It’s with no regret that I announce (Well, I’m not exactly announcing it. The Brewers are, but bear with me.) that Eric Gagne is no longer the closer. Officially, the Brewers say it’s a mental break. I say, it’s a “You can’t take steroids anymore and the Brewers should’ve never acquired him in the first place” break. On Friday, I told you I think Salomon Torres will walk away with a large chunk of saves. If he’s gone, as a speculation on Gagne’s replacement, you have to grab Mota or Riske. Grab everyone basically, even Shouse, if you need saves. I think Gagne will be eventually back closing for the Brewers and he’ll get five or six more saves before he undoubtably needs another mental break. Guess now he’ll have time to tuck in his shirt. Anyway, here’s what else I (and others) saw yesterday:

Johnny Cueto - I missed the Mets game because I was hungover and needed to submerge my head into a tub of ice. So I put Rudy on the case, here’s what he said over IM, “Castillo got a gift triple in the first which led to 3 runs, but they were crushing Cueto in the first 2 IP. Then 2 innings were fine. Then a bullshit infield single for Castillo. K’d Wright. Then hung a curve that Beltran hit into orbit. No great story other than Cueto’s stuff is good, but remains a risky bet. I wish I traded him to you instead of Zach Attack. Parra’s unstartable, but I’m starting Cueto outside of Colorado. BTW, you’re the greatest writer in the history of blogs. In fact, blogs should be renamed to Glegs, which is a portmanteau (Word of the Day).”  Thanks, Rudy.

Brian Bannister - I was vomiting blood during this game, so I turned to my Uncle Yitz, who lives in KC, “Bannister is luckier than a blind man in a braille store.” Thanks, Uncle Yitz.

Carl Crawford - Blood turned to phlegm so I let Momma Grey write this one for Mother’s Day, “Carl who? Is that our mailman?” “Maybe you’re thinking of Karl Malone.” “Karl Malone is our mailman’s name?” Thanks, Mom! I still believe Crawford gets over 20 home runs and I’d trade for ‘our mailman’ in a second.

Ryan Braun - Everyone’s well aware of my stance on Braun, but he did hit two home runs yesterday. I say sell, but you do what you do.

Shawn Hill - Still not getting Ks or Ws like I’d want, but in deep leagues, you can do a lot worse. Actually, in shallow leagues you could do worse.

Khalil Greene - Been a buy low candidate for me for about a month. He is what he is, which is 25 home runs. If you like that sort of thing, you’ll enjoy KG.

Santiago Casilla - Finally gave up some runs, but he just got another win. Listen, when it’s time to bail, I’ll give you a heads up, but fantasy baseball is like a craps table. When the table’s hot, ride the effin’ table. When the table’s cold, go to a strip club.

Jonathan Broxton - I know you want to drop him quickfast. I think that’s being too reactionary. He recently had problems with his lat muscle, so he might not be himself. Bench him for a few days to see if yesterday’s outing was a one time bludgeoning or if you need to do a mercy killing.

Justin Speier - Not sure if anyone’s on this train wreck, but you need to get off, you ain’t ‘Unbreakable.’

Ervin Santana - Missed this game because my girlfriend was administering an IV, but his final line surprises me less than his first month of stats, if that makes sense — sweet!

Dan Uggla - If he hits forty, he’s worth the average. Otherwise, I’m not a fan. BTW, missed this game because I needed to be rushed to the hospital.

Nick Blackburn - Returned from the hospital in time to see this game. Honestly, I’m not buying into this guy. He seems usable with the right match-ups, but not on any of my teams. Not right now. Now I’m going to down an aspirin, a Bloody Mary and a ‘lude and hope this hangover goes away. Remind me not to drink again.

USA Today might no longer appreciate the insights shared by Larry King in his long-running column but we at Razzball were thrilled when he accepted our invitation to share his thoughts on Fantasy Baseball….

Hello, fantasy baseball fans in America and abroad! Hope your teams are doing better than mine - I keep forgetting that the Dodgers no longer play in a hitter’s park….Am I the only one who gets Grady Sizemore and Brady Anderson mixed up?….One of my favorite players is David Ortiz because we have so much in common - bad knees, we’re older than we claim, and we both like being called Big Papi….Glad to see David Eckstein land in Toronto - I just hope they keep the dome closed during day games to protect his skin….Forget Hollywood, the best director of a cast of characters in LA is Joe Torre. I drafted all four Dodgers OFs just to be a part of it….CC Sabathia’s starts remind me of my prostate exams - I keep hoping for a happy ending but I just end up coughing and looking to the side….Am I the only one that gets Cracker Jack and Crunch ‘n Munch mixed up?….Sorry Mr. Westbrook but the best Jake pitching today is Jake Peavy….SF’s Brian Bocock is the best amateur middle infielder I’ve seen since Billy Crystal….The most insightful Baseball Tonight personality is John Kruk - boy am I glad he’s not in my fantasy baseball league….second most insightful Baseball tonight personality is a 14-way tie….I feel bad for Chad Cordero and Joe Borowski as I lose things all the time too….If Michael Bourn and Carl Crawford ran a race, I’d recommend that the spectators not blink…..Am I the only one that gets Jose Mesa and Jose Valverde mixed up?…..If managing baseball is like a game of chess, Dusty Baker is a Grandmaster…..The only thing hotter than the weather and the women in Arizona are the trio of Brandon Webb, Dan Haren, and Micah Owings…they go as well together as my face and a pair of fake knockers….

Felix Hernandez looked dominant yesterday. Most impressive thing, eight strikeouts to one walk. Least impressive thing, it was against the A’s. Most reason for concern, he threw 115 pitches. He’s already complained of arm fatigue, why is he pitching the ninth inning? *cough* No bullpen. *cough* (Side note, I dropped Mark Lowe in one league for Brocail. More on Brocail later.) When Felix Hernandez got called up, people were saying he could be the best thing since naked Natalie Portman pictures, and he looked it in ‘05 at the age of 19. But then ‘06 happened and a few people fell off the bandwagon, then ‘07 happened and the bandwagon got derailed. Now it’s ‘08, (no shizz, right?) and Felix Hernandez doesn’t feel like the next big thing anymore. Well, guess what? He’s only 22. Here’s what I said in January when I placed him in my top twenty pitchers overall, “…He could shoot to the top five pitchers by as early as next year. This may be the last time you’ll be able to get him at a bargain for a decade.” And that’s me quoting me! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Jose Reyes - He loves to go on tears. Hold on, it’ll be a fun ride.

Josh Hamilton - It’s boring always being right, but I have him on a few teams too. I’m just hoping he doesn’t succumb to the allure of crack in May. Just Say No! (Or get injured.)

Rafael Furcal - 4 for 4 with a home run. He’s been looking like a great bounce back candidate since February. If someone in your league doesn’t know it, they do now.

A.J. Burnett - Yes, that was him in the 14th inning. Good idea to throw the injury-prone guy out there.

Jason Botts - I’d love to see him get some starts. Might be a good platoon mate when the Rangers are playing lefties at home. Cust kayin’.

Hank Blalock - (Lots of  Rangers news, right?) He’s day-to-day with a sore back. That means a 15-day DL stint that turns to 60-day then he gets mono from Casey Kotchman.

Jason Isringhausen - Struggled to get the save. He’d have to be injured to lose the job. Trade for him.

Jose Valverde - Later today you’ll be getting a closer report, let’s just say Brocail was picked up by me in three leagues last night. Valverde was NOT good before last year.

Carlos Gomez - If you have Miguel Cabrera at third and Helton at first and really need steals, here you are.

Carl Crawford - I believe he gets to 25 home runs this year.

Josh Fogg - What a Razztastic that start was. I jumped down 6 points in the standings. (Farkin’ Mark Redman messed up my perfect day.) Unfortunately, with the shizz Fogg threw up there, Homer Bailey (who’s been outstanding in the minors) might be getting the call soon. I know, that’s not unfortunate for a lot of you.

C.C. Sabathia - Okay, this is purely conjecture, and I welcome others thoughts on this, but ‘member how he threw something like 657 innings last year including the playoffs? I know his velocity has been fine, could there be some residual tiredness thing going on? Not sure, but feel free to CC me your thoughts.

On each friday we’re going to try and answer your 2008 fantasy baseball questions. Is this every fantasy baseball question we receive? No, but it’s a few of the better ones that were emailed directly to us at info[at]razzball.com. So if you want some fantasy baseball advice that can’t get answered in the comments section, then there you go.

Hey,
I got a huge trade offer. Someone offered me Utley, Oliver Perez and Aaron Rowand for Crawford, Isringhausen, and Sherrill. What should I do? Here is my roster.

Geovany Soto
(ChC - C)
Garrett Atkins
(Col - 1B,3B)
Ian Kinsler
(Tex - 2B)
Edwin Encarnación
(Cin - 3B)
Jimmy Rollins
(Phi - SS)
Álex Ríos
(Tor - OF)
Nick Markakis
(Bal - OF)
Corey Hart
(Mil - OF)
Carl Crawford (in UTIL slot)
(TB - OF)
Bobby Abreu (in UTIL slot)
(NYY - OF)
Chris Young
(SD - SP)
Tim Lincecum
(SF - SP)
James Shields
(TB - SP)
Jason Isringhausen
(StL - RP)
Joakim Soria
(KC - RP)
Heath Bell
(SD - RP)

Bench

George Sherrill
(Bal - RP)
Brian Wilson
(SF - RP)
Rafael Betancourt
(Cle - RP)
Ted Lilly
(ChC - SP)
Jair Jurrjens
(Atl - SP)
Huston Street
(Oak - RP)
Randy Wolf
(SD - SP)
Edison Vólquez
(Cin - SP)
Andy Sonnanstine
(TB - SP)
Wandy Rodríguez
(Hou - SP)
Ervin Santana
(LAA - SP)
Dana Eveland
(Oak - P)
Manny Parra
(Mil - RP)
Yovani Gallardo
(Mil - SP)

Rudy’s answer:
I’m assuming this is a 5×5 league w/ 8 to 10 teams.

Based on that, I see this as a two for three trade b/c Rowand is just a bench player. Utley’s biggest plus is that he plays 2B but you’ve got Kinsler there and no MI slot in your league. You’ve got more than enough closers for the 3 spots so the relievers aren’t that important but you’ve got three starters better than Oliver Perez as well.

I’d say make the trade b/c your team looks stronger on SB vs. HR/RBI and Utley is an upgrade over Crawford. You’ve got a 4th OF in Abreu so you’re fine on OF depth. Oliver Perez is better than some of your bench starters and might pay off at some point (more than Sherrill will anyway…)

Hope this helps.

Grey’s answer:

Your team look pretty stacked as it is, but why not try and make it better, right? So, first off, Utley and Crawford are the top two dogs in the trade. From the looks of your team, you’ll be simply switching them out, since you don’t need a 2nd basemen or an outfielder. I really like Crawford this year. I think those people who are saying he’ll never see 25 home runs are neglecting he’s still only going to be 27 in 2008. There is a possibility he hits 25 home runs, and it could be this year. As for, Utley — Well, he’s better. He has hit 25 home runs already and will again. His projections are 120/32/115/.325/12. You will lose at least thirty steals going from Crawford to Utley, but you have a solid, well-rounded foundation. You can afford to take the hit in steals.

Then there’s Oliver Perez and the other schmohawk for Izzy (kinda crap) and Sherrill (extreme crap). Oliver Perez is the next best player in this trade, so you’re getting the top two players in this trade and you’re asking me if you should do it? I know, you’re worried you’re trading too many saves away. Well, Sherrill is good for nothing. I watched the Orioles the other day. They’re not winning 70 games. Sherrill will be lucky to get 25 saves and he’s never closed before, so he’s far from a sure thing. You’re not trading away Valverde at the beginning of last year here. Sherrill’s not going to come out of nowhere and save 45 games. As for Izzy, he’s a reliable closer who will probably chuck in 30-35 saves. So you lost about 55 saves in this trade, big whoop. You have a few closers and I think you’ll manage fine. If you need saves in July, you trade someone for a reliable closer. Oh, and drop Rowand and pick up Mota or Turnbow or Riske, one of them will be closing soon.

Hope this helps.

Hey,

Your fantasy baseball site is by far the best I’ve found on the web. Reading your blog posts over the past few months, I went from a college football fanatic who keeps an eye on the MLB and March Madness to a hopeless sports addict–now that I’m so into fantasy I have no offseason.

So as I’m sorta new to this, I have one question if you have the time. I’m in a 9-team Yahoo! money league with AVG, H, R, HR, RBI, SB, TB, XBH / W, L, K, SV, ERA, WHIP, CG, K/BB. I didn’t draft a pitcher until round 9. I’ll try to recall the rounds I got these guys, but I’m honestly very worried about my pitching. Would you recommend trading one of my higher round batters for a starter?

C Geovany Soto (18)
1B Mark Teixeira (3)
2B Chase Utley (2)
3B Aramis Ramirez (5)
SS Troy Tulowitzki (6)
OF Carlos Lee (4)
OF Matt Holliday (1)
OF Nick Markakis (7)
OF Adam Dunn (8) — wasn’t planned, just had to pick him up in 8
BN Matt Kemp (16)
BN Michael Bourn (19)
BN Alex Gordon (14)
BN Eugenio Velez (W)

SP Javier Vázquez (11)
SP James Shields (13)
SP Adam Wainwright (16)
SP Manny Parra (20)
SP Edison Vólquez (W)
RP Joe Nathan (9)
RP Francisco Cordero (15)
RP Chad Cordero (17)
DL John Lackey (10)
DL Yovani Gallardo (12)
DL Chris Carpenter (W)

Now that I write it out, it does look like I have a lot of pitchers, but 3 on the DL still makes ya frown. What’s the verdict?

Rudy’s answer:

Thanks for the kind words and frequenting our site.

The first thing we need to consider is your league - 9 team MLB with only 4 OF + no CI, MI, or UTIL. And 8 categories instead of the basic 5.

Having only 9 teams + less offensive slots means you can’t fool around with subpar performers. Factoring in that two of your three categories (TB, XBH) favor power hitters, the value of SB-dependent players like Michael Bourn drops greatly. I’d suggest a virtual punting of SB at this point and concentrate on the other 7 stats.

Your pitching has some promise - particularly the bullpen where you’ve got three of the potentially top 15 closers. Even in a 9 team league that’s good. As for your starters, if every team needs to have 5 starters, you’re talking about 45 starters in play. You’ve got 4 starters I’d put in the top 45 (add Gallardo to your top three) AND you don’t have a top 10 starter. You do have some promise in the young arms (Parra/Volquez) but young starters usually don’t pan out. (Note: I didn’t count Lackey as you have to assume right now he’s going to be out for the year - despite what the Angels are saying.

The players I’d look to trade are Dunn, Kemp, Bourn, Volquez, and Chad Cordero. I’d be targeting a top 12 starter. Here’s the top 12 based on our Point Shares projections:

Santana
Peavy
Webb
Beckett
Sabathia
Bedard
Smoltz
Hamels
Kazmir
Haren
Verlander
Harang

Look for the teams with 2-3 of these pitchers and try to grab one. I think an offer of Kemp/Dunn + Volquez would be tough to turn down. Dunn alone might be enough. If you’re getting misty about Volquez, note that he might strike out a lot but he walks a lot too so he’ll hurt your WHIP and K/BB ratios. Given the K/BB ratio, I’d also consider making a run for Ben Sheets who has awesome K/BB stats.

Hope this helps.

Because things are always changing in fantasy baseball, it’s impossible to do a definitive list of the top hundred overall for 2008 or for any year for that matter. Tomorrow, Pujols could announce he’s having his surgery to repair his injured arm and be gone for the season or he could announce that he’s having his arm replaced with an aluminum bat and he moves to number one overall. Nevertheless, here’s my 2008 fantasy baseball top 100 as of right now. (BTW, download Rudy Gamble’s projections for 2008 here.)

1. Alex Rodriguez – Dur. Projections: 120/42/130/15/.305
2. Jose Reyes – Find thirty homers later in the draft. You ain’t finding 70 steals. Projections: 130/14/65/.295/70
3. Matt Holliday – Great hitter + Coors = Fantasy Stud. Projections: 110/40/125/.310/10
4. David Wright – The Mets have a penchant to run. Don’t see Wright slowing down just yet. Projections: 115/34/120/.310/20
5. Hanley Ramirez – I’ve already explained my hesitation for Hanley. Projections: 110/17/85/.295/45
6. Chase Utley – Could he give the Phillies the MVP trifecta this year? I give him 50/50 odds. Projections: 120/32/115/.325/12
7. Johan Santana – I’m not drafting him here, but that’s already been covered. Projections: 21-5/240/2.50/.95
8. Jake Peavy — Weak hitting division, extreme pitching park, ranked #1 as last year’s fantasy player. I’m not drafting him either. (BTW, why are people ranking Peavy so much lower than Santana on their draft cheatsheets? Does everyone really think Santana will win 25 games? He’ll be great, but c’mon. Don’t believe the hype.) Projections: 20-5/230/2.75/1.05
9. Miguel Cabrera – Everything but steals. Projections: 110/37/125/.325/4
10. Prince Fielder – Him and Howard are the only ones with good odds to hit 50. Projections: 115/50/125/.285
11. Ryan Howard – See Fielder, Prince. Projections: 100/50/140/.275
12. Carl Crawford – He’s still young and he can still hit 30 home runs. Projections: 105/25/85/.305/50
13. Grady Sizemore – This is probably my preseason AL MVP. But we’ll get to that. Projections: 120/35/85/.290/30
14. Alfonso Soriano – He’s a Latin 32, but doesn’t seem to be slowing down or losing power. He might have the best preseason shot at 40/40. Projections: 115/35/75/.280/20
15. Jimmy Rollins – He’s not hitting 30 homers again. Projections: 130/22/70/.290/35
16. David Ortiz – Eligibility concerns have me passing on him, but I could understand this pick. Projections: 115/40/120/.310
17. Alexis Rios – This is who I want in every league. I have his projections at 120/32/110/.300/25. Next year he’s a first rounder. Chew on that.
18. Carlos Lee – He’s good every year and he plays. That’s reliability. Projections: 90/35/120/.295/7
19. Vladimir Guerrero – Maybe he can get an aluminum leg from Pujols’s doctor. Projections: 105/32/125/.315/3
20. Mark Teixiera – You can count on certain stats, but that includes sub-par first halfs. Projections: 105/35/115/.300
21. Nick Markakis – I will have him on every team I can. Projections: 100/27/115/.300/20 with the skill set to go way above and beyond these numbers.
22. Ryan Braun – I already told you why not to buy into the hype. Projections: 100/27/105/.280/12
23. B.J. Upton – I don’t see a huge step forward from last year. But 30/30 would still be sweet. Could easily be a 1st round guy next year. Projections: 100/30/85/.280/27
24. Albert Pujols – A high-grade tear in his elbow? A team with nothing to play for. He might not see July. Projections: 55/22/70/.330/2 and he hangs them up by July 4th.
25. Ichiro Suzuki – He’ll be batting .330 in September and I’ll still be glad I didn’t draft him. You don’t have to turn your average to eleven. Projections: 110/10/65/.330/45
26. Carlos Beltran – Is it me or is this round filled with landmines? Projections: 100/27/110/.270/18
27. Lance Berkman – A lock for 90/35/110/.280.
28. C.C. Sabathia – It’s let’s start a pitching run. Projections: 20-9/210/3.40/1.15
29. Brandon Webb – Easily could be in the top ten at the end of the year. Projections: 19-7/190/3.10/1.20
30. Erik Bedard – I give you permission to now draft a starter, if you really must. Projections: 16-9/230/3.30/1.10
31. Aramis Ramirez – Last year’s numbers aren’t indicative of ’08. Projections: 95/37/120/.305
32. Troy Tulowitzki – The Polish are hard workers. I expect Tulo to make his people proud. Projections: 115/25/80/.280/10
33. Adam Dunn – I love guys that are guaranteed 40 homers. They give you runs, RBIs and home runs. BTW, Dunn’s only 28. Projections: 100/45/110/.265/7
34. Travis Hafner – I’m probably the only ‘pert ranking Pronk this high, but I think this is the year he puts everything together. He’d be higher if he had some eligibility somewhere. Projections: 100/40/110/.300
35. Jonathan Papelbon – This is where you should draft him if you want him. I don’t. But I do think he’ll be spectacular. Projections: 5-0/90/1.10/.75/45 saves
36. Robinson Cano – My third 2nd basemen off the board. Fark you, Phillips. Projections: 100/25/100/.295/3
37. Derrek Lee – As Rudy Gamble is prone to say, fifteen steals easily turns into five when your game isn’t stealing bases. Projections: 110/30/115/.290/5
38. Garrett Atkins – Third base sure be deep. Projections: 85/34/115/.300
39. Curtis Granderson – Too rich for my blood. I’m out of the Granderson pot. Projections: 115/27/85/.280/25
40. Victor Martinez – I’m taking Cralos Ruiz in the 18th round, not V-Mart in the third or fourth. Projections: 75/25/115/.300
41. Derek Jeter – Girls draft Jeter. Don’t be a girl. Projections: 110/15/70/.315/15
42. Miguel Tejada – He tore up the winter leagues and he’s pissed off because he’s pissing clean. Projections: 90/25/100/.290/3
43. Cole Hamels – The first pitcher I could conceivably draft. Here’s what I said in January, “The future has arrived for the Phillies ace. If he stays away from injury, he battles Peavy for the Cy Young. Not sure how early I’m going to draft him, but he’ll be on one of my ’08 teams.” You see that wisdom there. But then Santana came to the NL. So, sue me, Hamels now comes in third in the Cy Young voting. Projections: 20-7/210/3.20/1.10
44. Aaron Harang – The second pitcher I could conceivably draft. Projections: 17-10/220/3.75/1.15
45. Joe Nathan – If Papelbon’s selection didn’t start a closer run, I suppose here’s a good place to look. I won’t be picking a closer until the second tier. Projections: 6-1/80/1.90/1.00/40 saves
46. J.J. Putz – Very solid number one closer for any team, except for one of mine. Projections: 4-2/80/2.00/.90/40 saves
47. Brandon Phillips – I thought about dropping him into the fifties to prove how much I want you to avoid him. Projections: 80/19/75/.240/25 and is benched in July because his slump is “all in his head.”
48. Brian Roberts – Okay, here’s the problem. One year twenty homers, one year 4. Career average of 29 steals, last year 50. In fantasy baseball, inconsistency breeds contempt. Projections: 105/10/55/.290/30
49. Alex Gordon – I love Gordon this year. Projections: 80/25/90/.280/20
50. Bobby Abreu – Everyone loves Granderson. How about you draft someone that is guaranteeing you good numbers? Projections: 120/15/110/.310/20
51. Torii Hunter – Double I is about as consistent as a 25/20 man can get. Projections: 85/25/100/.275/20
52. Corey Hart – Here’s what I said in January, “He ran like a demonfish in the first half (mostly against righties) and kept consistent power and average throughout. As much as I feel weird saying it, I think Mr. Hart is here to stay. His OBP against righties is kinda icky, but you know who else is like that, Double I. That’s right, Corey Hart is the white man Torii Hunter.” So it’s only fitting they’re next to each other in the rankings. Projections: 95/22/75/.280/25
53. Justin Morneau – Don’t think he walks enough to ever come close to another MVP. Projections: 90/32/105/.275
54. Dan Haren – He’s a bit prone to the home run ball and the move to a more hitter’s friendly park doesn’t help, but all this is negated by weaker offenses in the NL. Draft with confidence. Projections: 17-9/210/3.60/1.20
55. Manny Ramirez – I’m not high on Manny, but come on, he’s still kind of a hitting savant. Projections: 85/32/105/.315
56. Ian Kinsler – I kinda wanna have Kinsler’s babies. Projections: 110/25/70/.270/25
57. Eric Byrnes – Take Shane Victorino thirty spots later. You’re welcome. Projections: 90/20/75/.270/20
58. Chone Figgins – I already explained I don’t draft steals after Reyes. Projections: 105/5/60/.290/45
59. Magglio Ordonez – Here’s what I wrote in January, “Saw something the other day about Mags. It said he won his 1st batting title in ’07. Thought it was weird it said “1st” as if he’s going to win a second.” Projections: 100/30/110/.300
60. Russell Martin – I had to list another catcher eventually, though you should be warned. He’s not going to steal 20 bases this year. Can’t you just draft Carlos Ruiz fifteen rounds later and grab Michael Bourn to get you some steals? Geez, and I thought I was difficult. Projections: 85/20/90/.290/15
61. Francisco Rodriguez – I won’t draft a closer this high, but I will say if I were, I would not be drafting K-Rod. He’s the only top tier closer that worries me. Projections: 6-2/90/3.00/1.25/45 saves
62. Mariano Rivera – I’d rather you started a website razzballsucks.com then draft Rivera, but you do what you do. Projections: 5-2/70/2.75/1.10/40 saves
63. Adrian Gonzalez – I can’t fathom anyone hitting 40 homers in Petco, but he might get to 35. Projections: 90/33/105/.280
64. Paul Konerko – My man Paulie is dropping off draftsheets. Did he screw someone’s Moms and I didn’t hear about it? Projections: 90/35/110/.275
65. Hunter Pence – You’re drunk if you think I’m drafting him, but, ya know, he’s gotta fit in somewhere. Projections: 95/22/75/.290/17
66. Chipper Jones – Yes, he’ll only play in 120 games, but you can make moves in your league to fill in people, right? Projections: 85/25/85/.315/5
67. John Lackey – It’s not that I don’t like him because I think he’s probably going to be my preseason AL Cy Young pick, but I just don’t like AL starters. Projections: 20-5/180/3.00/1.20
68. Justin Verlander – Might be the only American League starter I’ll consider drafting. Projections: 19-7/200/3.75/1.20
69. Rafael Furcal – I would actually consider taking Raffy because his last year made him a bit of a bargain this year. Projections: 110/15/65/.285/35
70. Gary Sheffield – You need some ‘tude on your team. Projections: 90/25/80/15/.285
71. Carlos Pena – I’m predicting he’ll make fantasy owners miserable this year. Projections: 85/22/80/.260 and he falls into a platoon.
72. Josh Beckett – I was down on this schmohawk before the tender back. Now? Not with a ten foot pole. Projections: 18-9/190/3.90/1.20
73. Edwin Encarncion – I’m wild about Edwin even if he’s a total jerkoff. Projections: 75/25/85/.275/15
74. Delmon Young – I stay away from 2nd year players when possible. Delmon’s one guy I’m considering. Projections: 70/20/100/.285/15
75. John Smoltz – He seems like he’s almost as nice a guy as Vernon Wells, right? (BTW, if you need me to tell you about Smoltz, you’ve been in an Afghani cave for too long.) Projections: 16-7/160/3.75/1.22
76. Carlos Guillen – I think he might be the biggest overpriced piece of garbage since Morneau last year. Projections: 95/15/75/.300/8
77. Ryan Zimmerman – And here’s where I pass. Wrist surgery and people are drafting him like it means nothing. Projections: 90/18/90/.275/5
78. Hideki Matsui – Godzilla loves porn and I don’t mind him. So there’s that. Projections: 105/25/100/.295
79. Roy Oswalt – Ks are trending the wrong way, but he’s still very reliable. Take a middle reliever to offset the Ks. Projections: 15-7/150/3.60/1.22
80. Todd Helton – He’s getting to the point where he’s undervalued. Let’s be realistic for a second. He’s not getting you 40 homers anymore, but what he does give you is not dreadful. Projections: 90/15/90/.315
81. Chris “No B” Young – A tall pitcher with back issues concerns me, but I’d take his 22 starts over some guys 32. Projections: 15-5/160/3.00/1.10 and he only pitches in a 150 innings.
82. Carlos Zambrano – In my opinion, any guy that does what he did to Barrett you have to like. Projections: 18-7/210/3.60/1.30
83. John Maine – I love Maine this year. And not just for their lobster – oofa! I will have Maine on at least one team. You should too. Projections: 18-9/210/3.60/1.20
84. Rickie Weeks – This question still lingers, if Clint Barmes, Rocco Baldelli and Rickie Weeks board your cross-country flight, do you get off? Projections: 85/15/50/.260/22
85. Jeff Kent – At some point he’s going to get old, I think it’s coming soon. Act accordingly. Projections: 80/22/90/.300
86. Mike Lowell – His luck with runners on last year was a collision of good fortune and stoopid good fortune. Projections: 75/20/105/.280/3
87. Shane Victorino – I love Victorino. If I were a 300 lb. Hawaiian woman, Victorino and I would be living off the coast of Oahu. Projections: 115/15/60/.280/40
88. Vernon Wells – O, Vernon. Don’t suck this year. Projections: 90/30/90/.280/7
89. Jeff Francoeur – Do you think if Frenchy were popular in 2001 he would have went by Freedom? Projections: 85/25/110/.280/5
90. Chris B. Young – Krispie will frustrate for extended periods of time with swings and misses. Projections: 90/25/70/.245/32
91. Jhonny Peralta – The only thing I don’t like about Peralta this year is the spelling of his first name. He’s a big buh-Buy. Projections: 85/32/105/.270/3
92. Brian McCann – He’s the last catcher of the top one hundred (eff Mauer) so this will be the last time I tell you to draft Carlos Ruiz in the 18th round. Projections: 75/25/105/.285
93. Andruw Jones – Ok, I’m aware he reported to camp looking like Umaga. But he can’t be over the hill yet, can he? Projections: 85/32/110/.250
94. Mike Jacobs – The Marlins will give the Nats a run for most unwatchable team, though I do like Jacobs’s upside. Projections: 70/30/95/.285
95. Jim Thome – You can set your watch to his stats. Projections: 70/30/90/.265
96. Ryan Garko – Garko’s getting overlooked in the drafts I’ve seen. Watch him jump up to the fourth round next year. Projections: 75/27/90/.285
97. Josh Hamilton – Hamilton gets high on life! Projections: 70/27/80/.300/5
98. Brad Hawpe – Here’s what I said in January, “Hawpe will be sensational this year and not hit lefties. He sported a .418 OBP last year against righties. Grab Spilborghs for next to nothing and platoon them yourself, cause Spilborghs had a .426 OBP against lefties. Hawpe/Spilborghs combo projections: 105/35/110/.300/5.” I stand by that.
99. Nick Swisher – He’s pretty. Projections: 95/30/100/.275
100. James Shields – His year end numbers will blow away Kazmir’s. Projections: 14-6/185/3.75/1.10
101. Rich Hill – No top hundred list is complete without a 101st pick. Projections: 18-7/200/3.60/1.15
102. Kelly Johnson – Ok, last one, but only because I hate the way people are passing by Kelly Johnson. Look at these projections: 85/17/65/.275/12, there’s a fifty percent chance those will be better than Rickie Weeks. (BTW, as for the Weeks question above, I get off the plane. You?)