Thus, we are going forward with the 5th annual installment of Fantasy Razzball  - where the goal is to manage the  worst fantasy baseball team possible.  If you have a weak stomach or a big heart, stay away.  If you have a big stomach and a weak heart, you should see a doctor and make some changes in your diet.  If neither of those conditional statements apply, you can forget about tears in your beer.  It’ll be more like tears in your coffee and saving money on sugar.

The rules are basically the same as the past 2 years but we have a few logistical changes:

• Just as we have with our Razzball Commenter Leagues, we need volunteer commissioners to manage each league/draft time.  We’ve already recruited a commissioner for the full league (Higgins) to update standings and make sure all the leagues abide by the same rules.  So if you’re interested in being the commissioner, add your name/e-mail address in the comments.
• We used to create four ‘dummy’ teams that merely served to draft the top players and try to minimize the damage for anyone who missed the draft and forgot to update their rankings.  It didn’t work as well as hoped so instead we’re going to adjust the competitive index so it removes the last 3 teams in each league.

League Rules

• 10 Team Leagues, MLB universe, uses Yahoo! position eligibility
• All leagues must be in Yahoo! (to maintain consistent position eligibility rules and IP caps)
• Weekly Roster Changes (leaves you time to lavish on your Daily Leagues)
• C / 1B / 2B / SS / 3B / CI / MI / 5 OF / 9 P / 5 bench
• 1,250 innings cap.  No minimum IP.  No AB mins/maxes
• Leagues will be filled on a first come, first serve basis.  If you want to play in the same league with a couple friends, no problem.  Just submit the e-mail addresses at the same time.
• Each league will have four ‘dummy’ teams that merely serve to draft the top players.  This helps minimize the damage for anyone who misses the draft and forgot to update their draft list.
• 1 team per person.
• Collusion between teams is grounds for disqualification from winning the grand prize.
• Blogs/sports sites may have multiple participants but one team per writer.  These blogs will be noted in the standings and during periodic standings posts.  It is expected – but not required – for some quid pro quo mention of Razzball on your site.

• Hitter Stats
  • AB = +2
  • H = -3
  • R = -4
  • HR = -6
  • RBI =  -4
  • K = +2

• Pitcher Stats
  • IP =  -1
  • HR = +4
  • L = +8
  • K = -1
  • ER = +1.5
  • H+BB = +1

The point structure makes it so that about 2/3 of the league’s hitters as well as just about every pitcher has positive value.  So leaving a roster spot open or filled by a guy who plays once a week will hurt your team.

Grand Prize

An autographed baseball by Grey Albright, myself (Rudy Gamble), and a TBD Fantasy Razzball All-Star (last year was Neifi Perez).

Note For Sports Bloggers

We have discontinued the ‘Blogger” league but you are more than welcome to join a commenter league.  Once all the leagues are drafted, we’ll have a sign-up sheet to add blog affiliations to the master standings.

How To Sign Up

Find an open league below and e-mail the commissioner for an invite.

Commissioner:

1. VinWins — vinreich [at] zoho.com

There are plenty of lemons in baseball*.  Fantasy Razzball is the sugar that helps make them as satisfying as a cool, refreshing drink.

* There were three players whose last name was lemon – pitcher Bob Lemon and OFs Jim and Chet Lemon – but all three were good to very good players.   As was Hank Sauer.  Harry ‘Stinky’ Davis did stink though.

This post ushers in the 4th annual installment of Fantasy Razzball  - the game where the goal is to manage the  worst fantasy baseball team possible.  We have gone from one ‘blogger’ league in 2008 to 16 leagues in 2010.  At this rate of 16x growth every 2 years, we will have over a million leagues by 2016.   So it’s best to get in now while the competition isn’t as heavy.

League Rules

• 10 Team Leagues, MLB universe, uses Yahoo! position eligibility
• Weekly Roster Changes (leaves you time to lavish on your Daily Leagues)
• C / 1B / 2B / SS / 3B / CI / MI / 5 OF / 9 P / 5 bench
• 1,250 innings cap.  No minimum IP.  No AB mins/maxes
• We’ll be commissioner of all leagues and will designate one person per league to help arrange a draft date that works for everyone.
• Leagues will be filled on a first come, first serve basis.  If you want to play in the same league with a couple friends, no problem.  Just submit the e-mail addresses at the same time.
• Each league will have four ‘dummy’ teams that merely serve to draft the top players.  This helps minimize the damage for anyone who misses the draft and forgot to update their draft list.
• 1 team per person.
• Collusion between teams is grounds for disqualification from winning the grand prize.
• Blogs/sports sites may have multiple participants but one team per writer.  These blogs will be noted in the standings and during periodic standings posts.  It is expected – but not required – for some quid pro quo mention of Razzball on your site.

• Hitter Stats
  • AB = +2
  • H = -3
  • R = -4
  • HR = -6
  • RBI =  -4
  • K = +2

• Pitcher Stats
  • IP =  -1
  • HR = +4
  • L = +8
  • K = -1
  • ER = +1.5
  • H+BB = +1

The point structure makes it so that about 2/3 of the league’s hitters as well as just about every pitcher has positive value.  So leaving a roster spot open or filled by a guy who plays once a week will hurt your team.

Grand Prize

An autographed baseball by Fantasy Razzball All-Star Neifi Perez, Grey Albright, and myself (Rudy Gamble).

How To Sign Up

Click here for our signup page.  Note any requested leaguemates in the 3rd column.

If you are a sports blogger, fill out this form to be part of our Fantasy Razzball blogger leagues.

Stars are made in California.  There are thousands of stories….Harrison Ford getting his big break in American Graffiti after George Lucas had initially hired him for a carpentry job…Robert ‘Kid Stays in the Picture’ Evans was discovered bathing at the Beverly Hills Hotel….Two A’s outfielders funding ex-batboy Stanley Burrell to realize his rap dreams under his nom de rhyme MC Hammer…Traci Lords was discovered selling Girl Scout Cookies in San Fernando Valley, etc.

It was this California star-making machine that saw a .210-hitting non-3B prospect in Matt Keough and saw the potential for a star-making role at starting pitcher, a role worthy of a Razzball Spotlight.

1977-1978 – The Prologue

Keough was converted to pitcher in 1977 at the age of 21.  After a satisfactory year at AA (9-12 3.81 ERA /1.31 WHIP) and 6 starts during a September callup, Keough made the 1978 A’s major league pitching staff.  This is surprising until you scan the 1978 A’s roster which had been completely gutted by Charlie Finley of the talent that led to a 1972-1974 ‘three-peat’ that has only been matched since by the Yankees 1998-2000 run and Tom Emanski’s early ’90s back-to-back-to-back AAU championships.

Keough’s 1978 season was a relative success at initial glance.  He went 8-15 but with a 3.24 ERA/1.33 WHIP and an ERA+ of 110 (meaning his ERA was 10% better than the average pitcher adjusted to the ballpark in which he pitched).  He was even the A’s representative for the All-Star game where he managed a scoreless 1/3 of an inning.  But the season was really a tale of two halves as he went 6-4/2.16/1.17 in the 1st half and 2-11/4.44/1.51 in the second half.  The stage was set for a Razztastic 1979…

1979 – The Initial Setback

During the 1979 offseason, there may have been doubts among Oakland coaches whether Keough’s first half was a flash in the pan or his second half was just the result of a talented young pitcher having a tired arm.

Keough put those doubts to rest over his first 25 starts where he managed a win total of…..zero.  On the bright side, he managed 11 no-decisions so his record was merely 0-14.  This tied the MLB record of losses to start a season with (Sloppy?) Joe Harris of the 1906 Red Sox whose 9.1% career winning percentage (3-30) is not only the worst post-1900 for 30+ decisions but it’s twice as bad as that of runner-up Hal Griggs (18.8%).  This poor start left Keough 2-25 since the 1978 All-Star break and with 18 straight losses – only 5 away from the then record.

Editors of the San Francisco Chronicle and Oakland Tribune readied their newspapers for history with drafted headlines such as “Enough is Keough”, “KO for Keough”, and “Is The O-Fer Oakland?”.  But then Keough found his first wind on September 5th with a complete game victory against the Brewers.  He also threw a shutout against the defending AL West champ Royals intermixed between three more losses.  The final results:

• A 2-17 record with a .105 winning percentage that was the worst since 1916 (only to be bested 6 years later by Jose DeLeon’s 2-19).
• A 5.04 ERA that finished 4th in MLB (with an ERA+ of 81 that was the 6th worst in the league bested, ironically enough, by ex-Athletic ace Vida Blue).
• His 1.687 WHIP was worst in the MLB.

1980-1981 – The Redemption

Despite the poor 1979 season, Keough still had a spot on the starting staff of a resurgent 1980 A’s team that went from last to 2nd place under Billy Martin.  Youngster Rickey Henderson stole 100 SBs with an insane .420 OBP,  Tony Armas hit 35 HRs, and the A’s relief pitchers took the season off as the A’s starting staff threw 94 complete games (?!?!) with four of those starts going 14 innings (see here for the box score of Keough’s 14 IP triumph over the Blue Jays, outlasting Dave Steib who wussed out after 12 innings).  The next two AL teams in CGs – Milwuakee and Baltimore – managed only 90 between them.   Keough went the distance in 20 of his 32 starts finishing 3rd in CGs to teammates Rick Langford (28) and Cy Young runner-up Mike Norris (24).

Keough’s 1980 and 1981 pitching lines of 16-13/2.92/1.248 in 250 IP and 10-6/3.40/1.211 in 140 IP (in a strike-shortened season) were both strong campaigns – clearly benefiting from experience and the respect given to those who can pull off a Selleckian moustache.  Entering 1982 at the young age of 26, Keough was making his 1978-1979 challenges look like a fluke…

1982 – The Penultimate Setback

Billy Martin’s magic fizzled out in 1982 as the team fell back to 68-94.  While Rickey Henderson thrived (setting the record with 130 SBs), the young Oakland pitchers fell back to earth like a chopped oak to land.  The top 3 starters (Langford, Norris, Keough) had all achieved an ERA+ over 116 in 1980.  By 1982, none of the three even reached 100 (league-average).  And none of them fell harder than Keough…

Keough’s 11-18 record belied how bad of a season he had.  How bad (all of the below for 162+ IP pitchers)?

• The 18 losses tied for the MLB high.
• His 5.72 ERA was the worst in baseball and the 10th worst between 1944-1996.
• His 68 ERA+ was the worst in baseball and the 10th worst in baseball since 1944.
• His K/BB ratio of 0.74 (75 K, 101 BB) is the 5th worst since 1962*
• His 38 HRs were worst in the majors and made the top 25 list prior to 1998.
• And, last but least, his WAR (Wins Above Replacement) of -2.5 is the worst WAR for a pitcher since 1952.  (His 1979 WAR was amazingly +1.0 so I guess a replacement pitcher would’ve gone 1-18?)

*Interesting sidenote:  The list of pitchers with more walks than strikeouts in a season since 1970 include Tommy John, Phil Niekro, Mike Torrez (4 times!), Joaquin Andujar (twice) and Fernando Valenzuela.

1983-1986 – The Denouement

Keough managed just 10 more wins over the next 4 injury-plagued seasons before retiring (sadly this is one more than fellow Billy-abused starters Rick Langford and Mike Norris managed COMBINED for the rest of their careers).  Keough couldn’t even escape Billy Martin as he was sadistically traded in 1983 to the Martin-led Yankees just in case his arm needed more abuse.

1987 – 2004 – The Triumph

Keough’s star turn in California baseball did serve him well in that he was able to snag a Playboy Playmate / one of the three ZZ Top girls (Jeana Tomasino) with which he had three children – including one (Shane Keough) that is was an OF in the A’s minor league system (the A’s released him in July 2010).  He also has worked for the Angels, Rays, and A’s in various roles such as coaching, scouting, and front office.  While not a star, it appeared Keough would at least have one of those desirable supporting roles like being on the second detective team of a procedural (thanks for chasing down that lead, Ice-T and Richard Belzer!)

2005-2010 – The Ultimate Setback

Unfortunately, stars rarely just fade.  Sometimes they implode.  Sometimes they explode.  Or sometimes they get arrested for a DUI after rear-ending a car at a stop sign and wandering from the scene until apprehended (in 2005), get found drinking at a bar which violated his probation and sentenced for 180 days (2007), and get arrested once again for a DUI where he registered 3 times the legal limit after hitting a stop sign (2009).

And, because it’s California, this turmoil was featured in the initial series of the nadir of TV franchises – the Real Housewives of the OC – where his now zaftig wife was able to broadcast that the two had separated.  (Hey Scott Podsednik – hope you’re taking notes).

Matt Keough – Congratulations on a fabulous journey and your star will always shine in the Razzball galaxy.

Early congrats to Minor League Miner, the unidentified owner of the Flailin’ Mendozas (is that you, Mil Mascaras?), and Troy Patterson of RotoSavants.com and FireBrandAL.com

Good luck to all those in the running for the free DreamMaker Spa!

We consider it a byproduct of all the player rooting and hyping that comes with the production of a fantasy baseball blog.  And much like the molasses that’s a byproduct of sugar production, this joy may be darker than the main product but it tastes just as sweet.

So with that acknowledgement, we sadistically ring in the 3rd annual installment of Fantasy Razzball – the game where the goal is to manage the  worst fantasy baseball team possible.  In 2008, we started with one 10-team league of bloggers.  In 2009, we grew to 90 teams composed of bloggers and commenters.  In 2010, we’re planning to grow even more.

One big change from last year is the grand prize.  Last year, we reached into our shallow pockets to give out $50 of Taco Bell coupons.  This year we found a corporate sponsor in DreamMaker Spas who, in partnership with SpaDepot.com, will be awarding the winner of this year’s challenge a free Dreammaker Fantasy Spa which retails at $3,199.  Think about it guys – winning our challenge can be the first time in your life where fantasy baseball helped you get laid!  (See bottom of the page for contest details.  Please feel free to read them in a sped-up announcer voice like they do in radio commercials).

We have a few changes in the game rules that we think we’ll make for an improvement:

1) We’re going to cap Innings Pitched at Yahoo!’s default level of 1,250 IP to avoid the rampant streaming of 2-start pitchers.  This will get crappy relievers some roster space too.

2) We’re creating two bogus teams per league that will be assigned the top 54 players (36 hitters, 18 pitchers) based on regular fantasy baseball rules.  The reason?  Well, it’s inevitable that 1-2 players might no-show the live draft.  If they didn’t adjust their pre-draft rankings, you end up with teams drafting Albert Pujols and Hanley Ramirez in the first round.  This gives the other teams an advantage in snapping up the crappy players.  By taking 54 of these candidates out of the running, this should minimize the impact of this happening.

3) We’re decreasing the penalty of HRs from -10 to -6.

League Rules

• 10 Team Leagues, MLB universe, uses Yahoo! position eligibility
• Weekly Roster Changes (leaves you time to lavish on your Daily Leagues)
• C / 1B / 2B / SS / 3B / CI / MI / 5 OF / 9 P
• 1,250 innings cap.  No minimum IP.  No AB mins/maxes
• We’ll be commissioner of all leagues and will designate one person per league to help arrange a draft date that works for everyone.
• Leagues will be filled on a first come, first serve basis.  If you want to play in the same league with a couple friends, no problem.  Just submit the e-mail addresses at the same time.  It’s a cap of 4 though to avoid any major collusion.  (Note that we also adjust points based on League competitiveness)
• 1 team per person.
• Blogs/sports sites may have multiple participants but one team per writer.  These blogs will be noted in the standings and during periodic standings posts.  It is expected – but not required – for some quid pro quo mention of Razzball on your site.  We appreciate it if you mention our generous corporate sponsors (DreamMaker Spa & SpaDepot.com) as well.

• Hitter Stats
  • AB = +2
  • H = -3
  • R = -4
  • HR = -6
  • RBI =  -4
  • K = +2

• Pitcher Stats
  • IP =  -1
  • HR = +4
  • L = +8
  • K = -1
  • ER = +1.5
  • H+BB = +1

The point structure makes it so that about 2/3 of the league’s hitters as well as just about every pitcher has positive value.  So leaving a roster spot open or filled by a guy who plays once a week will hurt your team.

Contest Rules
You need to be 18+ and live in the Continental US to have the spa shipped to your address.  If you are 18+ and live outside the Continental US, you can ‘gift’ it.  Full-time bloggers on Razzball are ineligible (even for gifting).  In the case that a Razzball blogger wins, the prize will be awarded to the next highest ranked non-Razzball affiliated participant.  Shipping is included.  Installation will need to be paid for by the winner.

Any sign of collusion among league owners for the intent of giving a team an unfair advantage – including highly dubious trades – will disqualify the winner and the spa will be awarded to the next highest ranked non-Razzball affiliated participant.  Running 2+ teams are also grounds for disqualification.

How To Sign Up

Please e-mail me at rudy@razzball.com with the e-mail title of “Join Fantasy Razzball 2010″.  Within the e-mail body, note either your site in the e-mail or your Razzball commenter handle.  Otherwise, we’ll just use the name attached to your e-mail.

There is one immutable law within baseball.  When on offense, don’t make outs*.  For a short time in the 80′s, no one broke this law with as much abandon and aplomb as Omar Moreno.

* Yes, you can argue the sacrifice bunt, sacrifice fly, and the ground ball to the right side when a man is on 2nd with no outs are ‘productive’ outs.  That doesn’t mean we want to hear it.

Omar Moreno never pretended to be on the right side of the law – his affiliation with Pirates, his love for the stolen base, a name that sounds like an amalgam of badass Omar Little from ‘The Wire’ and Tony ‘Scarface’ Montana.  After being signed as a free agent in 1969 at the age of Latin 16, he toiled for over 7 years in the minors before earning his skull and crossbones with the 1977-1978 Pirates.  Besides narrowly missing the playoffs for two straight years because of their cross-state rival’s unstoppable troika of Mike Schmidt/Fat Shit (Luzinski)/Bat Shit (Carlton), the Pirates also had a startling number of:

• Future Yankees (7 – Moreno, Dale Berra, John Candelaria, Mike Easler, Goose Gossage, Al Holland, Ed Whitson)
• Future managers (4 – Phil Garner, Ken Macha, Cito Gaston, Jim Fregosi)
• Future players charged by MLB with doing cocaine (3 – Dale Berra, Dave Parker, Al Holland)

In 1979, Moreno ascended to the leadoff spot as previous leadoff hitter Frank Taveras was jettisoned to the Mets.  Moreno had his best year yet leading the league in ABs (695), SBs (77), and even getting some MVP votes (finished 15th) as the ‘We Are Family’ Pirates won the World Series.  Beneath all this success, however, was a hunger to make Outs.  His 535 outs (395 ground out/flyouts, 104 Ks, 21 CS, 7 GIDP,  6 Sac Hits, 2 Sac Flies) were the 4th highest in MLB history.  Any satisfaction that Moreno could take in this accomplishment was lost when the same very Frank Taveras whom he supplanted at the top of the Pirates batting order set the new standard with 545 outs.

Armed with this motivation and the goodwill that comes from helping a team win the World Series, Moreno shattered the single-season Outs record with 560 outs in 1980 despite 12 less plate appearances from the previous year.  Playing in all 162 games for the 2nd year in a row, his luck turned when his BABIP (batting average on balls in play) dropped from .322 to .290 and knocked his AVG (.249) and OBP (.306) to Razztastically low levels.  While he dazzled the league with 96 SBs, they were only a cover to pad his Outs total with 33 caught stealings.  No one – including Frank Taveras – could compete with the Out-making machine that was Omar Moreno.

After a strike-shortened 1981 where Moreno only finished 3rd in the league in Outs behind Ozzie Smith and past Historical Spotlight nominee Ivan DeJesus, Moreno arose like a malevolent Phoenix in 1982.  He equalled his 1979 total of 535 outs in 51 less plate appearances by getting back to fundamentals.  He increased his K rate, cut down on those pesky BBs, and decreased his SB percentage.  His adjusted OPS (i.e., OPS+) of 68 was a career low.

Realizing he had nothing left to prove in Pittsburgh, Moreno signed a free-agent deal with Houston who traded him in August to the ex-Pirate loving Yankees (note: besides the seven 1977-1978 Pirates mentioned earlier who went on to play for the Yankees, another five played with Moreno from 1979-1982:  Tim Foli, Cecilio Guante, Pascual Perez, Rick Rhoden, Rod Scurry).  Despite never clearing a .300 OBP for the Yanks from 1983-1985, the Yankees never gave Moreno the inordinate playing time he had with the Pirates as his one dazzling skill (stolen bases) flickered away.  A last hurrah with the 1986 Braves (.276 OBP over 386 plate appearances) hinted at another run at the single season Outs leaderboard but it wasn’t meant to be.  He retired from MLB at the young age of (Latin) 33 but stayed involved with baseball – playing in the short-lived Senior Professional Baseball Association, coaching in the Panamanian winter leagues and teaching his son (Omar Moreno Jr.) the gift of Out-making.

Omar Moreno – we’ve never seen another player make outs as often as you did.  If liking you is against the law, consider us outlaws.

** Omar Moreno’s 560 outs are still the single season record as of January 2010.   His two seasons of 535 outs are tied for 7th most in a season. **

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Come with me as I take out the trash:

Random thoughts about various rounds of the draft:

ROUND 1 – I had my eye on Ronnie Belliard like only Mrs. Belliard could ever know.  He’s eligible at 1st!  Need I continue?  Okay, he’s on the Nats.  Should I go on?  His K rate has been going up.  More?  He’s also eligible at 3rd.  All right, one more thing.  He’s projected for 400 ABs and 11 home runs.  Bleh, and thank you.

ROUND 2 – It was between Chone Fuggums and Lousy Castillo.  Had to go with the more shallow position of 3rd base.  Fuggums will probably get 500 ABs, and, I don’t know, 4 HRs.  Not a bad guy for the Not Corner.

ROUND 3 – And Lousy Castillo makes it back to me.  Projected for 487 ABs and… Wait for it… Here it comes… Hold on, I have an itch… All right, here it is… Zero home runs!  WTF?  How is that even possible?

ROUND 4 – Okay, I’ve waited on crappy outfielders long enough.  Skip Suckmaker, you’re mine!  Thank you, LaRussa.

ROUND 5 – I’m actually worried about my Runs at this point.  No, I didn’t just drink some Mexican water.  So to clog up my tailpipe, I select Erick Aybar.  He’s projected for less than 50 Runs and over 400 ABs.  Later I will add his Brother in Razzball Charms.

ROUND 6 – One thing I really notice about drafting craptacular players, everyone has a different draft sheet.  It’s like you got ten owners together that have all been in solitary confinement for the last six months.  Everyone knows who’s crappy, but nobody knows which order anyone else is going to take them, so guys last longer than you think they will.  Without further ado, Brian Schneider.

ROUND 7 – And because no one knows when anyone is drafting a player, you (or at least I) want to fill up your (my) Utility spot with another catcher that I know will rack up the ABs and little else — Yadier Molina.

ROUND 8 – Super futility man, Willie Aybar.

ROUND 9 – Finally, I take a pitcher.  Not just any pitcher, but a pitcher worthy of a Razzball Spotlight, Gorilla Ponson.

ROUND 10 – B. Giles because anyone who’s ever played any level of baseball can put up his stats.

ROUND 11 – Travis Ishikawa.  Everyone loses a job on your fantasy Razzball team, so backups are very helpful and Giants hitters are even more so.  Worst case scenario, Ishikawa and Belliard will make a nice blahtoon.

ROUND 12 – Vicente Padilla, probably my riskiest pick so far.  He can’t make it out of May with a job, can he?

ROUND 13 – Endy Chavez.  Nicest thing anyone can ever say about a guy on your Fantasy Razzball team, “He’s a great fielder!”

ROUND  14 – DeWayne Wise. Ozzie’s crazy enough to give him 500 ABs, but he’s not crazy enough to lead him off, is he?

ROUND 15 – Having played this league last year, I knew anyone I took on the pitching side would lose their job sooner than later if I was playing right.  With his 150th pick, Grey selects Danys Baez, a leading candidate for an Orioles rotation spot.  You heard me right, non-Orioles fans.  Baez might be an Orioles starter this year.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

ROUND 16 – Mark Buerhle.  Tried to balance all of the starters I was going to lose with a guy who can give me 200 lame innings.  There’s a chance I bench him until he gets cold.

ROUND 17 – Matt Harrison.  Okay, I’m a sucker for sucky Texas pitchers.

ROUND 18 – Jamie Moyer.  Another innings eater-slash-guy you can’t believe is still a major league starter.

ROUND 19/20 – Chris Dickerson and Gerald Laird.   Dickerson’s a K machine, but he’s the only guy on my entire team with any downside.  I’ll be honest.  I might be patroling the waiver wire for a Dickerson replacement.  As for Laird, it’s really hard to resist taking an extra catcher.  They’re all so good!

ROUND 23/24 – Jesse Litsch and Mike Pelfrey.  Some of you may be sad to see these guys here because you have them on your regular fantasy teams.  Let’s just say, I’m hoping these guys stay healthy because they could be in for an awfully wonderful year.

ROUND 25/26/27 – Kevin Frandsen and Cristian Guzman and Gabe Gross.  Not sure how this crapfecta lasted this long, but I just had to back up some of my other guys that are sure to lose playing time.  Actually, if I played my cards right, some of them might have lost playing time already.  Razztastic!

What I do know is that we’re going to be running our second annual Fantasy Razzball league in 2009.  What is Fantasy Razzball you ask?  Fantasy Razzball is a fantasy baseball variation where you aim to manage the worst team possible. Last year’s inaugural season proved to be a lot of fun with yours truly (Rudy Gamble) besting blogmate Grey Albright and a hard-charging entrant from the then-Fantasy Baseball Generals (now Fantasy Pros 911).

This year’s going to be bigger and better.  We’re going to put together as many blogger and Razzball Commenter leagues as demand warrants (Note:  Razzball commenters interested in joining regular leagues, sign up here).  It will be 10 teams per league.  We’re going to then crown an overall winner by applying a factor to team points based on league strength.  Grand Prize……$50 in Taco Bell gift certificates!  The only gift that gives up more runs than Livan Hernandez’s fastball!  Besides competing for this lofty prize, you’ll also be getting a lot of free PR for your blogs and/or having a lot of free fun.

(If at a loss on what to name your team, you can try our Fantasy Team Name Generator.)

We’ve tweaked our league rules from last year – moving from a standings league (top = 10, bottom = 1) to a points league.  This format gives us more flexibility to incent teams to use starting hitters without requiring a whole bunch of manual work to determine the real standings.

Here are the rules:

- 10 Team Leagues, MLB universe, 20+ games previous season for position eligibility (10 games in-season)

- Weekly Roster Changes (leaves you time to lavish on your Daily Leagues)

- C / 1B / 2B / SS / 3B / CI / MI / 5 OF / 9 P

- No innings or AB mins/maxes

- Hitter Stats

• AB = +2
• H = -3
• R = -4
• HR = -10
• RBI =  -4
• K = +2

- Pitcher Stats

• IP =  -1
• HR = +4
• L = +8
• K = -1
• ER = +1.5
• H+BB = +1

The point structure makes it so that about 2/3 of the league’s hitters as well as just about every pitcher has positive value.  So leaving a roster spot open or filled by a guy who plays once a week will hurt.  Click here if you want to see how last season’s standings would look with this point structure as well as the points for all the hitters and pitchers.  Here were the ‘top’ 10 in each:

Hitters:

E-mail rudy@razzball.com or comment on this post if you’re interested in joining.  I’ll be updating the participant list at http://razzball.com/fantasy-razzball-league-master-standings.  Draft dates and service provider TBD (leaning towards ESPN but can be convinced if another service can accommodate and will host for free).

True love is rare.  True love means not just accepting the good and the bad – it means never even thinking to judge.  True love is a warm embrace – like a passionate wet kiss you don’t want to end, a steamy mug of cocoa that you don’t want to stop drinking, a fever that you never want to leave your system….

True love is what Houston Astros owner Drayton McLane Jr. feels for our Razzball Historical Spotlight inductee Brad Ausmus.

Brad Ausmus (an Americanized version of the popular German surname Ahsmünch) is a hard man not to love – especially if you were a Jewish mother with a single daughter.  A good Jewish boy out of Connecticut, graduated from Dartmouth, a successful professional…(you could do worse…)

He began his career in the Yankee farm system and was plucked from their roster in the 1992 expansion draft (along with Charlie Hayes and Carl Everett) for the Rockies and Marlins.  After a couple of years on the Padres and Tigers, he was part of part of possibly the most Razztastic trade ever -  an 8 person trade b/w the Tigers and Astros that included Ausmus and 2 other Razzball Spotlight members (Jose Lima, Brian L Hunter).  It was as if Detroit traded GM and Chrysler to Houston for Enron.

Ausmus’ initial 2 year stint (1997-1998) in Houston resulted in okay hitting and two first round playoff losses.  When Ausmus wasn’t hitting for the collar, he and his open collar hit on Houston girls.

In what McLane would later say was “The biggest mistake of my life”, the Astros found the trade receipt and returned Ausmus to Detroit.  Ausmus made the All-Star game in 1999 with Detroit – the benefits of playing for a crappy team and rules requiring each team has at least one representative.  The Astros managed to make the playoffs in 1999 only to lose again in the 1st round.

In 2001, McLane listened to his heart and re-traded for Ausmus.  The trade came just in time as Ausmus was set to embark on a Razztastic eight season hitting stretch during which he plumbed levels that had never been plumbed before.  Now if you’re the type that thinks Ausmus is the Bossmus (i know at least one), you’re probably thinking, “Was Ausmus really any worse a hitter than all those light-hitting catchers I grew up with?”  Well, let’s look at the stats…

The best way to compare vs. previous eras is to use the OPS+ metric which adds OBP and SLG then factors in league and park averages.  Ausmus’s 2001 (57), 2003 (55), 2004 (63) and 2006 (54) mark the 3rd, 4th, 15th, and 7th lowest OPS+ seasons by any catcher with 448+ plate appearances since 1930.  No other catcher even managed two seasons in their career that were as bad as this crappershop quartet Ausmus produced in a six year period.  In 2002, he became the 2nd player in the last 100+ years to hit into at least 30 double plays and not hit 30 extra base hits.  He managed the GIDP>XBH feat again in 2006 with 21 GIDP to 19 XBH.

When asked to pack Ausmus’ ‘tools of ignorance’, the equipment guys would pack his bats instead of his catching equipment.  His hitting was so cartoonish that opposing pitchers would call the Astro hitter “Rad Rausmus”.  Tony LaRussa laid awake at night wondering if he coached Ausmus whether he’d hit him 9th and let the pitcher hit 8th or would he keep Ausmus 8th and have him bunt and let the pitchers swing away.  But all the while, the Astros kept penciling his name in the lineup card – praising him for everything from his defense to his handling of his pitchers to the pristine condition of his game-used bats.

Starting in 2007, the Astros realized that they couldn’t count on Ausmus (then 38) to forfeit the 8th spot in the lineup forever.  Ausmus took Eric Munson under his wing in 2007 but Munson’s 74 OPS+ proved too competent and he was promptly waived at the end of the year.  Ausmus graciously took a backup role to J.R. Towles in 2008 and watched as Towles exploded onto the Razzball scene with an otherworldly .137 AVG and 34 OPS+ in 146 ABs.

While Ausmus maintained his torpid streak of hitting in 2007-2008 despite additional rest and more favorable matchups, he could see the writing on the wall.  He realized the only way he could repay the love that McLane and the Astros showed him was to heed Sting’s advice and set them free.  Carlos Lee even offered to pay his salary but Ausmus refused, stating “It’s certainly flattering but I had an unprecedented 8 year run here.  My job is done.  Plus, as Carlos’s accountant, I had to advise against it.”

Ausmus is currently trying to sign on with a Southern California team.  One would think his bat would fit in just perfectly with San Diego.  Until then, he’ll be hitting the waves – hopefully more successfully then his hitting of baseballs.

Brad Ausmus – Jewish Sports Hall of Fame honoree and now Razzball Historical Spotlight inductee.  You’ve made us so proud, bubelah!

Update:  Funny tribute video by the Astros for Ausmus.  Nice to see they have a sense of humor about this stuff.

The 1998 HR race between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa has received credit for many things:

1. Getting America excited about baseball again after the long shadow of the 1994 strike.
2. Showing that man hugs are in no way gay.
3. Allowing sports journalists to master the art of triflection – genuflection at the time of McGwire and Sosa’s feats, reflection after the painfully obvious fact that they were ‘roided up became inarguable, and deflection of any responsibility for their uncritical hype in the matter.
4. Popularizing andro, backne, and the chest tap.
5. Inspiring Barry Bonds to conduct an experiment to see if multiplying the negative of his natural dickishness with the negative of artificial ‘roid rage would turn out positive (answer: in short term, yes. long term, no)

But the McGwire-Sosa race also succeeded in inspiring the envy of the American League. Despite a 2nd World Series win in 3 years by the Yankees, the National League dominated the headlines thanks to McGwire and Sosa. And, adding insult to injury, both were ex-ALers that had been fleeced in trades with a pre-Beane Oakland and a harbingerific Dubya-owned Texas. How can you top a race to break the cherished single-season HR record? The same way you topple any top-heavy competitor – you aim low.

And no one aimed lower in 1999 than Brian L. Hunter of the Tigers/Mariners and Darren Lewis of the Red Sox as they competed in….

First a little background on our participants:

Brian L. Hunter was a speedy outfielder who raced through the Astros system, making the big leagues in 1994. He wasn’t fast enough to claim a middle initial-less name, though, as a Brian (R.) Hunter made the majors in 1991 for Atlanta. You know what the L stood for? Lee. What, you thought I was gonna say Loser? That’s just mean. But if ever there was a sign that BLH had potential for Razzball Spotlightdom, it was his trade to the lowly Tigers in 1996 that included past honoree Jose Lima.

Darren Lewis was a somewhat speedy, no-hit CF who became a full-time starter with the Giants in 1993 and was best known for his glove and nearly being traded to the Yankees in 1995 for a struggling Bernie Williams (Gene Michael ignored Steinbrenner’s impulsiveness). By the time the 1999 rolled around, he had been traded by the Giants and bounced around 3 other teams.

So you may ask “How do you determine offensive ineptitude?” (I gave you credit for a big vocab word.) We’re going to use Adjusted OPS (OPS+) which is a player’s OBP + SLG adjusted for the park and the league in which the player played. Dorky but effective.

To add some perspective, we’re going to use two poor-hitting outfielders as reference points

1. Gary Pettis – a speedy 1980′s defensive outfielder that played primarily with the Angels. He managed a .236 BA and an 80 OPS+ over his 11 year career, hitting about 3 HRs per 500 ABs. (Rumor has it that Gary Pettis, Rod Carew, and Angels 78-year old owner Gene Autry once held a home run hitting contest on a Monday night. It was ruled a zero-zero-zero tie four nights later as Carew had to go home for Shabbat dinner.)
2. Pete Gray – a light-hitting outfielder who played in the WWII era and had a 48 OPS+ in 234 career ABs. It’s worth noting, though, that he only had one arm (see adjacent photo). Gray had good speed and was a surprisingly deft bunter but he suffered from an inability to hit curve balls (aka Serrano Syndrome) and difficulty hitting HRs due to the topspin generated by his tennis forehand-like swing. (He finished with the second highest average amongst one arm players, ahead of Jim Abbott but well behind Johnny Damon.)

Let’s take this race month-by-month. Since neither Hunter and Lewis are great photo subjects, we’ve replaced them with the Crocodile Hunter and Jerry Lewis in the below line graph.

April – Both players fell within the Razztastic Pettis/Gray hitting range with Lewis slightly in the lead (with the lesser OPS+). Towards the end of the month, Hunter gets traded to the Mariners where he’s placed at the head of the lineup followed by A-Rod, Griffey, and eDHgar Martinez. Fans christens it the ‘Butter Face’ lineup. Lewis hits #2 for the first 10 games but for the rest of the month he, like ham on a pig, occupies the back third.

May – Like Dave Winfield, Hunter and Lewis had their best months in May – both topping Pettis’ career average. Highlights included a .312 average for the month by Lewis (Hey Lay-dee!) and a massive 1 HR / 10 RBI power display by Hunter (Crikey!)

June – Hunter finishes below Lewis for the 2nd month in a row as they both nestle within the safety of the Pettis/Gray zone.

July – As the temperature started to rise, Hunter and Lewis’s OPS+ started to plummet. Hunter’s 2 HR month catapulted him ahead of Lewis despite an OBP of .271 (guess it’s hard to work a walk when A-Rod and Griffey are behind you). Neither invited to the All-Star game.

August – Lewis has a slight rebound while there is no Rhyme for the Ain’t Shit Mariner. Aided by Pinella’s decision to wedge David Bell b/w Hunter and A-Rod in the lineup, Hunter receives a few less meatball pitches and manages a .171 AVG and an astonishing .190 SLG. Note that going 1-for-5 with a single nets a .200 SLG. Hunter couldn’t manage that pace for 105 August ABs.

September/October – With the season on the line, Lewis turned it off big time in September/October with a .160 AVG over 81 AB. A lone double boosted his SLG to .173. All while in a pennant race with the Yanks during which Jimy Williams inexplicably batted him second 16 times. Hunter didn’t flinch – he managed to lower his monthly average to .170 although his SLG crept over the .200 mark. But that was enough to win the battle….

The final stats…
Hunter – 539 AB/79 R/4 HR/34 RBI/.232 AVG/.280 OBP/.301 SLG/.581 OPS/ 48 OPS+
Lewis – 470 AB/63 R/2 HR/40 RBI/.240 AVG/.311 OBP/.309 SLG/.620 OPS/ 57 OPS +

As if these stats aren’t Razztastic enough, 1999 was a huge offensive year. The AL SLG and OPS averages were the 2nd highest in the 20th century (first was 1996). Combine awful stats with strong league hitting and you’ve got an offensive performance by Brian L. Hunter that is the worst by an OF with enough ABs to qualify for the batting title since 1904 (granted not ever but still…). It was bad enough to tie the career OPS+ of the aformentioned mono-armed Pete Gray.

Darren Lewis’ 57 OPS+, while higher than that of the hitting cripple and Pete Gray, tied for the 2nd worst offensive performance by a qualifying OF.

While September/October hinted at lesser things from Hunter & Lewis, they never got more than 250 ABs in a season to plumb further. Hunter played for four more teams in the next 4 years. Lewis hung around the Sawx for two years and then a last year with the Cubs.

While we can never truly know whether Hunter and Lewis records are on the level vs. tainted by performance-enfeebling drugs, we will give them the benefit of the doubt. Because even Razzball can be guilty of triflection now and then.

For a man and a woman to produce a great baseball player, it takes an ovum with a very good eye to spot a 5-tool sperm out of the pack. While there is more room for error if the father is a former player like Bobby Bonds or Ken Griffey Sr., it’s extremely rare that the same pitcher/catcher combination produces more than one HOF caliber player. (Note: Ms. Koufax’s eagle-eyed ova managed to find the one athletic specimen of the 180 million nebbish sperm provided by her husband. Jonas Salk purported that if he had access to Ms. Koufax’s womb, he could have cured blindness. Then again, Jonas would say anything to get into a girl’s womb…)

There are some exceptions to this rule:

1) Paul “Big Poison” and Lloyd “Little Poison” Waner amassed 5,611 hits for the pre-WWII Pirates (back when they were good).

2) The Alou triumvirate of Felipe, Matty, and Jesus amassed more than 5,000 hits. Ms. Alou was so fertile that her vagina was used for agricultural purposes during fallow reproduction periods.

3) The DiMaggio trio of Joe, Dom, and Vince may have been the best set of brothers but their combined stats seem less impressive because of time lost in service (Joe and Dom both served 3 years during WWII) and that the DiMaggio’s were 3 of about 40 DiMaggio children (as was de riguer among Italians of the era).

The more common scenario among baseball playing progeny is at most one heavyweight (say, Sly Stallone) and one lightweight (say, Frank Stallone). Could the lightweight brothers ever have been contenders (aka contendas) or did they just ride their brother’s coattails? Tough to say. But here are some examples:

1) Tommie Aaron. Brother Hank hit 755 HRs. Tommie hit 13. He got hate letters…from African-Americans.

2) Ozzie Canseco. Jose and his twin combined for 462 HRs and stole 200 SBs in the majors. Ozzie was responsible for 0 HRs and 0 SBs as he managed just 13 hits (6 doubles!) and 4 RBIs in his 65 career ABs. Thus, Ozzie had about the same impact on their brotherly combined statistics as, say, Lizzie McGwire would if you combined her stats with those of Mark McGwire.

3) Steve Larkin. Brother Barry played 19 seasons in Cincinnati and starred in 12 All-Star games. Steve played one game for the Reds in 1998 going 1 for 3. I wonder if Steve rubs it in that he has the higher career batting average

4) Chris Gwynn. Brother Tony hit 3,141 hits and won 8 batting titles. Chris managed 263 hits in 10 years. Based on the below photo, it’s no coincidence they both ended up on the team owned by the founder of McDonald’s.

That takes us to Billy Ripken. Billy shot through the minor leagues on a wave of mediocrity and nepotism – making it to the majors in 1987 at the young age of 22 (then again, you never know the true age of Oriole infielders). He soon beat out Alan Wiggins for the Oriole 2B spot as Wiggins, much like Robert Downey Jr., couldn’t choose between speed (66 and 70 SB in 1983/84) and cocaine.

Ripken’s surprising .308/.363/.372 over 234 ABs in 1987 didn’t dupe Oriole fans and brass into thinking that they had another Cal Ripken, but it did have them thinking they had their starting second baseman for 1988 and a #2 hitter to hit in front of his brother and Eddie Murray.

In retrospect, they could not have chosen a better 2nd baseman for their Razztastic 1988 Baltimore Orioles. The season started ominously with a 6 game losing streak. It wasn’t all Billy’s fault – he hit 6-for-24, a respectable .250 clip. But Cal and Eddie were riding the US highways (.091 and .130 respectively) and the axe fell on Cal Ripken Sr. The firing after 6 days shattered Yogi Berra’s unofficial ‘quickest firing’ record of 16 days by the Yanks in 1985 and it broke Cal Sr’s streak of 168 straight games managed. One wonders how Cal Sr. reacted to it given he was ‘wiry, blunt, quick-tempered and given to salty language’.

Baltimore legend and HOFer Frank Robinson came in and got the team into the W column….on April 29th in their 22nd game of the season. Yes, much like a senior undergrad at Oral Roberts University, the team went 0 for their first 21.

Hitting primarily out of the #2 slot (right in front of his brother), Billy had a tough April and May, finishing the two months with a .173 AVG in 162 ABs. Students at nearby Johns Hopkins Medical School ironically mused, “How could Billy’s stats be so anemic given his brother is known as the ‘Iron Man’?” and debated whether to nickname him Anemia Man or Irony Man.

On June 14th, Billy Ripken hit his first HR of the year off of the Tigers’ Doyle Alexander – the sole hitting highlight of a first half that, in 287 ABs, amassed a .199 AVG. Given the Orioles finished the first half at 28-59, it’s not as if he was the only dead weight in the lineup.

During the All-Star Break, Frank Robinson had some thinking to do. Do I send Ripken back down to AAA and potentially anger Cal Jr.? Can I really spoil a Razzterful season in the spirit of meritocracy and honoring the game when our season is already in the shitter? Frank compromised – he kept Ripken in the lineup every day but stashed him in the 9th slot to minimize the impact. To make sure Ripken didn’t lose momentum during the All-Star break, Frank scheduled some extra hitting sessions with former Baltimore SS Mark Belanger.

The 2nd half basically played out like the 1st half – 1 HR and a few more hits to put him over the Mendoza line.

The final line:

512 AB / 52 R / 2 HR / 34 RBI/ 8 SB / .207 AVG / .260 OBP / .258 SLG

Among AL batters with 300+ ABs, Billy Ripken finished last in AVG, OBP, and SLG. His 2 HR did place him ahead of 13 AL hitters including a power-deprived Ozzie Guillen (0 HR in 566 AB), a coke-deprived Willie Wilson (1), and a steroid-deprived Brady Anderson (1 in 325 AB).

That said, Billy felt positive going into the 1989 season. Yes, my 1988 was Razztastic but I’m a Ripken, damnit! I’m only going to get better. It really can’t get any worse than being the worst hitter in the league on the worst team in the league and my father being axed in the first 6 days of the season, could it?

Billy’s optimism, however, stood no chance against the naked ambition of Fleer Corporation which was, at the time, in a fight with Donruss for #2 in the baseball card market. In what is on record as an honest mistake, Billy Ripken’s 1989 baseball card came out with the nickname ‘Fuck Face’ on the knob of his bat. Traumatized, Billy missed the first 15 games of 1989 on the DL with a bruised ego and ended the season with only slightly better results (.239 AVG w/ no power).

During 1990, a reinvigorated Billy blocked out his 1988-1989 mistakes like Fleer blocked out the ‘Fuck Face’ in subsequent printings of the card. He had his best season as a pro when, in 406 AB, he led the Orioles in hitting at .291 – stomping his .250 hitting brother. Granted, Cal out-HRed him 21 to 3 but still…

While Billy’s glove (and surname?) kept him in the league another 8 years, a mix of injuries and responsible coaching kept him from ever topping 330 ABs again. He recently represented Ripken Baseball on a US government-sponsored envoy to China to help build support for baseball. You know Lenn Sakata HAD to be pissed that he wasn’t invited.

Let Cooperstown have Cal. Razzball will take Fuck Face any day of the week (twice on Sundays!)

Note: Besides providing advice and news on fantasy baseball, we at Razzball created and now sponsor a game where the goal is to manage a team and compile the worst stats. These Historical Spotlights honor those players who would’ve excelled in such a format. See here for more info. See here for the summary of the inaugural 2008 season.

Pete Rose. He’s like an Energizer Bunny wrapped in a bad haircut inside a moral vacuum.

On one hand, Charlie Hustle.

On the other hand, Degenerate Hustler.

On one hand, All-Time Hit Leader.

On the other hand, All-Time Full of Shit Leader.

On one hand, he ran over Ray Fosse in an All-Star Game.

On the other hand, he ran over a drifter on his way to an Illegal Card Game (pure speculation).

If there was one place, though, that you wouldn’t expect to see Pete Rose – besides an event giving away free autographs – it would be in a series that celebrates historically awful fantasy baseball seasons. Click one more on the “Pete Rose Didn’t Live Up To My Expectations” counter…

Let’s divide up Pete Rose’s career into three segments:

1) 1963-1982 (20 seasons) – Pete Rose was like the Derek Jeter of his time except less fancy (see video below). 16 All-Star appearances, beloved in real baseball circles, just good to very good in fantasy baseball terms. Why? He couldn’t hit for power (high was 16) and he wasn’t an SB threat (high of 20 ). His two best fantasy baseball assets were average (13 times in NL top 10) and Runs (15 times in the NL top 10). While his OBP stats were also well above average, his OTB stats were consistently disappointing. He bounced around between 1B, 2B, 3B, and OF during these years with most of his time in the OF. Averaged 600+ AB despite walking at a good clip.

2) 1983 (1 season) – Razzball Historical Spotlight Year!

3) 1984-1986 (3 seasons) – Averaged less than 400 AB. The words “Pete Rose” and “sure bet” no longer were spoken in the same sentence except for “Hey, Pete Rose sure bet a lot on today’s Reds game!”

So let’s go back to 1983 – the year before Big Brother started watching us, the year of Michael Jackson ‘Thriller’ and the year Father Time did a piledriver on Pete Rose’s baseball stats.

Turning 42 and in his 4th year with the Phillies, Rose manned first base. While his lack of power (4 home runs in the previous 3 years) would seem to make him an odd choice for first base, there were several logical reasons why Phillie managers Pat Corrales and Paul Owens did this:

• He was still quite good at getting on base – averaging a .350+ OBP his first three years in Philly.
• He made approximiately 0.25 defensive outs a year over the average 1B by catching pop-ups off catcher Bob Boone.
• His bookie had season tickets down the first-base line.
• It made ex-Red teammate and beloved announcer Joe Morgan feel young over at second base.
• Until Steve Balboni revolutionized the position in 1984, 1B had a surprising number of slap hitters. In fact, there were as many 1B that hit less than 10 HRs in 1983 (not including Rose) than hit 20+ HRs (both 7).
  • < 10 HR: Tom Paciorek-9, Keith Hernandez-9, Ray Knight-9, Pete O’Brien-8, Al Oliver-8, Mike Hargrove-3, Rod Carew-2
  • 20+ HR: Eddie Murray-33, Darrell Evans-30, Cecil Cooper-30, Willie Upshaw-27, Willie Aikens-23, Greg Brock-20, Chris Chambliss-20

Pete Rose never really got started in 1983. Through June, 235 AB resulted in a .247 AVG with 28 R, 0 HR, and 22 RBI. A .303 July hinted at a comeback but Pete evaded success in 1983 like it was the taxman. Over 168 AB from August-October, Rose hit .201 with 14 R, 0 HR and 10 RBI.

The final stat line (with 1B/OF eligibilty):

493 AB, 52 R, 0 HR, 45 RBI, 7 SB, .245 AVG, .286 SLG, .316 OBP

How bad was this season? He finished 3rd to last among all NL players (with 350+ AB) in SLG %. As a first baseman! (other two: shortstops Bill Russell and ex-Red teammate Davy Concepcion). Among starting NL 1B, he finished last or second to last in Runs, HR, RBI, and AVG. He was outhit by Phillie shortstop (and previous Razzball Historical Spotlight recipient) Ivan DeJesus for Christ’s sake (.254/.323/.336).

*** In fairness to Pete, he had a lot of bad luck in 1983. He only struck out 28 times so his average should’ve been in the .280 range with average BABIP luck. And if the outfield fence distances were as Asian-inspired as his haircut, he definitely would’ve netted at least a couple of home runs***

Even with Rose’s Razztastic season, the Phillies won the NL Pennant in 1983 led by Fantasy Baseball HOFer Mike Schmidt – proof that a bad moustache trumps a bad haircut. It was only in the World Series when Philly finally realized the error in their ways and replaced Rose with the much younger Tony Perez (41 at the time) for two of the 5 games. Alas, they lost to the Baltimore Orioles who somehow bested the Rose/DeJesus 1B/SS combination of the Phillies with Eddie Murray and Cal Ripken Jr. Honestly, Eddie Munster and Cal Ripken Sr. might have been enough…

Pete Rose stuck around for a couple of years – partly for the competition and partly to cement the all-time record in Outs. In the process, he also set records in Games, At-Bats and Hits. After his playing career ended, he became a radio personality, fathered a surprisingly attractive daughter (yeah, that’s his daughter), and made a few poor decisions along the way.

Pete Rose. You may not be allowed in the MLB Hall of Fame but you’re in the Razzball Hall of Fame (whether you like it or not).

At about the 4 week point, our Razzball leader is baseball card blogger Cards in the Attic with 88 of a potential 120 points (standings here and at bottom, click thumbnail on right for rosters). The Aardvark Trading Company hasn’t been playing scared – he’s leading the league in At-Bats (one of 3 above the 752 pro-rated minimum) and 4th in innings pitched. It’s just that his team is playing like a whole bunch of Billy “Fuck Face” Ripkens. Led by staff aces Matt Morris (3 Losses, 9.15 ERA, 1.98 WHIP) and Matt Chico (4 Losses, 6.04 ERA, 1.55WHIP), the AardvarkTradingCo.Com is setting the pace (or is it trailing the pack?) with 50 out of a possible 60 pitching points.

Yours truly is in 2nd place as my team has cooled off (warmed up?) after a torrid (horrid?) start. Damn you John Denks and Pat Maholm! Rotoprofessor is in 3rd place and our teams are performing quite similarly. We’ve done a bit better in offense with 42.5 and 44 points, respectively, managing some rather low HR/RBI (8/63 and 7/71) and awful (awesome?) batting averages (.237 and .235). Hitting MVP’s include Mike Lamb (1B/3B, .182, 0 HR), Brian Bocock (SS, .172, 0 HR, 2 RBI, 22 Ks), Travis Buck (OF, .154, 0 HR, 6 RBI, 20 Ks), and Cody Ross (OF, .146, 41 AB, 1 R, 0 HR, 2 RBI).

Underdog entry Josh the Non-Blogger has been the overachiever (underachiever?) managing 4th place with a well-balanced squad. Greener On The Other Side and Sweet Lou’s Defunct Baseball Lab have struggled out of the gate with ABs – falling 100+ below the necessary pace (pro-rated 5200 team AB) and seeing their HR nearly double after the adjustments were made. Fantasy Baseball Generals has struggled with a pitching staff that doesn’t realize it is supposed to suck – don’t take my word for it, here is their commentary on it.

Should be interesting to see how the season progresses. It’s a lot tougher to maintain a lead when your best players are the most likely to be benched, demoted or released (see Matt Morris).

(Click to expand)

What’s true in Razzball is what’s true in real life: All good things must come to an end. Yes, I’m speaking of Lima Time.

While early reports that Jose Lima was released from the Kia Tigers of the Korean League may have been lost in translation, it is just a matter of time before a bad outing against the Samsung Kimchi Dragons or the Hyundai Seoul Glows (my favorite Korean league team) will bring an end to a career so anthemic in its enough ups, downs, beatups, and beatdowns that it could only be best metaphorized by Tina and Ike Turner’s ‘River Deep Mountain High” (wish I had Jose’s version – similar costuming and choreography though)

Señor Lima was gracious enough to put together two seasons so Razztastic that we’ll commemorate both in this Spotlight. And…vamanos…

2000 – Houston Astros

Coming into 2000, everything was going Jose’s way. Traded to Houston in 1996 from then baseball (and still urban) purgatory Detroit, Jose turned in a 16-8/169 K/3.70/1.12 pitching line in 1998 and a 21-10/187 K/3.58/1.22 in 1999 that netted him 4th place in the Cy Young voting. At 27 years old, it truly seemed to be Lima’s time…..to be Razztastic.

And Jose didn’t waste any of his precious Lima time in 2000 – putting together Astro-nomical April and May ERAs of 8.42 & 7.68 that netted a 1-7 record. While he was reluctant to give batters a free pass (23 BB), he had no averseness to handing out a free pass around the bases (22 HR). Yes, you read correctly. That’s 22 HR in the first two months of the year. If only there was a phrase that could encapsulate Houston, orbs travelling in the air, and a problem….

The beginning of summer saw Lima have his hottest period of the year, putting together two sub-6.00 ERA months in June or July (5.17 and 5.91) before the weight of carrying such a high ERA into August wore him down. ERAs of 6.67 and 6.16 closed the year.

The final damage:

7-16, 196 1/3 IP, 6.65 ERA, 1.625 WHIP, 124 Ks, 68 BBs, 48 HRs allowed

The HR total fell two short of Bert Blyleven’s 50 HR in 1986 (bet Bert wishes he could do over some of those gopher pitches). But, in Blyleven’s defense, he did pitch 75 more innings than Lima.

How bad was Lima’s Gopheritis? His EHRA (Earned Home Run Average) was 2.20. Pedro Martinez’s ERA in 1999 was 2.07!

While the league ERA was a ridiculous 4.96, the only starter with 162+ IP that was within a 1/2 run of Jose’s ERA was Omar Daal who had a Razztastic 4-19 record with a 6.14 ERA w/ Arizona and Philly.

2001 – 2004 – Calm Before The Storm

Hoping that the Razzterful 2000 season was the anomaly (because so many great pitchers have that one season in the middle of their career where they post ERAs north of a 6.00 ERA), team after team sought after Lima. Detroit in 2001-2002. KC in 2003. LA in 2004. His 2002 season in Detroit – with a 7.77 ERA in 68 1/3 IP – hints at a lost Razzball season. Imagine how many losses Detroit could’ve had that year (they had 106) if they committed more to Lima.

The seemingly foolhardy hope that Lima would party again like it’s 1999 was realized in 2004 as Lima managed a 13-6 season with a 4.07 ERA in the friendly confines of Dodger Stadium. Even more amazing is he managed this while, reportedly, herpes sores and whatnot raged within the friendly confines of his genital area. Not surprisingly, this only made him more beloved amongst LA fans.

2005 – Kansas City Royals

Lima’s uplifting climb in 2004 gave him just enough rope to plummet to a new low in 2005. He found a worthy bungee partner in the Kansas City Royals who were coming off a 104 loss season and were ready for more. A slow start in April – 2 losses and a 6.08 ERA in 5 starts – might have stood out on any other team but were par for the course in KC. Looking for more of the Limalight, Jose brought some Razzball flowers in May reaching double digits in ERA (10.05) over 6 starts and 28 IP. With hitters inexplicably keeping the ball in the park, Lima had to take matters into his own hands by sporting a 12:15 K/BB ratio and 3 HBPs to boot. Despite all that, he only had 4 losses to show by June 1st.

June saw him ‘improve’ to a 7.11 ERA before an unexpected hot streak in July (3.79 ERA in 35 IP) endangered his second Razzball Spotlight-worthy season. Returning to form, a 6.52 August and 9.64 September boosted Lima’s final season numbers to:

5-16, 168 2/3 IP, 6.99 ERA. 1.660 WHIP, 80 Ks, 61 BBs, 31 HRs allowed

This season earned Lima 6th place in worst pitching seasons ever by Geoff Young of Padres’ blog Ducksnorts and baseball blog Knuckle Curve.

How bad was that ERA? Among those eligible for the ERA title (162+ IP), he was a full run greater than his nearest competitor (Mark Hendrickson).

An 80:61 K/BB ratio? Are you kidding me?

How much did he give the O-face to the Royals? Well, is it a coincidence that Grienke’s rookie promise blew up in 2005 (17 L, 5.80 ERA) and he had a nervous breakdown in 2006?

Still 32 years old with more Razzterful seasons left in his arm, Lima never got a chance for the three-peat (® Pat Riley). A 17 IP cup of coffee in 2006 with the Mets was the last episode of Lima time on MLB.tv.

Jose Lima. Bad pitchers come. Bad pitchers go. But a pitcher like you don’t come knocking every day. Tina and Ike – close this Razzball Spotlight out…

“Jose, can you see?” may serve as the punch line for a lame Star Spangled Banner joke but it was a fitting question in 2003.

Jose Hernandez became a viable fantasy baseball play in 1998 with the Cubs after putting together a 23 HR / 75 RBI campaign. Granted he struck out a lot and hit .254 but those are draftable late round stats for a SS. Over the next four years, Hernandez put together similar seasons for the Cubs, Braves, and Brewers – peaking in 2002 at a 24/73/.288 campaign that was more amazing b/c he managed to do this while striking out 188 times (a record at the time). The secret – a ridiculous .448 BABIP. So the elements were in place for a Razztastic 2003.

But things didn’t look promising (from a Razzball perspective) when he signed with the Rockies. Hell, 30 HR didn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. But the thin air of Colorado couldn’t stop the gravitational pull of a little thing we call regression to the mean. By June 20th, Hernandez already had 95Ks with only 8/23/.237 to show for it. Right when Colorado might’ve seen the light and benched him, destiny called upon the one coach that could delude himself into spinning these stats as good old-fashioned aggressiveness at the plate. Yup, Dusty Baker!

The Cubs traded Mark Bellhorn for him and, once back in the Chitown pinstripes, decided SS-eligibility was too limiting for such a momentous Razzball season. So they got him into 17 games as an outfielder. The position change didn’t upset Jose’s rhythm though. In 69 AB, he managed a mere 2/9/.188 with 26Ks.

Now with SS/OF eligibility, Hernandez’s Razzball value was rising in parallel with his K totals. But it would take someone with even more clouded vision than Dusty Baker (and Jose Hernandez for that matter) to make it a season worthy of the Razzball Historical Spotlight. Enter into the equation: Dave Littlefield, GM of the Pirates. After downing a twelver of Iron City Beer, Littlefield agreed to give up a 25 year old Aramis Ramirez (1 1/2 years removed from a 34/112/.302 season) and a relatively spry Kenny Lofton for Jose Hernandez, Bobby Hill, and a sack of nickels.

Suddenly with a hole at 3B, the Pirates decided to add 3B eligibility to Jose’s credentials – ushering in a renaissance of subpar Joses at 3B in Pittsburgh (see Batista, Castillo). In 193 AB, Jose Hernandez managed 3/21/.223 while adding in another 56 Ks.

The final seasons stats were: 519 AB, 58R, 13HR, 57 RBI, 177Ks, .225 with SS, 3B, and OF eligibility.

While others had gotten more K’s in a season (including Jose Hernandez), no one else had managed to do it with less than 24 HRs (let alone 13!). The only other player to do it since….none other than the man he was exchanged for in 2003 – Mark Bellhorn – who managed 17 HRs in 2004 while fanning 177 times.

Jose Hernandez never got another shot to duplicate these stats. He had three more years in the league where he was a utility man across four teams.

Jose Hernandez – we miss you as much as you used to miss the ball.

Below is an explanation from Brad Evans’ mailbag on the situation. I’ve posted it below to spare you from reading the rest of his tripe.

For the record, Razzball disagrees with their policy. If it were up to us, every player on AA and AAA rosters would be available. Prior to rosters being set, it would be everyone invited to spring training. There is no reason why Johnny Cueto shouldn’t have been available to be drafted if he was on the Reds active roster at the time.

It’s pissing us off more in our Razzball league since there are a whole lot more crappy players being added to MLB rosters throughout the year than good ones.

Pittsburgh just called up a math major from the University of Pitt who is going to fill the size 6 shoes of Jack Wilson for the next two weeks. You know when Rotoworld.com shows a faceless pic that you’ve got a great Razzball prospect!

But he probably won’t show up in Yahoo! for another f***in’ week. Thanks a lot Yahoo…thanks for nothing!

Anyway, here’s the mailbag entry and explanation:

What is the procedure for people being added to the Yahoo! player pool? It seems like it is almost a random assignment based on the whims or someone or opinions on who is going to make the team. For example, Longoria/Rasmus/ Bruce are all in without having had an at-bat, but pitchers like Cueto are not. What gives?– Matt, Chicago

Noise: Many devoted Yahoo! players probably think the people in charge of player pool assignments look like this. But in reality, we’re a hard-working team who has made a concerted effort to be more consistent with player additions this year. Longoria, Rasmus and Bruce were available because they made the initial overall rankings cut. Unfortunately, guys like Johnny Cueto and Alexei Ramirez, who were barely blips on the radar when the list was compiled in January, didn’t make the original cut. Deciding not to force Cueto/Ramirez through the system manually, we delayed their availability until rosters were finalized on March 29.

Instead of throwing players into the free agent pool at random times this season, premiere prospects (e.g. Clayton Kershaw) won’t be added until they are officially promoted to the bigs. We will advertise the availability of bigger names throughout the season in our columns and in the Y! Fantasy Blog once they enter the system.

Oh, and if you haven’t already noticed, Ramirez clears waivers on Apr. 3 and Cueto Apr. 4. Personally, if I had a high wavier priority, I would hold onto it for Kershaw. Eventually, he’ll baffle hitters with his wicked 12-to-6 curve probably sometime in June.

The passing of another Easter seems like a fitting time to resurrect the memory of Ivan DeJesus and his magical Razzball campaign of 1981.

He posted what Wikipedia describes as a ‘Triple Crown loser’ season, finishing last (among batting qualifiers) in all three categories with a .194 AVG, 0 HR, 13 RBI. He added 8 doubles and 4 triples to his 0 HR in 403 AB to finish with an netherworldly slugging percentage of .233.

If you think the 403 AB total was an indication of benching or at least platooning, think again. This was a strike-shortened season. Ivan played in all 106 games. Better yet, he hit leadoff in 59 of them! While Cubs skipper Joey Amalfitano never got another chance to manage a team, his courage in the face of logic and statistics netted him a 13 year gig as Tommy Lasorda’s third base coach. One can only imagine the fun that Tommy and Joey must’ve had eating room-service pasta off hookers’ asses.

Amalfitano also undoubtedly influenced the likes of Dusty Baker and Tony LaRussa, inspiring their man-love for light-hitting middle infielders not named Ozzie Smith.

Ivan DeJesus never was able to repeat the lows he accomplished in this magical season, putting in 3 more merely mediocre offensive seasons before moving onto bench and then coaching/minor league roles.

The infamy of Ivan DeJesus’s 1981 campaign is only overshadowed by his last name – which was a savior to white suburban lads unfamiliar with the dulcet tone of the soft ‘J’ – and his being a martyr to long-suffering Cub fans by accepting a trade to the Phillies shortly after this magical season that netted an aging (but raging) Larry Bowa and a then unknown Ryan Sandberg.

Ivan DeJesus – a Razzball God among men.

RotoProfessor

Fantasy Baseball Generals

Greener on the Other Side

Drafting the worst team vs. the best team possible proved to be a much tougher undertaking than standard FLB but it also proved more rewarding and entertaining.

A quick recap of rules before I go into my roster and draft strategy. It’s a 10 team mixed league universe with the standard roster of C/1B/2B/SS/3B/5 OF/UTIL/9P with 5 bench slots. Weekly roster changes.

Hitting:

AB (High = 10 points), R (Low), HR (Low), RBI (Low), K (High), AVG (Low)

Any team ABs < 5200 receive prorated stats @ 550 ABs of .320 AVG/120 R/35 HR/120 RBI/50 K

Pitching:

IP (High = 10 points), L (High), HR allowed (High), ERA (High), WHIP (High), K (Low)

Maximum – 180 starts

My draft strategy was to focus on low HR/RBI players with 500+ AB potential in the first couple rounds with preference toward typically strong positions of 1B, 3B, and OF. This surplus of AB with low power could hopefully be cashed in by using 300 AB platoon types in tougher to fill positions like CI and 4th/5th OF as well as support a high K player or two with good power stats. I also wanted to draft several multi-position players so I had flexibility when my craptastic players got the benchings they deserved. For pitchers, I focused on low K rate starters who have some job security (say, 2nd to 4th starter).

Time will tell if this strategy works out but I was very successful at executing it. See below for the draft results. I snagged three light-hitting OFs in the first four rounds (Taveras, Bourn, Owens) that combined for 4 HRs in 2007! Taveras and Bourn look like they should go for 900+ ABs and Owens should be able to kick in at least 300. I was also able to get 2 SS Razzball legends in Adam Everett and Cristian Guzman who are set to be everyday anchors. Was able to get versatile Brendan Ryan (2B/SS/3B), Esteban German (2B/3B/OF), and Pablo Ozuna (3B/OF) at good value. Snagged two K machines in Jack Cust (41% of 2007 AB!) and Mike Cameron (160 last year). Cust is going to feel like a big swinging dick in my fantasy OF – probably the same way Jack Clark felt on the 1985 Cardinals.

I didn’t take a pitcher until the 9th round but feel like I’ve got a number of guys who’ll be good for 20+ awful starts including Kyle Kendrick, John Denks, and two of the terrible Mariner trio (Batista and Washburn – Silva went early).

Here are the draft results & rosters. (Click on the image for better resolution)

So what do you think? Which team do you like the least, ur, most?

RotoProfessor.com
Greener on the Other Side
Mop Up Duty
Herb Urban
Cards in the Attic
Lou Poulas (Fantasy Insider Online, Sweet Lou’s Baseball Lab, Razzball.com)
Fantasy Baseball Generals
Josh, the Non-Blogger
Razzball.com (Rudy Gamble)
Razzball.com (Grey Albright)

Come with me as I take out the trash:

1. (10) Akinori Iwamura 3B
2. (11) José Vidro 1B,2B
3. (30) César Izturis 3B,SS
4. (31) Chone Figgins 2B,3B,OF
5. (50) Shawn Chacón P
6. (51) Rajai Davis OF
7. (70) Chris Denorfia OF
8. (71) Brian Giles OF
9. (90) Carlos Silva P
10. (91) Juan Pierre OF
11. (110) Miguel Olivo C
12. (111) Josh Fogg P
13. (130) Mark Redman P
14. (131) Kip Wells P
15. (150) Félix Pié OF
16. (151) Willy Aybar 3B
17. (170) Lenny DiNardo P
18. (171) Joel Piñeiro P
19. (190) Kyle Davies P
20. (191) Wily Mo Peña OF
21. (210) Willie Harris OF
22. (211) J.P. Howell P
23. (230) Mark Reynolds 3B
24. (231) Tony Gwynn OF
25. (250) Ronny Cedeño SS
26. (251) Geoff Blum 2B,3B,SS
27. (270) Jon Leicester P

Random thoughts about various rounds of the draft:

1. I picked tenth and grabbed Iwamura. He might have second base eligibility soon, but I’ll be playing him at the hot corner. A few picks that went before that I thought were dreadful, which is to say I liked, were Aurilla (who’ll inexplicably get at-bats at first) and Taveras (remember steals don’t count in this league). Best, which is to say worst, pick of the first round? Lou took Alex Rodriguez. I thought he heard something of an Arod/Wilson Betemit platoon, but it turned out Lou arrived three minutes late to the draft. Not the kind of league you want Y! autodrafting for you.

3. The Treanor/Rabelo blah-toon jumped off the board this round to two different teams. Sorta like when you draft Borowski then the next guy grabs Betancourt. It’s just not right, but it’s the smart move. Be interesting to see who gets to suck for the majority of the playing time behind the plate in Florida. I was happy to grab Cesar Izurtis at 30. LaRussa gave Aaron Miles, Eckstein and Adam Kennedy, like, 3000 at-bats last year. He’ll think he upgraded with Izurtis. Steal of the third round: Adam Everett; full-time job and he’ll make Twins fans miss Punto. (Interesting side note: Both Cesar and Maicer Izturis went in this round. They’re sorta like the Aaron brothers if Hank didn’t exist.)

4. I almost went Livan Hernandez, but I figured he’d last until the fifth round. I underestimated how hyped he was going into the draft and Herb scooped him at 32 right after I took Chone Figgins. Figgins’s at-bats/lack of HRs was too much to pass up, but I hope this doesn’t come back to haunt me. Who knows, maybe I can work out a deal to send Carlos Silva and Joel Pinero for Livan? We’ll see.

11. You’re probably wondering why I waited so long to grab a catcher. Simply, there’s a deep pool of crappy catchers. Lots of great names already jumped off the board: Kendall (1), Paulino (1), the blah-toon of Rabelo/Treanor (3) and Brian Schneider (8, great inverse value, btw). So I went with Miguel Olivo. Here’s hoping for a speedy (partial) recovery from his injury so he comes back with lingering pain and swinging at everything. (I think there’s a good chance he’s going to be even worse this year without Miguel Cabrera around to hug him every couple of innings.)

20. Wily Mo Pena was a bit of a reach on my part, but I’m hoping his oblique never fully recovers and he’s simply a K’ing machine. Another pick I love in this round, Mike Mussina. From potential HOF’er to Fantasy Razzball draft steal in two years. Don’t cha love baseball?

26. Geoff Blum will help serve my Fantasy Razzball strategy (Basically, punt runs, load up on top of the order/speedy types and then substitute Blum, Cedeno, Harris in when I can afford it with the at-bats limit.) In this round, loved Mop Up Duty’s (appropriate site name, don’t ya think?) Brad Ausmus pick. JR Towles might be billed as a future All-Star, but rarely do catchers succeed in their rookie year. Ausmus is just too lacking to pass up on. Also, great flier by Fantasy Baseball Generals with Brian Burress. Here’s hoping he snags that fifth spot in the Orioles rotation then proceeds to pitch a mediocre 150 innings, doing just enough to neither succeed or be demoted.

Overall thoughts: My team is designed how I hoped it would: high at-bats, low home runs, middling average. The juggling to lessen my runs will be the difficulty. But it’s only appropriate that I should be juggling with a team filled with clowns.

The blogs set to participate are:
Razzball.com (Rudy Gamble)
Razzball.com (Grey Albright)
RotoProfessor.com
Greener on the Other Side
Mop Up Duty
Herb Urban
Cards in the Attic
Lou Poulas (Fantasy Insider Online, Sweet Lou’s Baseball Lab, Razzball.com)

We need two more participants so if you’re interested in joining, please e-mail us at info@razzball.com. Draft day is scheduled for Saturday, March 22nd at 4PM EST.

Check out these links for the rules and a review of the least valuable – or as we like to say the most invaluable – players in 2007.

The biggest thrill and challenge is the absence of established strategies and expert rankings. A-Rod is almost a universal #1 in standard games – who will be #1 in our “Nick Punto is Ford Tough” Razzball league? I have no idea though I would’ve guessed league poster child Nick Punto if he was assured of playing time.

To create somewhat of a level playing field, I’ve created a 2008 Fantasy Razzball Player Rater based on Baseball Prospectus and Baseball HQ projections. I adopted our Point Shares methodology that we used for projected rankings of standard fantasy baseball. I used Baseball Prospectus’s depth chart to make sure only projected starters or key backups were included in the rankings for position players and starting pitchers.

This Player Rater should help all the participants set up their draft rankings and, for those of you not playing, should prove to be somewhat amusing….

So what makes a player truly invaluable in Razzball? All it takes are two simple things – opportunity and poor performance. The challenge is finding those magical players who both underperform vs. their baseball brethren and keep their role for a significant percent of the season.

The Razzball 6×6 format aims to reflect this opportunity/underperformance balance. Common hitting stats R/HR/RBI/AVG where (like golf) your goal is to score lower than your opponents are complemented by ABs (an opportunity measure) and K’s (a measure that credits both opportunity and underperformance). To ensure incompetence is rewarded instead of inactivity, teams with less than 5200 team ABs (400 per roster spot) receive All-Star prorated stats for those missing ABs.

Common pitching stats K/ERA/WHIP reward pitchers who can’t miss bats and are complemented by Losses (the inversion of Wins), Innings Pitched (a measure of opportunity) and HRs allowed (like the hitter’s K, the ultimate measure of a failed AB). Gone for the purposes of the game are the niche stats – SBs and SVs – as it’s too easy not to compile them and their inversions (CS and Blown SV) do not happen frequently enough.

Here is a brief explanation behind our Razzball Player Rater methodology. If you have any questions, please post on the board:

We carried over our regular Player Rater methodology which credits players for their performance vs. the Best Available Option (BAO) – i.e., the best option on the free agent wire in a 10 team, MLB league. Points are awarded based on the difference between the player’s stats and that of the BAO for each category. These increments for Razzball were created using some fancy math and some less fancy trial and error. Definitions for each category are in the attached player rater.

Half a player’s stats are based on the BAO for their position and half for the BAO hitter/pitcher. This factors in position scarcity without overvaluing as, at the end of the day, a HR is a HR no matter who hit it on your team.

The hitter BAO stats for Razzball are remarkably similar to those we had for regular FLB. It’s as if the BAO serves as the top of a bell curve and Razzball and FLB draft on either side of it (with the exception of no-hit/good speed guys like Juan Pierre who are equally valuable in both formats albeit for different reasons). Note the Razzball BAOs factor in that slightly weaker hitting positions like C, 2B, and SS will dominate the UTIL category where 1B/OF usually do in FLB.

The pitcher BAO stats for Razzball are higher in ERA/WHIP but, otherwise, not that far off from FLB BAOs.

A last note is that if a player’s stats exceed the BAO’s in a category, the player receives negative points. Some Player Raters, like ESPN, have a floor of zero. Not in ours. So a guy like Mike Cameron will gain points in average and K’s but will give back those points in HRs and RBIs.

So without further ado, let’s look at the top 20 most invaluable Razzballers of 2007:

1. Nick Punto – 3B/SS – Minn
2. Scott Olsen – SP – Fla
3. Livan Hernandez – SP – Ariz
4. Woody Williams – SP – Hou
5. Casey Fossum – SP – TB
6. Adam Eaton – SP – Phi
7. Nook Logan – OF – Was
8. Mike Maroth – SP – Stl
9. Dontrelle Willis – SP – Fla
10. Jerry Owens – OF – CWS
11. Felipe Lopez – 2B/SS – Was
12. Jose Contreras – SP – CWS
13. Daniel Cabrera – SP – Bal
14. Marcus Giles – 2B – SD
15. Trot Nixon – OF – Cle
16. Jeff Weaver – SP – Sea
17. Alfredo Amezaga – OF/SS – Fla
18. Kyle Davies – SP – KC
19. Dave Roberts – OF – SF
20. Nelson Cruz – OF – Tex

Similar to our standard 5×5 Player Rater, pitchers dominate at the top. Seven of the first 10 and 11 of the top 20 are pitchers. The reason behind this is also similar to our regular Player Rater – when pitchers are good or bad, they tend to be good or bad across the board. Scott Olsen’s 5.81 ERA and 1.77 WHIP over 176.2 poorly pitched IP couldn’t have happened without a higher HR rate (29), a healthy number of losses (15) and a strikeout rate that’s only a hair above average (133 Ks). Only Ron Shandler’s $19 folly Nick Punto was able to put together a hitting season that consistently invaluable.

Let’s analyze pitchers and hitters separately to better understand invaluable performance:

Pitchers
Like in the best books/movies, the pitchers who resonate in Razzball are rarely one-dimensional villains. They aren’t purely bad – there’s always something about them that holds out promise of rehabilitation. Is it that they are young and have good arms (Scott Olsen, Adam Eaton, Daniel Cabrera, Kyle Davies)? Is it that they were once all star caliber pitchers (Livan Hernandez, Dontrelle Willis, Jose Contreras, Jeff Weaver)? Maybe they seem solidly mediocre like Mike Maroth? Whatever that promise may be, it serves the purpose of instilling faith in their manager to keep handing them the ball every 5 days.

The most common aspect across these pitchers is a tragic inability to keep baserunners off the base paths and touching home plate. The average ERA and WHIP among these 11 pitchers is a 5.82 ERA and a 1.61 ERA over about 160 IP.

Losses are an interesting stat to analyze. While 36 pitchers had 14+ wins in 2007, only 17 had 14+ losses. These top 11 Razzball pitchers represent 7 of them but they also have some pitchers with downright mediocre Loss totals. Let’s look at two factors that seem to play a role on a pitcher’s loss totals:

1) Their Team – The better their team, the more they get bailed out.
2) Their Home Park – The more hitter-friendly the park, the more likely they get bailed out (and the less egregious their pitching truly is)

Adam Eaton and Livan Hernandez are examples of good team / good hitting park. These two somehow managed to sport .500 records (10-10 and 11-11, respectively) with WHIPs at 1.60 or better. Eaton owes Rollins/Utley/Howard some cheese steaks. Livan’s 2007 season puts the defect in defector.

Mike Maroth had a good team (Tigers) / average park for most of his 20 starts and 7 relief appearances which could explain how he went 5-7 while sporting a ghastly 6.89 ERA/1.88 WHIP. The Cardinal trifecta of Mike Maroth, Kip Wells (17 Losses, 5.70/1.63) and Anthony Reyes (2-14, 6.04 ERA) proved once and for all that if there’s an honorary Razzball manager, it’s Tony Larussa (also see the 721 total ABs gifted to Aaron Miles and So Taguchi which netted 5 HRs).

Dontrelle Willis and Scott Olsen had bad teams / bad hitting parks and managed identical 10-15 records in 35 and 33 starts, respectively, showing racial equality exists when it comes to left-handed Marlin pitchers.

Woody Williams, Jose Contreras, and Daniel Cabrera had bad teams / good hitting parks and stacked up some awful W-L records: 8-15, 10-17, 9-18.

Based on this sample, I’d say finding a bad pitcher on a bad team is the most important thing for Losses. Home park might play a role for their ERA and WHIP but probably not a big factor for Losses.

HRs allowed, on the other hand, definitely skews on home park. Of this cheap baker’s dozen, the trio that topped 30 HRs allowed all played in the hitter parks (W. Williams, L. Hernandez, A. Eaton). Jose Contreras’s 21 HRs was the exception – a gift to the small-ball loving Ozzie Guillen.

Strikeouts and IP don’t have much in terms of interesting stories. Daniel Cabrera is probably the only plus-K guy in the group and he more than makes up for it by walking so many hitters. Throwing 175+ IP isn’t the only way to near the top of the Razzball Player Rater for a pitcher but it helps. Tampa Bay’s Casey Fossum – the one-time Red Sox ‘prospect’ – had a bucket list kind of year, cramming all sorts of experiences within his 76 innings that led to an eye-popping 7.70 ERA and 1.79 ERA.

Stepping away from the top 20, the lessons we see in the Player Rater when it comes to pitchers are going to sound like bizarro FLB advice:

1) Look for starters with bad WHIP, average to bad K rates, and, preferably, bad teams.
2) Look for some positive story that assures them some role security – whether it be they once were good, they have ‘potential’, they are ‘workhorses’, they are the best a team has, etc. No use picking a stinker who gets demoted after 3 bad starts.
3) For relievers, you really want to stick to pitchers on bad teams. This provides a boon to both Losses and, potentially, innings pitched. Amazing that the 6 most invaluable relievers pitched for either Tampa Bay or Baltimore. Generally avoid closers – even the bad ones – as they don’t pitch as many innings.

The net-net on pitchers – predicting a bad pitcher is even harder than predicting a good pitcher. Draft conservatively and keep an eye on the FA wire for the next worst thing.

Hitters
What makes a good Razzball hitter? If you had to boil it down to one thing it would be this: little power. Besides minimizing HRs, low power guys are kept out of the meat of the lineup which reduces R and RBI opportunities (leadoff hitters would be less Run challenged) Of the 7 hitters to make the top 20, only Felipe Lopez made an honest run at double digit HRs (9).

The value of low power guys’ minimal R/HR/RBI per AB goes beyond their stats alone. With a team minimum of 5200 AB, the more AB you receive from low power guys, the less you need to invest in guys with medium/high power. Despite hitting for a measly .245, Felipe Lopez’s greatest value was his 603 AB that could allow you to carry a platooning 300 AB 1B and OF and still average 400 AB per hitter.

But a team can’t be built on little power guys alone as they tend to hit for higher averages, are less likely to strike out, and may be AB-challenged b/c of benching or platooning. In fact, only 9 players were able to hit the pick-six – being worse than the BAO in all six hitting categories (first number is their total player rater rank):

1. Nick Punto – 3B/SS – Min
14. Marcus Giles – 2B – SD
21. Tony F. Pena – SS – KC
24. Josh Barfield – 2B – Cle
30. Craig Biggio – 2B – Hou
44. Bill Hall – OF/SS – Mil
48. Lyle Overbay – 1B – Tor
51. Gerald Laird – C – Tex
66. Tadahito Iguchi – Phi

Strikeouts are a particularly vexing category as the top K guys often have a lot of power. Brandon Inge was the only player in the top 10 in K’s who didn’t have 20 HRs. Outfielders like Jason Bay, Chris B. Young, Mike Cameron, and Jack Cust are invaluable Razzball players as their power is compensated by high K’s, generally low average, and above average ABs.

An interesting twist to Razzball is that multi-position players are more invaluable for their more offensive-minded position. Nick Punto on the hot corner beats Nick Punto at MI. Guys like Rich Aurilia warrant a look at 1B. Alfredo Amezaga is a find at OF (forget the SS eligibility). Darin Erstad is an embarrassment of riches with 1B and OF eligibility (luckily, Erstad’s valuable team spirit and punting skills don’t factor into Razzball.)

So here are some Razzball lessons we see in the Player Rater:

1) Invaluable Razzball hitters are more predictable than pitchers. Concentrate on hitters during the early parts of the draft.

2) Find high AB, low power guys – no matter what the position.

3) Avoid starters at key power positions like 1B, 3B, or 5th OF in favor of platoon players or multi-position eligibility players.

4) Consider job security/opportunity. Nook Logan is a Razzball god but how many ABs will he get?

5) Try to find positive K guys with somewhat minimized power potential – i.e., a power hitter in San Diego. At the very least, hopefully they contribute low AVG and ABs. It may pay to draft a R/HR/RBI killer like Adam Dunn or Dan Uggla and save them for bad pitching matchups or bad hitter parks – say when they go on an NL West road trip to SF, LAD, and SD.

6) Gamble on the young ones – top rookies in 2007 include Alex Gordon, Tony Pena, and Stephen Drew. Look at minor league K rate as Gordon and Drew were particularly invaluable in this category. Figure their average will be hurt because of their greenness. Even partial successes like Delmon Young are worth it – his 65/13/93/.288 earned him a #67 on the player rater because of the 127 Ks and 645 ABs.

If you’re interested in joining the inaugural Razzball league, please send an e-mail to info[at]razzball.com. Special preference to fellow bloggers.

In 2003, Mark Prior, 22, won 18 games, had a 2.43 ERA and 245 strikeouts and started 30 games. Call up the Hall of Fame, we got ourselves a first-balloter! Since, he’s started a total of 57 games. But 2008 is a new year (literally, Happy New Year!), and Prior can get himself back to respectability. Respectability does not equal fantasy-worthy. He just had surgery in 2007 on his rotator cuff and repair was done to labral and capsular injuries. Arm injuries really aren’t good for pitchers. Prior has expressed he wants to be ready for Opening Day in 2008. Yeah, and I want play touch football over at the Kardashian’s house. Things don’t always work out. Then throw in the fact speculation is rampant that Prior should have been mentioned in the Mitchell Report, which makes conjecture say this:

Conjecture, “Prior was good in 2003 with steroids. Don’t draft him until he proves he can be good without steroids.”

That’s harsh, conjecture.

Conjecture, “But true.”

No, it’s conjecture. Dur.

Listen, I’d like to see Prior get back to what he once was, but I’m not drafting him praying he does. Let someone else take the gamble and REJECT.

Maybe draft him for your Razzball league. But then again, he probably won’t give you enough innings there, either.

This inequity is at the heart of a new fantasy baseball game that we at this FLB Blog are christening as Razzball. Razz is a card game similar to Texas Hold-em where the object is to have the worst hand possible. The objective of Razzball is to compile the worst fantasy baseball team possible.

HOW DOES IT WORK?
The rosters are the same as currently found in standard MLB leagues: 13 hitters (C / 1B / 2B / SS / 3B / 5 OF / Corner IF / Middle IF / UTIL) and 9 pitchers.

The stats are a bit different as there is a need to both reward below-average performance while making sure this isn’t achieved by avoiding active players. Since the aim is to be able to use a Yahoo or Sportsline free league for Razzball, we stuck with statistics that are generally available in those services:

Hitters:
AB (High = 10 points)
R (Low)
HR (Low)
RBI (Low)
K (High)
AVG (Low)

Minimum – 5200 team ABs (avg of 400 per position). Any ABs short will receive the pro-rated stats of 550 ABs at .320 AVG / 120 R / 35 HR / 120 RBI / 50 K

Pitchers:
IP (High = 10 points)
L (High)
HR allowed (High)
ERA (High)
WHIP (High)
K (Low)

Maximum – 180 starts

For hitters, R / HR / RBI / AVG are the core offensive Razzball stats. The lowest in each category gets 10 points, highest 1 point.

Since this could conceivably be done via inactive players, several countermeasures are in place. ABs rewards teams that use active players (Outs would be better but it is an unavailable stat in standard online leagues). Strikeouts also serve as a reward for keeping an active roster while reflecting the least valuable action a hitter can contribute (Ok, GIDP is worse but roll w/ it). The minimum of 5200 ABs penalizes any team that falls short of a 400 AB per position minimum.

One exception that was made vs. traditional fantasy hitting stats was the removal of SB. This has always been an admittedly overrated stat in FLB (vis-à-vis actual value). We considered using Caught Stealing but it’s rather unpredictable and low in frequency. In addition, removing SB makes it easier to draft OFs as speed-only guys like Juan Pierre and Willy Taveras become attractive high AB, low HR/RBI guys.

For pitchers, L / ERA / WHIP / K serve as the core pitching Razzball stats. Losses makes for a great replacement over wins as it rewards playing bad active pitchers. ERA/WHIP/K are similar to R/HR/RBI/AVG in that teams are rewarded for poorest performance (highest for ERA and WHIP, lowest for K’s). IP is added as a countermeasure and HR serves as a mirror to offensive Ks (the least valuable action a pitcher can contribute). The maximum of 180 starts is consistent with many leagues and protects against an extreme amount of pitcher flighting.

The exception vs. traditional pitching stats is the absence of Saves. We considered blown saves but this is somewhat unpredictable and VERY low in frequency. So it’s likely that many closers will not be drafted – rather, there will be the greatest demand for middle relievers that pitch a lot of poor quality innings with, hopefully, some of those games on the line (to accrue Losses). We also considered using BB instead of low Ks but felt that was already factored into WHIP.

We’re still undecided on whether roster changes can be made on a daily or weekly basis but we’re leaning towards weekly.

STRATEGY 101
Since Razzball is such a new concept, it’s really a blank slate for strategy. No collective wisdom over years and years of play and analysis. No publications or ‘experts’ to rely on. Should make for an exciting inaugural season.

As with regular FLB, strategy is dictated by the depth in performance at each position. Since MLB leagues tend to use about half the starting player pool, the depth in positions is nearly inverse so that the lowest valuable contributor (or Best Available Option as we’ve opined here and here) is very similar in both leagues – think Luis Gonzalez for OF (.277 / 74 R / 16 HR / 68 RBI).

Also similar to regular FLB, predicting pitching proves to be more unpredictable than hitting. In fact, the most valuable Razzball starter of 2007 was drafted in most regular leagues (Scott Olsen).

This points to an additional factor that makes for a very exciting variable – the chances that a below average performing player remains in the lineup / staff. The worst enemies are a player’s low upside, antsy coaches, contending teams, and unforgiving local media. Your best friends? A player’s high upside, smug coaches, floundering teams, and ineffectual local media.

Since there are only so many poor performing players out there, it will be important to retain them on your roster. So on the hitter side, we expect a similar amount of player activity as seen in FLB – there’s no way you’re dropping a Cristian Guzman but you’re going to rotate through 5th OFs in hopes of finding a guy on a cold streak or stumbling on a big find like a Norris Hopper (Reds OF from last year that managed 0 HR and 14 RBIs in 307 ABs!).

For pitching, it’ll be key to retain dud starters like Kip Wells and awful relief pitchers but we do foresee more turnover in pitchers than FLB since starting pitching reinforcements are generally worse than the pitching they replaced.

2007 POSTVIEW – WHO WERE THE TOP 10 BEST (AKA WORST) HITTERS AND PITCHERS?

Best 2007 Razzball Pitchers:
1. Scott Olsen (FLA) – 176.2 IP / 15 L / 29 HR / 5.81 ERA / 1.77 WHIP / 133 K
2. Livan Hernandez (ARI) – 204.1 IP / 11 L / 34 HR / 4.93 ERA / 1.60 WHIP / 90 K
3. Woody Williams (HOU) – 188 IP / 15 L / 35 HR / 5.27 ERA / 1.43 WHIP / 101 K
4. Daniel Cabrera (BAL) – 204.1 / 18 L / 25 HR / 5.55 ERA / 1.54 WHIP / 166 K
5. Dontrelle Willis (FLA) – 205.1 / 15 L / 29 HR / 5.17 ERA / 1.60 WHIP / 146 K
6. Jose Contreras (CHI-A) – 189 IP / 17 L / 21 HR / 5.57 ERA / 1.56 WHIP / 113 K
7. Adam Eaton (PHI) – 161.2 IP / 10 L / 30 HR / 6.29 ERA / 1.63 WHIP / 97 K
8. Edwin Jackson (TB) – 161 IP / 15 L / 19 HR / 5.76 ERA / 1.76 WHIP / 128 K
9. Kip Wells (STL) – 162.2 IP / 17 L / 19 HR / 5.70 ERA / 1.63 WHIP / 122 K
10. Kyle Davies (KC) – 136 IP / 15 L / 22 HR / 6.09 ERA / 1.65 WHIP / 99 K

Honorable Mention to Mike Maroth who had a fantastic 6.89 ERA / 1.88 WHIP / 51 Ks but his measly 7 Ls and 116 IP keeps him out of the top 10.

Best 2007 Razz Hitters:
1. Nick Punto (MIN – 3B) – 472 AB / 53 R / 1 HR / 25 RBI / 90 K / .210 AVG
2. Felipe Lopez (WAS – 2B/SS) – 603 AB / 70 R / 9 HR / 50 RBI / 109 K / .245 AVG
3. Alex Gordon (KC – 3B) – 543 AB / 60 R / 15 HR / 60 RBI / 137 K / .247 AVG
4. Brandon Inge (DET – 3B) – 508 AB / 64 R / 14 HR / 71 RBI / 150 K / .236 AVG
5. Nook Logan (WAS – OF) – 325 AB / 39 R / 0 HR / 21 RBI / 86 K / .265 AVG
6. Marcus Giles (SD – 2B) – 420 AB / 52 R / 4 HR / 39 RBI / 82 K / .229 AVG
7. Stephen Drew (ARI – SS) – 543 AB / 60 R / 12 HR / 60 RBI / 100 K / .238 AVG
8. Gerald Laird (TEX – C) – 407 AB / 48 R / 9 HR / 47 RBI / 103 K / .224 AVG
9. Brad Ausmus (HOU – C) – 349 AB / 38 R / 3 HR / 25 RBI / 103 K / .235 AVG
10. Craig Biggio (HOU – 2B) – 517 AB / 68 R / 10 HR / 50 RBI / 112 K / .251 AVG

Honorable Mention to Lyle Overbay who was able to out-Razz Richie Sexson due to 425 ABs that managed 49 R / 10 HR / 44 RBI / 100 K / .240 AVG in the usually productive 1B slot. He was just good enough to stay out of the top 10.

WHAT’S NEXT?
This won’t be the first article on Razzball. Follow-ups will include a 2007 Razzball Player Rater, an evolving Razzball Glossary, and details on our inaugural 10 team league.

We will be reserving at least 5 slots for fellow fantasy baseball bloggers/columnists.
Any open slots will be filled by submissions on this site. To get your name in early, comment on this article. The more you comment on the site, the more you’ll be considered (of course, if you’re a dumbass on the boards that won’t help your cause…even though that might seem to be a positive trait for Razzball). Also, Razzball questions can be sent directly to info@razzball.com.