I don’t have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

The Cubs just got a hundred and twelve pounds lighter as Felix Pie heads to the Orioles for some dudes that you don’t need to concern yourself with right now.  Either the Cubs got fed up waiting around for Pie or they think he’s nothing more than Corey Patterson, another player the Cubs dumped on the Orioles.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Derek Lowe and Kenshin Kawakami sign with the Atlanta Braves after they had already signed Javier Vazquez.  Now all the Braves need is a #1 pitcher and they have a great staff.  I guess the Braves decided if they weren’t going to sign a big name pitcher, they’d try their best to make Vazquez look better.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pat Burrell and Milton Bradley, the new members of the Rays and Cubs respectively, are in similar tiers as outfielders for 2009 fantasy baseball, that not-so-coveted thirdish/fourth-kinda outfielder spot.  With their signings, it solidifies in everyone’s mind where Milton Bradley will throw a tantrum next year and where Burrell will be seen going from home to 1st in 12.7 seconds.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Brian Fuentes heads to the Angels, confirming some suspicions I had. The guy at Subway spit into your tuna? No, those weren’t suspicions, that was *spooky voice* paranoia.  While so many fantasy baseball ‘perts were appointing Arrendondo the closer of the Angels right after the K-Rod departure, I had my suspicions it was a bit premature.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Maybe Arod and Mark Teixeira can double date with Madonna and Sheryl Crow.  Latino Blanco Twin powers activate — form of a mild salsa!  Form of a Tequiza tequila-flavored beer!  Form of a Chardonnay Sangria!  The Yanks sign Teixeira, figuring it would be easier than letting him sign with the Nationals and then buying the entire team. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rafael Furcal returns to the Braves, which can’t be a good thing for 2009 fantasy baseball owners. I mean, it can, but it probably won’t be. This move will have people slightly too excited about Furcal.  Then you throw in his great April in 2008 — hitting .357 with 5 home runs and 8 steals in only 36 games.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s only two types of years for AJ Burnett.  He’s either playing hard because it’s a contract year or he’s hardly playing because he contracted an injury.  Unless the Yanks are willing to give him a new contract every year to add to this one (which is definitely possible with the Yank$), our guess is that this will be a lot closer to a Pavano redux than a Mussina repeat.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?