I’m not a writer, I’m a talker, but I’m going to summarize the profound undertaking that’s about to occur with words… that I type!  CRAZY, I know.  If that’s not your thing, just watch the above video five more times as penance.  (And share it with your friends 10 times.)

The Razzball Podcast is now Razzball Radio and we’re going daily AND we’re going mobile. 

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This is Part One of a three-part series.

On June 5th, 2013, T.J. Quinn, Pedro Gomez, and Mike Fish collaborated in writing an article in ESPN’s Outside the Line’s*, reporting that Major League Baseball was preparing to suspend such luminaries as Ryan Braun, Alex Rodriguez, Jhonny PeraltaMelky Cabrera, Bartolo Colon, and likely up to 15 other players who were connected to the Biogenesis clinic based in Miami Florida. The founder of the clinic, Tony Bosch, was reportedly going to testify against the players who had over the last several years established connections with the clinic, reportedly purchasing Performance Enhancing Drugs (P.E.D.’s), in order to plea-bargain and lesson the charges for his own egregious offenses.. These players faced up to a 100 game suspension, (which is actually the penalty for the second doping offense), for both denying their connection to the clinic as well as using P.E.D’s. As it turned out, Bosch provided phone records, receipts, data collected by the NSA or intercepted by drones hovering over the clinic. All of the players except for Alex Rodriguez have since then admitted their guilt, and were suspended for the remainder of the season; meanwhile, of course, AROD, the baseball equivalent of the Kardashians, has fought his case against the Lords of baseball, and will be suspended for one season, with his appeal in process.

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Folks, the time is finally here for Razzball’s 2014 Bold Predictions, and I’m happy to once again be your host. This year, it gets real crazy, as you might be able to tell from the title. That’s right. Dragon Ninja’s, yo. Word is, they have lasers, but that’s okay. We have something called an Eno. Not to be confused with being emo, which I hear involves a lot of mascara and Dashboard Confessionals. Sounds dangerous. And like a girl I dated in college. Regardless, here’s the deal– Eno Sarris of FanGraphs has agreed to take on your very own lovable and quite handsome Jason Longfellow (yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out) in a duel for the ages. His bold predictions will battle my bold predictions for COMPLETE AND UTTER SUPREMACY. Sort of like Highlander. We certainly need more Sean Connery, that’s for sure. And what’s at stake in this epic battle? Heads? Lightning swords? Shinobi’s? Naw. It’s beer. That’s right, beer. Whomever get’s the most predictions right, well, the loser has to buy him a six-pack of the beer of his choice. In this case, Eno has chosen DC Brau. Great selection, but it might come with side effects such as too much hipster and listening to Mumford. My choice? Koko Brown, because Hawai’i is the greatest thing ever known to man besides ice cream and blow jobs.  Have I intrigued you? I HAVE INTRIGUED ME, because, you know, alcohol. And Sean Connery…

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“The Iron Horse

After the 1938 season, Yankee pitcher Wes Ferrell, who played golf with Gehrig on a regular basis, noticed that Lou refrained from wearing golf cleats; instead he wore sneakers, and was sliding his feet along the ground.  He became frightened that something was wrong, and notified Yankee skipper Joe McCarthy. Gehrig played the first 8 games of the 1939 season, but it was apparent that he was not the same player as before. When Gehrig made a routine play with more then a small bit of difficulty, several Yankees, including Bill Dickey and Joe Gordon, patted him on the back, complimenting him on his effort.  It was at that point that Gehrig knew the gig was up, and feeling utterly humiliated, took himself out of the game.

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Welcome to the year end Razzball awards. I’m your host, Grey Albright and I’m joined by Random Italicized Voice, Hey. Also, on the red carpet for everyone’s arrival we have, Comatose Blue Jays Fan, “Hurry up, the Blue Jays are gonna be facing the Yankees tonight on Fox.” And up in the balcony critiquing everyone’s outfits we have Clunky Segue, “As I was saying…” Before the show even begins, we have a very special musical guest, Lighter Shade of Brown! Live from opening for Kanye West! Not playing on stage with him, but literally opening doors for him. They now work as doormen. At hotels. It’s very sad. Anyway, here’s the 2013 Razzball Year End Awards:

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In 1948, Yankee Scout Tommy Greenwade had taken a trip to Kansas to see a prospect named Billy Johnson who played for a semi-professional team named the Baxter Springs Whiz Kids. During the game, a young, strapping 16 year old boy named Mickey Mantle walloped three long home runs. The next year Greenwade returned, and when he left town, Mantle had signed his first contract to play for the New York Yankees.

“He’s the best prospect I’ve ever seen.” – Branch Rickey

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Who was the greatest pitcher during the first decade of the 20th century? Cy Young, perhaps. Christy Mathewson? Maybe Joe “Iron Arm” McGinnity”? The immensely talented and idiosyncratically eccentric Rube Waddell? Addie Joss? A case can be made for any one of these hurlers. However, the truth is that perhaps the very best of them couldn’t be identified by 95% of the fans of the American pastime. Beyond that, this same individual was considered by many astute observers as the equal of the legendary and irascible John McGraw as a manager. He was one of the most successful owners in the game, and as an Administrator, was the equal of such as Ban Johnson, the President and founder of the fledgling American league. That man was Rube Foster. In all of these respects, there has never been anyone who excelled in all of these capacities in the history of rounders. And although he was elected to the Hall of Fame in 1981, he remains a rather obscure figure in baseball history. But the truth of the matter is that without Foster, there likely would not have been an organized Negro league; without Foster, it is likely that there never would have been a Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson, or a Jackie Robinson.

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Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never never-land

On July 16th, at the All-Star Game played at Citi-Bank Park, Mr. Sandman was played in its entirety in a park other than Yankee Stadium for the first and last time. Manager Jim Leyland called in Mariano Rivera to pitch the 8th inning against the NL’s finest. Rivera took the call, and stood on the mound with watery eyes, perhaps reminiscing about his entire career, and how he had come to this point in time. Then he returned to the business at hand, and proceeded to retire the side in order. The crowd, mostly composed of fans of the rival Metropolitan club, gave him a rousing ovation. For this would be Rivera’s last appearance in the all-star game. We have but three months more to marvel at the man who is without a question the greatest reliever in the history of baseball. But the question is – how did it come to this? That is a most remarkable story…

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“See that little mound of dirt out there with the rubber in the middle? That’s my concern. I don’t have any problems, just concerns. And that’s my big concern, right out there.” Eddie Stanky

Eddie Stanky was the spark plug second-baseman known as “The Brat”. Stanky played for over a decade in the National League from 1943-1953 and had a career batting average of .268. He led the NL in walks three times and in runs scored once.

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