I picked up Doug Fister in every league I could. So, that’s out of the way. I won’t start him the next time out though and I’m not sure I’ll start him ever. I may just drop him if I never get a good matchup at home. At home’s key. That’s the only place I’d start him. Last night, his 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks performance is his peak. He pitches to contact and doesn’t K anyone. He’s similar to Joel Pineiro. Call him Jo-eh. If you were the firster to get him off waivers, chuck him into a package trade for someone much more reliable or exciting. His appeal is limited. So, yes, I grabbed him to chuck him. My apologies, Mister Fister. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Casey Kotchman – Hit his 2nd homer in as many days. Going mono y mano with Soriole, Bradley Bergesen. Please, blog, may I have some more?
You’ll have to excuse me; I’m a bit hoarse after a weekend in Vegas, so don’t ask me to yell. All caps are just too much right now. I’m not sure where I lost my voice. May have been during our spirited game of Pai Gow Poker. What was I doing playing $15 hands of a game where I literally just turned my cards over so the dealer could tell me how to play them? It’s the free drinks, ya’ll! About eighty dollars worth a free drinks to be exact. Oh, and Ubaldo was pitching a no-hitter and Pai Gow Poker had the best seats in the house. I think even the three 70-year-old Asian ladies at the table with us were into it by the ninth. Hair’s to you, Ubaldo! Either way, I’m spent so I’ll have to keep my enthusiasm on simmer for now about Ike Davis. Let’s start this mofo with what Stephen said in the Mets’ Minor League Review, “After hitting zero home runs in 215 at-bats in 2008, doubters began questioning his “raw power,” but failed to consider an oblique injury. Splitting time between High-A and Double-A, Davis flat-out raked. Not necessarily the most polished hitter, he still has some work to do with his swing and strikeout rate, but he should continue to hit for power as he keeps a decent rate of balls in the air (42.8 FB%).” And that’s me quoting Stephen! In nine games in Triple-A Buffalo, Davis has two homers as he hits a robust .357. Not to be confused with the girls in Vegas, who are mo’bust. The Mets are calling up Davis in the next week. Do I take a flier on him in 12 team or deeper mixed leagues? Certainly. Do I expect the 2nd coming of Hayzeus Cristo? Nope. But if he hits in first few games, his value will go sky high and you’ll be able to trade him for more than he’s worth. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Mike Jacobs – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to “stop sucking.”
Derek Jeter – Will return on Tuesday after missing yesterday’s game with a head cold. Good to see he’s quickly on the mend because a head cold sidelined Greinke for a year. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Robinson Cano hit his third and fourth homer yesterday. He’s now batting .395. This will probably sound homeless-person-crazy since we’re only 12 days into the young season, but I think Cano could win the MVP and will win the batting title. You thought Pedroia’s MVP season was nice from a fantasy standpoint? How’s .330 and 30 homers coming from your 2nd baseman? You like that? What, you want it a little higher? Okay, how’s .335? Yeah, that feels good, doesn’t it? I have Cano’s 2010 projections at 90/27/100/.315/5. Hold those numbers up to the light and they sing gospel songs that will make your ears smile. And Cano can exceed those numbers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Gonzalez – CarGo sounds like he’ll be shipped off to the DL. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brian Fuentes hurt himself lifting weights. Can’t he just take HGH like every other freakin’ major leaguer. Hayzeus Cristo, my closer luck has been terrible so far this year. The closerousel has made me really nauseous. Forget SAGNOF, more like CRYNOF, which acronyms to nothing but has “cry” in it. Fernando Rodney is the immediate pickup, but, if your leagues are like mine, he’s gone already. I grabbed Kevin Jepsen where I could for the chance that he might sneak in and grab a save or two. Fuentes says he’ll be back as soon as his DL stint is up, but, if Rodney runs with the job, don’t be surprise to see Scioscia call shenanigans. SABCS — Scioscia Always Be Calling Shenanigans. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kevin Gregg – Officially takes over the closer role. Gregg will probably drop a turd nugget in his next game and lose the job back to Frasor. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jimmy Rollins looks like he’s headed to the DL with a Grade 2 calf strain. For those non-doctors out there, that’s a calf strain that starts to learn its times tables. It hurts to lose your 2nd or 3rd round pick, but you don’t have many options here. You can’t sell him low. Assuming you need a little pick me up after getting *pinkie to mouth* decalfeinated, some MIs that are out there are McGehee, Furcal, Desmond, EverCab and O-Cab. They provide different things, but I like them to varying degrees, in that order. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Adeiny Hechavarria – Say that name fast one time! The Jays signed the 21-year-old Cuban defector. Defect had more going it against than any other word, yet the Cubans turned it into a positive. Sorta the same journey the word “special” took, but in the reverse. Hechavarria probably won’t be called up until the end of this year at the earliest. Not simply because no one can pronounce his name. (For those perfectionists out there, it’s Ah-THEY-nee Eh-CHA-bah-ree-ah.) (BTW, I always use the spellchecker when typing perfectionist. Discuss that amongst yourselves.) He’s still very raw, but in time they are likening Ah-THEY-nee to a young Alfonso Soriano. Not sure if “they” are saying a young Soriano means a Latin 21 or a Latin 25. I’d look at him in keepers, but league depth has a lot to do with your sitch. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sometimes when a player gets hurt, I feel bad if I told you to buy into them. I’m like, “Shove your emotions into your cankles, you sissy!” Alas, my inner Native American watching someone litter in a 70′s commercial comes out. A tear forms in my eye and rolls into my mustache. Then I leave it there to remind me of my fallen fantasy baseball comrades. This mustache holds a lot of tears. But when a player that I warned you against like Aaron Hill heads off to the DL with tightness in his hamstring, I do a little dance like MC Skat Cat. You know the kid in high school that wore a helmet all day that you used to make fun of? Okay, now remember when you were alone in the hallway and that same kid walk passed you and you said hello to him because no one else was around? Today, that kid is Aaron Hill’s owners. Save your ridicule until their back is turned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – Having an MRI on his right calf strain. Mr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Miguel Montero is out with a torn meniscus. I can think of other cuss words that his owners may be thinking right now. A knee problem seems like a bad thing for a guy who’s supposed to be crouching for 9 innings. Like a can’t-Catch 22. Montero was a popular sleeper pick to enter the premium catcher tier of Mauer/Martinez/McCann after a strong 2nd half, but the only thing he’ll have in common is the M factor. It’s unclear if he’ll be out for at least a month or longer. Either way, Snyder now has a full time gig. And that’s about where the good news ends. Don’t get caught up in the Montero afterglow. Snyder has a career .233 average in over fourteen hundred at-bats and averages about 15 homers over a full season of ABs. So, ya know, you can probably do better even if Chris Snyder hit a homer yesterday with 5 RBIs in Arizona’s blowout (last time Arizona scored that much on Pittsburgh was the Super Bowl). Actually, Snyder’s a surefire top 10 catcher if he gets 100 more games against the Pirates. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Frank Francisco – I go about buying closers like I buy wine. I pick up a closer. Swirl it around in my glass, take a quick waft and whiff then I guzzle it. Two Buck Chuck tastes the same to me as a twenty-year-old Bordeaux. In fact, I don’t even know if a twenty-year-old Bordeaux is good. I’m guessing and too lazy to Google it. I’ll drink a red wine with chicken, a Chardonnay with a Nathan all-beef frank. Doesn’t matter to me. Mad Dog 20/20 and ice passes the “cheap and it will get me drunk” test. So it’s only natural I ended up with a bunch of cheap closers. Frank-Frank was one of them. Belch. Frank2 is out for the near future in favor of Neftali Feliz. Could Feliz run with the job and end up having it all year? Yup. Frank-Frank went womp-womp. I wouldn’t drop Francisco yet, except in the shallowest of leagues. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Rangers bullpen costing C.J. Wilson the win is like ten thousand spoons and all you need is a knife. Maybe Frank-Frank didn’t like Wilson cutting into his save chances last year. I was skeptical of Wilson moving into the rotation. I said to myself, “Grey, you’re handsome.” Wait, wrong conversation. I remember it now. “Grey, why not start Neftali Feliz? Why they fussing with C.J. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Clayton Kershaw went 4 and two-thirds innings, giving up three earned and 11 baserunners. Six of those ducks on the pond were walks. That’s 1-2-3-4-5-6 walks. Versus the Pirates. A team that had a .318 OBP last year. Sure, this year they’re starting with Robot Jones, “I must kill the Queen,” but c’mon. How did I convince myself a pitcher who can’t get through 5 innings was a good idea? I blame all of you. Someone should of said something. And if you did say something, you should used more exclamation marks or a bigger font. This is not your beautiful wife, this is not your beautiful house, this is a pitcher who walks the ballpark. On the bright side — and let’s face it, we need a bright side since not all of us live on the first floor — Kershaw was very bad last April too. He’ll get better. Or at least I keep telling myself that. Convincing, right? No, really he will. Right? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aaron Cook – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 Ks. Can you smell what the Cook is rocking? Smells like Dwayne Johnson’s movie career. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dallas Braden has 200 major league innings under his belt and his K/9 IP is a little bit over 5. In 180 IP, that’s 100 Ks. In other words, not good. In other other words, blech. In other other other words, there is no such thing as other other other words. Dallas’s 10 Ks is more a condemnation of the Mariners’ hitting (were they wearing their fielding gloves instead of batting gloves?) than something warranting reevaluation of Braden’s status as an okay 4th/5th starter in AL-only leagues. He’s not a mixed league option at this point. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Snell – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks. Before you get any ideas, Ryan Sweeney is the A’s three hole hitter. Ryan Sweeney sounds like the captain of your high school soccer team. Kevin Kouzmanoff is the A’s cleanup hitter. The Padres didn’t even want Kouzmanoff. ‘Nuff said on him. Ellis, Buck and Pennington is the bottom of their order. That’s a lacrosse team. Half of this lineup is playing the wrong sport. Please, blog, may I have some more?