Fantasy Baseball Advice

I’d like to dedicate this opening paragraph to one of our 2008 faves Mark ‘Mini-Donkey’ Reynolds as he reached 200 Ks and is poised to shatter the previous record of 205 Ks set by the very same Mark Reynolds last year.  (Luckily, he’s also shattering his record for Runs, HRs, RBIs, and SBs too.)  We are tempted to call up MLB to ask how much it would cost to sponsor a Razzball Windmill of the Year Award.  It’s got to be hard to fail that much and still have the overall success that Reynolds is having this year.  It’s like that guy in the bar who comes onto 10 girls out of his league and then scores with the 11th.  You have to be impressed with his triumph but the 10 failures are, in their own way, more impressive.  Anyway, kudos to the Grand Diamondhack and onto the rest of what’s going on…

Derek Lowe - D-Lowe forfeited a favorable start tonight when he left after two innings (and 3 ER) with a blister on his ring finger.  Luckily the blister isn’t on his little finger or his thumb or he’d really be in dire straits.

Gavin Floyd – He saw D-Lowe’s 2 inning start and saw him one inning better before leaving with a bad hip.  A 4th inning might’ve qualified him for a Win…..if you used the Joba Rules.  Decent chance he’s toast for the season so don’t waver to waiver.

Hideki Matsui - Hit his 25th HR of the season as part of a Yankee win.  I would’ve thought Matsui would’ve needed to move back to one of those glorified Little League stadiums they have in Japan to ever clear 25 HR again.  Luckily the Yanks built one instead.

Ian Stewart - Returned after missing most of the last week with a bad back to hit a 2-run HR.  He’s now 7-for-30 in September with 5 HRs and 14 Ks.  He’d be a 50 HR threat if they ever triple the size of the ball or the bat barrel.

Jonny Gomes - Hit his 20th HR of the season in 254 ABs.  Incidentally, that’s 2 more than Jay Bruce, 18 more than Chris Dickerson, and 19 more than Willy Taveras.   Hitters moving from the AL to the NL must feel like that kid whose birthday fell a day after the Little League cutoff and got to play an extra year.

Francisco Rodriguez & Brian Fuentes – The former and current Angel closers continue to bedevil fantasy owners with blown saves last night – adding to their already 5.00+ ERAs in the second half.  Like a bunch of Latin Lidges.  If they are still available in your league, lock in their backups – Kevin Jepsen for the Angels and…um…uh…never mind on the Mets.

Franklin Morales – Closing the circle of blown saves, the interim closer of Fuentes’ former employer gave up 3 ER in the final inning of a 4-0 game.  Kazaam!

Roy Oswalt – Being shut down for the season due to lingering back issues.  Half price sale on Astros.com for “Roy & Wandy then starve our chances of winning like Ghandi” T-Shirts!

Braden Looper - Improved his record to 13-6 for the Brew Crew despite a near 5.00 ERA.  Manny Parra is 10-10 with a 6.42 ERA.  Parra is obviously just about 1 1/2 earned runs per game from being a dominant pitcher.

Bartolo Colon – Cleansed from the ChiSox roster today.  If I was Vince McMahon, I’d sign him and Sidney Ponson as a tag team christened as the Piñatas.

Frenchy’s back, Jordan Schafer’s going to hit 161 home runs (accounting for one rainout, of course) and McCann’s going to win the MVP.  Oh, and Lowe’s winning the Cy Young.  Unanimous.  Spring has sprung and baseball’s back.  It’s a good time to be alive.  Aren’t you glad you didn’t eat any peanuts in the last three months?  They’re poisonous, ya’ll.  (It’s a wonder Jimmy Carter’s still going strong.  He is a superhero.)  Right now, I feel like putting some tilapia on the grill, an Olde English in an oversized cozy and kicking back for the next six months while the sounds of baseball dance in my head.  Oh, and win all my fantasy baseball leagues; that would be nice too.  The number one thing you don’t want to do in the next few weeks is overrate anything you see.  You’re not winning your league in the first few weeks, but you can sure as heckfire lose them.  As inviting as Jordan Schafer seems right now, don’t drop Milton Bradley for him.  Even if Milton does the devil’s work.  Jordan Schafer’s an intriguing name in deep leagues.  Just don’t jump out the window until you see how real the fire is.  On the other hand, don’t ignore what goes on these first few weeks.  This is when The ’08 Nadys (<–great band name) emerge.  Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend for fantasy baseball:

Joey Devine – Aching Joey Devine is out for 60 days.  Punt!  Not worth holding a “potential” closer who may not be back for a while.

Gary Sheffield – Omar Minaya must’ve heard Sheff was raised in a Latin district of Tampa.  Not worth looking at in anything but the deepest of leagues.

Ichiro Suzuki – Bleeding ulcer, out until April 15th.  Endy Chavez will be batting leadoff on opening day.  Good to see the Mariners have a Plan B.  See Razzpoll on the bottom right for possible reasons behind Ichiro’s ulcer.

Derek Lowe – 8 innings, 0 runs.  Had a 2.88 ERA last April and has started off this one on a good note.  Next start, Washington.  Yum.

Josh Anderson -  Will get the nod for the Tigers in the opening today.  Has little power, but speed to burn — SAGNOF.

Brandon Morrow – Will close from the onset of the year.  If you think you’re being cute with Aardsma or Mark Lowe or Batista, you’re not.

Elijah Dukes – 4th outfielder to start the season.  Was on the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell on Friday as a Sell.  I wonder if Dukes is angry.

David Freese – Just when you think you’ve got LaRussa figured out, he plays Brian Barden at third in the Cards first game.  It’s only against lefties… supposedly.

Jeff Francoeur – HR yesterday.  Could this be the start of something?  

Kelly Shoppach – Getting time behind the plate in the first game with Garko sitting.  Encouraging sign, except for Garko owners.

Brian Wilson – Boo-boo healed. Will get saves to open the season.

Matt Lindstrom – Ready to go for opening day.  Aren’t we all?

B.J. Ryan – No velocity, no cry.  He’s the closer to start the season.

Mark Reynolds/Justin Upton – Sitting tomorrow against the “tough” righty, Aaron Cook.  Let’s hope for a speedy collision between Chad Tracy and Eric Byrnes.

Brett Myers – This time on the other side of a beating.  Was on our risky pitcher post.  Am I worried?  Not really, but I didn’t go near him in any draft either.

Mike Gonzalez – Our first Kazaam! of the season.  It’s good to be back.