Before we get this post-Turkey celebration of When Fantasy Baseball Writers Have Nothing To Do In The Offseason up and running, I’d like to pass along a special thanks to our very own Grey Albright and Bryan Curley of Baseball Professor for setting up this multi-site super exposition of the aforementioned When Fantasy Baseball Writers Have Nothing To Do In The Offseason, or WFBWHNTDITO, if you’re into the whole brevity thing. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you can find the Round 1-5 Recap by clicking on this conveniently placed hyperlink right… about… now. And for the full results, you can check them out here. (If nineties website design is your crème de jour, enjoy that layout bro.) Anyhow, let’s get this going after the jump so I can go make some turkey sammiches.

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That’s right folks, we already have a mock draft in the books. Why? Because ef the off-season, that’s why. I’d like to pass along a special thanks to our very own Grey Albright and Bryan Curley of Baseball Professor for setting up this multi-site super exposition of what fantasy baseball writers can do when there’s no fantasy baseball. Scary. I know. And while there are certain limitations that might arise from a draft that takes place so soon after the 2013 season, I prefer to use it as a litmus test, to see how the 2013 season affected specific player’s draft position and overall value. So there’s something to be gleaned here. And if you are into spoilers and want to see how the entire draft played out, you can check out the results here. Also, if you have an inexplicable yearning to get lost in early 90’s website design, enjoy. Anyhow, let’s get this party started with heavy amounts of gleaning after the jump.

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I know how much you love draft strategy (do you? Yeah, of course you do!). Whether it’s snake draft or auction draft. You gobble this shizz up. Okay, I wasn’t speaking literally, take the corner of your computer monitor out of your mouth. Auction drafts are the best. They’re like that time you put in a twelve dollar bid on eBay for a VHS copy of Midnight Madness so your Michael J. Fox movie collection would be complete and you won it, then the Seller started emailing you that he too was a Michael J. Fox collector and he asked to friend you on Facebook and posted on your timeline, “MJ’s gonna be on The Good Wife tonight!!!” and then you had to unfriend him and change your email address. So, lots of you know my fantasy baseball auction tips already, but some of you just joining us — hey, close the door behind you! — may not. Lots of the strategy for my snake drafts also applies here. If you ask me — and you kinda did ask me by reading this shizz — auction drafts are where it’s at, yo! You get in a room with your best fantasy baseball buddies. The guys you haven’t seen since last year’s draft. The guys you don’t want to see until next year’s draft. A few guys you actively despise. One guy, and there’s always one, has to show you why the Droid is better than the iPhone. Then you have the guy who will go the extra dollar for (fill-in favorite player from his favorite team). You know that’s his favorite player because he’s wearing his jersey. There’s also the guy who wears a jersey of a player he would never draft from a team he hates just to throw you off his scent, only he points this out to show you how clever he thinks he is, but obviously is not. You have the guy who brings only Cheetos and turns everything he touches orange, and, if he touches something that was already orange, he makes it oranger. Finally, you have the guy who made plans at 5PM and begins to yell at everyone at 4PM that they’re taking too long. And, it always turns out, this day is the best day of the year. Auction draft day is better than your wedding day. As for online auction drafts, they’re just a’ight. Anyway, here’s some tried and true tips to help you through your auction fantasy baseball draft:

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A baseball historian named Philbus Elbert once said, “The only thing better than baseball in the spring is baseball in the fall.” Philbus was also a diabetic, had a severe drinking problem and died of gonorrhea that he contracted from a horse. Baseball, like a flower, blooms in the spring. They also share equally effusive PR people. Just the other day I read about how a petunia’s branches had gained 15 pounds and were in the best shape of its life. Sure, it’s always good to look at spring training numbers to give you an idea what you can expect from guys during the season — can I draft Jedd Gyorko yet?! Players in spring training are facing the top pitchers who are all displaying their best stuff. No one needs time to get warmed up. No one’s trying new pitches or getting a feel for the ball. They are at the height of their game in March. In fact, I think someone should propose to Bud that the World Series could easily be played in March. Yes, The March Classic. I like how that sounds. Since these spring training numbers mean so much, I decided to look at some players’ stats so far:

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Though, I would like to read a post about Siamese Twins Dance Strategy. “Xiu, could you stop salsa’ing when I’m friggin’ tango’ing! My effin’ coconut is about to rupture!” Oh, and you’re welcome, Siamese twins who Googled “Siamese Twins Dance Strategy.” We don’t judge here at Razzball, but, out of curiosity, do you guys share a urinal? Use two at a time? Wait, pee, wait? I will tap my orange Crocs impatiently as I wait for your answer. Head-to-Head, or H2H, doesn’t change a lot to our 2013 fantasy baseball rankings. There are 300 billion suns in the Milky Way galaxy. There are 100s of billions of galaxies in the universe. There are at least 256,000 planets exactly like Earth. Yet, there’s only one Miggy Cabrera. (Though Ciggy Mabrera on Planet Yurick is pretty good too. Not a first rounder though.) H2H doesn’t change that. The strategy for playing in the middle of the season in H2H leagues changes. You aren’t hoping Billy Butler hits 30 homers by October, but whether or not he’ll hit a homer on Sunday or if you should sit him to try and win steals. It’s all about the match-ups, y’all! So you want to build a team that can match up well with any other team. (FYI, I’ve gone over this stuff before, but some of you might need a pine tree refresher hung from your rear view.) Anyway, let’s look at some H2H fantasy baseball draft strategy:

PSYCHE! Before we get into the post, just wanted to quickly announce that we’re mind-melding (just consolidating) our Facebook pages. So if you want to Like us on Facebook, you go there. All the sports are gonna be one for all and all for one like the Brand Nubians. Unus pro Razzballus, omnes pro uno, for our Latin American readers. Anyway II, here’s the H2H draft strategy:

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This is a post for the fantasy baseball drafters who use Excel, Google Docs, or some other war room software that automatically totals a drafted team’s stats while in the middle of a draft. Or perhaps for those of you who do mock drafts or simulated drafts.

The below grid represents my projected 75% mark in each stat category across 10/12/14/15/16 team ESPN and Yahoo default roster format leagues.

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For most of you, been there, read this shizz already, but there’s Razzball newbies (Razzbabies?) that need some coddling occasionally. If you know PEDS, skip ahead into the comments and discuss my mustache. For the Razzbabies, c’mon here and let Uncle Grey burp you. Maybe I can get you to spit up everything you learned at ESPN. So, there’s a BRAN (Balanced Roster After Nine) Drafting Strategy by Rudy “The Fro Knows” Gamble. He’s also touched upon some fantasy baseball drafting tips. It’s a year or so old, but it’s timeless so when you read it don’t bother looking at the clock. There’s also a LIMA Plan (Low Investment Mound Aces) by Ron Shandler. There’s been a ZIMA Plan by Matthew Berry; it involves a lot of stumbling around, groping and the hiccups. There’s been a Punt One Category draft strategy. There’s been a Punt Two Categories draft strategy, which was conceived by a leaguemate of Punt One Category who just couldn’t stand being upstaged. And there’s the Forget When Your Draft Is So Your Team Is Autodrafted strategy. I love when my leaguemates use that one. Then there’s my fantasy baseball draft strategy, Performance Enhancing Draft Strategy or PEDS.

PEDS has five basic steps. If you follow these steps, you will place near the top in all of your leagues. No plan is foolproof because, unfortunately, they still have to play the games, but PEDS puts you in the best position possible to win coming out of your draft. Actually, this plan is foolproof and you should ignore the previous sentence that said no plan is foolproof. No sentence is foolproof, that’s more accurate. Okay, onto the steps:

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With the Razzball Commenter Leagues sign ups in full swing, we look at what last year’s RCLs showed us, i.e., this is the stats you need to win your fantasy baseball leagues. Across 577 12 team leagues, you would think you’d have some wide variations, but it’s amazingly close what you need in each category to do average vs. win. Some quick points upfront. There were 5 outfielders and one utility, so if you play in a Yahoo league with three outfielders and two utility, I’d expect more offense across the board. Not much, but some. There was a 180 games started max for pitchers. 6.5 is average in a 12 team league, not 6 because the last place team has 1 point, not zero. Finally, the RCLs are made up of guys that are probably more competitive than your casual fantasy baseball leaguemates, so if you can hit these benchmarks, you should be in good shape. Anyway, here’s what it takes to win a 12 team fantasy baseball league:

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Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and call her Mark. The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2013 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd if you’ve drafted so and so first. I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them though. We’ll see! Or not. Your choice. (Actually, my choice.) For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, the top 20 2013 fantasy baseball rankings and the beginning of the top 100 for 2013 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2013 fantasy baseball drafts:

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For these pairings, I’m going to be using our 2013 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2013, top 60 starters for 2013 and the top 80 starters for 2013. You can just go to our Fantasy Baseball War Room too (due to popular demand, we’ll make a downloadable Excel spreadsheet available later today). Or the fantasy baseball tiers (compliments to commenter, Drew!). Okay, now that we have our links and shizz done. What is a pitcher pairing? It’s how you plan on putting together a fantasy staff. It’s a plan of action. If you have A pitcher, which B, C and D pitcher goes with him? You should have six starters. The sixth starter is Matt Harvey or take whoever you want. I suggest an upside pick. Matt Harvey comes to mind. Or Marco Estrada. Marco Estrada also comes to mind. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 Pitchers league. BTW, if you haven’t done so yet, sign up for a Razzball Commenter League (we need commissioners!). (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing. If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If Charles Manson stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.) Anyway, here’s some pairings for pitching staffs for 2013 fantasy baseball drafts:

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