Fantasy Baseball Advice

This is the part of this story that is supposed to grab the reader.  I don’t believe in all the handy hullabaloo.  I will be too worried about doing it in a fashion that is in the form of an inverted W and having other people critique it and say I am an injury risk going forward.  That stuff just isn’t for me.  So we are at the quarter post of the season already, fast right?  So this week we have a good gaggle of guys that will bring your fantasy baseball roster some prosperity.  Personally, I am tempering expectations and want to be whelmed not under/overwhelmed.  Because I don’t think I can handle all the burden of being over/under-anything.  Seems like a much ado about nothing to me.  Holy tangent, sorry.   Well, enjoy the week to come and happy rostering.  Catch you all on the flip, and by flip,  I mean next Saturday.  (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

5/22

J.A.Happ vs CHC – Wood

Felix Doubront @ Bal – Matusz

5/23

Andy Pettitte @ KC – Mendoza

5/24

Randall Delgad0 @ Cin – Bailey

Joe Blanton @ STL – Westbrook

5/25

Anthony Bass @ NYM vs Gee

5/26

Wei-Yin Chen vs KC- Mazzaro

Paul Maholm vs Pit – Correia

TWO START OPTIONS:

Rick Porcello (@Cle vs Jiminez, @Min vs Blackburn) Why is that all the Jersey guys get bums raps?  Oh, I remember now, because all we see is guys on reality show acting a fool and all their professions all seem to be “party hosts.”

Clayton Richard (@STL vs Garcia, @NYM vs Santana) It is Hodgepadre on opposite day.

Patrick Corbin (LAD vs Capuano, Mil vs Wolf) Please keep this spot in the rotation warm.  It will be greatly appreciated.  Thanks.  Signed Skaggs and Bauer.

Tommy Hunter (Bos vs Buchholz, KC vs Paulino) He takes the prize or cake or whatever free stuff they offer with expressions these days for being the guy least owned.  This week’s “Click and Pray” pick o’ the week.

Mike Leake (@Atl vs Minor, Col vs Guthrie) Last start was better, not great but a step in the right direction.  Just don’t stand downwind of him when he pitches. On a positive note, it can’t really get much worse…Can it?

Jerome Williams (@Oak vs Milone, @Sea vs Hernandez) On the road, throwing pitches, from mound-on tops. Yeah, you will now never look at Jerome ever again and not pronounce it Jer-O-Me.  So you’re welcome for that, secret handshake comes later.

Kyle Drabek (TB vs Hellickson, @Tex vs Darvish) You know you have been playing fantasy too long when you call him Doug every time you see him.  Funny, I call E5, Porkchop and he stares at me with disgust.

Kyle Kendrick (Was vs Gonzalez, @STL vs Garcia) I will have a banner at the game.  It will say ‘Go Kyle Kendrick’ and then will add the letter K for every strikeout he gets during the game to the end of his name.  Hoping it’s not 2, because all of sudden 3 K’s isn’t a crowd, it became an affiliation.

Felipe Paulino (NYY vs Kuroda, @Bal vs Hunter) We come for the K’s and hope you don’t take a Mike Leake on our peripherals.  A win would be nice too, but I will take the 12 plus K’s this week and worry about that ERA thingy elsewhere.

R.A. Dickey (@Pit vs McDonald, SD vs Volquez) Rahhhhh, or that’s what I am calling him from now on.  It’s more fun that just saying R and A.  No word back yet from Busta Rhymes’s agent about a cross promotional thing.

Erik Bedard (NYM vs Santana, CHC vs Garza) He is due for a DL stint, I mean he has to eventually.  I will now go to church and count some rosaries for me wishing injury on someone.

Another week in the books, my fellow pretend baseball heads.  The chase for wins continues this week with a stellar group of entries comprised of 9 guys whose combined career starts don’t even equal the other person’s.  I can’t even remember what I was doing in 1986 when Jamie Moyer started his first game. Oh… I remember now it was called being a kid and getting dirty and stealing cars.   Stuff we all did and never got caught for, boys being boys type stuff.  It is kind of weird to imagine the same player being in the fantasy pool from my year one start into fantasy in 1989, til this year.  Crazy stuff.  He needs to get out of that pool ‘cuz he is going to be all wrinkly.  Even if you hate the Rockies, you have to root for Jamie a little, just don’t do it too loud; he frightens easily.  So enjoy the week to come and happy fantasy scavenging.  (Pitchers and matchups change so please be aware.)

One Start Streamers :

4/25

Kyle Drabek @Bal – Hammel

Luke Hochevar @Cle – Tomlin

Barry Zito @Cin – Arroyo

4/26

Philip Humber vs Bos – Doubront

Rick Porcello vs Sea – Noesi

4/27

Danny Duffy @MIN – Pavano

Jake Westbrook @Mil – TBD

4/28

Randall Delgado vs Pit – Bedard

Two Star Options:

Jamie Moyer (@Pit vs McDonald, NYM vs Dickey) – Moyer will be in Pittsburgh and Denver this week throwing a baseball unfast.  I hope he doesn’t wear out his feet peddling his car to the games, he needs his strength.

Lucas Harrell (@Mil vs Greinke, @Cin vs Latos) – I personally think it’s great that the ‘Stros are giving the kid from ET a chance.  No word on if they gave his bike with a basket a job in the transportation department.

Bartolo Colon (CHW vs Peavy, @Bal vs Hunter) – 15 straight scoreless innings, and he threw 38 consecutive strikes in his start on Wednesday.  That to me is crazy.  I can’t do anything 38 times in a row with out the help of visual aides. This is the only piece of actual stat in this article, so you’re welcome.

Henderson Alvarez (@Bal vs Hunter, Sea vs Vargas) – Remember 2 weeks ago when I said it would be his only appearance on this weekly format. Well, the gist of it is I lied, because people still don’t have this guy rostered enough so your stuck listening about him.

Chris Capuano (ATL vs Jurrjens, WAS vs Zimmermann) – Oooh, 2 starts at home, I still think I would take Paul Lynde to block.  We come for the K’s and stay for the apuano.  Oh wait,  damn you phonetics. Somewhere in heaven, Charles Nelson Reilly is jealous of Paul Lynde being mentioned.

Bruce Chen (Tor vs Morrow, @Min vs Liriano) – To me Bruce Chen is like the guy who still buys Zima at the liquor store.  You see it as being available in the store, but wonder who ever buys it.  Now you know, but you really shouldn’t.

Jason Marquis (Bos vs Lester, KC vs Sanchez) – I ran into Marquis at the Wawa ordering a quesadilla after his start against the Yankees and asked about his 2 start week.  He said, “You know me as the b-i-z-m-a-r-q-u-i-s,  I go for what I know doin’ a show for human beings, I’m guaranteed to roc,k I make the ladies scream and shout.” “Nobody beats the bizzzz.”  Floored, he autographed my 6″ sub in oil and vinegar.

R.A. Dickey (Mia vs Buerhle, @COL vs Moyer) – A knuckleballing New York guy named Dickey, I thought Rudy did away with all that type of riff-raff.  If he can keep the ball in the park he will be successful.  That dynamite piece of advice brought to you by obviousness and wig-wam socks.

Clayton Richard (Was vs Zimmermann, @SF vs Cain) – My first rule of fantasy streaming is don’t trust a guy with 2 first names. Second rule is always check for an Adam’s apples. Cuz, you never can tell with the advancements in modern medicine. Wait, are we still talking about streaming pitchers?

Jason Vargas (@Det vs Scherzer, @Tor vs Alvarez) – The Hawk and Animal special of the week. This guy is pitching better than I think anyone is giving him credit for. Yeah, he’s a Marginer and is away from home this week, but I say fiddle faddle.   Trends come and go, that’s why I am still hanging onto my Jordache jeans.

Well, here we are in week 3 already, wonder if ML bee will have another opening game just to keep it fresh.   The world of two-start pitchers is in full bloom, the rotations are coming together and being set in an orderly fashion.  Thank goodness.  I needed a abacus, 2 liters of cola and a Snoopy notebook just to get anything close to some sort of semblance for last week’s post.  I will be honest with you, there aren’t many great options this week to take advantage of matchups.  Every lower end option this week has either one or two really tough outing.  My best advice to you, if you have ever read my posts before and are on the fence about a starter, refer to your most readily available betting line.  I say it every year and some listen, but others forget to take their ADD medicine and wander off.  So enjoy my tidbit of fantasy baseball knowledge as we get to the fellas that will go twice this week. Enjoy the week and good luck!  (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)

One Start Streamers:

4/18

Derek Lowe @ Sea – Vargas

Juan Nicasio vs SD – Richard

4/19

Randy Wolf  @LAD – Harang

4/20

Lance Lynn @ Pit vs Morton

Edinson Volquez vs PHI – Hamels

Jeanmar Gomez @ Oak – Godfrey

4/21

Jake Westbrook  @ Pit – Correia

Two Start Options:

Philip Humber (Bal vs Arrieta, Sea vs Beavan) Of all the guys listed, probably my favorite 2 start streamer of the week.  That doesn’t mean you should stop reading here.  BTW, where else can you get a Humber twice in a week and not have to pay for it?

Freddy Garcia  (Min vs Pavano, @Bos vs Bard) We still like you cause of the hat you wear.  So be grateful. I want the old Freddy, with the flowing locks of Jheri-curled sassiness, that’s when I used to use words like smitten and rad.  Is a 6 IP, 3 ER pitcher but based on this week’s other choices it could be slim pickens, minus him riding the atomic bomb.

Joe Saunders (Pit vs Bedard, Atl vs Hanson)  Love me some of the Colonel. I am a sucker for wily veterans, what can I say, that’s why I got rims on my motorized scooter.  Hope for the best, pray for an offensive onslaught by the D-Backs. And by love in the first sentence I mean from a distance.

Jeremy Guthrie (SD vs Luebke, @Mil vs Gallardo) God, I wish he was better.  I wanna root for him cause he generally seems like a nice guy and someone that I would probably stop stalking if he just acknowledged me.  Jeremy, BTW, your new furniture looks great from the lawn.

Danny Duffy (@Det vs Verlander, Tor vs Romero) Hey, Danny, good job on that last start.  Let’s move you up to the AP level of matchups now. As fast as he was added, he will be stamped with a triangle and then separated by color; green, brown, clear.  See ya in 3 weeks, I’ll send you a tickler.

Randall Delgado (NYM vs Santana, @Ari vs Kennedy) Let’s temper expectations a little; it was against Houston.  Julio Teheran was seen working on his core with Richard Simmons and an ice cream scoop.  The scoop could not be reached for comment. Good test for the youngen, after these two you should know what you’re getting and could be a popular pick if you don’t get him now.

Kevin Millwood (Cle vs Masterson, CHW vs Danks) “You know Bartolo Colon with his sneaky 4-ish ERA in a pitchers’ park?  That’s Millwood.”  That’s me quoting Grey.  If Millwood makes 30 starts I may start writing about fantasy synchronized swimming, because he will be a frequenter in this weekly post and I already hate it.

Drew Smyly (@KC vs Chen, Tex vs Lewis) Great lineup…check. At least one decent matchup…check.  Named after an emoticon…check. Hey, if he totally sucks, it was fun writing his name like this for awhile, Drew : )

Joe Blanton (@SF vs Bumgarner, @SD vs Bass) For streaming starts this is like a threesome with the 80′s version of Carol Alt and Ma’am from Webster.  Hey, no one really wants the details, it still counts.  Philly’s O is more like a Y right now with aspirations of being a real vowel someday.

Dillon Gee (@Atl vs Hanson,SF vs Lincecum) A rough matchup week for a guy I tend to like to outperform this year. True story, his facial inventory is causing PS3 to freak out.   Should market himself a little better and change his number to 6.  Oh well, the bottles are on ice so we have time.

So it comes to this, the final countdown.  Cue Lou Gramm and let that blaze through your head as you listen to that classic from Foreigner.  If you read this in tune with that song, it’s almost like the Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz experience.  You have to read fast though.   I can’t believe the season is basically over as it seemed to fly by and I guess I missed all the fun.  This week is extended by 3 additional days so basically every pitcher you can think of goes twice during championship week. So there are tons of options and I just pulled my top 15 favorites based on pitching match-up favorability and my general guess work.  So as you read this, pitchers are in order of how they will appear in their first start of the week. Starting with 9/19. Check back mid-week as we will add a contribution for the last couple of games.  Good luck until Thursday.  Questions, comments or rants are greatly accepted.  (Pitchers and matchups will almost certainly occur this week due to teams clinching and whatnot.)

Kevin Millwood (SD vs. Luebke, @Hou vs. Norris) Was the starting pitching version of a pogo stick this year.  Found decent starts finally with his 4th team.  Last 5 starts ERA under 3.20.  Team scores runs, prolly better to score chicks, just my humble opine.

Mike Minor (@Fla vs. Nolasco, @Was vs. Wang) I was trying to get him to jump out of the birthday cake for Grey.  Unfortunately, he has a scheduling conflict.  Jim J. Bullock it is.   Sorry, homey.  Previous 3 starts 3.24 ERA, with some decent strikeout potential.

Jeremy Guthrie (@Bos vs. Lackey, @Det vs. Verlander) Last 5 starts, 2-1 with a 2.53 ERA and 30 K’s.  If his peak value wasn’t before the season started, it may be now when you need him the most. Maybe he was all on board the “Suck for Luck” campaign and forgot that he only plays football.

Jason Vargas (Min vs. Hendriks, Oak vs. McCarthy) Needs the Fister treatment.  No, not that kind of stuff.  Sicko.  A change of scenery makes his numbers look prettier.   Gets beat up once and awhile, but are we scared of the Twins and A’s offensive juggernauts?

Randy Wells (Mil vs. Marcum, @SD vs. Latos) Last 10 starts 6-1 with a 3.15 ERA only downfall is just 38 K’s.  Has pitched a lot better than a lot of sexier names that you prolly already roster over the last 30 days.  Just the facts.  And then Thursday happened and made what I just said irrelevant.

Bud Norris (@Cin vs. Bailey, Col vs. Millwood) I know Morrow gets more love but is 2 more K/9 more important than an uptick of 1.6 in ERA?  Not so much that it would lead to an almost double ownership.  I guess if I played for a loser I would go unnoticed too.

Chris Narveson (@CHC vs. Garza, Pit vs. Ohlendorf)  Starting, bullpen, back to starting.  Brewers will prolly have clinched by his first start.  When you dig deep, is it really horrible to have a pitcher from a winning team as your option?

Dana Eveland (SF vs. Vogelsong, @Ari vs. Hudson)  I could be wrong, but didn’t he star as MacGyver’s bald sidekick?  Getting by on looks, charm and a spoonful of who the heck is this guy? Tiny numbers in first 2 starts, you can roll the dice when I’m done playing click-clack.

Drew Pomeranz (@Hou vs. Myers,  @SF vs. Bumgarner) Features a plus fastball and curve, changeup needs work.  Reminds me a lot of Joe Saunders.  2 decent matchups as he fights for a rotation spot and fantasy formidability next year.

Henderson Alvarez (Ana vs. Santana, @CHW vs. Buehrle) A 3 ERA and a small WHIP from a groundball pitcher is almost as good as Reading Rainbow being back on the air.  Oh, it is.  Righteous.  It’s in a book, so take a look. Sorry got caught up in LeVar Burton’s goodness.

Philip Humber (Cle vs. Gomez, Tor vs. McGowan) Last 2 starts since coming off DL have been better than I expected.  That much needed time off looks like it refueled him for the faux baseball playoffs.

Jake Westbrook (NYM vs. Capuano, @Hou vs. Sosa)  Consistently is a 6 inning 3 ER pitcher, to hope for anything better would be like leaving Santa vegetables instead of cookies and then wonder why all your presents are broken.

Eric Surkamp (@Ari vs. Collmenter, Col vs. White) Man, that Barry Zito contract looks awesome right now.  Low K potential and lack of team run support hurts him some.  Any time I don’t have support I get all saggy, that ad brought to you by Spanx.

Felipe Paulino (@CHW vs. Stewart,  @Min vs. Diamond) We come for the Ks, that is all.  Now dance, monkey, as I turn this organ grinder.  In retrospect, it would be awesome if that monkey could do The Dougie.

Brett Myers (Col vs. Pomeranz, STL vs. Carpenter) Really useful right now, until he starts dating your sister and you’re like, “Wait a second,  I don’t want you dating my sister.”  1 ER in each of his last 4 appearances.  Would have liked to see him dealt to a contender, but there’s always next year.

The playoffs roar on.  I am calling this week’s entry the De-Fib kit for your playoff hopes, the in case of emergency break glass list.  Well how bad could it honestly be,  if you’re still alive in the playoffs or are still trying to steal those last few points.  It’s a better alternative than being out of the playoffs and looking forward to fantasy hockey.  Shameless cross promotion is never a bad thing.  The fringe benefits are awesome, as I received a signed picture of Dick Button and a glass of water with a note attached saying it was ice from the Montreal Forum.  So continue the good fight as the playoffs continue on, comments or pitch or ditch questions are always welcome.  Good luck. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

9/14
Luke Hochevar vs. Min – Pavano
Wade Davis @ Bal – Guthrie
Chris Narveson vs. Col – Millwood

9/15
Randy Wells @ Cin – Bailey
Chris Capuano vs. Was – Milone

9/16
Jeff Locke @ LA vs. – Kuroda
Wade Miley @ SD – Stauffer
Derek Lowe vs. NYM – Batista
Philip Humber @ KC – Paulino
John Lannan vs. Fla – Sanchez

Brett Myers (Phi vs. Oswalt, @CHC vs. Dempster) Two consecutive 1 ER outings in a row, technically 3 if you count the one in relief.  It’s Houston so you need to look on the brighter side when looking at stats.  Man, that possible change to the AL can’t come fast enough.

Eric Surkamp (SD vs. Harang, @Col vs. Pomeranz) The Giants are the Krylon of baseball.  If they score any runs pray for a rain shortened game.  Back end of the rotation potential type for next year.

Dillon Gee (Was vs. Wang, @Atl vs. Beachy) The second most popular Dylan/Dillon in NY next to the candy bar. Which if you haven’t been is the diabetic purgatory.  Faces Wang and at a Beachy — sounds like Sandy Hook.

Bruce Chen (Min vs. Hendriks, CHW vs. Peavy) Which Bruce shows up this week, the one that we make fun of or the one we get made fun of for using.  My inner Bruce Chen is flying a kite and whistling “Magic” by the Cars.  Spotty with a chance of bed wetting, is my professional fantasy scouting report of Chen.

Brad Lincoln (STL vs. Lohse, @LA vs. Eveland) In the playoffs see a penny pick it up, all the day your fantasy team may suck.  Previous 6 inning shutout of the Cards helps his case, LA just plain sucking is the Mrs. Butterworth’s on top. Random unrelated fact of the day, Mrs. Butterworth’s first name, Joy. You’re welcome.

R.A. Dickey (Was vs. Detwiler, @Atl vs. Hudson) I am not ashamed to say that I like me some Dickey this week.  Why is everyone laughing? Kanye likes the fish version, why can’t I like the baseball version?

Guillermo Moscoso (Ana vs. Williams, Det vs. Verlander) Billy the not so Nino.  People everywhere prolly added him right after his last start.  Good for them for being so astute and having zero real friends but 400 facebook friends.

Chris Volstad (@Atl vs. Beachy, @Was vs. Wang) Even in Norway he is barely usable.  I want to root for him because he has some potential.  He suffers from “one inning-itis”.  Also visits Sandy Hook this week.

Joe Saunders (@LA vs. Billingsley, @SD vs. Harang) Anyone remember when he was crying about being traded out of Anaheim. I asked Justin Morneau if he remembered and he was too busy trying to velcro his shoes to comment.

Zach Britton (TB vs. Niemann, Ana vs. Pineiro) Throw the Yankees start out the window, because we wouldn’t have used him anyways.  Has elite groundball pitcher stuff.  Unfortunately hits can come via the groundball, that piece of genius brought to you by the World Wide Leader.