It was Professor Plum with a baseball in the visitors locker room. Clue was a pretty sweet game back in the day. I say “back in the day” because I haven’t played it in over twenty years. I guess it’s still the same game, but I just don’t play it anymore. And if I did, I probably wouldn’t admit it. This game is a bit different. However, the goal is somewhat similar. Guess the players I am about to describe. For those of you that missed out on the first three rounds you can find out how this game works by clicking here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Two weeks ago I said that 2016 was not the year to own Byron Buxton and that in non-dynasty formats he was droppable. Some of you applauded my position, while others second guessed their decision to even read my post. One reader went as far as sending me an email letting me know that I was an idiot and that he wished I was in his league because his league could use more bad players. I accepted his invitation, but have yet to hear back. On Monday Buxton was optioned to Class AAA Rochester. Game. Set. Match. Fantasy tennis anyone?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The year was 1987. I was ten years old and my biggest hobby was collecting baseball cards. Topps. Fleer. Donruss. You name it. And once Upper Deck was released in 1989, watch out! Hello Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball cards were awesome in the 80s. So were a great many other things, but I’ll save some of those for another post. The excitement of ripping open a pack of baseball cards and the anticipation of finding out who I got in that pack is something that can still get me going today. But back to 1987 for a moment. I was walking with my dad to his car in the parking lot of Matthew’s Diner in Teaneck when I uttered my first curse word in his presence. At the time I was busy trying to complete my set of 7-11 Slurpee baseball coins. You remember those gems? They were underneath a small flap on the bottom of the cup. As you tilted them they’d give the illusion of movement. As if Slurpees weren’t good enough on their own.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If I were a box of cereal my first ingredient would be “good advice.” Here are some important questions I’ve been asked and my magnificent answers…

Howdy Kenyon! I’m in a six-team mixed league from 1945. Who should I play this weekend? Stan Musial or Pete Gray? – Logan.

Logan: Unless one of the categories in your league is “fewest arms” I’d go with Stan the Man. In the future, you might want to examine the baseball card of the player in question. Simple rule to remember: Rock beats scissors beats paper and two arms beats one arm. Although two arms beats eight arms because octopi stink to high heaven at baseball (despite their lofty reputations as tetherballers).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Guess who’s back. Back again. The guessing game’s back. Tell a friend. That’s right, it’s time for round three of everyone’s favorite fantasy baseball guessing game. For those of you that missed out on the first two rounds you can find out how this game works by clicking here. For those that need a refresher you should click the link too. Let me start by saying that I have proof read today’s edition tree times. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any mistakes, but at least I made an effort. In all seriousness, this should be spot on. So let’s get guessing.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A little about me:

I am old and cranky.

I know way more about baseball than you.

Many people automatically get four college credits simply for reading a single column of mine.

I am the only person to see the rookie years of both Ty Cobb and Bryce Harper.

I can steal signs from the catcher merely from feeling the breeze produced from his fingers.

I am so respected I have two Hall of Fame ballots each year.

I am a switch-hitter, ambidextrous and tri-sexual. Yes, that’s correct. I often have sex with a tricycle.

I am a vegan and will only play ball with a mitt made of cucumbers and lettuce.

I will see you next week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last year, I wrote a “If You Can Think It, I Could Test It” where I invited commenters to ask me draft questions that I can test against the Razzball Commenter League data. With Grey traveling back from his stealthily awesome Tout NL draft, I figured I’d use today for a sequel.

Here’s what I have at my disposal:

  • 101 12-team RCLs from 2015: Draft Results + Final Standings/Stats (Daily roster changes/pickups)
  • 17 12-team NFBC leagues from 2015: Draft Results + Final Standings/Stats (Weekly)
  • 2015 Steamer/Razzball Hitter and Pitcher Projections
  • 84 12-team RCLs from 2014: Draft Results + Final Standings/Stats (Daily)

Types of questions you can ask include:

  • How did teams that drafted a SAGNOF like Billy Hamilton or Dee Gordon do?
  • How did teams that invested a lot vs a little in starting pitching do?
  • What stat categories correlated best with final standings points?

The more specific the question, the better.

This is a special day. If you ask me an everyday question about your team, I’m going to reply with “Boo, wrong post. Ask Grey tomorrow.”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I remember when I first came in contact with Fantasy Golf.  I was eight years old on the boardwalk of the Jersey Shore and my grandmother and I were at a makeshift tiki hut where a teenager was handing out clubs.  I held a golf club up to my waist — perfect size!  The teenager then handed me a scorecard, a mini pencil and, finally, a golf ball, but it slipped through my little fingers and started bouncing down the boardwalk. I gave chase and, right as I was about to reach the bouncing ball, tripped and the mini golf pencil went through the palm of my hand. Now, whenever I have to sign anything, I just turn my hand over and scribble with the back of my hand.  *intern whispers in my ear*  I’m told Fantasy Golf is not mini putt-putt where you play wearing a wizard’s pointed hat and try to avoid getting your ball in the dragon’s moat.  That is a shame.  Well, in that case, what are we doing?  *intern whispers in my ear*  Uh-huh.  *intern whispers in my ear*  Right.  *intern whispers in my ear*  And… *intern whispers in my ear*  Okay, okay, stop.  I don’t have a clue about Fantasy Golf.  Like zero clues.  Like I’m in an elevator and Professor Plum, Colonel Mustard and Mrs. White all get on and I still have no clue.  (That is almost as strained as every analogy Tom Verducci makes in the announcer’s booth of the World Series.  “These managers will need to be more imaginative than Stephen King!”  Apparently, Harold Reynolds’s stupid is rubbing off.)  Since I had no idea, I asked our Fantasy Golf ‘pert, Joe MacDonald (who I believe was the villain on Happy Gilmore) to explain it, and here’s what he said:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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