kershawshank

Well, I thought I was extremely clever when I came up with the title for this one, but then a quick Google search proved that there were others that were clever before I thought I was being clever. Darn you Google for knowing so much! And darn you Al Gore for inventing the internet! Thanks to the internet, a guy can’t get away with anything these days. Google, Facebook and Twitter have made it next to impossible for a guy to get a reach around in the back of the bowling alley from the girl that rents the shoes without everyone knowing, and every one of those people finding out about it. But I digress…

As draft dates draw nearer, I decided it was time to put together and share my head-to-head points league rankings. But before I do, I wanted to let you in on my process. Points leagues are all about one thing. Points. It’s the only category that counts for jack squat. I wonder how many dudes out there actually have the name Jack Squat? I guess it’s better than Richard Nose. I don’t care if my player gets 100 points because he had 100 RBIs or because he stole 100 bases. Whatever he needs to do to bring home the bacon is A-O-K with me. In Japanese that would be “Aoki”. I don’t even care if it’s turkey bacon! Points are points. So ranking players within the same position comes down to who will score more points. I’ll touch on comparing players across positions in my next post.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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therecord

I’ve been playing fantasy baseball since I was 15 back in 1992. If you have access to a calculator, that should tell you how old I am. Back then we had to gather the stats from newspapers, The Bergen Record to be precise, and compile the standings by hand. We had two guys in the league responsible for this awful task, and I was one of them. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds, but to look back at it from where we are today with all of the websites and mobile apps we now have that make it so easy, I wonder what fantasy sports will be like in another 20 years. What I’m hoping for is a button that I can press that will instantly taser a player on my team if he does something that I don’t like. Not likely? I didn’t think so, but a guy can dream.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Everyone knows that the most hitter friendly ballpark in the Major Leagues is Coors Field, home to the Colorado Rockies. We all love us some Rockies on our fantasy rosters, but we also enjoy when our non-Rockies players visit the Mile-High City. Mile-High, Colorado… Not even gonna go there. So many possibilities. I’m sure most have been done already.

So… how do the fantasy points stack up? Does Coors Field live up to its reputation when it comes to the points? It sure does! Last year there were 4,269 fantasy points scored there by batters. That is more than double the 2,063 points scored at Petco Park in San Diego, which came in dead last. Exactly as many would have predicted, Coors with the most, Petco with the least. But what about in between. What other ballparks were fantasy points friendly in 2014?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

How do you know if you’ve drafted a great pitcher? If his name is Clayton Kershaw or Felix Hernandez, you are on the right track. But what about everyone else that is not them? Well, in head-to-head points leagues, I like to look at points per start (PPS). This gives me an idea of approximately how many puntos (that’s spanish for points) I am going to get, and is often a factor in helping me decide which pitchers to both draft and start.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rosters expand on Monday to allow for the big league clubs to take a look at 15 more players during the last month of the season.  All the mainstream experts say to pick up the top prospects who will get to see playing time for the last month to boost your roster.   But I’m so bitter today that I can’t recommend doing anything like that if you’re in a points league.  You see, I woke up early and picked out just the perfect outfit, but not one person has mistaken me for homeless.  I hate people.  And I hate prospect call ups (for points leagues).  They’re so new and trendy and just not sustainable enough for me.  In fact, even my moustache hates them.  I’m so heated over the matter that all 12 handlebars I waxed into it are now pointing down.  I used Burt’s Bees and now I can breathe like Brian Wilson on the mound.  Sinuses are so clear!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve spent the better part of a decade in the food and beverage business in Sonoma County, the heart of California’s wine country.  I’m not a grizzled vet, not a master of my craft, nor an industry personality.  I am however, a contributing writer to Razzball, a generous person and one who enjoys testing the boundaries of my own comfort zone and palette.  One of the few passions that has surpassed the culinary attention span of my life is fantasy baseball… ok and self-absorbed writing.  If you’ve got a lack of storytelling in your life, I’ve got the anecdotes.

Presuming you hang with us regularly on Razzball, you’re accustomed to many digressions.  Before I get to what we do best, lemme offer up a teaser of our actual job: talking about the clean, more socially acceptable fantasy… sports.  I’ve been rapping not so poetic about some strategies and players to target all year, but I’ll take the platform here to plant some seeds for you next year.  Points leagues are relatively obscure for baseball.  They’re often viewed as fantasy football offshoots or ways to bring in the “casual” baseball fan to fantasy.  Points leagues are not the short bus, ya’ll.  In fact, if done correctly, they can be much better corollaries to actual baseball value than category leagues. The keystone of doing this is called linear weights and it assigns a point value to each action a player makes, whether it be on the mound or from the batter’s box (or in the field, but we’re not talking D cuz we’re too caught up in fantasy baseball to notice).  Wait, where was I?  Ah yes, beer.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You just endure a break up?  My apologies.  But also… congratulations, you’re free!  Two opposing notions can be equally true and appropriate.  The bottom line is you need a rebound, and now that you have to pay all the utilities solo, a cheaper option is best.  So hit up your ex-ex-ex, or just stick with the acronym form of the same.  Either way, don’t waste more than a couple of hours, because it’s August and that means it’s crunch time for fantasy baseball.  While your standings and players end-of-year stats may represent a full season’s work, all that you can control from this point forward is which players’ points you pile up.  In basketball, they call the end of a blowout “garbage time” because it allows the scrubs to come in and pile up stats.  That’s the focus of this post.  We’re going to focus on waiver wire guys who should be able to help you rest of season despite the fact that up to this point in time they’ve been essentially unrosterable.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first half is in the books.  You suffered through the HR Derby and stomached the ASG.  Congratulations, you’ve weathered the first “half” storm.  We have about 65-70 games left, depending on the team, and you now have a good look at your team.  Or do you?  Plenty of players have outperformed expectations and a seemingly equivalent contingent of guys have been duds.  I’m not gonna bore you with a long intro here.  Let’s look at guys who should have increased value rest of season.  Buy em or don’t sell em, but use it to your advantage.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In my first ever post on points leagues in the beginning of May, I left you with the closing statement, “POINTS ARE POINTS.  SELL THE NAME TO WIN THE GAME.”  The premise is simple, don’t worry about the guys who garner all the attention in traditional category leagues.  Find ways to score more points, regardless of the players’ name recognition value.  Points leagues are their own little fantasy worlds that exist under some vary skewed parameters.  Think of points leagues like fetish porn.  Razzballin does invoke some interesting imagery as the title of an adult film.  Eeeee… Some thoughts just can’t be unremembered.  Grab some hard stuff and throw it back to help ease trauma.  The foreplay of the season is behind us and July signals the time to really turn it on to make the push for your fantasy playoffs.  Let’s get you lubed for some nice 2nd half moves.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Life in the bay area can be a colorful sight. I’m riding home from work yesterday and the highway is bumper to bumper – more packed than usual – the rears of vehicles adorned with various shapes of rainbow paraphernalia. It’s International Pride Week and, as the nation’s capital of gay pride, “The City by the Bay” attracts an exceptional number of supporters of chromosome prejudice. It’s also home to the some of the most outstanding pitchers and catchers, both on the field and off. This isn’t a blog about sexscapades, unless Tehol is writing, and, as such, here’s an ode to pitchers and catchers—on the field.

Please accept my apology for the following attempt at humor and liberal use of things that an adult audience should find acceptable. I have my misgivings, but on this momentous weekend, here’s to tying it all together!

Please, blog, may I have some more?