Javier Vazquez went seven innings, giving up 2 ER with 7 baserunners and recording 7 Ks as he lowered his ERA to 8.10. Though, he could’ve gave up 6 runs in 7 innings and would’ve lowered his ERA. Do I think Javy released his inner leprechaun and found the pot on the other side of his crappy pitching? Yes and no. There was no way Vazquez was going to pitch a 9.78 ERA all year. I mean, c’mon, that was obscene. He had given up more runs than innings. He was getting Pwnson’d every time out. The rest of the way he should be around a 4 to 4.50 ERA guy. There’s room to own that, but don’t expect last year this year, clear? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Phil Hughes – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks and now has a 1.38 ERA on the year. I really wanted to own Hughes this year. Alas, it didn’t happen. Alas II, I did draft Joba. Alas III, I dropped Joba before he got any saves. Alas IV, there’s no Alas IV. Dur. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you. Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts. I know, I have the internal scars to prove it. Oh, Mylanta! Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA. I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category. Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy. In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA. He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets. I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers. Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt. A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo. See how quickly that spiral spun downward? Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you. So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him. His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels. That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season. And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason. If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ken Griffey Jr. missed a pinch hitting opportunity last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse. In related news, Grady Sizemore has been sleepwalking through his at-bats. Maybe Griffey was pooped from his Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial. If the end is indeed nigh for Griffey, and if nigh is the right archaic word, this could mean an extended leash for Michael Saunders. He’s a low teen power/speed guy without much average, so the M’s would be going from yawning to yawnstipating. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Lidge – Stiffness in his elbow. In Italian guy straight from Ellis Island terms, that’s notta so good. The Phils held Contreras to pitch the ninth for the save. Save vultures, commence vulturing. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dallas Braden threw a perfect game yesterday as every single Rays hitter chickened out and didn’t step on the mound. If you know something gets in a guy’s head, don’t you exploit that? I say you send a pinch hitter, say, Pat Burrell out there JUST to step on the mound. So Braden’s still not someone I’d be excited to own in mixed leagues. His K-rate is poor, though he has, obviously, found some success with his changeup. In his game after his perfect game, Buehrle gave up 5 earned in 6 1/3 innings. So perfect is nice, but it means little. If you happen to own Braden, I’d see what he could get in a trade. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K. Stauffer filled in for Correia, who missed the start with a family emergency. I’ve owned Stauffer in one NL-Only league for the last couple of weeks, hoping that he would work his way into the rotation. This probably isn’t that opening, but at some point it’ll come for Stauffer. Either way, he’s been great in middle relief, sporting a 0.39 ERA and 0.94 WHIP, with just over 8 Ks per 9. Worth owning for MR ratio help. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Olsen went 7 1/3 innings, giving up 1 ER and registering 8 Ks, while taking a no-hitter into the 8th inning. Olsen, “Hello, Corner, I think I’m going to turn you.” Corner, “Go for it.” Looks like Olsen has been able to use his changeup more effectively this year and rely less on the fastball. Olsen, “Fastball, you’re my woobie, I think I need to move on.” Fastball, “But where were they going without ever knowing the way?” Olsen, “Sorry, think I dialed the wrong Fastball.” I get worried about putting faith in Nationals pitchers not named, That Kid In Triple-A, but I could see taking a flier on Olsen in 12 team mixed leagues and deeper. At one time, Olsen wasn’t just some random Nats pitcher, he was a top Marlin prospect. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Lance Berkman – Fat Elvis says he’d leave the building if the Astros wanted him to. He’d agree to leave the Astros? That’s just crazy. Cray-zee. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s what my crystal ball said on March 5th, “(Medlen) averaged over a K an inning last year. Will start the year as an MR, barring an injury to someone… *cough* Jar Jar *cough*. Medlen will get into the rotation shortly. Meesa tinks Jar Jar won’t make it the whole year healthy.” And that’s me quoting me! Kris Medlen is now the starter as the Braves wash Jurrjens out of their hair for at least three weeks while he deals with a strained hamstring. I grabbed Medlen in one league where it made sense. He gets a tough first matchup going against the Phillies at Citizens Flank. If Medlen pitches well in his first start, he’ll be added everywhere. So depending how bad you need him, you add him now or prepare to rush to grab him on Saturday. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Heyward – Left yesterday’s game with a sore groin, which would be a good name for a Viagra-type drug, but spelled “soar” and with an exclamation mark. Oh, and speaking of groins…
Bobby Cox – The congratulatory cake made by the Senate for Bobby Cox had an unfortunate misspelling. Maybe Jim Eisenreich was the baker. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The peasant Royals finally called up the first baseman, Kila Ka’aihue, who was blocked by Mike Jacobs last year in a boneheaded move. His name is not pronounced Killer Kahlua. Kila has a career .386 OBP in the minor leagues. I guess Moore has no place for that on his team that has a .325 OBP. In Stephen’s Minor League Review of the Royals, he wrote, “In 555 Triple-A at-bats (across two years), (Kila’s) hit for a .211 ISO. The power is legit. If given the chance at full playing time, the Royals could have a 25 homer, .400 OBP first baseman/DH. Oh, and for Halloween I want to dress up as Grey but I don’t know how to make my head simultaneously big and stupid.” Whoa, I gotta start proofreading these Minor League Reviews a little closer. The only problem with Kila is I’m not sure where the Royals are going to play him. Grab in deep mixed and AL-Only leagues. Everyone else, hold your junk until we see how his playing time shakes out and to make sure this Kila is shooting something besides BBs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Aviles – 3-for-5 with a homer as the Royals finally called up another guy. If you’re hurting for average, Aviles could provide some support, bra. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brett Cecil appeared in the April 23rd version of the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell. I liked his strikeout stuff and thought he was up to the task. He secretly confided in me it was a lot of pressure on him. He never had a mustachioed man ask anything of him, at least not one that wasn’t wearing a raincoat and no pants. His WHIP sits at 0.77 through 20 2/3 innings. Thank you, can I bring you your slippers? He has 21 Ks. Yup, more than a strikeout per inning. Last night, he had a perfect game in the 7th inning and ended up going 8 innings, 1 ER and 10 Ks. He’s getting a bit lucky, but he’s worth owning in all twelve team leagues, while ten teamers should hover their grabby hands just over his name. Honey, could you bring me a Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the first act, some creepy kid runs into frame, mumbling, “I see blown saves.” I know Ryan Madson is a Cuddle Boy, but don’t drop him yet. Sorry to get Biblical on you, but hast thou forgotten the wrath Brad Lidge hast broust on ye past teams? Please. Give Lidge a week before abandoning Madson. Lidge is like a “1000 Dollar Car” as sung by the Bottle Rockets. Google the lyrics if you don’t know the song but in summation, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?” Let shizz shake out first before you act rash, talcum. There’s time to drop Madson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Evan Meek – Recorded the 3 up, 3 down save yesterday as Dotel was out sleeping with your sister. Don’t worry, Dotel’s days of ruining your ERA and WHIP aren’t over yet. Meek was only used because Dotel had pitched two innings the day before (beautifully, I might add). To recap, handcuffs across the Brewers, Pirates and Rangers: Frank-Frank, Meek, Villanueva and the guy at Subway who gives you the skeeves, in that order. Hoffman, Dotel and Feliz, in that order, should all still be owned. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trevor Hoffman has been lights out all year. Maybe he jumped in the Cocoon pool. Octavio Dotel? The post office said they’re going to a five day week because of cutbacks and the amount of fan mail coming in for Dotel. Now hold the preceding up to a mirror. Dotel as a Pirate has done nothing except plunder his fantasy owners’ goodwill. Even Roger ain’t Jolly. The Hoff looks drunk. And Trevor too. The pickups for this duo of dud is Carlos Villanueva, Joel Hanrananananan, Brendan Donnelly, Evan Meek, Hawkins, Coffey, Shelley Duvall, the guy at Subway that kinda skeeves you out, the Polish Sausage in the 7th inning stretch race and Cher. Pick them up in that order. For full disclosure, I grabbed Hanaranananan because Villanueva was taken in all of my leagues. I didn’t go deeper than that. Some shituations just aren’t worth the ulcer. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Garrett Jones – 2-for-7, 1 RBI. After his first four at-bats yielded 4 Ks, Robot really turned it on. Fool him 5 times, shame on Robot. Please, blog, may I have some more?