Injuries unfortunately play a part of every season, but 2011 seems to be the year of the afflicted closer. Multiple stoppers started the year on the disabled list, and several others joined their counterparts on the DL over the course of April.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Closers
Let’s quote the Random Preseason Commenter, “You don’t have Matt Thornton in your top 20 closers? Hey, Grey, how does it feel to suck at life? Oh, and while you’re sucking, blow me. Thank you.” This isn’t to point out I knew Thornton would be terrible, but to say again how fickle closers are. He wasn’t in the top 20 because he had very little experience as a closer, and to say he was a lock as an elite closer was absurd. The whole point with closers is the same as William Goldman’s famous quote regarding Hollywood, “No one knows anything.” Soria has a 5+ ERA, Mariano’s blown two saves, Brian Wilson has a 9+ ERA and Fernando Rodney… Well, you knew he would suck and he did. In the preseason, I also said that Ryan Franklin would lose the job. I didn’t think it would happen that fast, but there ya go. I have more faith in Mitchell Boggs keeping the job and his accounting firm above water until October than I have in Ryan Madson, but he’s a closer too so he too should be owned. It’s all about SAGNOF, ya’ll. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
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From 2004 to 2009, no pitcher that doesn’t wear Jackie Robinson’s 42 has been more rock steady in the closer role than Joe Nathan. After winning 12 games coming out of the Giants bullpen in 2003, Nathan took his talents to the Twin Cities, finding himself immediately in the closer role, where he would reel off six consecutive 35-plus save seasons.
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Closers have a very difficult job to do, which is probably why so few relievers are consistently good at it. When things aren’t working out for a closer, he gets the added pressure of knowing the manager is looking at the other five or six guys in the bullpen and figuring out which one can do better.
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Frank Francisco has a sore pectoral, Dotel has a sore hammy, I have a boo-boo on my finger. Who’s going to close for the Jays?! Rauch, and there’s no reason to scream. Brian Wilson lost his Smile and may miss Opening Day. Joe Nathan looks like he’s going to be the closer and also like he’ll be nothing like the Joe Nathan of old. I’d handcapp him with Matt Cuffs… Uh, huh? It makes me nauseous to write this but we got a hurt Putz. He should be fine a week or two into the season, so, ya know, still draft him. Fernando Rodney is going to be the closer and he’s going to be dreadful. Andrew Bailey has a forearm strain and can never stay healthy. Same could be said about Lidge, except his pain is in the biceps, or is it bicep? Neftali wants to start, but I still think he closes. Though I would love a decision on this. Kevin Gregg sucks. Storen may not even make the team the way he’s throwing. And Franklin is firmly in the closing role which I don’t think lasts. In other words, it’s the usual closer shizz. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Neftali Feliz is now a starter. Or is he? Emphasis on the ‘or.’ Or is it on the ‘is?’ You’ll never know! Muahahahahaha… Yeah, I don’t think Feliz is going to be a starter. They got to the World Series the way things were, you change that? Ogando or O’Day or Oliver or… What’s with the O names? Here’s a sneak peek of a post title for the first game one of these schmohawks blows a game, “Rangers Say O’Shit.” Any the hoo! Washington has said he likes Feliz getting the final three outs. I think Washington gets what he wants, but I suppose anything’s possible. For that reason, I’m dropping Feliz down the closer ranks. The other big loser since the last closer look is Drew Storen. I think he should be the closer, but the Nats are hesitating about calling him the closer. If he secures the job, he’ll move back up the charts. For now, he has some risk. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aw, sookie. Our first look at all the closers for the 2011 fantasy baseball season. That is a bird on your window and it’s singing Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah. I went over Kevin Gregg signing with the O’s when it happened and Putz to the Diamondbacks. I didn’t go over Frank2 signing with the Jays, but he’s the closer and that’s all I’m saying on that for now. I have bigger fish to fry in this intro, The Rays.
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In September, closers either mean everything or they mean nothing. You either really need closers to catch the next nearest guy in saves or you have too much ground to make up and you’re secure in your standings. If you fall into the former category, I’d grab anyone I could to get saves. Hello, Juan Gutierrez, would you like to dance? If you fall into the latter category, you can either start dropping brain freezes – Joel Hanarahananananan, we had a terrible time together and now I will drop you. Goodbye. – or just bench your lower tier closers to avoid getting Kazaam’d. I’d only drop a closer if I knew no one could catch me in saves or if it were strategic. For instance, I’ve been known to drop a closer because I know the guy with the high waiver claim can get him and catch the guy in front of him in saves, which will help me in the overall standings. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Capps got traded and kept his job, Rauch didn’t get traded and lost his job, Octavio Dotel got traded and lost his job, Brian Wilson didn’t get traded but is moping because his shoes are no longer shiny. It’s the bullpens, ya’ll. Just yesterday Lindstrom was out with a sore back that he hurt when he tried to get the A’s replacement closer in his fantasy league. That’s a true story in opposite world. On the top of the rankings, Wagner made himself a $12 Salad. On the bottom of the rankings, I wanted to move Chris Perez into the Donkeycorns, but he needs more time in the role first. He’ll be a Donkeycorn by September. Mark my words! But don’t mark them on your computer, that doesn’t come off. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
For the first time in over two years, Jonathan Papelbon is no longer a $12 Salad. I know, call your Congressman. Pass Prop 12. There’s been signs for a long time that he wasn’t the same closer from 2007. I didn’t want to move him because he seemed like the epitome of a $12 Salad. Overpriced lettuce?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
