When Jonathan Lucroy vetoed the trade to the Indians this past weekend, I thought we were going to find out Lucroy was Joey Lauren Adams in Chasing Amy. Other teams were going to try and convert him into one of their players, but he was always going to continue to play for the other team. Then, at some point, he was going to describe oral sex in insane, graphic detail, using balls, bats, and a gear shift, and other teams were just going to give up trying to get him to play for their team. Then it turned out the Brewers were not going to be “Holden” him forever, you can “Banky” on it. Jonathan Lucroy and Jeremy Jeffress were Chinese finger-cuffed to each other and sent to the Rangers for Lewis Brinson and Luis Ortiz. By the way, Luis/Lewis is the Spanish version of tomato-tomahto. I wonder what the Brewers finally said to Lucroy. “We love you, but, dude, if you really love this organization, you’ll get the eff out of here. Go!” Then cried in the rain all super-weepy like Ben Affleck. So, Lucroy gets a small boost in value from the lineup, but the stadium change is nearly a push. As for Jeremy Jeffress, who is Jason Lee in this scenario, will work set up for Sam Dyson, who will keep the job. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Indians traded Clint Frazier, Justus Sheffield, Ben Heller and J.P. Feyereisen for Andrew Miller. A regular Thanksgiving bounty to the Yankees as the Indians received SAGNOF and smallpox. Hopefully, the Indians don’t have reservations later about those prospects they sent for Miller and want them back like, um, a regretful trade partner. For a second this weekend, it appeared that the Indians traded for Miller and Jonathan Lucroy, but Lucroy vetoed the trade. Looks like Milwaukee is a bunch of Brewer-givers. Will say this, it was a bold trade by Cleveland vs. sitting around Indian-style as they did all offseason. So, Miller becomes the de facto closer in Cleveland, and remains a top five closer in fantasy. Cody Allen gets his value boinked on the head and it’s now seeing stars. Mean’s while, in New York, Dellin Betances becomes the 9th inning man for the Yankees and, taking over setup, is their newly acquired, Tyler Clippard. That’s right, the Yankee Clippard! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Shawn Kelley notched his second save in as many days Friday night, recording the final out, allowing just one hit for his sixth save of the season. Is your fantasy team in dire need of saves? Are you tired of owning the entire Braves bullpen? Well, it seems your prayers may have been answered. Manager Dusty Baker has yet to commit to Kelley, but Baker usually doesn’t commit to anything unless it’s ruining some young player’s career in the long term. Unlike Atlanta, the Nationals bullpen will likely see a good share of save chances and with Jonathan Papelbon struggling, it appears Shawn Kelley is the add here. Oh Papelbon, how the mighty have fallen, right? I remember when he wasn’t just the most obnoxious pitcher in all of baseball, he was also a very good closer! Shawn Kelley has the potential to be a very good closer as well. He holds a 3.05 ERA, and 1.02 WHIP, with a 60/7 K/BB rate. Did I mention he can get you saves? Did I mention he’s available in over 80% of fantasy leagues? Geez, all this stuff I forgot to mention, my memory is really shot lately. There’s still a chance Washington trades for a closer, but I’d pick up Shawn Kelley everywhere I needed saves as he looks to be the top option in the Nats pen at the moment, Grey told you to BUY and he won’t be available for very long.
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Twins’ lineup could generate power for any remote control, because they’re filled with Double-A batteries. High five me! C’mon! You don’t appreciate a good snap! I’m zinging over here! Fine, be that way. The Twins traded the 29-year-old Eduardo Nunez to the Giants, which makes him the youngest player the Giants have ever acquired and the cheapest player the Twins have ever traded away. A double first! Which sounds almost like how you picture your ex describing herself on Tinder. So, Eduardo Nunez goes from a neutral park to a pitching park and from a lineup that could be best described with their two-hole hitter, Grossman, to a lineup best described as “in the middle of a panic.” Or a Panik in the middle. This move likely doesn’t change his value much, but if anything it takes him down a notch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gerrit Cole‘s start yesterday — 9 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.78 — wasn’t the most impressive start. *walks around, shaking people out of their slumber* Hey, what’s going on, guys and five girl readers? Was it the opening sentence? Okay, so Gerrit Cole didn’t look as good as, say, Dylan Bundy over five innings. Cole looked solid, salt-of-the-earth, lumberjack-shirt-for-a-tablecloth-middle-class-sturdy-as-oak-workman-like for nine innings. By the way, you know what they call a hyena with lines instead of spots? Hyphena. Take it, Highlights, it’s yours. Do we have to have starters that are all lordy-me-I’m-fainting-with-a-handkerchief-to-my-forehead filled with upside? Well, I’d like it, and Cole prolly has it somewhere in there. *knocks on Cole’s chest* Is a near-9 K/9 in there still? Hello? Okay, I think it is, but it’s just not answering now. Maybe it’s taking a nap from Cole’s less-than-stellar K-rate. That’s been the story of his season, actually. Great results for real baseball, but a little lacking on the flash (7.5 K/9). He’s still throwing hard (95 MPH), maybe he fell asleep while Contact was on late-night TV and woke up deciding to throw to contact. Not sure, but if I had to bet, I’d bet every day on a 25-year-old who throws 95 returning to his previous flashy Ks while maintaining his excellent ERA results. But there’s nothing wrong with a lumberjack shirt for a tablecloth. It’s Murica! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh man! So close to a Joel Youngblood sighting! Melvin Upton was traded from the Padres to the Blue Jays, a team they are currently facing. Is it me or does it seem like this year the teams are so cheap, they’re not even using their cell minutes. If they’re playing against a team, then they’re trading with them. That’s it. Surprised the Indians haven’t been more active then. Ya know, cause they could use smoke signals. By the way, nothing you could ever say about Native Americans is more racist than a team being called Redskins or the Indians’ mascot. So, go ahead, try! Melvin Upton shook the B.J. name, but you can’t take the Upton out of the B.J.’s, Blue Jays, that is. The trade of Upton takes him from a mediocre team to a solid offensive team, but moves him from the middle of the order to the lower third of the order and potentially even hurts his playing time if the Jays want to get Smoak into the lineup. I’m gonna say all things being equal, it’s a push, which technically means all things are equal, so there! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
In 1906, the Cubs won a major league record 116 games. In 1907 and 1908, the Cubs won back-to-back World Series championships. Anticipating a third championship in 1909, a young, enterprising Chicago man bought up all the toilet paper in Chicago, planning on selling the toilet paper back to the celebrators for twice the amount of money for their ticker tape parade. The Cubs never won again, but it turned out people still needed toilet paper in their everyday life. So, he still sold it back to them at a huge markup. Now, most people would’ve been annoyed with this man, but he was so charming, which later became Charmin. A titan of industry. So, with this in mind, I’ve invested my life savings in toilet paper, and will sell it back to Cubs’ fans this October. I’m gonna make money, y’all! By the way, Cubs could be World Series champs within days of Donald Trump becoming president, that fallout shelter doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. As for Aroldis Chapman, the trade was completed yesterday with him going to the Cubs for a bunch of prospects. This kills Hector Rondon’s value for redraft leagues, since he’ll be pushed into the setup role with Aroldis closing. Whereas in New York, Andrew Miller goes from a top setup man to a top five closer. Now, here’s hoping for an Indians/Cubs World Series so I win either way with all of this TP. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The White Sox were due to wear throwback jerseys on Saturday, and Chris Sale didn’t want to wear them. The White Sox refused to relent, so Sale took it upon himself to do something. Cut to, ahem, ten minutes later and Sale was sent home for throwing a temper tantrum and cutting up all the throwback uniforms. The most surprising thing in this story: the White Sox clubhouse had a pair of lefty scissors. After Sale cut up the White Sox 1976 uniforms, Chet Lemon weighed in, saying, “It was a tough uniform to rock. The guys on the 1983 team thought they had a reviled uniform. At least in 1983, you could strut around like a peacock, which they called Paciorek’ing, due to the grace of teammate Tom Paciorek. In 1976, they dressed me up like a lawn jockey. That shizz was offensive!” For his antics, Chris Sale was suspended for five games by the White Sox. That’s the last time he tries to introduce a cutter without talking to the pitching coach. Now, if the Red Sox trade for Sale, their top two starters could help win back the casual Jewish Red Sox fan who checked out after Youk and Theo left. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zach Eflin tossed a complete game 3-hit shutout Friday night versus the Pirates, requiring just 100 pitches to go all the way and pick up the win. It was the rookie’s first career shut out. That’s what I’m Eflin talking about! I know what you’re thinking, I loved him in those High School Musicals, I wish he was my Neighbors. Wrong Zach. Both are real good though. After a rocky debut to his rookie season in Toronto (2.2 IP, 9 hits, 8 ER, 3 BB), Zach Eflin has been on the attack ever since, allowing just 11 runs in the seven starts since his debut (2.07 ERA in 47.2 IP). More impressive is that he has pitched at least six innings in six of those seven starts, including two complete games. Dude is a horse. And at just 22 years young I guess that would make him a dot dot dot Filly. Zing! Wait, or is it a mare? Foal? Joke still works or nah? On second thought I’m thinking it might be a colt. Hmm. Regardless, Zach is clearly a stallion. So how is it he’s available in over 80% of fantasy leagues? Are you Eflin kidding me? Sure, the 26/8 K/BB ratio is nothing to call the presses about, but his 1.05 WHIP is mighty impressive. Some of the advanced stats may suggest he’s due for a bit of a correction, but why not ride the Zach train while its Eflin hot. He’s coming off his best career start and gets the Marlins next week, so pick him up, what are you Eflin waiting for?
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Francisco Liriano went 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks with zero walks. Insert the madman cackle of Francisco Liriano’s owners who owned him up until last night when he had a 5.11 ERA. He had 13 Ks without a walk! This came from a guy who had a 5.7 BB/9 coming into the game. That’s not bad. No, no. You think that’s bad? You should swipe right on Tinder the next time you come across a thesaurus if bad’s all you got. That’s effin’ egregious. That’s the 1980’s Lower East Side before Donald Trump fixed the entire New York City as narrated by Jon Voight. That’s the worst walk rate since Todd Van Poppel’s walk rate of 6.87 in 1994. Since 1980, there’s only been walk rates of 5.7 or worse four other times. In 36 years! Jesus, 36 years? I’m getting old. This start came against the Brewers who have struck out more than any other team in the major leagues. So, nice start, but I wouldn’t go near him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?