Pretty much all I got from the Ace Ventura sequel was a hilarious scene with a robotic rhino and what guano was. Jim Carrey is such a teacher.
Just as Ace Ventura cornered the pet detective racket, so has Dr. James Andrews the Tommy John surgery profession. Chris Capuano is due to receive a free ligament replacement on his Andrews Clinic punch card after receiving two procedures in 2002 and 2008 (two notes – first I wish him no harm and second I have no idea if Andrews was actually the surgeon). After up and down seasons in half of 2010 with the Brewers and an inconsistent 2011 with the Mets (Capuano did show signs of quality back-end of the rotation stuff with a 8.13 K per 9 in 31 starts), Capuano got a pretty nice chunk of change, signing a two-year deal worth $10 million with the Dodgers. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Where in the world did Ryan Vogelsong come from? No, no, I don’t want the birds and the bees, the stork, or the miracle of life answer (at least, definitely not the latter).
After a five-year absence from the majors, Vogelsong had a huge season in 2011, going 13-7 with a 2.71 ERA, 1.25 WHIP and a 6.96 K per 9. He allowed over three earned runs in only three outings. And while he was a huge waiver-wire add for multiple teams, he was an afterthought yet again for fantasy owners drafting this year. Please, blog, may I have some more?
What better way to commemorate Memorial Day than a Communism pun? Hey, at least McDonald didn’t pitch against Brandon McCarthy.
And just like we pounded down the Berlin Wall (well no, we didn’t, but go with it), James McDonald is pounding the strike zone. Worth bearing with me for the metaphor? No? It’s better than my other “pounding” joke…
With a walk rate above 4 per 9 entering the season lending to a career WHIP above 1.40, I never would have thought McDonald would’ve taken the strides we’ve seen so far. Please, blog, may I have some more?
You spilled the salt!
I feel like that’s what you should yell after your Hodgepadre gives up more than three earned runs at home. Raise the fences PETCO! When your Hodgepadre spills the salt, you have to throw the shaker over your shoulder. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Every time I think about Drew Smyly, I think of Cliff Curtis from Training Day. That movie ended weird. “Don’t bleed on my floor,” he says after almost shooting Ethan Hawke in the bathtub with a shotgun. Pretty typical Saturday night if ya ask me, I dunno why Hawke got all bent out of shape and jumped on Denzel’s Monte Carlo. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hola Razzballers! This is my first article for Razzball Baseball and if you’re a Razzball loyalist (and really, why aren’t you?) you may recognize me from the fantasy football side of things last year. I look forward to summoning you guys (and some gals) some Phillip Humber-esque perfect fantasy advice. Just not against the Red Sox or Indians. Please, blog, may I have some more?