Alberto Callaspo was traded to the Angels. Exactly what the Angels needed, a light hitting infielder. Oh, wait, no they don’t. Why’d they get Callaspo? To get Mel Gibson to be interested in the team? Oh, wait, that was Apocalypto. Anyone see that movie? I like the part where Mel’s like, “I will slap the taste out of your mouth, Pocohontas! So help me, I will rip your neck off! Even if I have to go through a number of metal rings.” Callaspo will help the Angels more than he’ll help fantasy teams. He is what he is. Light power, decent average, next-to-no speed. The Royals will go with Wilson Betemit at third base. Why are they not going with Mike Moustakas or Alex Gordon? Because for whatever reason the Royals are punishing them. If you can figure out the peasant Royals, you get a cookie. I actually like Betemit if he’s the everyday 3rd baseman. He has 4 homers and a .377 average in 61 ABs this year. As for “Of Maicer Men,” I think Callaspo is more Lennie than George. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David DeJesus – Slammed into the outfield wall when DeJesus was turning a Jeter out into a homer. He’s listed as day-to-day, which is trade deadline code for “Please still trade us someone for DeJesus, he’s really, really healthy.” In reality, he’ll probably be out for a while. So, while Betemit might replace Callaspo, here’s a chance for Gordon to see some daylight. We’ll see now how much sense the Royals make. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pedro Alvarez went 3-for-5 with 2 homers. Had his 2nd two homer game in two days. Say that fast 117 times! LMFAO should be playing when Alvarez goes into the batter’s box, “Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!” (I wish I wrote that song.) Alvarez is 23 years old. For those who can’t read between the lines, he’s going to get better!!! (Second and third exclamation marks were for emphasis, not because my keyboard’s keys are sticking.) Who knew the only thing the Pirates offense needed was to lose their best hitter? Maybe the Mariners should lock Ichiro in a closet for a few games. This is Ichiro going into the closet, “Hey, Beltran, what are you doing here?” I keed. So what can we expect of Alvarez the rest of the season. Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Or 12 homers and a terrible average. He’s still K’ing too much. I’d absolutely pick him up in every league just for the chance he keeps hitting bombs. I would not drop anyone that I might regret. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ty Wigginton – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in two days. Casey McGehee’s Dad is historically a streaky hitter and a 2nd half hitter. Also, the Phillies, Rangers and Yankees are talking about acquiring Wiggy. Not all of those teams would be a boost to his value, but if I had to take a guess, I’d say Wigginton will be in Friday’s Buy/Sell. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Ramirez will miss at least three weeks with a significant strain of his calf. If he had four teats, he could be a cow. Manny’s been dealing with this calf problem since April. His “doctor” gave him some “fertility” medicine, but Selig and his “rules.” Now Manny has an aggravated calf and impotency. I hope you’re all happy. I’d DL Manny if I owned him. If you don’t have room, I’d just lose him. You guys will see each other again because you love Manny. Otherwise, I’m not sure why you owned him to begin with. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Broxton – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Returned to the role of closer only to get taken out mid-inning because Don Mattingly inadvertently went to the mound twice. A mustachioed Mattingly would’ve never made that mistake. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Rolen says he’s going to try to avoid the DL because of his hamstring. Dusty said, “Too bad he can’t pitch because they don’t use their legs. Except in soccer.” It doesn’t sound too promising for Rolen. Injuries are old hat for Rolen. He makes everyone else besides Glass Chipper seem healthy. On top of the injury, Rolen was hitting .182 in July with zero homers. If I owned him, I’d hope he went to the DL, so I can store him on my DL while grabbing another player. Either way, I’d start making other plans because a Rolen that’s playing injured isn’t an exciting hitter to have on your team. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Drew Stubbs – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th steal to go along with his 13 homers. He’s batting .500 over the last week and has been valuable the whole year, even with the ridiculous amount of strikeouts. Would’ve been a good player to fingercuff. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andrew McCutchen has a mild sprain of the AC joint. Sucks this is happening in the hottest part of the summer. If something happened to my AC right now, I’d be so— The smart part of my brain buried under ten years of pot smoking and alcohol abuse whispers, “The AC joint has nothing to do with air conditioning.” “Shut up, Smart Part Of My Brain. If that’s even your real name.” With this AC issue, he runs the risk of overheating– Smart Part Of My Brain, “No, seriously. Google it.” *Googling, reading WebMD, asking Smart Part Of My Brain to translate* Oh, forget it, by the time I did all of that, the Pirates are already saying it’s a day-to-day issue. He should be out there Monday or some time soon thereafter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Paul Maholm – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K as he threw his 2nd career shutout. If you know when his first career shutout was, there’s a good chance you’re Paul Maholm. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, lookie lookie! If it’s not Carlos Beltran really back from over a year layoff after leaving the lineup initially with what was described as a day-to-day issue. Those sure are long days, New York Mets? They’re like Alaska in the summer days. Beltran returned briefly last year in September, but he’s claiming that he wasn’t 100% at that point. He is now. How far you can throw Beltran is how much you should believe him. As I mentioned in the top 100 for the 2nd half when I gave him the projections of 35/12/45/.270/4, “He comes with injury risk, might not be ready to hit major league pitching and who knows if he’ll be able to steal any bases…” And that’s me quoting me! We’re just as likely to see Beltran reinjure himself, come out of the closet and take Claire Danes to the People’s Choice Awards as a friend. (On a sidenote, in a meeting I went to yesterday, I held a People’s Choice Award for about 12 seconds. I knew I was in trouble when I picked it up and said, “I’d like to thank the 16 million Guatemalans who I paid a nickel each to vote for me. This is as much yours as it is mine, but you’re still not invited to come visit it,” and was met with silence.) About two weeks ago, I told you to sell Beltran. Nothing’s changed on that front. You do what you do, I’ll do what I do and we’ll run parallel and wave to each other. Hey! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – Manuel said Reyes won’t return until he’s 100% pain free. As someone who has struggled with oblique soreness… Oh, who am I kidding, I don’t even know where it is. I’m not sure why they don’t just DL Reyes so I can at least do the same in my fantasy leagues. Doesn’t anyone care about fantasy?! C’mon, I’m juggling Bartlett and Hardy in my SS spot! I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see Reyes for another week to ten days. <–optimistic
Matt Wieters – To the DL. I have a suggestion for a new Matt Wieters Fact. A Houston Astros fan swung a bat at a Brad Ausmus piñata and Matt Wieters fell out. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Blue Kays and the Atlanta Braves switched shortstops, assuming Yunel Escobar and Alex Gonzalez make it through customs. No, sir, I don’t have an OBP to declare. This move is commonly called One Team’s Garbage Is Another Team’s ‘At Least We Don’t Have That Other Garbage Anymore’ trade. I’ve noticed team fans don’t really look to see what they’re getting as much as what they’re losing. If they lose a piece that’s done nothing, the fans are giggle-a-plenty. If they’re losing a fan favorite or a productive piece, they’re angry. We saw this play out with the M’s losing Silva for Bradley. People talk about addition by subtraction. I suppose, but I wouldn’t want either of these schmohawks. Alex Gonzalez is disguised as a .260 hitter with 17 homers during his career year. If he were to hit .220 with 8 homers the rest of the way, it wouldn’t shock me. The piece going to the Blue Kays is marginally better. At least his OBP is above .300. Please, blog, may I have some more?
So it’s not really the 2nd half mark in the fantasy baseball season, but it’s the All-Star Break so what else are we going to talk about? The newest Real World? Putting a guy who is a recovering drug addict in the Real World house in New Orleans is completely irresponsible. Please, blog, may I have some more?
After hours of rumors about a trade to the Yankees, Cliff Lee was traded to the Rangers. Going the other way, Justin Smoak and some prospects. We’ll get to Smoak in a bit. You know who I really feel sorry for in this whole Cliff Lee ordeal. The poor, poor New York Yankees. Now they have to make due with CC, Vazquez, Hughes, Pettitte, Tex, Posada, Jeter, Swisher, Gardner, Cano and A-Rod. Here’s hoping they can acquire Werth for the first man off the bench position. Or Oswalt for middle relief. My pet crocodile is crying for them. Cliff Lee threw a 2.52 ERA in Citizens Flank last year with 40 Ks and 5 BBs. Is The Flank that much better than Arlington? No, it’s not. He’s still in the AL West, at least, and not the AL East. His first start vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
John Danks had a no-hitter through 6 innings yesterday and ended with a line of 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks. That’s Jo-Da showing us how to harness midi-chlorians. Top ten in the AL with my WHIP at 1.13 through 112 innings, have I. Hmmm… Yessss. A Yoda translator, I do not need because I am Jo-Da. Please, blog, may I have some more?