Jay has set the table or whatever he was talking about last week with spoons, knives and whatnot. I think he needs to eat before he writes these. Well if I’m reading him right, that is my queue to grab the tablecloth and pull it out while leaving all the table settings perfectly in place. *Grabs cloth, pulls hard* CRASH! No, not Davis…well, the place setting is ruined, literally broke everything with one fell swoop. Okay, I actually jacked all the silverware and pawned it to pay for my anti-depressants. This is a sign my friends and detractors that opening day is almost here. Draft time is cute like a puppy where we are full of hope and optimism, unless you drafted Stroman, Salazar, Wheeler, and Darvish. Now the season begins and it turns into a dog that pisses on your pillow, craps in your shoes, and turns your socks into swiss cheese. Why all the cynicism J-FOH? It’s who I am, and the chances of you having a perfect draft is as likely as Grey getting that restraining order Giancarlo slapped on him lifted. Give it up Grey, it’s not happening. Seriously, it’s time for reality to start as we see how our educated guesses/luck/gut instincts/stat crunching/strategies start to pan out. Here is to not having an unlucky year *toasts 40ozer to computer*.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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I’ve drafted my Razzball Commenter League team (over hundred leagues this year; crazy!), and now I’m ready for the season. All those other drafts — like Tout, Friends & Family, NFBC, yadda-whodoodie — are in the past. They were prep for this draft. This draft is the one that matters, because I’m going against, like, 1200 of youse. And youse are the ones that matter. Well, a few of youse matter more than a few of the other youse. Just assume you are part of the favorable youse. In this league was Tim McLeod from RotoRob, Mike Gianella from Baseball Prospectus, Dalton Del Don from Yahoo, Ryan Carey from Mastersball and from Razzball: Rudy, JayWrong, Sky, JFoH, Tehol, Prospect Mike, JB and yours truly. All of these people make me very thankful (that it wasn’t an in-person draft). I was drafting out of the three-hole (no relation to Tehol; that I know of), and I knew after all those preliminary drafts that I was finally going to take guys that I really, really wanted from my 2015 fantasy baseball rankings (clickbait, snitches!). Well, until around the 4th round. Okay, enough hubbub on the tomfoolery, let’s get to it! Anyway, here’s my RCL draft (5×5, roto, mixed league, 12 team, 5 OFs, etc.):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Leave it to the man living in Oregon, born and raised in Washington to take you to Electric Ladyland in the title. PNW represent *tries showing PNW with flashy gang sign…fails…breaks all fingers*. Fine, I’ll just throw up the West Coast symbol a la 2Pac and be fine with it. Grey originally pinged me with the idea of heading up a league for the NFBC back in February. When I said yes, I assumed we were talking ‘Norwegian Female Bikini Challenge’ and graciously accepted. I mean they’re right next to Sweden; what could possibly go wrong? Well, ALOT could go wrong, let me tell you. Thankfully, I had Rudy‘s recap of his 2013 team and the wherewithal and the guile to forge my own path for my own team. For those interested in only RCL style of play…well, first off that’s the link to sign up for one and second of all, make an about face. This ain’t it. No trades and no FA pickups in season. Nope, you play against 15 other teams in 5×5 roto set up and draft 50 players a team. That’s 750 players. There’s only 30 teams and they only roster 25 players at the major league level at a time. So basically, we’re drafting the entire MLB in one fell swoop. That’s special. And hard. And especially hard. But let’s not talk about bedroom things just yet. Instead, let’s review my NFBC team for the 2015 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This draft was so slow that I lost half my starting rotation before the draft ended. This draft was so slow that when it started Minnie Minoso was still alive. This draft was so slow when it started Tupac was still dead. I didn’t enjoy my time last year in the 15-team NFBC slow draft. I drafted Mark Trumbo, Prince Fielder, Cliff Lee, Anibal Sanchez and Patrick Corbin and my only chance was a big year from Nadir Bupkis, who gave me just that. See, there’s no waivers and the league is 50 rounds deep, so if you’re hit by injuries, you’re done. So, I was talked into doing the league one more time, but knew I had to draft starters early and often, and, of course, prior to the draft even completing I lost Zack Wheeler and Tony Cingrani. Many will disagree with me, but I’m under the firm belief that it’s a lot harder and more fun to win a league like a Razzball Commenter League, than it is to win a super-deep league. With super-deep leagues, if you’re hit by injuries, you’re done. That’s neither fun nor challenging. That’s just shizzy luck. You can say I should’ve known Wheeler and Cingrani weren’t safe, and I’d say to you that neither are any of the pitchers that are healthy all year. They just happened to stay healthy. It’s not like the guy that drafted Alex Cobb is any smarter than the guy who drafted (insert pitcher that is healthy right now that may not be healthy by the time you read this). How’s dem grapes? Sour! Anyway, here’s my 15-team, 5×5, roto, NFBC slow draft team and thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On March 18th, Grey and I took part in the 14-team mixed-league Yahoo! Friends & Family league. I really like this one for two reasons:

  • Daily roster moves let me leverage Streamonator and Hittertron – although it’s tougher than RCL because pickups must be made the day before (no starting lineup-based pickups) and there is a newly-instituted 125 add/drop rule (i made 180 or so last year)
  • We get to play with our Friends at Yahoo (Behrens, Pianowski, Dalton, Funston) and Rotowire (Erickson, Liss) plus the polarizing and prolific tweeter Michael Salfino and some folks from Rotoworld. If you can successfully snag a closer or free agent from this group, it is a real accomplishment (my 2015 snags included Hector Rondon, Jake Petricka, Kennys Vargas, and Josh Harrison)
Please, blog, may I have some more?

Just like the title says, the table is set, the forks and spoons are in their right place, and hopefully there’s food ready to go. But in terms of the RCL universe (because I’m hungry and I might end up writing 700 words about food and then eating my monitor), the league has taken shape. And when I say league, I mean league, not leagues. Because ef pluralization…I mean, what has it ever done for me? Actually, it’s done a lot, but at this point, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But you have to remember, this is one complete universal league. The Milky Way of Fantasy Baseball if you will, including Mike Trout, Saturn, and of course, Uranus. Don’t roll your eyes, you knew it was coming. I only mention this (not Uranus) because as teams fall out of contention, owners begin to pay less and less attention to their roster, and soon, you’ll have a 12-team league that feels like a 3-team league. This is actually quite common in free-to-play leagues and perfectly normal, so don’t feel scorned. Those owners aren’t there to entertain you, only themselves. I mean, that’s why I write, it’s only to entertain myself. You guys are the crazy ones reading this. And of course, at the dawn of the season, everyone feels excited, bashful hope abound. Puppies and ice cream everywhere! But as the season moves past the All-Star break, you have to remember that you aren’t necessarily playing against your league. No, you are playing against 1,100+ teams in one league. For a hoodie (don’t wear it in Florida) and ultimate bragging rights. So don’t feel alone. Enjoy the journey. Participate as best you can. Be one with the fantasy baseballs (and Uranus). I guess that’s my last bit of advice as the RCL Updates will now be handled by J-FOH. He will be your in-season storyteller, and starting next week, he’ll begin to tell your story. The RCL story. And I can’t wait. (I’m talking about eating…)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I joined Funston, Behrens, Pianowski, Dalton Del Don, Not The Noise (someone drafted using Brad Evans name, but it wasn’t him), Rudy, Paul Singman and others. Since Singman writes for us now, we’re up to three writers in the Friends & Family draft held at Yahoo. Within ten years, it’s going to be 14 Razzball writers vs. Funston, and Funston will prolly still win after only drafting Howie Kendrick. I’m not being entirely facetious, Razzball’s results in this league have been less-than-stellar. I don’t mention this to be modest — modesty’s for nuns! — I tell you this to preamble my reasons for drafting Billy Hamilton. I feel like my Friends & Family mojo is leaking oil, the carburetor is coughing up fumes and I’m on the side of the road, with my skirt hiked up, and no one’s stopping. So, I decided to draft someone I have never drafted before and paid full price, to boot! (By the by, when I go to Italy, I like to shout, “To boot!”) Well, enough about me, more about my team! Anyway, here’s my 15-team, 5×5, roto, Friends & Family fantasy baseball draft:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Thanks to the fantasy baseball sabbatical of our longtime pal Nick Minnix, the Tout Wars Mixed League (15-team, snake draft) had an extra spot for good ol’ Rudy. Grey is also in the league (his draft review here) which gives Razzball two chances to win and me three chances to beat Grey in a 2015 league (RCL and Yahoo Friends & Family the other two). It is also the 3rd straight expert draft (LABR Mixed, CBS AL) that fellow Austinite Paul Sporer was in the same draft as me. So I have the opportunity for two hat tricks this year (or to be hat tricked….grr, pessimistic parentheticals).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If there were a Guinness World Records for fantasy baseball (not to be confused with Guinness beer, much to my chagrin), we’d break the entire book. For you, the readers, have answered (well, nearly) my call for 100 Razzball Commenter Leagues. This is truly a historic moment to be remembered for all eternity. Well, for the next few weeks at least. As of this writing, we are at 95 total leagues, which goes to show you not just how much support the community has offered, but also speaks to the growth of Razzball itself. Last season, we barely had 75 leagues. The year before that? 50ish. True, it’s not something you can truly use as a marker to tell you what direction we’re all going in, but let’s call it an arbitrary rough estimate. Now I’m calling on you fans of mustache and sarcasm to join the remaining leagues that are open. You no longer have to create & commish (the two c’s of life, as they call it…who they are, I have no idea, but let’s just go with it), but instead, just simply join. That’s it. Join a league and you’re done. And there are a bunch left to choose from, money leagues, ones hosted by our very own contributors, and ones that are hosted by readers like yourself. While it might matter in the micro, remember, this is a macro competition, a universal way to assert fantasy baseball dominance. Join now, and assert your dominance. Assert it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, another fantasy baseball season brings another opportunity to waste a roster spot on Chase Headley, and SPOILER ALERT, I did not disappoint. And yes, if you had to know, I was also able to draft R.A. Dickey… which would bode very well for me if this were a 20-team league format. But yeah, it’s not. It’s a 12-team auction format with two catchers and seven reserve spots. But you know me when it comes to Headley and Dickey. [Insert sexual innuendo joke here.] But yeah, this should turn out well! Regardless, when an invitation for an expert league pops up in my general direction, I usually verify with Grey to check if it’s some kind of mistake. If it wasn’t, I accept the invitation in a very vigorous fashion. Vigorous, like your mother. Whatever you think of the nomenclature (I prefer to be called a “fantasy writer”, not a “fantasy expert”), it’s difficult not to try-hard in a league that has such recognizable names as Scott White, Adam Aizer, Chris Towers, and Al Melchior. And boy did I try-hard… [Instert another sexual innuendo joke here.] But was it good enough? Only time will tell. And alcohol. A heavy regiment of alcohol. (Note: It doesn’t really tell you anything, but I like alcohol. So whatever.) Here’s the team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?