If I could find a way
I’d take back those words that hurt you….
Damn you Cher. Damn you and your catchy songs. And damn you for killing Jack Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick. No one kills Jack. Jack is the man. Goes to Lakers games. Hits on Jennifer Lawrence during the Oscars. Lives in Hollywood. The man.
If you drive about an hour south of Hollywood through Los Angeles you get to Newport Beach.T hat just happens to be the home town of one Gerrit Cole. (Sexy Segue complete.) Cole is also the man. Drafted first in 2011, he will get his call to the show at some point this year. This guy can flat out pitch. In his first professional year, Cole climbed the complete ladder of the minor leagues by starting in high-A ball and ending in Indianapolis (AAA) for a cup of coffee. The guy sports a 98+ fastball that if it hits you it’ll leave a six-foot hole coming out. And he’s not afraid to be aggressive. (Be aggressive! B. E. Aggressive!) Just listen to what Gaby Sanchez said about the kid via Dejan Kovacevic of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:
“Some guys who throw hard, they’re a little shy about going inside. This kid, he’ll get two strikes on you, then back you off, and now he’s got the whole plate to get you out. Tough, man. Tough.”
But when will we see him in black and yellow? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bud Norris and Zack Greinke both struck out 12 hitters yesterday. One in 6 innings and the latter in 7 innings, if latter means Greinke. And when I saw their lines it occurred to me, that my Bud’s gonna be just like Greinke, when he grows up, my Bud’s gonna be just like Greinke. You see my Bud’s WHIP’s a hassle and his homers have the flew. But one day Bud will be just like you. One day he’ll be just like you. And Greinke would say, “Why is he singing Cat’s in the Cradle to me? I’m not his father, I’m barely two years older than him?” Yeah, you’ll see, Greinke. You can’t even see the irony now, but one day, my Bud’s gonna be just like you. You all will see. For now, he’s not him. Nope, nuh-uh, nada, not there, nope again. His walks are still too out of control, but his K-rate is over nine and his xFIP is 12 team mixed league respectable. He’s about as risky a starter as there is — he’s even on Rudy’s list of risky pitchers for 2012 — but it’s hard to find his sort of Ks on waivers. And, one day, he’ll put it together and we’ll have a good time then… You know we’ll have a good time then. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Alex Avila – To the DL with a hamstring strain. Only positive here is Miggy homered yesterday, feeling more comfortable without AA hassling him. Please, blog, may I have some more?
With games like this, who needs healthy elbows? Certainly not Chris Sale. Four score and two dozen ‘and that’s me quoting me’s ago, I posted our AL-Only team. I went on about what a shambles the pitching staff was and how our only bat was Evan Longoria. Sure, we had high hopes for Brad Peacock, but our starters were cheap tequila bad. The more you looked at them, the worse The Gas Face you got. All we had was Jake Peavy and Chris Sale. ZOINKS!!! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Can I get a “no” with eleven O’s? I personally don’t have the heart right now to type them all. Yesterday, Giancarlo Stanton, the pride and joy of my heart and the name scribbled all over my Trapper Keeper, said that his knee is bothering him and will continue to bother him. He said it’s “something that’s obviously not going to get much better playing every day.” Of course, like the fortune cookie game where you add “in bed” at the end, everything that Giancarlo says also has, “but I will do my best for my novio, Grey Albright.” You are mi novio too, Giancarlo. We are boy dot-dot-dot friends. There’s a dot-dot-dot in there, but sometimes it feels like there’s not. Court papers say that dot-dot-dot needs to be from 250 feet away. I’m pretty bummed out, because I do think he’ll play 135-ish games, but if he’s not at 100% with his knees, it could hurt his swing and the ten or so steals he can contribute. The best case scenario is once the weather heats up, some of the pain is alleviated and, luckily, he plays in a warm weather city. My sad emoticons are weeping. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Scott Baker – Out for the year with a bad elbow. It’s a painful surgery, but at least it’s roomy in the designated waiting room. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Twins’ Francisco Liriano may actually have a Twin. Let’s call him Diego Liriano (runner-up choices were Jose, Antonio, Luis Obispo, and Fernando Valley). Maybe Diego pitched his first 5 starts – the ones where Liriano got shelled to the tune of 24 ER, 18 BB, and 27 Hits within 23 2/3 innings. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ozzie said that Sergio Santos would be the closer vs. righties. That means Santos is just the closer closer. Or as close to it as we’re gonna get. I don’t know how much I believe this. Just the other day Ozzie said the White Sox had the best bullpen in the American League. And he didn’t add “in opposite world,” at the end of the sentence. I think Sale and Thornton are still in the mix, but it’s old school to go righty vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Joe Nathan reclaimed his closer job this year but was missing something, consistently putting his team behind the 8-ball, so the Twins shifted to CAPPS. On March 25th, I said this about the Matt Capps and Taipei Slinko shituation, “Here’s what I see happening. Nathan gets torched and Capps saves a few games while Nathan works things out. Then Nathan returns, gets torched again and, finally, the Twins send him to the Disgraceful List.” And that’s me quoting me! Right now, we’re at the point where Nathan’s off to work things out. I don’t think this ends well for Nathan. Someone in the Twins organization should’ve stepped forward and said, “Hey, Taipei, you’re a gamer in the non-nerd way, we appreciate that. No one likes nerds — the candy or otherwise. But, listen to me, you’re rushing yourself back. Chillax! Go get a Jamba Juice, enjoy some me time and let’s take it slow with your recovery.” But, well, that didn’t happen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Brian Duensing – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s a Duensing machine! Would I pick him up in certain deep leagues? Yes, but I don’t trust him. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are making a double switch today. Rudy is taking the husband slot which will probably bench him for a few years; Grey is taking the best man slot that will put him in the reliever role and I’ll be taking the cleanup spot for today. If I’m wearing a titanium sombrero after this, just remember Cinco De Mayo is closing in and I’m probably drunk. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’d like to dedicate this opening paragraph to one of our 2008 faves Mark ‘Mini-Donkey’ Reynolds as he reached 200 Ks and is poised to shatter the previous record of 205 Ks set by the very same Mark Reynolds last year. (Luckily, he’s also shattering his record for Runs, HRs, RBIs, and SBs too.) We are tempted to call up MLB to ask how much it would cost to sponsor a Razzball Windmill of the Year Award. It’s got to be hard to fail that much and still have the overall success that Reynolds is having this year. It’s like that guy in the bar who comes onto 10 girls out of his league and then scores with the 11th. You have to be impressed with his triumph but the 10 failures are, in their own way, more impressive. Anyway, kudos to the Grand Diamondhack and onto the rest of what’s going on…
Derek Lowe - D-Lowe forfeited a favorable start tonight when he left after two innings (and 3 ER) with a blister on his ring finger. Luckily the blister isn’t on his little finger or his thumb or he’d really be in dire straits. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Frenchy’s back, Jordan Schafer’s going to hit 161 home runs (accounting for one rainout, of course) and McCann’s going to win the MVP. Oh, and Lowe’s winning the Cy Young. Unanimous. Spring has sprung and baseball’s back. It’s a good time to be alive. Aren’t you glad you didn’t eat any peanuts in the last three months? They’re poisonous, ya’ll. (It’s a wonder Jimmy Carter’s still going strong. He is a superhero.) Right now, I feel like putting some tilapia on the grill, an Olde English in an oversized cozy and kicking back for the next six months while the sounds of baseball dance in my head. Oh, and win all my fantasy baseball leagues; that would be nice too. The number one thing you don’t want to do in the next few weeks is overrate anything you see. You’re not winning your league in the first few weeks, but you can sure as heckfire lose them. As inviting as Jordan Schafer seems right now, don’t drop Milton Bradley for him. Even if Milton does the devil’s work. Jordan Schafer’s an intriguing name in deep leagues. Just don’t jump out the window until you see how real the fire is. On the other hand, don’t ignore what goes on these first few weeks. This is when The ’08 Nadys (<–great band name) emerge. Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend for fantasy baseball:
Joey Devine – Aching Joey Devine is out for 60 days. Punt! Not worth holding a “potential” closer who may not be back for a while. Please, blog, may I have some more?