In the clubhouse after last night’s game, the Nats watched as ESPN reported Strasburg wasn’t pitching until Friday so there was nothing to talk about. Nothing to say about Adam Dunn. Nothing to say about that Zimmerman guy. Josh Will-something… They couldn’t even remember his name. The team stopped watching the highlights, upset they were nothing but Anthony Edwards to Strasburg’s Clooney. Knowing something had to be done, Dunn left the clubhouse as he always had – by reaching up, removing the ceiling and climbing out. Then he jumped on the back of a blue ox and circled the globe until time rewound to before the game. Dunn then went out and hit his 18th, 19th and 20th homers while rocking a .280 average on the year. Now after the game, ESPN reported Dunn hit 3 homers, specifying it came just two days prior to Strasburg’s next start. Dunn shrugged, it was a start as he ripped the blue ox’s leg off and had dinner. Hee-haw! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Desmond – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Now has 6 homers and 6 steals on the year. Ever heard of the slow boat to China? Yeah, Desmond’s on the slow boat to 12/12. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jake Peavy was walking off the field before the trainers even got to him. On a scale of bad signs, that’s around a 9. That’s on a scale of 1 to 8. The good news is it’s not his arm. It’s his dorsi muscle. Peavy’s a dolphin? Put down your noisemakers, it’s not that good of news. To paraphrase Ludacris, “Peavy back bad, Peavy not good… Peavy back don’t do stuff that yo’ back do… (Repeat chorus 17 times.)” Daniel Hudson, rocking a 3.47 ERA in a hitters’ park in the minors, could get the call if Peavy needs a DL stint. You know that guy you see when you search for Tim Hudson on the waiver wire? That’s him! He has more than a K/IP in the minors, though his control is iffy at times. He’s worth a pick up in AL-Only or deep mixed keeper leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aaron Harang – Headed to the DL with back spasms. Dusty said, “If he dies, he dies,” while wrapped in a Reds flag. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Pelfrey went from totally chic to totally geek in the matter of 4 starts. Last night, he dropped a 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER bomb and now he’s staring at nickels. Pardon the wavy lines as we jump in The Way Back Machine and see what I said in April, “His K-rate prior to 2010 was pretty poor. Even this year, it’s only a little above his career mark. His biggest adjustment so far seems to be his ability to avoid the homer ball and leave men on base. He can be usable as a 4th fantasy starter, especially in Metco.” And that’s me copying and pasting me! Nothing’s really changed other than he’s no longer leaving men on base, his homers have gone up (literally) and his lack of Ks are catching up to him. Hmm… Maybe some stuff has changed. He had a 1.98 ERA at Metco prior to last night, so that’s still a nice matchup start, but Pelfrey is no longer a must own. At 109 IP on the year and only 67 Ks, he’s a notch below Jon Garland in K-rate. I just popped a zit in the mirror and spelled out, “You can probably do better than Pelfrey.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – Supposed to return on Tuesday. I really want to believe this, but the Met doctors are a joke. Did they go to that med school Steve Guttenberg went in Bad Medicine? Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m relieving Grey this morning. I’ve been in triple A for a while now. Alex Gordon and I have struck up a pretty good friendship and on the bus rides we sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, so I’m hoping I’ll just be in the majors for a little while. I think we were going to have smores tomorrow! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Matt LaPorta homered in his third straight game. Who needs LeBron when you got LaPorta? BTW, I don’t like basketball because I think a 7 foot tall guy making a basket is as difficult as me throwing away something in a garbage can, but I suggest you check out the LeBron documentary. Was really good. Total puff piece, but I was on the edge of my feeling castle about to emote. Hey, Joel Siegel, I’m carrying on the movie and mustache thing! Maybe LaPorta’s just Pronk II: Hasta LaPorta Baby. Maybe the MLP package is finally on. Maybe he does nothing starting tomorrow. At your corner infidel, I’d take a flyer on LaPorta for the chance you get a cheap 15 homers. If he maintains this pace for 3 months, he’ll have Cleveland fans almost forget they traded CC Pitching Factory for him. Just like Lou Marson and Jason Donald’s play is making them forget about Cliff Lee. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Justin Masterson – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. He must’ve decided it was time to step it up since 3,463 Yahoo teams had dropped him. Please, blog, may I have some more?
By the dawn’s early light, why are you unhealthy again, Jose Reyes?! Tough week for MIs. Rollins must be contagious. It’s the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten. This is like in 1918 when Skeeter McGillicuddy sneezed and the Brooklyn Robins entire team was in the hospital for two weeks with the Robins forcing a team of jailbirds and hooligans onto the field in the heart of the pennant race. Or maybe that was a movie pitch I overheard in a Hollywood Starbucks. Neverthehoo! Right now, Reyes doesn’t sound too bad with only a stiff back and not an issue with his oblique, the mystery ailment that sidelines players and no one has any idea where in the body it is. Reyes said he could’ve even played last night. Excellent, now keep him away from any Met doctors that treated Beltran’s day-to-day thing last year that knocked him out for over a year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4 as he hits third for the 2nd straight game. Yeah, it didn’t work for Reyes either. Rollins is now batting .270 after returning from the DL with a .341 average. Granted, that was only through 11 games, but they’re my small sample sizes and I’ll put them wherever I want. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley was placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb and he might need surgery. This injury opens up a big gaping hole in his owners’ hearts that can only be filled with junk food and hardcore drugs. Utley may not have been playing his weight in pomade, but at least you had him out there. At night when you crawled into your Michelob-scented bedsheets, your head hit the pillow knowing that if nothing else Utley was healthy. Looks like you’re going to have to dust off the “Sounds of the Ocean” CD you used to help you sleep when your wife left you. Phillies will turn to Wilson Valdez, Juan Catastrophe and Brian Bocock, whose surname is bad enough without me altering it. Hopefully your options are better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Placido Polanco – Crapolanco also heads off to the DL. Too bad because he was leading David Wright in All-Star votes for 3rd base. Hold on, whaaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? If his vote tally goes up while he’s on the DL, I’m gonna suggest players can’t vote for themselves. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On May 23rd, Jason Heyward was scratched with a sore thumb. Seems harmless, right? As they say in Norway, “A-ha! (Best group ever.)” Turns out he has a strained ligament in his thumb and is headed to the DL. Member when I said I dropped him about a month or so ago? In your face fantasy baseball gods! (It was a shallow, no bench league, stop judging me for dropping Heyward. I can feel your stares.) Since May 23rd, Heyward has a line of 16/2/12/.210/2. If my math is right, that’s not a good month. No wonder he dodged the Strasburg bullet train last night. He’s scurred, Mystikal. Okay, I do really like Heyward, but this thumb injury could linger until the offseason. Not a great sign. He may not revisit his mollywhopping, pony stick ways until into The One-One. For those doing a bid in redraft leagues, DL him if you can and hope the rest helps his sucky thumb. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Has a poor xFIP, a terrible K-rate and a meh walk rate. It’s not a trick, it’s an illusion! Please, blog, may I have some more?
If there’s one guy who can’t afford to lose a foot, it’s the five-three Dustin Pedroia. As of post time, it’s not clear how long Pedroia will be out with his fractured foot. My guess is 4 to 6 weeks. One thing Scrappy Doo does is fight. It’s a wonder he can carry around the over-sized baboon heart he’s got. One thing Scrappy Doo doesn’t do (say that fast 117 times) is sit on the sidelines, but to paraphrase the Christian Slater/Marisa Tomei classic, Untamed Heart, “You love with your mind and soul, not your heart. But you don’t hit with your mind and soul when you have a fractured foot.” So while Dusty’s shelved, you need to find a replacement. Some ways you can look for average? Aviles or Kendrick. Steals? Figgy or Theriot. RBIs? Barmes or Guillen. Runs? Walker or Polanco. All of these options depend on your league depth, obviously. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Clay Buchholz – Hyperextended his knee on Saturday, but the word on Lansdowne Street is he will avoid the DL and shouldn’t miss more than one start, even if that. Good news indeed, he’s Clay aching but he should be back to filling your fantasy gloryhole soon. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Carl Crawford left yesterday’s game with a sore shoulder. He first felt discomfort on Wednesday. In the locker room, here’s how Carl explained it, “You don’t want to feel that pain like that… I’ve never really had nothing like that before… It locked up real bad.” Now this sounds terrible, right? Okay, here’s how Crawford finished, “I think it should be a day-to-day thing.” Wait, what? You don’t want to feel pain like that… It locked up real bad… It’s fine. Oh, okay. This sounds like when my grandmother would talk about how she can’t see or walk, then she’d go play mah jong. You don’t need to see, the tiles’ engravings are raised. Please, blog, may I have some more?