.  But I’m glad you mentioned Milwaukee because I’m a big fan of Ryan Braun.  He’s our best ally in “The Middle West.”

Rudy:  You’ve got the attention of tens and tens of fantasy baseball readers.  What would you like to say to them?

Palin:  My Razzball-Americans…(Editor’s note: We know of, and appreciate, our readers who live outside America.  Razzball Nation has no country barriers.)…Senator McCain and I are mavericks who will fight for all the hard-workin’ everyday Americans and Joe Six Packs out there.  We will stand up to the ESPN’s and Yahoo’s and CBS Sports of the world.  We know you’re sick of all those (ESPN) Insiders tellin’ ya how you should manage your team.  We will reform the system and fight those that want to raise league fees.  Barack Obama wants to veto your trades, tax your winnings, and has been known to pal around with known terrorists like Matthew Berry.

Rudy:  Thank you for your time, Ms. Palin.

Palin:  Well, again, Rudy, I do want to thank you and Grey for having me on your blog. This is such an honor.  Oh, and here’s a shout-out to all you I play against in the ‘Drill My Refuge’ fantasy baseball league.

Our interview subject is the well-respected director of such films as Do The Right Thing, Malcolm X, He Got Game, and Bamboozled as well as a well-known devotee of New York sports.

The incomparable….The incorrigible….Spike Lee.

Rudy: Thank you for accepting our interview request, Spike.

Spike: My pleasure. You know I love talking ‘ball. Knicks 2009! It’s our year. We get a ball handler with our first round…

Rudy: Spike, we don’t cover basketball. We cover baseball – fantasy baseball to be exact.

Spike: What?! (uncomfortably long pause) You’re lucky you’ve got a black man as your avatar.

Rudy: Sorry for the confusion. So we know you’re a Knick fan – what baseball team do you root for?

Spike: Crooklyn Dodgers, Homestead Grays, The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings

Rudy: Any non-fictional teams that have played a game within the last 40 years? C’mon, you must be either a Yankee or Met fan?

Spike: I root for all New York teams but I just stopped rooting for the Mets after what they did to my boy Slick Willie. If I had to pick a favorite Major League team other than the Yankees, I’d say the Toronto Mo’ Better Blue Jays. Show ‘em how it’s done, Cito G.

Rudy: You’ve exchanged words in the press recently with Clint Eastwood on the dearth of black characters in his WWII movie Flags of our Fathers. You feel it disrespected the many African-American soldiers who fought nobly in that effort. Baseball and race have a long, intertwined history – I’m wondering if you have similar views on baseball movies.

Spike: Don’t get me started, Rudy. I’m not sure Hollywood ever got the memo that baseball is integrated.

Rudy: Isn’t that a tad offbase? Hollywood released The Jackie Robinson Story a couple years after he started playing for the Dodgers.

Spike: Yeah, and they cast Jackie Robinson to play himself. God forbid they hire an actor so two black men could prosper. At least it had Ruby Dee in it. Nobody does it like Ruby Dee.

Rudy: Let me throw out some other baseball movies and you let me know what you think of them. First one: Bull Durham.

Spike: Is there one black guy on that team? No wonder why they sucked. And I’ve been to Carolina. Trust me – a white ho’ like Susan Sarandon’s character Annie wouldn’t be deciding between Kevin Costner and Tim Robbins. That’s like choosing between vanilla and butter pecan. Real life, Annie has a mad case of Jungle Fever. Chocolate or chocolate chocolate chip.

Rudy: A League of Their Own

Spike: More like a A League Keepin’ To Its Own. Where are all the sistas? I’ll tell you where they were. They were all in the trenches. They were stormin’ Omaha Bee-yotch. Don’t believe Spielberg’s jive – no Tom Hanks-lookin’ guy saved Matt Damon. It was a sista.

Rudy: Eight Men Out

Spike: Why you gotta call them the Black Sox? Ain’t no black men on that team. THAT’S the scandal if you ask me.

Rudy: Field of Dreams

Spike: This might be a white man’s dream but it sure ain’t a black man’s. Somewhere in the midwest they build a magical field where the lilly-white Black Sox ghosts can play. A white man (Kevin Costner) then kidnaps a black man (James Earl Jones) to make him watch baseball. Then when the white ghosts leave for the cornfields aka plantation, they invite James Earl Jones but tell Kevin Costner he can’t come. What do you think happens in the cornfield – they all sing kumbaya? Take out the weepy music and that scene may as well be in Birth of a Nation.

Rudy: Wow…um, Major League.

Spike: How come it’s gotta be a black man praying to Jaboo? And what’s up with turning my boy Wesley (Snipes) into a baseball playin’ Stepin’ Fetchit? I cast Wesley in a movie and make him a proud African-American architect who’s neck deep in fine Italian punani. This movie it’s all “Yessah, I’ll do some push-ups. I shoulda never been poppinin’ up dem balls” and “Nossah, I should’nta gone and stolen all dem bases”. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Rudy: Are there any baseball movies you do like?

Spike: Besides The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings and The Jackie Robinson Story, nope. Well, I kind of dig The Bad News Bears. Let them play! Let them play!

Rudy: You’ve done a basketball movie (He Got Game). Any thought of doing a baseball movie?

Spike: Funny you should ask. I’m working on a biopic right now of Reggie Jackson called “JaXon”. Denzel is getting fitted for over-sized glasses as we speak.

Rudy: Can’t wait for it to hit theaters. We love Reggie over here at Razzball. Last question: Do you play in any fantasy baseball leagues?

Spike: Nah. Stopped playing years ago. Too hard to find players I like beyond outfielders and power-hitting 1st basemen.

Rudy: Spike, thank you for your time. it’s been a pleasure.

Spike: Go Knicks!