Fantasy Baseball Advice

Note: Besides providing advice and news on fantasy baseball, we at Razzball created and now sponsor a game where the goal is to manage a team and compile the worst stats. These Historical Spotlights honor those players who would’ve excelled in such a format. See here for more info. See here for the summary of the inaugural 2008 season.

Pete Rose. He’s like an Energizer Bunny wrapped in a bad haircut inside a moral vacuum.

On one hand, Charlie Hustle.

On the other hand, Degenerate Hustler.

On one hand, All-Time Hit Leader.

On the other hand, All-Time Full of Shit Leader.

On one hand, he ran over Ray Fosse in an All-Star Game.

On the other hand, he ran over a drifter on his way to an Illegal Card Game (pure speculation).

If there was one place, though, that you wouldn’t expect to see Pete Rose – besides an event giving away free autographs – it would be in a series that celebrates historically awful fantasy baseball seasons. Click one more on the “Pete Rose Didn’t Live Up To My Expectations” counter…

Let’s divide up Pete Rose’s career into three segments:

1) 1963-1982 (20 seasons) – Pete Rose was like the Derek Jeter of his time except less fancy (see video below). 16 All-Star appearances, beloved in real baseball circles, just good to very good in fantasy baseball terms. Why? He couldn’t hit for power (high was 16) and he wasn’t an SB threat (high of 20 ). His two best fantasy baseball assets were average (13 times in NL top 10) and Runs (15 times in the NL top 10). While his OBP stats were also well above average, his OTB stats were consistently disappointing. He bounced around between 1B, 2B, 3B, and OF during these years with most of his time in the OF. Averaged 600+ AB despite walking at a good clip.

2) 1983 (1 season) – Razzball Historical Spotlight Year!

3) 1984-1986 (3 seasons) – Averaged less than 400 AB. The words “Pete Rose” and “sure bet” no longer were spoken in the same sentence except for “Hey, Pete Rose sure bet a lot on today’s Reds game!”

So let’s go back to 1983 – the year before Big Brother started watching us, the year of Michael Jackson ‘Thriller’ and the year Father Time did a piledriver on Pete Rose’s baseball stats.

Turning 42 and in his 4th year with the Phillies, Rose manned first base. While his lack of power (4 home runs in the previous 3 years) would seem to make him an odd choice for first base, there were several logical reasons why Phillie managers Pat Corrales and Paul Owens did this:

• He was still quite good at getting on base – averaging a .350+ OBP his first three years in Philly.
• He made approximiately 0.25 defensive outs a year over the average 1B by catching pop-ups off catcher Bob Boone.
• His bookie had season tickets down the first-base line.
• It made ex-Red teammate and beloved announcer Joe Morgan feel young over at second base.
• Until Steve Balboni revolutionized the position in 1984, 1B had a surprising number of slap hitters. In fact, there were as many 1B that hit less than 10 HRs in 1983 (not including Rose) than hit 20+ HRs (both 7).
  • < 10 HR: Tom Paciorek-9, Keith Hernandez-9, Ray Knight-9, Pete O’Brien-8, Al Oliver-8, Mike Hargrove-3, Rod Carew-2
  • 20+ HR: Eddie Murray-33, Darrell Evans-30, Cecil Cooper-30, Willie Upshaw-27, Willie Aikens-23, Greg Brock-20, Chris Chambliss-20

Pete Rose never really got started in 1983. Through June, 235 AB resulted in a .247 AVG with 28 R, 0 HR, and 22 RBI. A .303 July hinted at a comeback but Pete evaded success in 1983 like it was the taxman. Over 168 AB from August-October, Rose hit .201 with 14 R, 0 HR and 10 RBI.

The final stat line (with 1B/OF eligibilty):

493 AB, 52 R, 0 HR, 45 RBI, 7 SB, .245 AVG, .286 SLG, .316 OBP

How bad was this season? He finished 3rd to last among all NL players (with 350+ AB) in SLG %. As a first baseman! (other two: shortstops Bill Russell and ex-Red teammate Davy Concepcion). Among starting NL 1B, he finished last or second to last in Runs, HR, RBI, and AVG. He was outhit by Phillie shortstop (and previous Razzball Historical Spotlight recipient) Ivan DeJesus for Christ’s sake (.254/.323/.336).

*** In fairness to Pete, he had a lot of bad luck in 1983. He only struck out 28 times so his average should’ve been in the .280 range with average BABIP luck. And if the outfield fence distances were as Asian-inspired as his haircut, he definitely would’ve netted at least a couple of home runs***

Even with Rose’s Razztastic season, the Phillies won the NL Pennant in 1983 led by Fantasy Baseball HOFer Mike Schmidt – proof that a bad moustache trumps a bad haircut. It was only in the World Series when Philly finally realized the error in their ways and replaced Rose with the much younger Tony Perez (41 at the time) for two of the 5 games. Alas, they lost to the Baltimore Orioles who somehow bested the Rose/DeJesus 1B/SS combination of the Phillies with Eddie Murray and Cal Ripken Jr. Honestly, Eddie Munster and Cal Ripken Sr. might have been enough…

Pete Rose stuck around for a couple of years – partly for the competition and partly to cement the all-time record in Outs. In the process, he also set records in Games, At-Bats and Hits. After his playing career ended, he became a radio personality, fathered a surprisingly attractive daughter (yeah, that’s his daughter), and made a few poor decisions along the way.

Pete Rose. You may not be allowed in the MLB Hall of Fame but you’re in the Razzball Hall of Fame (whether you like it or not).

Note: Besides providing advice and news on fantasy baseball, we at Razzball created and now sponsor a game where the goal is to manage a team and compile the worst stats. These Historical Spotlights honor those players who would’ve excelled in such a format. See here for more info. See here for the summary of the inaugural 2008 season.

What’s true in Razzball is what’s true in real life: All good things must come to an end. Yes, I’m speaking of Lima Time.

While early reports that Jose Lima was released from the Kia Tigers of the Korean League may have been lost in translation, it is just a matter of time before a bad outing against the Samsung Kimchi Dragons or the Hyundai Seoul Glows (my favorite Korean league team) will bring an end to a career so anthemic in its enough ups, downs, beatups, and beatdowns that it could only be best metaphorized by Tina and Ike Turner’s ‘River Deep Mountain High” (wish I had Jose’s version – similar costuming and choreography though)

Señor Lima was gracious enough to put together two seasons so Razztastic that we’ll commemorate both in this Spotlight. And…vamanos…

2000 – Houston Astros

Coming into 2000, everything was going Jose’s way. Traded to Houston in 1996 from then baseball (and still urban) purgatory Detroit, Jose turned in a 16-8/169 K/3.70/1.12 pitching line in 1998 and a 21-10/187 K/3.58/1.22 in 1999 that netted him 4th place in the Cy Young voting. At 27 years old, it truly seemed to be Lima’s time…..to be Razztastic.

And Jose didn’t waste any of his precious Lima time in 2000 – putting together Astro-nomical April and May ERAs of 8.42 & 7.68 that netted a 1-7 record. While he was reluctant to give batters a free pass (23 BB), he had no averseness to handing out a free pass around the bases (22 HR). Yes, you read correctly. That’s 22 HR in the first two months of the year. If only there was a phrase that could encapsulate Houston, orbs travelling in the air, and a problem….

The beginning of summer saw Lima have his hottest period of the year, putting together two sub-6.00 ERA months in June or July (5.17 and 5.91) before the weight of carrying such a high ERA into August wore him down. ERAs of 6.67 and 6.16 closed the year.

The final damage:

7-16, 196 1/3 IP, 6.65 ERA, 1.625 WHIP, 124 Ks, 68 BBs, 48 HRs allowed

The HR total fell two short of Bert Blyleven’s 50 HR in 1986 (bet Bert wishes he could do over some of those gopher pitches). But, in Blyleven’s defense, he did pitch 75 more innings than Lima.

How bad was Lima’s Gopheritis? His EHRA (Earned Home Run Average) was 2.20. Pedro Martinez’s ERA in 1999 was 2.07!

While the league ERA was a ridiculous 4.96, the only starter with 162+ IP that was within a 1/2 run of Jose’s ERA was Omar Daal who had a Razztastic 4-19 record with a 6.14 ERA w/ Arizona and Philly.

2001 – 2004 – Calm Before The Storm

Hoping that the Razzterful 2000 season was the anomaly (because so many great pitchers have that one season in the middle of their career where they post ERAs north of a 6.00 ERA), team after team sought after Lima. Detroit in 2001-2002. KC in 2003. LA in 2004. His 2002 season in Detroit – with a 7.77 ERA in 68 1/3 IP – hints at a lost Razzball season. Imagine how many losses Detroit could’ve had that year (they had 106) if they committed more to Lima.

The seemingly foolhardy hope that Lima would party again like it’s 1999 was realized in 2004 as Lima managed a 13-6 season with a 4.07 ERA in the friendly confines of Dodger Stadium. Even more amazing is he managed this while, reportedly, herpes sores and whatnot raged within the friendly confines of his genital area. Not surprisingly, this only made him more beloved amongst LA fans.

2005 – Kansas City Royals

Lima’s uplifting climb in 2004 gave him just enough rope to plummet to a new low in 2005. He found a worthy bungee partner in the Kansas City Royals who were coming off a 104 loss season and were ready for more. A slow start in April – 2 losses and a 6.08 ERA in 5 starts – might have stood out on any other team but were par for the course in KC. Looking for more of the Limalight, Jose brought some Razzball flowers in May reaching double digits in ERA (10.05) over 6 starts and 28 IP. With hitters inexplicably keeping the ball in the park, Lima had to take matters into his own hands by sporting a 12:15 K/BB ratio and 3 HBPs to boot. Despite all that, he only had 4 losses to show by June 1st.

June saw him ‘improve’ to a 7.11 ERA before an unexpected hot streak in July (3.79 ERA in 35 IP) endangered his second Razzball Spotlight-worthy season. Returning to form, a 6.52 August and 9.64 September boosted Lima’s final season numbers to:

5-16, 168 2/3 IP, 6.99 ERA. 1.660 WHIP, 80 Ks, 61 BBs, 31 HRs allowed

This season earned Lima 6th place in worst pitching seasons ever by Geoff Young of Padres’ blog Ducksnorts and baseball blog Knuckle Curve.

How bad was that ERA? Among those eligible for the ERA title (162+ IP), he was a full run greater than his nearest competitor (Mark Hendrickson).

An 80:61 K/BB ratio? Are you kidding me?

How much did he give the O-face to the Royals? Well, is it a coincidence that Grienke’s rookie promise blew up in 2005 (17 L, 5.80 ERA) and he had a nervous breakdown in 2006?

Still 32 years old with more Razzterful seasons left in his arm, Lima never got a chance for the three-peat (® Pat Riley). A 17 IP cup of coffee in 2006 with the Mets was the last episode of Lima time on MLB.tv.

Jose Lima. Bad pitchers come. Bad pitchers go. But a pitcher like you don’t come knocking every day. Tina and Ike – close this Razzball Spotlight out…

Note: Besides providing advice and news on fantasy baseball, we at Razzball created and now sponsor a game where the goal is to manage a team and compile the worst stats. These Historical Spotlights honor those players who would’ve excelled in such a format. See here for more info. See here for the summary of the inaugural 2008 season.

“Jose, can you see?” may serve as the punch line for a lame Star Spangled Banner joke but it was a fitting question in 2003.

Jose Hernandez became a viable fantasy baseball play in 1998 with the Cubs after putting together a 23 HR / 75 RBI campaign. Granted he struck out a lot and hit .254 but those are draftable late round stats for a SS. Over the next four years, Hernandez put together similar seasons for the Cubs, Braves, and Brewers – peaking in 2002 at a 24/73/.288 campaign that was more amazing b/c he managed to do this while striking out 188 times (a record at the time). The secret – a ridiculous .448 BABIP. So the elements were in place for a Razztastic 2003.

But things didn’t look promising (from a Razzball perspective) when he signed with the Rockies. Hell, 30 HR didn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. But the thin air of Colorado couldn’t stop the gravitational pull of a little thing we call regression to the mean. By June 20th, Hernandez already had 95Ks with only 8/23/.237 to show for it. Right when Colorado might’ve seen the light and benched him, destiny called upon the one coach that could delude himself into spinning these stats as good old-fashioned aggressiveness at the plate. Yup, Dusty Baker!

The Cubs traded Mark Bellhorn for him and, once back in the Chitown pinstripes, decided SS-eligibility was too limiting for such a momentous Razzball season. So they got him into 17 games as an outfielder. The position change didn’t upset Jose’s rhythm though. In 69 AB, he managed a mere 2/9/.188 with 26Ks.

Now with SS/OF eligibility, Hernandez’s Razzball value was rising in parallel with his K totals. But it would take someone with even more clouded vision than Dusty Baker (and Jose Hernandez for that matter) to make it a season worthy of the Razzball Historical Spotlight. Enter into the equation: Dave Littlefield, GM of the Pirates. After downing a twelver of Iron City Beer, Littlefield agreed to give up a 25 year old Aramis Ramirez (1 1/2 years removed from a 34/112/.302 season) and a relatively spry Kenny Lofton for Jose Hernandez, Bobby Hill, and a sack of nickels.

Suddenly with a hole at 3B, the Pirates decided to add 3B eligibility to Jose’s credentials – ushering in a renaissance of subpar Joses at 3B in Pittsburgh (see Batista, Castillo). In 193 AB, Jose Hernandez managed 3/21/.223 while adding in another 56 Ks.

The final seasons stats were: 519 AB, 58R, 13HR, 57 RBI, 177Ks, .225 with SS, 3B, and OF eligibility.

While others had gotten more K’s in a season (including Jose Hernandez), no one else had managed to do it with less than 24 HRs (let alone 13!). The only other player to do it since….none other than the man he was exchanged for in 2003 – Mark Bellhorn – who managed 17 HRs in 2004 while fanning 177 times.

Jose Hernandez never got another shot to duplicate these stats. He had three more years in the league where he was a utility man across four teams.

Jose Hernandez – we miss you as much as you used to miss the ball.

Note: Besides providing advice and news on fantasy baseball, we at Razzball created and now sponsor a game where the goal is to manage a team and compile the worst stats. These Historical Spotlights honor those players who would’ve excelled in such a format. See here for more info. See here for the summary of the inaugural 2008 season.

The passing of another Easter seems like a fitting time to resurrect the memory of Ivan DeJesus and his magical Razzball campaign of 1981.

He posted what Wikipedia describes as a ‘Triple Crown loser’ season, finishing last (among batting qualifiers) in all three categories with a .194 AVG, 0 HR, 13 RBI. He added 8 doubles and 4 triples to his 0 HR in 403 AB to finish with an netherworldly slugging percentage of .233.

If you think the 403 AB total was an indication of benching or at least platooning, think again. This was a strike-shortened season. Ivan played in all 106 games. Better yet, he hit leadoff in 59 of them! While Cubs skipper Joey Amalfitano never got another chance to manage a team, his courage in the face of logic and statistics netted him a 13 year gig as Tommy Lasorda’s third base coach. One can only imagine the fun that Tommy and Joey must’ve had eating room-service pasta off hookers’ asses.

Amalfitano also undoubtedly influenced the likes of Dusty Baker and Tony LaRussa, inspiring their man-love for light-hitting middle infielders not named Ozzie Smith.

Ivan DeJesus never was able to repeat the lows he accomplished in this magical season, putting in 3 more merely mediocre offensive seasons before moving onto bench and then coaching/minor league roles.

The infamy of Ivan DeJesus’s 1981 campaign is only overshadowed by his last name – which was a savior to white suburban lads unfamiliar with the dulcet tone of the soft ‘J’ – and his being a martyr to long-suffering Cub fans by accepting a trade to the Phillies shortly after this magical season that netted an aging (but raging) Larry Bowa and a then unknown Ryan Sandberg.

Ivan DeJesus – a Razzball God among men.