It’s official. The 2014 Razzball Grand Champion has been crowned. How close was it, you ask with those child-like eyes. Great question. The final tally on points was 115.93 to 115.85. A difference of… Drum roll please… Well, I’m not good in math, but that’s pretty damn close. If Rudy were as bad in math as me, we’d just round those both to 116 and have a co-champion. Okay, wanna go even further into how close this was? Of course you do. If Cody Allen had been credited with a win on September 22nd, The Dynasty would’ve won. You might say to yourself, “Why pick September 22nd? Seems random to mention that specific date.” Actually, Cody Allen did have a win on September 22nd. It was for a makeup game from August. Only ESPN doesn’t count stats for games that end more than 6 days past their start date. So, I should say if Cody Allen had been given the win in ESPN that he earned, The Dynasty would’ve been the champion. All stats from ESPN are final, and ESPN’s specific note on this is, “Statistics from the completion of that Indians-Royals Aug. 31 game will not count towards head-to-head matchups or league standings, as those fall beyond ESPN’s six-day window for finalized fantasy stats.” For whatever it’s worth, Yahoo did credit Cody Allen with a win for that game, because, ya know, he earned it. So, there ya go. As Jeff Probst would count it down… 162 games, 1008 RCL teams, and one survivor… Colicky Fuddruckers! Please give him good tidyings in the comments or wish him fantasy seppuku for beating everyone else. Grey asked that Colicky comment here with an email so he can be reached for the details to receive his ginormous, badass trophy supplied by Far Out Awards. Oh, and our very own Rudy Gamble not only beat that handsome mustachioed man, Grey Albright, but he came in third out of 1008 teams. I’d only think that were fishy if he were the one devising the Competitive League Index. Hey, wait a minute!Please, blog, may I have some more?
What is there left to say at this point of the season? Many of the leagues have been won long ago. I know there are a few tight races left, and if you are in one of them, then a tip of the cap to you. By this time next week, we will be crowning a new grand champion and sending out the cool trophy to them as a way of saying thank you for kicking all of our a$&#%. It’s pretty neat to see this all unfold from a behind the scenes perspective. Last year, I finished near the top and paid little attention to anyone else, but this year, I get a ringside seat into the battles for supremacy. This is mostly due in part to me sucking it like quad-A club across the board. But, like I tell myself every year, you have all offseason to beat yourself up and get ready for a fresh start next year. I usually signal January Grey as my time to put down the bottle, get it together, and start loving this game again. In case you top-10 teams have forgotten, this is what you are playing for…Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ll be honest, I really wanted to do a title about Rudy. After having a top-7 pitching week and moving into the top-10 overall, I wanted to kiss some a*s to the other man in charge. It was supposed to be “Rudy Comfortable”, a play on Rudy Huxtable, but then Grey told me to talk about you guys and four girl readers. I obliged and started looking at the top-10 and the player rater to see what they have in common. The top-4 teams, 5 total in top 10, all have Mike Trout and 3 of the top 5 have Jose Abreu. The top two teams have both. Jose Altuve, Todd Frazier, Michael Brantley, and Corey Dickerson are scattered throughout the top ten. In the pitching it’s a little all over the place. One trend I found interesting was in the bullpen where Cody Allen is on 4 teams and Wade Davis is on 3. I’m pointing those two out because they were both solid all year and probably owned all year. Allen being a draft day stash for save savy owners and Davis being a K/9 machine that caught our attention back in April. Take note of this next year. Instead of drafting next season’s Jose Veras, grab a great handcuff with a high K-rate and some faith. I know that’s easier said than done, being that very few MR’s repeat from year to year. Unless your name is Tyler Clippard. There are always themes to successful teams, if you got the first or second pick and drafted Trout your chances of winning increase exponentially, share with us in the comments how your team’s did where you got that sexy fish or any other studs that put you over the top. For the Trout owners you deserve a hat from the man himself.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Every week, I am forced to talk about Grey vs. Rudy as they battle for numero uno of numero uno. I watch them like a cyclops with a monocle. Honestly though, I don’t mind, it’s better than watching half the shows on the old tube… it’s really a bad picture without HD. My only problem is, I can’t help but wonder what else I would like to see them compete at. What about an American Ninja Warrior style course or a Double Dare battle with Marc Summers hosting? I think I need to talk to Nick about doing something fun next year for pre-season baseball. But what else can we do? A high stakes poker game like Rounders? A game of drunken Trivial Pursuit? Name that Tune? Talent style Gong Show? Brady Bunch House of Cards? A bring it on dance off? The possibilities are endless. You know what Ralph and Nick the Dick would like to see? No not that sicko…but a hip-hop battle like Ralph and I do on hip-hop Sundays. Rudy vs. Grey trying to best each other with old school cuts, because they are old school? And by old school I mean old. Here, I’ll get you started with some Steady B and KMD!Please, blog, may I have some more?
What is left to say for the 2014 fantasy baseball year in a virtual world between strangers as we keep inching to the end of the RCL season. I’m just living in a virtual world and I am just a virtual….woh, were did the Madonna lyrics come from? I need to take a nap and get some rest. What’s that Grey? But I made up my mind, I’m keeping my Baez! Okay, this is too weird, and I need to get Madonna out of my head. It must be from watching Reservoir Dogs the other night and that mind burning opening scene (NSFW). Now that we got that out of the way, and hopefully never to return, let’s talk about what you are playing for this year. Below is the Grand Champion Trophy. If you really want one of these, and you’re not the Grand Champ, then you can always order your own here and put whatever you like on it. Mine says “best at not being the best of 2014”. One last thing before I move on is the Fantasy Baseball Team Name contest for the RCLs. Entries must be from the RCL, and the winner gets a free T-Shirt. Place your nominations here so we can create a ballot for everyone to vote.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Do you feel like being judged for your creativity? Do you like when everyone stares at you for being you? Well, if you say no, that’s too bad because we are going to judge you anyway. This year we have decided to award some lucky RCL player with a Razzball T-Shirt for having the best fantasy baseball team name. Yup, that’s right we want to say thank you all for another great year in the RCLs and what better way than to have you judge each other. Will we be giving extra points if you used our fantasy baseball team name generator? No, no we won’t.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This year we have a new trophy for the Grand Champion, and it’s not something you can wear or lose in the lobby of your building before you even get it. We want to add to your collection of stuff that your wife, girlfriend, mother, or cat will hate and want out of the house. But to your friends and peers, it’s like a gold chain to hang around your neck and an added strut to your walk like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Without further ado here it is, and here’s also a link to Far Out Award, were you can order your own for your home leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Long before I became a hack over here at Razzball, I was a frequent commenter known as “Jack Full of Hate”. J-FOH is an acronym for those that haven’t figured that out yet. I was known for my rants, smack and general disdain for anything and everything. Then one day that angry guy with a heart of gold was recruited by Sky out of the comments section and turned into a contributer for the best fantasy sports website on the net. After starting to write for the football side and passing his Silence of the Lambs test I got the green light to join the baseball side. You might ask yourself, what is a Silence of the Lambs test? It’s the part of the interview where Sky threw me in a pit, tucked his junk, held his 80-pound dog and yelled at me it rubs the lotion on it’s skin or else it gets the hose again as I screamed “I want to write for Razzball!” Then he got me drunk, took me to a football game, and then threw me back in the pit. I never understood the second trip into the pit because thats where it got really weird. He blared this song while he danced around wearing clown make-up as he flung chili at me for the next day and a half. Now what does Sky’s eccentricity have to do with the RCL updates this week? It’s a two part response, with the first being advised by my therapist to get this off my chest, and the second to demonstrate how he broke me. That hateful one has been reined in but alas a savior came to my aid when last week Grey told me I can go ahead and do a shame segment this week. I’ve been watching highlights of this play to get my anger up. F**k you Brian Sabean…F**k you Bruce Bochy and F**k you Baseball for ruining my game even more than it already has been. It’s f**king baseball b*tches lets play it like it’s meant to be. This is why I love fantasy so much because the reality of the real game makes me want to slit my wrists and start listening country pop. [Jay’s Note: Not necessarily in that order…]Please, blog, may I have some more?
With 3/4 of the season over, it’s time to show your moxy and show up every day to play. This ain’t over, and you might be surprised how much ground can still be made up. Don’t start Trippin’ like you’re at the Disco! Yes that was a plug for a video I want you to watch. I’m trying to keep it light in here. Have a smoke and a pancake and just chill. Make smart moves, dump dead weight, start looking at your starting pitchers next 4 starts and see how many of those you will actually throw them, never leave your computer, always have your phone charged, stay away from daylight because you can burn your eyes out and not be able to play, slap your self awake (feel better? YES YOU DO!). Now do it again to avoid the caffeine jitters, feel that adrenaline run through you, just stay alive so you can win this and screw your job, money is over rated, women will ruin our good time and for god’s sake DON’T RELY ON BILLY BUTLER! I’m sorry, I ‘m losing it over here because not only am I trying to win a few leagues, I’m also working with the football side here at Razzball and I need you all to take our oath of allegiance (I pledge allegiance to the Razz…) and sign up for RCL football NOW!
Oh Jack, I don’t play football
DON’T WHINE…SHUT UP AND PLAY!
But I’m a baseball guy, I don’t get it
LOT’S OF GIRLS PLAY FANTASY FOOTBALL YOU SISSY BOY, SHUT UP AND PLAY!
Why are you yelling at us?
BECAUSE I CAN, NOW SHUT UP AND PLAY!….please?
Great, thanks for playing. Now that I got out of the way. It’s time to start talking about you and by you I mean those of you in the RCL’s. If you’re not then please move on to the comments and ask me random questions. I’m kidding, read what you’re missing out on and hope Santa doesn’t skip you this year because you didn’t play an RCL. Yup, we got that kind of pull around here.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Day three of my mini-marathon posting, and I have to tip my cap to Grey. I have no idea how he does this six times a week. But I’m not here to talk about me, I’m here to talk about you. The Razzball RCL players who have put in the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to win your league. Speaking of Blood, Sweat, and Tears, here is one that opens with lyrics that many of us can relate to right now. Did anyone else notice the really bad fake tan on that round face with the mic? I’m sure that Costa Rican commenter we have in here saw them live at some point during his more youthful days. Wait! What am I doing? Am I writing this for baby boomers or for their children? Here is one from my boy Talib, talking about struggle trying to come up in the game. He talks about his blood, sweat, and tears too. So it kinda works in a stretch. Now that’s more like it. I’m going to try and up the coverage this week and showcase a few more leagues. As well as go over the top-10 overall, and talk about the Grey vs. Rudy vs. the other 10 guys that don’t stand a chance league.Please, blog, may I have some more?