Adrian Beltre hits the DL with Jockular Sphincteritis as a grounder clipped one of his testicles. It’s the best contact he’s made all season. When reached for comment, Beltre said, “Aw, nuts!” After being badgered, he yelled, “Stop busting my balls!” Turns out, Beltre doesn’t wear a protective cup. He claims it’s uncomfortable. You know what else is uncomfortable? A bleeding testicle. Beltre could be out for the season, but he hasn’t really been much use this year so his owners shouldn’t worry. On a related note, I wonder if he’ll let his teammates sign his cast. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonny Gomes – 3 HRs. Half of me (the Lily Tomlin half) wishes Dusty would start benching Gomes again for no good reason, because I don’t own him anywhere. – Quote from Grey after he picked up Wladimir Balentien for Thursday’s short schedule day. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alcides Escobar, SAGNOF! Do you need more? Um, he’s good at defense. Alcides Escobar stole 42 bases in 109 games in Triple-A this year. I dropped Trent Aussie Dog for Escobar in a league, because I need steals more than a flier on power. Have I mentioned Alcides Escobar steals bases? Lots. Of. Bases. You know who gets hurt here? J.J. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Aussie, Trent Oeltjen, went 4-for-4 yesterday, after hitting three homers in four games. Wait, I know this one! Sounds like Parrot Bones? If you don’t own the guy when he’s hot, when do you own him? Will he keep this up? Can I shrug? Will I own him on many teams waiting to see how long it lasts? Why not? Can I own him and Venable and Garrett Jones all on the same team, or will the rookie nookie circle of life implode on itself? Who’s to say? Can I talk in nothing, but short questions? Maybe? (Let’s hope Oeltjen didn’t share a bed with this koala. Sorry, Michael Vick, she makes STDs look cute!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kevin Youkilis – The Greek God of Fisticuffs, apparently. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Our fearless leader has been crippled by some Kryptonic supermarket macaroni salad so I will be your tour guide through the daily baseball comings and goings.
So J.P. Ricciardi waved goodbye to Alex Rios and freed up some money so he can buy some tickets to Moneyball The Movie and to get one of them new-fangled Adam Dunn verification machines for his phone. Rios hasn’t been great outside of Toronto this year, but The Cell isn’t exactly Petco Central. He actually has picked it up a bit going 6-14 with 2 home runs in his last 4 games. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tim Hudson is on track to make a rehab start. If all goes well, and that if is ginormous, then he can return to the Braves for their failed chase for the Wild Card. Recovering from Tommy John is usually the same no matter what, shorty. Pitchers usually return to three-quarters of their former selves or they can become seven-fifths of their former selves, which is to say they can be better. Though they’re not usually better when they are first reactivated. They usually return slightly less than three-quarters. If you’re half as confused by those fractions as I am writing them, let me break it down to you, nice and simple like Minnie Pearl. Tim Hudson’s worth stashing on your DL for matchups, but the upside is merely usable in 12 team leagues. Don’t expect miracles. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Scott Baker – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER. He shows you some solid starts, then he shits your house. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Upton heads to the DL with an oblique injury. For those reading, who just got out of a time machine from the 80s, no one has any idea what an oblique is. And stop wearing Cavariccis. Upton will probably be out more than the required 15 days, because these oblique injuries that no one has ever heard of are tricky. With the Baby Backs out of every race outside of The Greatest 3rd Baseman To Ever Grace the Human Race Race, they’re not going to rush Upton. Does this hurt you to hear? It’s not my intention. But just don’t expect anything until September from Upton. On the bright side, now you have room for Will Venable. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday then he was removed with a sore thumb. It doesn’t seem to be anything to worry about. Mini-donkeys get sore thumbs apparently. Please, blog, may I have some more?
J.A. Happ threw a complete game shutout yesterday with only 6 baserunners and 10 Ks vs. Jorge de la Rosa’s 5 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks line. I pretty much saw this matchup going almost exactly opposite. Maybe I had my contacts in backwards. dlR had won seven games in a row. Happ was coming off two losses. dlR’s a lefty, the Phils don’t hit lefties well. Maybe I underestimated Happ’s desire to stay in the rotation with Pedro breathing down his neck. This was a solid case for that, but if the Phils don’t pull Happ from the rotation they’re jeopardizing his 2010 (when people take flying cars to the ballpark). Happ should be moved to the bullpen and Pedro should be put into the rotation. Even if that means Pedro throws a bunch of 4 inning, 3 run games and Happ comes in in the 5th inning and throws three dominant innings. It’s the right move for everyone and I think that’s the way the Phils should/will go. To clarify, this is not an endorsement of Pedro. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Wright – HR yesterday. As I said yesterday in the comments, “(The Mets play-by-play man, Cohen, said) that was (Wright’s) first opposite field homer in the new park. For a guy that goes that way, that’s not great. After all, we’re in August.” And that’s me quoting me quoting Gary Cohen! Cohen also said the humidity may be helping the ball carry. So now Metco is Yellowstone instead of the Grand Canyon. Sah-weet. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sorry, but I’m going to open the vent for a millisecond. Let’s go back to Stupid May Grey. I was a point or two in front in one of my leagues, had a solid outfield of Adam Dunn, Carlos Quentin/Beltran and Rasmus. I was within striking distance in steals and the news just came out that Jose Reyes would miss a few days, but avoid the DL. I traded Dunn and Theriot for Reyes. THE NEWS LIED!!! I’ve filled in with Beckham for Theriot so no great loss there, but my outfield’s been shambles since — currently rocking Luke Scott, Fukudome, Teahan and the corpse of Carlos Quentin. This is all thanks to Jose Reyes. I know, this is the world’s smallest violin eating a burrito with a side of tears. BTW, Jose Reyes is probably out for the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Luis Castillo – Injured himself walking into the Mets cemetery dugout. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Tillman‘s line yesterday was nothing to sneeze at — 6 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners — more like gag. Sometimes it takes one to get roofied before you fully understand what rookie pitchers can do to you. I point the rookie pitchers out. They have upside — hey, look at Happ, he’s been good — but I haven’t owned one since Hochevar. I love rookie hitters though. As mentioned before, rookie hitters go 0-for-20, you drop them — no harm, no foul. You get a Tillman start and you end up walking like you were just jumping hurdles. So that brings me to, Brian Matusz. He’s been dazzling in Double-A. As with most young pitchers, he’ll probably be limited on his pitch count/innings, so I wouldn’t expect more than 8-10 starts. Then throw in the fact that he’ll have tough matchups and you should proceed with caution, but worth a flier in 12 team leagues? Sure, if expectations are in check. Or you can do like I did when I pulled the ol’ “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick with Matusz. Let me explain the unfortunately named “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick. I rushed out and grabbed Matusz off waivers, then the next day I dropped him so someone (<– the sucker) uses their waiver claim to get roofied. Ah, yes. That stings. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Zach Greinke – 5 IP, 6 ER, 9 Ks, 13 baserunners. For the first time in a long time, I’m actually interested in who will win the AL Cy Young. Sorry, just being a normal baseball fan there. Won’t let it happen again. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Corey Hart is out for up to a month with an appendectomy. My college roommate had an appendectomy and he returned from the hospital in 24 hours and back to drinking Olde E forties with me by Friday, which is what we called Tuesday. Bill Hall will be recalled (Score one for NL pitchers) and Frank Catalanotto will see time in right field (score one for the Catalanottos). Good thing the Brewers traded for Gerut. Who? Hey, you sound like Ken Macha! I expect the Hart will go on in September. If he gives you his biggest month of the season then, it’ll be about 4 homers and 4 steals for the month. Whoopie! If Hart’s still on your team, now’s as good a time as any to cut him, unless you have DL room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – Just hit the DL. Usually he doesn’t turn into a pumpkin for another twenty games. Kinsler was in Friday’s Buy/Sell. Betcha can guess which side of the slash he fell on. Please, blog, may I have some more?